torontoguy72
New Member
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2005
- Messages
- 5
- Reaction score
- 0
- Age
- 52
Hi guys. I've been in a relationship for almost 2.5 years with a 30 year old 'hottie'. I'm 33.
We moved in pretty quick, about 2 months into the relationship - *Yes dumb & brave*. At first, I fell in love with her dynamic personality and humour, added to her sexy appeal (an 8).
I love her family, they're super.
Generally we both wanted the same things, and like NOW. I.e. cohabitation, kids, house. etc. etc.
We rented a house close to her Mom, and living together was bliss for the first 6 months, then it eroded into wicked fighting and volcanic eruptions on her part due to her lack of security with me financially (I'm pretty sure - as I started a new business at 6 months in), and her unrealistic 'white-picket fence' expectations not being met.
At the core, this one is attention hungry girl, a little embarrased at the fact that she wasted her time in her 20's being a hotty player, and is now dieing to get married (as all her friends are).
And, yes gents, her looks are fading - even over the last 2.5 years together.
Don't know what to say here guys. This is where it get's even more interesting & tough. She was sexually abused by a step-father when she was 12, this makes for some really hard-to-understand behavior, insecurities, and anger-flare ups.
On top of this, she has epilepsy. This means when she drinks too much, or forgets to take her pills - I get a fuill grand mall seizure every 6 months in front of me in the middle of a big city street. Her epilepsy may also be contributing to her volcanic anger.
The child-abuse thing is no big deal, and I'm OK with the epilepsy as long as she takes care of herself.
My issue is that after she moved out 8 months ago, we've still been seing each other regularly with the hopes of bringing things together. I.e. - she comes over almost every weekend.
I turned into an ACF and a ***** somewhere around the six month part. I've been fighting this by putting her in her place now and again (unconciously), and have seen some good results.
I have also found that when she doesn't get her way, she get's very manipulative and angry. NOTHING is her fault.
I came to senses after she moved out, and realized some things.
I think that she still has a deep-down hate for men due to the sexual abuse. She will also get angry when her needs aren't met and go into emotional eruptions that are very hurtful to me in terms of verbal/emotional abuse and put downs.
When I'm in control of us, things feel good for me. She also behaves.
This b*tch though, goes on tantrums that I can't understand.
I pretty sure she's a control freak.
Either way, I've been pulling back a little emotionally over the last 8 months due to her BS. When I pull back, I deny her attention, and generally treat her like **** when she is bad to me.
The resentment has been building pretty good over the
last two months though.
3 weekends ago she stayed over, we shagged lots, and we then fought the rest of the weekend. Then we sat by the beach and talked while we were drunk on sunday night. She was drunk, insulted me, I didn't fight back - but just got up and left.
She emails me back telling me that it's over, and I'm a bad guy for leaving a female on the beach at 11pm by herself.
I've tried to work through this in my head and my heart.
I feel like she's been using me like a ****ing hotel to get away from her Mom's ****ty apartment. Now that her brother moved in a month or so ago, she's always willing to get out of the house to hook up.
Over the last two weeks it's been hell. She returns the odd voicemail I've left screaming at me to leave her alone.
She finally responded to some nice email I wrote, and agreed to hook up for a 'closure' meeting.
I find out that she went on a blind date, and she tells me this with a little venom in her eye. 'That's good' I say, and keep real calm and cool. At this point I've also let her know I've been out socializing and met a ton of new friends.
I probe a little about this new blind date, and she admits she was not attracted, but he has 'other positive qualities' and she may take him up on a second date. I later find out from a common friend that she was devasted because she had built up a lot of hope on this date - and the guy was in her eyes, "butt reaming ugly".
Either way, I let her know that I have met two chicks (true), and that one was a write off because of her looks. I tell her the other was REALLY REALLY COOL, and I found her attractive. I dropped the hint that I might go camping this weekend with this new hotty, and that I think our old nieghbours are really into the idea of hooking us up (Pure BS on my part). This definitely pissed her off, and she indicated that she might be calling up the old neighbours real soon (hidden message = to sabotage this hookup). I look hurt, and uncomfortable, she laughs - and she agrees not to call them.
Other than that, we have a few drinks and a few laughs, I put her in a cab, and send her home.
As a DJ wanna be, I KNOW THAT I CAN'T CONTACT HER.
It's been a few days, and I'm wondering now whether to send her a nice email telling her thanks for the closure, and that I hit it off with this camping chick.
IF she contacts me, I know I gotta play her off, and work on my raising my Interest Level - if I have any chance. If there is a chance, then I have to totally take control of the relationship, and lay down law.
Give up, move on? Be a man, and take her by the horns? A lot invested.
We moved in pretty quick, about 2 months into the relationship - *Yes dumb & brave*. At first, I fell in love with her dynamic personality and humour, added to her sexy appeal (an 8).
I love her family, they're super.
Generally we both wanted the same things, and like NOW. I.e. cohabitation, kids, house. etc. etc.
We rented a house close to her Mom, and living together was bliss for the first 6 months, then it eroded into wicked fighting and volcanic eruptions on her part due to her lack of security with me financially (I'm pretty sure - as I started a new business at 6 months in), and her unrealistic 'white-picket fence' expectations not being met.
At the core, this one is attention hungry girl, a little embarrased at the fact that she wasted her time in her 20's being a hotty player, and is now dieing to get married (as all her friends are).
And, yes gents, her looks are fading - even over the last 2.5 years together.
Don't know what to say here guys. This is where it get's even more interesting & tough. She was sexually abused by a step-father when she was 12, this makes for some really hard-to-understand behavior, insecurities, and anger-flare ups.
On top of this, she has epilepsy. This means when she drinks too much, or forgets to take her pills - I get a fuill grand mall seizure every 6 months in front of me in the middle of a big city street. Her epilepsy may also be contributing to her volcanic anger.
The child-abuse thing is no big deal, and I'm OK with the epilepsy as long as she takes care of herself.
My issue is that after she moved out 8 months ago, we've still been seing each other regularly with the hopes of bringing things together. I.e. - she comes over almost every weekend.
I turned into an ACF and a ***** somewhere around the six month part. I've been fighting this by putting her in her place now and again (unconciously), and have seen some good results.
I have also found that when she doesn't get her way, she get's very manipulative and angry. NOTHING is her fault.
I came to senses after she moved out, and realized some things.
I think that she still has a deep-down hate for men due to the sexual abuse. She will also get angry when her needs aren't met and go into emotional eruptions that are very hurtful to me in terms of verbal/emotional abuse and put downs.
When I'm in control of us, things feel good for me. She also behaves.
This b*tch though, goes on tantrums that I can't understand.
I pretty sure she's a control freak.
Either way, I've been pulling back a little emotionally over the last 8 months due to her BS. When I pull back, I deny her attention, and generally treat her like **** when she is bad to me.
The resentment has been building pretty good over the
last two months though.
3 weekends ago she stayed over, we shagged lots, and we then fought the rest of the weekend. Then we sat by the beach and talked while we were drunk on sunday night. She was drunk, insulted me, I didn't fight back - but just got up and left.
She emails me back telling me that it's over, and I'm a bad guy for leaving a female on the beach at 11pm by herself.
I've tried to work through this in my head and my heart.
I feel like she's been using me like a ****ing hotel to get away from her Mom's ****ty apartment. Now that her brother moved in a month or so ago, she's always willing to get out of the house to hook up.
Over the last two weeks it's been hell. She returns the odd voicemail I've left screaming at me to leave her alone.
She finally responded to some nice email I wrote, and agreed to hook up for a 'closure' meeting.
I find out that she went on a blind date, and she tells me this with a little venom in her eye. 'That's good' I say, and keep real calm and cool. At this point I've also let her know I've been out socializing and met a ton of new friends.
I probe a little about this new blind date, and she admits she was not attracted, but he has 'other positive qualities' and she may take him up on a second date. I later find out from a common friend that she was devasted because she had built up a lot of hope on this date - and the guy was in her eyes, "butt reaming ugly".
Either way, I let her know that I have met two chicks (true), and that one was a write off because of her looks. I tell her the other was REALLY REALLY COOL, and I found her attractive. I dropped the hint that I might go camping this weekend with this new hotty, and that I think our old nieghbours are really into the idea of hooking us up (Pure BS on my part). This definitely pissed her off, and she indicated that she might be calling up the old neighbours real soon (hidden message = to sabotage this hookup). I look hurt, and uncomfortable, she laughs - and she agrees not to call them.
Other than that, we have a few drinks and a few laughs, I put her in a cab, and send her home.
As a DJ wanna be, I KNOW THAT I CAN'T CONTACT HER.
It's been a few days, and I'm wondering now whether to send her a nice email telling her thanks for the closure, and that I hit it off with this camping chick.
IF she contacts me, I know I gotta play her off, and work on my raising my Interest Level - if I have any chance. If there is a chance, then I have to totally take control of the relationship, and lay down law.
Give up, move on? Be a man, and take her by the horns? A lot invested.