NinjaMaster
Banned
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2014
- Messages
- 43
- Reaction score
- 3
For all the frustrated dudes who use online dating and actually take it to heart:
*Take all profile “requirements” with a grain of salt. Don’t waste time reading. Read chicks profile ONLY after number is obtained. Spam your own opener to whomever looks good enough to possibly meet. Get numbers quick. Profit.
NN’s own personal translations of chick profile clichés on POF etc. that litter online dating sites in which you should simply dismiss and carry on with spamming chicks as if you didn’t even notice them.
1) "I will NOT reply to Hi, Hey, or Hello" = "Now I already know the vast majority of people often start conversations in real life with Hi, Hey, or Hello but since I'm on POF and getting my ego stroked anyway from countless one handed emails that every guy sends to every other chick I want each one of you to make me feel like the special one. Type out your best, unique, interesting first introduction email to which I'll delete anyway based off how hot I think you look in your pictures. *Guys who I think are hot I'll make an exception for and reply to pretty much anything they send me."
2) "Willing to lie about how we met" = "I'm willing to lie about anything, everything, to everyone...even to you."
3) "No players/cheaters" = "I'm only attracted to players, and have been for my entire life. This is just my weak attempt at reverse psychology/ a public relations job on my profile that damn well isn't fooling the same players I'm really crying out to get with because unfortunately for chicks like me...It's all I know and all I'm attracted to. Players apply here."
4) "No Games" = "Game on. I expect you not to play games while I play them on you as it's all I've ever known how to do with dudes."
5) "I'm fluent in sarcasm and witty." = "Well, there's really nothing sarcastic or witty in my profile as you can see. I just love hot guys who can tease and provide me with a challenge to make my juices flow."
6) "Where are the real men?" = "The real men are right where I left them. I just want a hot guy for arm candy with money to take care of my financial/ life’s mistakes. That's a chump...Ooops..I mean..a REAL MAN."
7) "Don't catfish me!" = "All I reply to is based off of how hot the guy looks in his pics. As I would never be catfished by someone who I don't find hot. Duh."
8) "No shirtless guys!" = "My weak reverse psychology attempt at trying to appear "wholesome" in public on a free "dating" site knowing that if you look hot enough with your shirt off, I'll reply regardless and most likely sext you with risqué pics of my own later on."
9) "I like to have fun" = "My attempt at appearing to the public nerds and undesirables whom serve as nothing more to me than ego boosting read/delete material as meaning innocent fun, but if you're hot enough then you'll catch my dual meaning drift of 'fun'. Wink. Wink.
"
10) "Make me laugh" = "No, I'm not meaning I'll laugh if you aren't attractive to me. You could be all comedians in the world rolled into one and if you aren't "hot" I won't find you funny and won't reply, CREEPER. I'm not meaning I want a clown. I'm meaning: Make me laugh as in: I must find you hot and then anything you say that doesn't crack my eggshell thin insecurity I'll find "funny". Give me butterflies. Tee-Hee."
11) "No Pic, No reply" = "If you have a pic and I don't find you hot. I won't reply anyway no matter what you write but thanks for at least giving me a heads up that you aren't hot by adding your pics to your profile."
12) "I love my kids" = " I should love my kids regardless, but I'm feeling a small twinge of guilt for being a single mom posing on my bed/ half naked the way I am on a free dating site so I need to announce that I love my kids to complete random strangers who don't know me from a can of paint to make up for my poor choices in life."
13) "I'm down to earth" = "I'm nuttier than a squirrel's turd."
14) "I've been hurt too many times" = "I'm a professional 'victim' to players, jerks, azzholes etc. And I'll never learn my lesson. It's not my fault I keep tripping over myself to get involved with them. Players please apply. Just try to play the nice guy role till you're done with me."
15) "No Drama" = "I'm ALL about the drama."
16) "Ask me/ I'll get back to this later/ Just looking" = "I'm lazy as hell. I'll put the absolute minimum into a relationship. Actually I'm in a relationship now but I'm just putting this profile up to online shop for a possible upgrade and if I get caught by my significant other I can always claim someone "stole" my pictures."
17) "No perverts/Creepers" = "I don't know why I felt compelled to type that on my profile as it's not going to stop them at all. In fact it's just going to egg them on even more knowing I'm showing cleavage pics and posing provocatively in the first place to attract the hot guys, whom I don't consider perverts or creepers, because they're hot."
18) "I'm adventurous/ I'm open minded" = "I'm adventurous and open minded in the bedroom with a hot enough guy. Hot guys reply plz. Wink Wink"
19) "6ft and over only!" = "I'm dopey enough to have a Channing Tatum pass me by after seeing I only date the tallest dudes because I like to wear my 5 inch high heels at all times, while needing to feel 'protected and safe' from what, I don't even know. Possibly from my own attention seeking on Flakebook, Tweeter, and IG followers?"
20) "I'm independent/ I love to shop!" = "I make my own money and plan to keep it while I let you spend yours...on me. Take me shopping and "invest" in me."
21) "Looking for a Gentleman" = "I'm a working girl (I mean a 'classy lady') looking for a hot rich guy and or a sugar daddy. No money, no honey, and I’m not trying to be funny."
22) "Follow me on IG/ Add me to Kik!" = "I'm an insecure attention seeker who fiends for it anyway I can get more. A pseudo 'celebrity'/ legend in my own diseased mind."
23) "Is anybody on POF REAL?" = "Why are all the hot shirtless guys I actually reply to FAKE profiles! This is sooo much frustrating “work”!"
24) "No drug addicts!" = "I've dated several drug addicts. I'm 420 friendly and I don't consider pot a drug. If you're down to smoke send me an email."
25) “I’m not here to hook up/ NOT here for a ONS!” = “Who am I kidding? If I find you hot enough, you take me to dinner, and go for it. I’ll hook up with you. Or If you're hot enough just invite me over to your place for drinks and "cuddling watching a movie". Just be hot damn it!”
26) “I’m a princess.” = “I’m really spoiled, entitled, expect you to be hot and kowtow to my every demand till I grow bored of you and look for my next prince charming. I’ve watched way too many Disney movies growing up and believe I’m a special little snowflake.”
27) "I put the wrong age on my profile and POF won't let me change it!" = " I purposefully put the wrong age on my profile and left it that way. I'm also using years old pictures. But don't worry. I look EXACTLY the same in person!"
28) "My friend made me do this!" = "My friends also do everything for me as I can't even leave my house without them. My friend also isn't the person in my pictures and will show up to meet you instead."
29) "I'm just trying this site out/ I'm new here" = "I'm just trying this site out/ I'm new here....for the 7th time as well as five other online dating/ social networking sites.”
30) "Get me off of here! / I'm closing my POF account soon. This site svx!" = "I'm really not going anywhere. I'm just crying out for more attention as my incoming emails have been slowing down but hopefully some hot guy or guys will come and pay attention to me till the next go round. I'm addicted to this online dating stuff!”
*Take all profile “requirements” with a grain of salt. Don’t waste time reading. Read chicks profile ONLY after number is obtained. Spam your own opener to whomever looks good enough to possibly meet. Get numbers quick. Profit.
NN’s own personal translations of chick profile clichés on POF etc. that litter online dating sites in which you should simply dismiss and carry on with spamming chicks as if you didn’t even notice them.
1) "I will NOT reply to Hi, Hey, or Hello" = "Now I already know the vast majority of people often start conversations in real life with Hi, Hey, or Hello but since I'm on POF and getting my ego stroked anyway from countless one handed emails that every guy sends to every other chick I want each one of you to make me feel like the special one. Type out your best, unique, interesting first introduction email to which I'll delete anyway based off how hot I think you look in your pictures. *Guys who I think are hot I'll make an exception for and reply to pretty much anything they send me."
2) "Willing to lie about how we met" = "I'm willing to lie about anything, everything, to everyone...even to you."
3) "No players/cheaters" = "I'm only attracted to players, and have been for my entire life. This is just my weak attempt at reverse psychology/ a public relations job on my profile that damn well isn't fooling the same players I'm really crying out to get with because unfortunately for chicks like me...It's all I know and all I'm attracted to. Players apply here."
4) "No Games" = "Game on. I expect you not to play games while I play them on you as it's all I've ever known how to do with dudes."
5) "I'm fluent in sarcasm and witty." = "Well, there's really nothing sarcastic or witty in my profile as you can see. I just love hot guys who can tease and provide me with a challenge to make my juices flow."
6) "Where are the real men?" = "The real men are right where I left them. I just want a hot guy for arm candy with money to take care of my financial/ life’s mistakes. That's a chump...Ooops..I mean..a REAL MAN."
7) "Don't catfish me!" = "All I reply to is based off of how hot the guy looks in his pics. As I would never be catfished by someone who I don't find hot. Duh."
8) "No shirtless guys!" = "My weak reverse psychology attempt at trying to appear "wholesome" in public on a free "dating" site knowing that if you look hot enough with your shirt off, I'll reply regardless and most likely sext you with risqué pics of my own later on."
9) "I like to have fun" = "My attempt at appearing to the public nerds and undesirables whom serve as nothing more to me than ego boosting read/delete material as meaning innocent fun, but if you're hot enough then you'll catch my dual meaning drift of 'fun'. Wink. Wink.
"10) "Make me laugh" = "No, I'm not meaning I'll laugh if you aren't attractive to me. You could be all comedians in the world rolled into one and if you aren't "hot" I won't find you funny and won't reply, CREEPER. I'm not meaning I want a clown. I'm meaning: Make me laugh as in: I must find you hot and then anything you say that doesn't crack my eggshell thin insecurity I'll find "funny". Give me butterflies. Tee-Hee."
11) "No Pic, No reply" = "If you have a pic and I don't find you hot. I won't reply anyway no matter what you write but thanks for at least giving me a heads up that you aren't hot by adding your pics to your profile."
12) "I love my kids" = " I should love my kids regardless, but I'm feeling a small twinge of guilt for being a single mom posing on my bed/ half naked the way I am on a free dating site so I need to announce that I love my kids to complete random strangers who don't know me from a can of paint to make up for my poor choices in life."
13) "I'm down to earth" = "I'm nuttier than a squirrel's turd."
14) "I've been hurt too many times" = "I'm a professional 'victim' to players, jerks, azzholes etc. And I'll never learn my lesson. It's not my fault I keep tripping over myself to get involved with them. Players please apply. Just try to play the nice guy role till you're done with me."
15) "No Drama" = "I'm ALL about the drama."
16) "Ask me/ I'll get back to this later/ Just looking" = "I'm lazy as hell. I'll put the absolute minimum into a relationship. Actually I'm in a relationship now but I'm just putting this profile up to online shop for a possible upgrade and if I get caught by my significant other I can always claim someone "stole" my pictures."
17) "No perverts/Creepers" = "I don't know why I felt compelled to type that on my profile as it's not going to stop them at all. In fact it's just going to egg them on even more knowing I'm showing cleavage pics and posing provocatively in the first place to attract the hot guys, whom I don't consider perverts or creepers, because they're hot."
18) "I'm adventurous/ I'm open minded" = "I'm adventurous and open minded in the bedroom with a hot enough guy. Hot guys reply plz. Wink Wink
"19) "6ft and over only!" = "I'm dopey enough to have a Channing Tatum pass me by after seeing I only date the tallest dudes because I like to wear my 5 inch high heels at all times, while needing to feel 'protected and safe' from what, I don't even know. Possibly from my own attention seeking on Flakebook, Tweeter, and IG followers?"
20) "I'm independent/ I love to shop!" = "I make my own money and plan to keep it while I let you spend yours...on me. Take me shopping and "invest" in me."
21) "Looking for a Gentleman" = "I'm a working girl (I mean a 'classy lady') looking for a hot rich guy and or a sugar daddy. No money, no honey, and I’m not trying to be funny."
22) "Follow me on IG/ Add me to Kik!" = "I'm an insecure attention seeker who fiends for it anyway I can get more. A pseudo 'celebrity'/ legend in my own diseased mind."
23) "Is anybody on POF REAL?" = "Why are all the hot shirtless guys I actually reply to FAKE profiles! This is sooo much frustrating “work”!"
24) "No drug addicts!" = "I've dated several drug addicts. I'm 420 friendly and I don't consider pot a drug. If you're down to smoke send me an email."
25) “I’m not here to hook up/ NOT here for a ONS!” = “Who am I kidding? If I find you hot enough, you take me to dinner, and go for it. I’ll hook up with you. Or If you're hot enough just invite me over to your place for drinks and "cuddling watching a movie".
Just be hot damn it!”26) “I’m a princess.” = “I’m really spoiled, entitled, expect you to be hot and kowtow to my every demand till I grow bored of you and look for my next prince charming. I’ve watched way too many Disney movies growing up and believe I’m a special little snowflake.”
27) "I put the wrong age on my profile and POF won't let me change it!" = " I purposefully put the wrong age on my profile and left it that way. I'm also using years old pictures. But don't worry. I look EXACTLY the same in person!"
28) "My friend made me do this!" = "My friends also do everything for me as I can't even leave my house without them. My friend also isn't the person in my pictures and will show up to meet you instead."
29) "I'm just trying this site out/ I'm new here" = "I'm just trying this site out/ I'm new here....for the 7th time as well as five other online dating/ social networking sites.”
30) "Get me off of here! / I'm closing my POF account soon. This site svx!" = "I'm really not going anywhere. I'm just crying out for more attention as my incoming emails have been slowing down but hopefully some hot guy or guys will come and pay attention to me till the next go round. I'm addicted to this online dating stuff!”
Last edited:
