3 yrs LTR - all good but thoughts of ending

[RickTheToad]

He took a week or two off from hus regiment then she looked down upon him.

@BeExcellent seems like she can be demanding at her partner, but will support him/her if they are pulling their weight. I guess he wasn't. Or, she just got bored.

 

[Mazer]

It happens in every LTR, having sex with the same woman for years, gets boring. Sure, you can spice it up in the bedroom with games, porn, role play etc. but it will never be like when you first started having sex with her. I actually don’t see anything wrong with thinking about other chicks when you are having sex with your gf. Others might disagree. If anyone else has a better solution, I am all ears.

 

[BeExcellent]

I am curious too. What did the guy do that was so bad that you tossed him to the curbside pickup?

I caught him in a lie and he started to get physical with me in a hostile way. Physically threatening behavior is an absolute deal breaker for me. At 6’3” and 220lbs he outweighs me by over 100lbs.

I was calm and was not escalating verbally but he was angry that I caught him and so on.

I am hard NC since. Never before has a man behaved toward me in a physically threatening manner.

So I’m OUT.

 

[bacchus]

I caught him in a lie and he started to get physical with me in a hostile way. Physically threatening behavior is an absolute deal breaker for me. At 6’3” and 220lbs he outweighs me by over 100lbs.

I was calm and was not escalating verbally but he was angry that I caught him and so on.

I am hard NC since. Never before has a man behaved toward me in a physically threatening manner.

So I’m OUT.

Not saying this didn’t happen in your case, but I’ve dated prolifically over the past couple years and I always like to ask women about why their previous relationships ended.

I’m absolutely astounded at how often I hear about various versions of abuse. I’d say 50% cite some form of physical abuse as a reason why a relationship ended, and a majority allege “emotional” abuse. It’s almost never just “it didn’t work out with him/I lost attraction”. And I date a cross section of women (ages 23- early 30s typically).

Not to discount the legitimate allegations, but women are prone to painting themselves as victims, as this behaviour is rewarded by society/white knights. And women rarely accept blame of any kind for the failing of a relationship. It’s always things like “I felt threatened”.

Women crave positive male attention and validation, and creating some version of victimhood gets her this, even if it’s just by making posts in a forum.

Sorry for the tangent - to the OP, your feelings are normal for someone your age in an LTR. As previous noted in the comments, first figure out what it is you want. If it’s a relationship with a future you seek, and your girl is a good fit for you aside from the extra pounds, work out with her and see if she’ll change her eating habits.

If you just want to experience more women, which is normal and nothing to be ashamed of, then eject, spin plates, and have the confidence you’ll find someone just as good or better if/when you’re ready to settle.

 

[7onriverI f]

don't ever settle man. You will be cycling through porn within 2 weeks looking at the latest pornstar to fap to. Relationships are only about spiking emotions in the girl being fun and farking the crap out of her and then looking for another. keep her around until she farks off when she finds out your farking other girls.

 

[calusmass]

The flaws of this good girl I described in the beginning are flaws that could be worked on/accepted,
if I wanted this LTR to mature to something even more (marry, kids etc).
As much as I love this girl, ive decided to move on.
Main reason being that I want to go meet new people and just have those casual encounters and be free literally to do w/e I want.

How does one go about saying my reason, i.e I want to fvk more girls and be free? I feel like it doesnt matter how I put it, and a rumor that I am not a LTR guy and just looking to fvk can damage my reputation and thus my ability to spin plates.
I really want to be honest with this girl as I love her, but is there a better way to put this?

 

[bcude]

The flaws of this good girl I described in the beginning are flaws that could be worked on/accepted,
if I wanted this LTR to mature to something even more (marry, kids etc).
As much as I love this girl, ive decided to move on.
Main reason being that I want to go meet new people and just have those casual encounters and be free literally to do w/e I want.

How does one go about saying my reason, i.e I want to fvk more girls and be free? I feel like it doesnt matter how I put it, and a rumor that I am not a LTR guy and just looking to fvk can damage my reputation and thus my ability to spin plates.
I really want to be honest with this girl as I love her, but is there a better way to put this?

Honesty is always the best way, it will hurt no matter how you end it so you can't really deliver in a kind way where she will hurt less, but you can deliver it in ways that can make it worse, like giving her hope. Avoid that at any cost.

Just tell her in chick language that you feel you're at different stages of life and you don't want to be in a commited relationship in your life right now because you're still young and you feel like you could be missing out and that voice is speaking louder and louder and it would be unfair to yourself not to follow your heart and unfair for her to be with someone who can't commit himself to 100%, she deserves better than that so you've decided to move on but wish her the best.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

I caught him in a lie and he started to get physical with me in a hostile way. Physically threatening behavior is an absolute deal breaker for me. At 6’3” and 220lbs he outweighs me by over 100lbs.

I was calm and was not escalating verbally but he was angry that I caught him and so on.

I am hard NC since. Never before has a man behaved toward me in a physically threatening manner.

So I’m OUT.

In the 2.5 years you were together, had you ever seen that behavior before?

Did he lay hands on you or threaten to?

-Augustus-

 

[mrgoodstuff]

In the 2.5 years you were together, had you ever seen that behavior before?

Did he lay hands on you or threaten to?

-Augustus-

Probably grabbed her

 

[R.U.G.]

I caught him in a lie and he started to get physical with me in a hostile way. Physically threatening behavior is an absolute deal breaker for me. At 6’3” and 220lbs he outweighs me by over 100lbs.

I was calm and was not escalating verbally but he was angry that I caught him and so on.

I am hard NC since. Never before has a man behaved toward me in a physically threatening manner.

So I’m OUT.

Well then, you are justified in doing so. Personally, I would had taken a bat and hit him over the head with it, but that's just me. No reason to get physical with anyone; man or woman. Ever consider taking some martial arts training? It's quite fun and useful.

 

[Kotaix]

The flaws of this good girl I described in the beginning are flaws that could be worked on/accepted,
if I wanted this LTR to mature to something even more (marry, kids etc).
As much as I love this girl, ive decided to move on.
Main reason being that I want to go meet new people and just have those casual encounters and be free literally to do w/e I want.

How does one go about saying my reason, i.e I want to fvk more girls and be free? I feel like it doesnt matter how I put it, and a rumor that I am not a LTR guy and just looking to fvk can damage my reputation and thus my ability to spin plates.
I really want to be honest with this girl as I love her, but is there a better way to put this?

The grass always seems greener on the other side, but it never truly is, it's just the same grass. IMO, an HB6 woman who treats you right is ten times better for you than an HB10 woman with narcissism. And that's before you get into the possibility of getting involved with women with BPD or other psychological issues.

If you want to spin plates, then go for it. You can always move to reset your reputation. And TBH if you're just looking to spin plates then being known as a man who wants an LTR isn't going to help. If you're as good looking and fit as you say, you won't have trouble finding women, and they won't care about your reputation. If you're alpha, they will be attracted to you.

You will probably alpha widow this woman. It doesn't matter how you do it, you will probably break her. It sounds to me like she doesn't have the determination and drive to stay skinny, there isn't much you can do to fix that if you've already tried. If she's content to sit around and turn into a pig then you should find someone who isn't content with mediocrity.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Well then, you are justified in doing so. Personally, I would had taken a bat and hit him over the head with it, but that's just me. No reason to get physical with anyone; man or woman. Ever consider taking some martial arts training? It's quite fun and useful.

+1 on the martial art training for lifetime

 

[Georgepithyou]

Look up what jordan peterson says, a relationship will have ups and downs.

It's not a disney movie where u live happly ever after.

Spend at least 90 minutes a week talking to each other about ur days and things that happened. Have at least 2 dates a week.

Fight to find a solution not to be right.

 

[Black Widow Void]

@calusmasse

Welcome aboard. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to tell you what will happen or let you experience and think about this without a compass.
Anyway... if you don't venture out, you'll live with regret and perhaps experience (unwarranted) resentment toward her.
Once you *do* venture out, you'll either start out with a bang (no pun intended) and kick yourself for not venturing out earlier...or you'll experience a few crash and burns. If the latter, you'll (by comparison) become homesick for the old girlfriend. Chances are, even if you start out on a high note.. the moment you're on a bad streak, you'll also probably end up "home sick." If you drink at bars, I can almost guarantee this scenario.

I did. I was quite happy with him but he continues behaviors that I will not tolerate so must eject.

That way in time I can be open to someone who doesn’t have those behaviors.

I saw this coming. Good for you.... for not getting too comfortable in a situation that was not making you the most happy.

 

[Stoic]

@Black Widow Void

I've read your posts. There is some real wisdom to them.

 

[calusmass]

@calusmasse

Welcome aboard. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to tell you what will happen or let you experience and think about this without a compass.
Anyway... if you don't venture out, you'll live with regret and perhaps experience (unwarranted) resentment toward her.
Once you *do* venture out, you'll either start out with a bang (no pun intended) and kick yourself for not venturing out earlier...or you'll experience a few crash and burns. If the latter, you'll (by comparison) become homesick for the old girlfriend. Chances are, even if you start out on a high note.. the moment you're on a bad streak, you'll also probably end up "home sick." If you drink at bars, I can almost guarantee this scenario.

So you are saying, when I venture out, its just a matter of time before I start missing what I had and will go back looking for it?
To me that seems like, a "whatever you do - you are fokked".

I can relate to the unwarranted resentment. Some days I am just very cold towards her even though she does her best and it makes me
feel bad because I am not as loving as she wants & deserves.

Im trying to find the "the right time" to breakup, after her exams etc etc, because I cannot find the courage to see this woman in tears.
I know I will do it eventually so im just waisting time right now...

 

[glass half full]

I bet it would be enough dread if a woman saw a man/her man, be a dedicated weightlifter and clean eater.

I currently don't know any men or couples like this.
That's changing, let me tell you.

My now Ex told me, many times, to quit working out. I was going to a neighbor friend's house to work out. Not like I was gone long...unspoken truth was, she thought if I worked out and got more attractive, another woman would take me away from her.

 

[Black Widow Void]

So you are saying, when I venture out, its just a matter of time before I start missing what I had and will go back looking for it?
To me that seems like, a "whatever you do - you are fokked".

Unfortunately yes. Both outcomes will likely define a catch 22. i'd wager that those of us that are older and with some experience (every one of us) have been down this similar path at least once.

Im trying to find the "the right time" to breakup, after her exams etc etc, because I cannot find the courage to see this woman in tears..

Interesting enough, I once did this exact scenario (I didn't want the break-up to interfere with her studies).
Be prepared for more than just the outcome of tears. Once her sadness has disipated, the next stage is ego and anger. In order to reclaim her pride, you'll see a diffeernt (and more negative) side .. as she will make you feel guilty and put you down - in order to boost her feelings of self-worth.

Because you are younger and with less experince, it'll probably not be an easy process for you. Feel free to post more as that moment arrives (or any time) . Most of us on this forum are here to help our fellow men.

 

[Thexadapter]

I am in exactly the same position as Calusmass.
Great girl, great looking, been with her almost 7 years now (I'm 26, shes 24), but I have NO desire to **** her. We moved in 2 years ago, she's pretty easy to live with, I do whatever I need/want to do.
But I feel so guilty not ****ing her. She deserves to be ****ed! But I have no appetite for it. I want new *****.
I'm good looking myself but only slept with 3 girls.
In The Rational Male, its pointed out I've got another 10 years approx until I hit my sexual value peak. Makes me think.

No idea what to do.

 

[glass half full]

Send me a pic, if I like her I'll be glad to service her!

Sorry I have no idea what to say...Perhaps a therapist is in order. You need to find out what it's all about.