3 weeks exactly and there it is - long post

[pbsurf]

3 weeks NC. 6 since I broke up with her for lying and starting to stray/cheat. VERY strong circumstantial evidence on the cheating. 100% certain on the lies.

It has been very hard. I didn't know whether to post about NC/closure, dating out of my league, oneitis, boundaries, AW/mild BPD/narcissism, or all of the above. Frankly, I've been very worried that I am not going to be able to move on.

I miss the crazy b-tch.

The sex was outrageous. The connection was very good. She was great arm candy and super fun. I really liked having a gf. I'd had enough of the single life. She was the end result of 8 years post divorce honing my game.

Recenly, I'd started rationalizing. Along the lines of - spin some plates, see/f her once a week, let her know i'm not going to marry her and that what she does on her own time is none of my business. etc. etc. call her, email, send her a text. whats the worst that could happen?

This is after 10 months of being a good "boyfriend" - not too beta, but just enough.

Red pill please.

Anyway, I've gotten better - even lined up a date w a 28 yo 7. (i'm 47) Starting to force myself out there even tho heart not in it.

But always, for the last 6 weeks, she is on my mind. What is she up to. who is she with. Is she thinking about me. Does she even care?

And above all, why did she lie? She didn't have to. (red pill please).

I know she thought she could f around w/alphadouche while I waited like a good clueless beta - but I was smarter than that and she's a bad liar.


Slowly I am coming out of the fog. I can feel the old me coming back.

And sure enough, tonight

She texted. 3 weeks.

a pic of a stuffed monkey she got at the valentines dinner we went to in NYC. (no, I was not a big giver of gifts btw). "He says hi"

significance? Its in her bedroom It is 10 pm Sunday. She's in bed, alone. Lonely and missing the one guy in her life that she actually connected with

Missing the guy she thought would be there no matter what she did. Wrong.

Anyway. I really would love to see her. But I know better than to text back... it does feel like a small victory but I would love to get in her pants again...

 

[MOTU]

Anyway. I really would love to see her. But I know better than to text back... it does feel like a small victory but I would love to get in her pants again...

Stay the course bro. Listen to your big head. There is another chick out there that will provide all the good sh!t this one did, without the drama.

Lies are lies. If you know for sure she was lying to you about one thing, you can bet there are other things she lied about that you haven't uncovered.

Don't let her get to you. You know what to do.

And the 28yo... I am jealous!!! I am 44 and mid thirties is the best I have done lately. Pics please!!!!!!!!

 

[zorg198]

How you keep the NC , its so hard for me. i made it through the one day but today i feel like i want to drive at her home and see her.

 

[Partizan]

How you keep the NC , its so hard for me. i made it through the one day but today i feel like i want to drive at her home and see her.

Spin plates. Throw yourself into your hobbies/work and keep busy. Go on adventures if you have money. That's what got me through my divorce.

 

[omardacool]

Im going through something very similar with some BPD girl i fell for, im mostly mad at myself for trying to change her to something she is not , its hard not to reply , i always did , but this time i blocked her number just to stop myself from texting her, and i made some progress its been like 2 weeks, i've been out with 3-4 females but she is still on my mind,

 

[Albatross953]

You got one detail wrong. She's not the "end result". This is your world, you make the rules here.

 

[pbsurf]

Stay the course bro. Listen to your big head. There is another chick out there that will provide all the good sh!t this one did, without the drama.

Lies are lies. If you know for sure she was lying to you about one thing, you can bet there are other things she lied about that you haven't uncovered.

Don't let her get to you. You know what to do.

And the 28yo... I am jealous!!! I am 44 and mid thirties is the best I have done lately. Pics please!!!!!!!!

thanks, MOTU

you are right, she had a history of white lies with me, and its sort of woven into her character. That, along with the AW tendencies and her looks is a very dangerous combo. I remind myself that a lifetime of that behavior is in store for anyone who marries her...

BTW, she is 44 - looks early 30s tho. A 7 in the general population but proba a 9 for her age. Makes it very hard to think about dating in my age bracket again... All the other 40+ chicks seem so banged up.

When i was 43 I dated a hot 25 year old for a year. She was nuts too, but super fun. They absolutely like guys our age -at least the ones that have their sht together (mostly) I'm no player - all i learned i picked up from game theory.

 

[pbsurf]

Thanks for posting this. We need more true stories like this, that give a timeline. very useful.


Now, delete that text and carry on. Stay NC

No problem - it is interesting to look back and try to condense it all.

So many posts here are about theory. And its scary to see closely this relationship lined up with theory... This is a Harvard Business School case study in boundaries debate by the way... That is a different thread maybe.

 

[pbsurf]

Originally Posted by zorg198
How you keep the NC , its so hard for me. i made it through the one day but today i feel like i want to drive at her home and see her.


Spin plates. Throw yourself into your hobbies/work and keep busy. Go on adventures if you have money. That's what got me through my divorce.



-


surfing got me through my divorce.

Every break up gives us an opportunity to improve. I'm taking piano lessons right now. And it might sound lame, but i'm also trying to learn card tricks. You'd be amazed at how much of a good time killer that is. Youtube has thousands of videos, and it's better than watching tv or worse, thinking about your ex

 

[pbsurf]

You got one detail wrong. She's not the "end result". This is your world, you make the rules here.

I'd like to think so. If my end result is someone who thinks its ok to lie to me, i guess I need to check my head.

I am more caught up in the physical/superficial aspects of all this I think. Not proud of it but i can't deny it. (could be under the "date down" thread here).

This girl is hot, lives in the city, and has never been married, only one ltr (at 44) I'm a decent looking guy, in very good shape, and have pretty good game. But, not the tallest guy in the room (5-7). I"m fine with that - have had LOTS of women in my life - , but I compete with different tools than the typical alpha male in her orbit. Whatever.

We got lukewarm at about month 7 - and I think she saw this as an opportunity to stretch the boundaries. I sniffed it out, dumped her, and totally took her by surprise.

But by "end game" i mean that i had a relationship with someone who, looks wise, was at the very high end of my range.

now, dating down not only seems like my best option, it seems like a good idea. I may trade some plain jane looks for a bit more respect...

 

[pbsurf]

ok - one last post here and back to work.

There has not been one night in the last 6 weeks that I haven't thought about her getting together with this other guy. Not one.

I am getting better, but the fact is I was gutted.

I never told her that I knew she lied, only that i didn't and coulndt trust her. I never got angry with her, never put her in her place.

I feel like this left the door open - she wants me to say i love her and that she is amazIng. I really feel like I'm going to text her back and basically say that she ruined a pretty good thing by lying, and that she needs to stop texting me...

man this sucks.

 

[pbsurf]

There's something to be said for just breaking NC to yell at her and then go silent. At least you will get finality.

i'm leaning this way. My guess is that she will reach out again every few weeks and I'll probably bump into her as well (we live an hour apart but spend time in the same weekend spots). And I also think she is just looking for validation and forgiveness from me...

I don't know the right answer. the fact is that I fell hard for her, but I know down deep that we aren't right for each other. The lying is a huge part of it, but I also have issues that I've been dealing with and the timing and situations are just not right.

I would love to have some closure/finality. I have been burned bigtime in the past and was able to move on. I also know that this is just part of the game.

We are all - men and women - a bunch of little kids playing an adult's game...

 

[MOTU]

There's something to be said for just breaking NC to yell at her and then go silent. At least you will get finality.

I disagree. I think there is substantial risk that would just churn things back up, and what would it accomplish?

It's over. Let it go. Find peace.

 

[pbsurf]

thanks MOTU.

I was on my way to finding peace. This weekend was really one of the first in a long time where I was able to hang out and not be depressed.

I don't know the answer. I know that she is probably lonely and misses me, and i miss her but really want her to understand how disappointed I am that she lied. Sounds juvenile, but its the truth. I suppose it means that i really had feelings for her.

And I don't really know if she cares or not, or just wants her ego boosted. I have read so much redpill stuff that i'm turning into a freaking eunuch. I think if I got some human reply from her, something with a bit of emotion and meaning, i'd feel better about myself and women in general.

if that makes any sense. But for now, no plans to text her.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

And I also think she is just looking for validation and forgiveness from me...

I would love to have some closure/finality.

Why? Please, stop and ask yourself why you need this. Do you expect if she opens up and tells you it will be some earth shattering revelation that will change your life completely? A much more likely truth is that she wanted some strange c*ck and went for it. How's that? Or better yet, use your own words which I quoted above about the validation.

Look man, p*ssy is powerful. There's no shame in admitting it; we've all been there. That's also why we're all here too. Looking back in some of my hardest moments I now look and see how weak I was too not completely understanding the "why" about stuff. Maybe it's because I'm older, maybe it's because I'm a little more experienced, maybe I'm a little more jaded too after realizing just how terrible human nature can be sometimes. But I think ultimately one thing that's helped me personally is to simply accept this quality of human nature. I don't like it, don't condone it, don't tolerate it either, but it doesn't change the fact that it'll still happen.

 

[pbsurf]

Why? Please, stop and ask yourself why you need this. Do you expect if she opens up and tells you it will be some earth shattering revelation that will change your life completely? A much more likely truth is that she wanted some strange c*ck and went for it. How's that? Or better yet, use your own words which I quoted above about the validation.

Look man, p*ssy is powerful. There's no shame in admitting it; we've all been there. That's also why we're all here too. Looking back in some of my hardest moments I now look and see how weak I was too not completely understanding the "why" about stuff. Maybe it's because I'm older, maybe it's because I'm a little more experienced, maybe I'm a little more jaded too after realizing just how terrible human nature can be sometimes. But I think ultimately one thing that's helped me personally is to simply accept this quality of human nature. I don't like it, don't condone it, don't tolerate it either, but it doesn't change the fact that it'll still happen.

As they say in Breaking Bad.. "Church".... (truth)

I know. This is the perfect storm, great p***y, great connection, wandering AW and beta traits. I'm smart enough to know this is the way this stuff goes, but not strong enough to just write it off.

Why do I want closure? That's just the way I am. But i know the truth. She saw some chocolate chip cookies and thought no one was looking... Hard to take, really. I can honestly say that this (lying/cheating) isn't in my playbook, and i don't think that is out of a lack of confidence. I"m no saint, I just don't like to lie.

So I'm imposing my morality on her and expecting some apology i guess.

My ex wife gave me one (an apology) after she fell in love with our best friend. Hows that for some background. So might be a bit jaded myself too..

 

[BetterCallSaul]

I can honestly say that this isn't in my playbook, and i don't think that is out of a lack of confidence. I just don't like to lie.

Don't lie to yourself then. Let's suppose you answer her, things pick up and for the next month it's wild, magical fairy tale sex like you've never had and everything's just going your way in life. Then a couple months later if some strange just happens to appear for her, what if she goes for it again? How will that hurt feel? How will it feel knowing you enabled it?

You don't have to respond to my post, just something to think about.

 

[pbsurf]

yeah - that never works out

its funny, haven't texted her back, and still thinking of her, but her reaching out did give me a different outlook and a bit of peace..

Starting to really understand that this is just how adult relationships work. The ALL fail for one reason or another, except, maybe for one that you ride off into the sunset with

 

[pbsurf]

thanks PPRF

I'll check this stuff out. I am amazed and a bit embarased at how much the info on this site matches up to the real world, and how clueless i have been

What is interesting is that my history - coming back from the divorce, embracing game, and actually banging chix over the last 8 years, is better by far than i ever would have expected it to be when I was first out of my marriage. Working half-time (meaning, working game - spent every other wknd w/my kids), after the first year-year and a half, i was able to bang a new chick every month or two consistently, without giving my heart away (ok, once but that was easy to get over) Super fun and the quality was generally pretty good to very good... all thanks to basic game theory

And yet it feels hollow.

Feel like I"m starting all over, because what applies to getting laid, does NOT apply to LTR or keeping a hot chick around and happy...

I've said before that I"ve gone to "college/grad school" on women, now I'm in my ph.D program and its a bit*h!

I am a self admitted natural beta that can play alpha. Redpill is a very difficult theory for me to accept, but as you point out, i have been living that theory

For now though, I'm feeling much better. I got a number yesterday, still lining up that 28 yo (tho she may flake, whatever), working surfing, hanging with my kids and worrying less and less about women...