3 month old daughter in the middle

[Scars]

Long story short, I've been trying to make it work with girlfriend/ex but the flame has been out for sometime. I sealed my fate by trying to make a move on an acquaintance of hers and I got caught, but even before then she was accusing me of things I wasn't even doing at all, and painting me black to family/friends.

She isn't a BPD girl, just a normal girl that is extremely emotional.

Anyways, I guess me being drunk and putting my arm around a girl is enough to destroy a family. We've been fighting on and off over dumb things, but I've been trying to make it work for the sake of my daughter. Basically she always accused me of never caring, and maybe I didn't. My daughter was an "oops" baby, but that doesn't mean I love her any less. She was unexpected, but a blessing. Her mother, I had no intentions of staying with "forever and ever", but I played this roll and pretended that's what I wanted for the sake of my daughter. Her 9 months being pregnant was a happy time, but I felt stuck. When my daughter was born, it changed me. It's a wonderful feeling seeing your daughter, and I love her.. but me and her mother just weren't clicking. Still, I tried to make it work. She saw through me, and knew I loved her, but wasn't "in love with her". I tried, I really did.

To be honest, I think I subconsciously wanted to get caught "cheating" just so it'd make things easier for her to do what she always wanted to do.. (get rid of me). I always knew the consequences this would have on my daughter (having two separated parents) but now it's leaving a bad feeling in my gut (which I don't feel often.) I worry, for my daughters sake, and I'm saddened I can't give her a life with a functional family involving two parents in love and living with each other.

I realize that divorce rates and separated parents is common these days, it just saddens me because I feel my daughter deserves more than that.

Not really sure if I even asked a single question in this, so I guess this is more or less a rant or letting out of thoughts. I guess I'm just torn on what to do.

I've attempted to fix things with my ex (although half-@ssd) but she is sticking to her guns. She's also threatening to not let me see her and has decided she is going to hit me for child support.

I love my daughter, but it leaves a bad taste in my mouth getting the courts involved.

-Scars

 

[stevejackson]

i know the society you live..but some times its necessary to start caring for people around you..do you know how important it is for a child to have his father and mother while growing up..some time you have to make sacrifices..have you ever visited india..however poor that country is, people there still have something that keeps them together for life. i know its hard to be in a position like you but you should think what is best for your child.

--------------
Rajasthan Tour Packages
Canada Immigration

 

[stevejackson]

am i alone...i saw the green light flash.

 

[PoZest]

I'm in a similar situation here, I know what you're going through. Only I have tried to leave the mother of my 9 month old son even after she forgave me and she has tried so hard to change and make it work.
It is the same for me as in I care about her and am not really 'in love' anymore, after being with a hotter woman, (who has now left me quite upset) and I am in a situation where I can work at it for the baby, but be quite unhappy, or leave her heartbroken, and be alone myself, for a while.
I wouldn't have a problem finding new women, and this would probably take my mind off everything, with a few new plates, however I see her every day and it would be hard to get involved with other women as she would find out and probably try to stop me seeing my son, which I could not deal with.
At the moment I am just sad about the hotter girl telling me she needs to be alone, and I felt like I loved her. But she had a lot to deal with, and they were both friends and everything has made it hard for her to be with me. So I have sort of let my son's mother make an effort with me, and I just don't feel happy when I'm with her. What I wanted was to be with the other girl, and not have any problems, but it was too much for her to deal with, and I would have never gotten any peace from my girlfriend.
I just wonder should I stay in the unhappy relationship and hope it gets better, or leave now, spin new plates and become happy myself.

 

[backbreaker]

I apologize if this is too much dirty laundry to air on a public forum but we've talked about this before breifly. you like to drink. and your drinking is causing you a lot of problems. you just said it in your post, you got drunk, did some stupid ****, now your baby momma is pissed at you and doesn't want you to see the kid


here's a thought. just a thought. Stop drinking for the sake of your daughter. If you say the girl is normal and you admit she isn't crazy, maybe she's tired of your **** lol. maybe that's why she acts the way you act. maybe if didn't have to drink so much she wouldn't be ovrly emotional. i don't know. just taking stabs. but i would bet that your dinking is causing a lot more problems than you are leading on to others. I don't have a problem with drinking. I have a problem wtih YOU drinking lol because you can't stop

I don't think you can stop drinking nad you are rationalizing the beahavior away as your sub concious telling you that you don't like her anymore. I think you like her i just think you like drinking more and she's getting in the way of your drinking.


ps- congrats on the daughter. I didn't know how i would take being a dad and i thought the whole thing was overrated honestly but the first time i saw my son i was done lol. that little knuclehead had me at hello lol. and he'll be freakin 5 in a week. how time flys

cherrish these years. you get a lot of **** over. a lot of ****. you can lose girls and get new girls you can lose a job and get a new job. you can lose your health and usually get it back by taking care of yourself. but those 18 years from now until they are grown you dont' get those back.

 

[Bible_Belt]

It is better for a child to have two homes with only one of them being happy (yours), than it is for them to have an unhappy home with parents who decided to stay together.

I agree. I wish my parents could have understood that. From the time I was a little kid, I knew they should be divorced and were only staying together because of me. Which in my mind made it my fault every time they fought.

 

[Down Low]

...it's leaving a bad feeling in my gut (which I don't feel often.) I worry, for my daughters sake, and I'm saddened . . . it just saddens me . . . I'm just torn on what to do.

If it's any consolation, this will be just one of many deep regrets you will accumulate in your journey through life. Welcome to the club!

 

[scrouds]

Paternity test.

Make sure the kid is yours before a court locks you down for 18-25 years

 

[LMFAO]

oops baby, in other words a baby created when a woman tells a man she is using birth control, but she is not.

She's going to want to steal all your money and your child.

This isn't going to end well unfortunately.

 

[Slickster]

Scars,

Having a child even under ideal circumstances is going to be a HUGE sacrifice for anyone.

So what if you and your ex aren't "clicking" or not "in love". It's not like she's an evil person and you do care about her. I'm not saying you should make yourself miserable in a bad relationship but whether you like it or not you are bound to her forever through your daughter. Your daughter didn't ask to be brought into this world. You owe it to her to try and make things work with your ex in some positive way. Is that too hard? Is that too much of a sacrifice?

Your daughter should be the most important woman in your life. You need to change your lifestyle in a big way to be there for her and by default your ex.

You've already stated that your mistake turned into a blessing.

Don't let it end up being a mistake.

 

[Scars]

Thanks guys. My ex/gf and I decided to give it one more shot. I expressed my needs to her, and things that I wanted to see happen/change and she agreed to them. In exchange, I am obviously not going to cheat or fvck up anymore. As for drinking, I haven't sense that night and don't plan on it for a long while. I'm already 2 and a half months free of smoking, so I know I have the will power to quit drinking too. I feel I can do anything actually.

We're under the agreement that if at anytime one of us feels unhappy then to let the other know, and make it fair to both parties.

I know I love her, and she loves me.. but we have lost that flame a little bit.. but I don't think it's unsalvagable. We're just going through a really rough patch.

I'd really like to see this work, and hopefully it does. We'll have to wait and see I guess.

-Scars

 

[the_untold_history]

you got a baby momma, a baby, you're not married, you're breaking up, your baby mama wants to get rid of you. and it appears you drink too much. if you want to continue to have lots of bad stuff happen to you as you go through life, then by all means continue to drink a lot. if you want to start fixing things now, and start making better decisions, now, then stop drinking and start the long process of fixing things. now.

 

[Slickster]

Good work Scars,

Focus on your daughter. She's way more important than the booze and drugs.

Remember when you cheat on your gf you are effectively cheating on your daughter too. If you feel the urge to do so, man up and end things first with your gf before you potentially ruin the relationship with her and your daughter.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Long story short, I've been trying to make it work with girlfriend/ex but the flame has been out for sometime.

If the 'flame has been out for some time', why did you decide to impregnate her? And have you done the DNA test to confirm the kid is in fact yours?

 

[AAAgent]

How's the job situation going?

Last time i saw you post, i believe you're girlfriend was still pregnant and you were worried because you didn't have a job to support your future kid. Other than the drinking issue, i'd focus on the job part. Getting one first, then getting a better than that has benefits and is full time. This way your child has healthcare.

congrats. I have 2 neices, who i've spent multiple years raising. their mom was young and out partying all the time and left them with me.

 

[scrouds]

http://www.amazon.com/Identigene-00100-DNA-Paternity-Test/dp/B002X3GATC

$12.29 + $129 processing. Do it on the sly, nobody needs to know except you.