2nd date advice

[MikeYikes122]

I'm not quite 25 yet. I know, I used to post here. Unfortunately, I had to stop because I was outed as only being 24. Not a loss, as I still lurk occasionally.

Hopefully, this post will be allowed to stay.

I had to speak up because I think there is a misunderstanding between lookyoung and jophil/Mr. Me. Both parties are right.

lookyoung is right, a guy has to be aggressive. You rarely hear about a woman dumping a guy who is too aggressive, but you do hear about a woman dumping a guy on his ass because he is too nice of a guy and not willing to make the first move.

Being aggressive is a must when you're laying on a couch with a girl you've only just started dating. Being aggressive is a must when you're cold approaching at a bar and you're dealing with sh!t tests and other guys trying to cokk block you. Being aggressive is a must if an interested girl puts her ASDs up.

But you shouldn't be being aggressive when you're courting a woman, for lack of a better term. You shouldn't be forcing things with her, you shouldn't be pressing for dates, you shouldn't be texting or calling her to the point of coming on too strong, and you shouldn't progress the relationship any faster than she wants you to. Instead, you should have other things going on in your life, and you should at least be trying to date other women. It's her job to advance the seriousness of the relationship. Continue fvcking her with no-strings attached until she asks for a commitment of some sort.

I think the term for this is active disinterest.

Even if you are interested in this woman, show too much of it or come on too strong, and you risk entering the friends zone. Don't allow yourself to be anymore interested than she is. Taking an aggressive approach with her could be damning.

In the OP's situation, the man needs to be the initiator, not the aggressor. He needs to initiate sexual situations, dates and things of that nature. But he shouldn't be trying to speed along his relationship with this woman in any way.

Although I had to comment about this remark:

Mikey, listen to the veterans on this forum like Mr ME and Mr Jophil.

You gotta be fvcking kidding me? Forum veteran?

lookyoung is just as qualified to give advice as you are, even if he doesn't have the post count or the same kind of tenure as a poster on these boards. Sometimes I think these reputation bubbles actually made SS a worse place.

 

[Mr. Me]

Your very gullible if you think that a woman that goes on a date with a guy is always attracted to him. Woman sometimes go out on dates to have a good time at your expense and to attention horrr. For example she may have broked up with BF and she uses you to feel better about herself.

Yeah? Woman may have broked up, huh?

Listen, I know what games women play and I have my ways of figuring out if it's really me they're interested in or if they have some other agenda. I'm not as gullible as you may think I am.

Now your starting to sound like a woman.

That's a very immature response. But now I've gotten the sense, based on your posts, that you can't offer much more than that. Immaturity, such as in this post:

Grab her tits, ass. See how she reacts.

You left out stick your tongue down her throat.

The method you've described is pretty much what inexperienced teenagers in high school do. Talk to me when you've grown beyond trying to cop a cheap feel and can think with your big head.

 

[jophil28]

You gotta be fvcking kidding me? Forum veteran?

Watch your mouth kid or Im gonna call your father.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

Well, this thread did get a bit off topic, but thanks to everyone's good advice.

The follow-up to this is that she texted me this morning (like 8:30 AM) asking how my weekend was, etc. So I guess I'm not out of it just yet.

 

[Mr. Me]

Mike, 90% of guys would've impulsively called her the very next day (which would've been Saturday) and overwhelm the girl with their pursuit. By holding off some, it gives them an op to pursue us, and she's taking the initiative. But now that she's called you, common courtesy dictates that you return her call in a timely fashion, if you haven't already.

But don't get involved in texting back and forth. Just get her on the phone, chit chat for a few minutes and make another date.

Though whenever a woman texts instead of calls, makes me wonder why they wouldn't want to speak. So though technically I understand why people may text, the fact that when texting they're also avoiding live contact makes me make a mental note of it.

You know, this early in the game you're quietly observing and watching for flags. It may be something or maybe not. Just pointing it out.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

Point well taken. I called her last night, and we're going out this Saturday. We're going to an exhibit that I want to see, and then food/drinks afterward.

I know - an exhibit at a museum isn't going to get her back to my place right away. But - the museum is only 5 blocks from where I live, and I think that I actually can invite her to my place for a drink afterward.

Also, I'm at my funniest when I'm stone-cold sober, to be candid. And she hasn't seen me like that yet. And I'd like her to, it's a facet of me that I don't show enough, since I usually mix having a few drinks with dating. If that makes sense.