2nd date advice

[MikeEdward1973]

Went out with this girl for a drink, we had a great time. Made out afterward. This was Monday. We agreed that we should go out this weekend.

I left her a message earlier tonight, she just left a voice mail for me. She's got plans Saturday, but can do Friday.

Typically, for 2nd dates, I usually go to a pretty nice place that is not too far from where my date lives. This time, I'm not so sure. Here are my options:

- I have amazing tickets to my local MLB team from my friend (row A, you can look into the dugout), and I have access to those any time I want. Downside is that it's not going to be easy to get her drunk there, and I don't know if she really likes baseball. Upside is that it's close to where I live, and women often love sporting events, and I'd actually love to hang with her for 3 hours.

- I could take her to this restaurant I love that is near her. Downside is that I would have to pay since there is no way she can afford it, upside is the place is awesome, I love it, it's close to where she lives, and paying is zero problem for me.

- I could find a not-so-expensive place near her, and we could go there. Downside is I would have to do some research to find such a place, and I wouldn't like it as much, but upside is that she wouldn't see me spending a lot of money on her.

I'm open to thoughts and suggestions. I don't want to mess this one up, she's hot for me, and she's hot, period.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

By the way, before anyone tries to flame me about spinning plates, tonight was my 5th date in 5 days, so I'm doing plenty of that. I'm just looking for feedback on how to proceed with the girl from Monday.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

Ask her if she likes baseball, or is a fan of the team. If yes, definitely go to the game.

I think the goal is to make sure you do things you enjoy...bring her into your world, and see how she responds.

 

[Mr. Me]

It doesn't matter if she likes baseball or not. This is one of your first dates with her, in which you're evaluating her as a compatible person, and the idea is to see if she wants to be with YOU and go along with YOUR ideas.

If she objects to going to a game for a few hours with you on a date, then what bigger stuff will she object to doing down the road?

If being with you is dependent on the event, then she's there for the event, not for you.

You want the kind of gal who says "It doesn't matter what we do - as long as I'm with you!"

Asking her if she likes baseball before proposing the idea is supplicating to her; seeking her approval first before making the date suggestion. She'll let you know if she doesn't like baseball.

Mike, I'd also suggest taking her to play pool and grab a quick bite to eat. Just keep it fun, casual and on the inexpensive side for the first few dates.

I think Senior Fingers had a thread about this stuff you may want to take a look at.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

Thanks for the above, all great advice.

But something is telling me she likes to knock 'em back, and my gut says dinner and drinks.

The ball game is going to have a lot of wasted guys, even in the section I sit in, plus it's hard for her to get to.

The thing about my go-to place for dinner is that even if the date blows, and I don't think it will, I love eating there so much that I have fun no matter what. Plus, I have a track record of women taking me home afterward from this particular venue, and this place happens to be like 6 blocks from where she lives.

Tough call...but I'm feeling dinner and a lot of wine...

For the record, I should mention the first time we met up, we talked for about 2 hours, and really had a lot of fun, so I think either option can work.

 

[Mr. Me]

but during the first few dates a guy should be somewhat astute about what she might find boring.

But the first several dates are not about seeking to avoid activities she may find boring.

It's about seeing if she's flexible and willing to go along with your date ideas in order to be with you. It's a weeding out process. It's okay if she's thinking, "Baseball? That's boring! But he is cute... and I like him... and it'll only be a few hours. Maybe with him it'll be fun!"

Nobody's advocating planning boring dates here.

What you don't want is a woman whose response is, "Baseball? EEeewwww! Baseball's SOOO boring! No way! You must be joking! Really, isn't there anything else we can do? Seriously! I want to be taken dancing!"

Or worse, a woman who tells you where to take her and what she'll accept as her minimum for a date. Strangely enough, that usually involves an expensive upscale restaurant and a three course meal.

Like I said, this is a weeding out process.

Speaking of being astute, the astute man keeps notes along the way as to what she likes and doesn't like, and once she shows herself to be agreeable and flexible, then down the road you can surprise her with date ideas based on what she likes too.

Maybe it was JoeKerr who had that thread I'm thinking of about women who don't like the guy's date ideas.

 

[STR8UP]

I'm not a big fan of spending more than a couple of bucks on a chick (unless it's an I buy this time you buy next time kind of deal), but it sucks when the chick has no money, cause you pretty much either have to buck up or scale back.

I'd do the baseball gig. Bring her into your world. If she agreed to a second date with you then chances are she'll have no problem with it.

Remember, she should be there to spend time getting to know you, not get nitpicky about the venue.

 

[Jitterbug]

If being with you is dependent on the event, then she's there for the event, not for you.

You want the kind of gal who says "It doesn't matter what we do - as long as I'm with you!"

:rockon:

My recent experiences have taught me precisely this.

I was so into creative date ideas and coming up with all sorts of cool & interesting things that I didn't realise that the women were coming along because they liked the dates/events, not because they liked me.

Mixing cool and boring dates is the way to tell if the woman is there for the date or for you.

 

[jophil28]

:

Mixing cool and boring dates is the way to tell if the woman is there for the date or for you.

THis is good advice...even better may be to deliberately choose a dull date idea to test her IL.

 

[lookyoung]

If a woman really likes you it doesn't matter were you take her. If her interest level is high you could do anything and the woman will be happy with it wether its dinner, a wino bar or whatever. I say you do what you want to do. Going to dinner, your house or the baseball game will probably have no bearing in if she will fukkk you or not. I would choose a place were you could display social status however. Nothing attracts woman like social status.

 

[window]

Doc Lov sais don't ask them out Fri or Sat for the first ten dates unless they ask how come you don't take me out on Fri and Sat. Hopefully she was the one who suggested during the first date that you go out again and not you. Can't make it too easy for her. Remember women love a challenge as they rarely experience it from a guy. You already seem afraid of losing her though which she'll pick up with her feminine radar...the fact that your basing your dates around how much you can get her drunk just spells loser to me though...sorry. She'll figure this out soon enough.

If I was you I'd tell her you got free tickets to the baseball off a mate and you'd like her to join you. Easy with zero pressure. Don't ask her if she likes baseball, it's approval seeking and not something a man would do.

 

[Truebrit]

"I could find a not-so-expensive place near her, and we could go there. Downside is I would have to do some research to find such a place, and I wouldn't like it as much, but upside is that she wouldn't see me spending a lot of money on her."

This is your best bet - you take her back and nail her afterwards. Why bother buying dinner though - you should reward her with dinner once the deed is done - take her for a drink near her instead.

To be honest it makes no odds how much you spend on her - as some of the others posts here have said - if she likes you then just spending time with you will be enough

 

[MikeEdward1973]

I should listen to you guys more.

I ended up taking her to dinner, and we went out for a drink afterward.

We made out, and I had my hands all over her, and she liked it, but I did not get her back to my place, and she didn't invite me back to hers. It was about a 3 hour date. This was Friday.

Do I next her? Call her again to watch a DVD at my place?

I just feel a bit discouraged. I go on a zillion first dates, and I end up hooking up with very few of them.

*I know the mistake I made - should have done the baseball game/pool & pizza, etc. This is the last time I do a dinner date for a 2nd date, lesson learned.*

But I would like suggestions for where to go in this case? Was thinking about calling her Tuesday?

 

[Mr. Me]

You're seeing this as unsatisfactory because you didn't have sex by the second date? Is sex what you mean when you say "I end up hooking up with very few of them"?

Because it sounds to me that things were rolling along almost fine... she couldn't see you saturday but she counter-offered with Friday. That's good. You had a nice 3 hour time Friday without dragging it out into a marathon date. That's good. You had a little make out session at the end of the night. That's good.

The only problem I see is that you were groping her on the second date. She may feel that was too much - even though at the time she seemed to be enjoying it.

Then what happens is the chick doesn't want another date because she doesn't look forward to another groping session.

I stopped grabbing some time ago (which I admit was terribly difficult at first when every molecule in your body is urging you to grab something soft within your reach), and found that in turn, it made the woman desire me more (that's challenge. It's like catnip).

Call her Thursday. Gives her time to dwell on the great time she had with you and to look forward to you calling again (if she had a great time).

And yeah, a formal dinner date is probably better a few dates in. I just had a fifth date with someone and just now took her out to dinner. Even though I've been kissing her goodnight at all the other dates, when I dropped her off this time, she asked me to hang out a bit. Make out session ensued and today there's a message on my voicemail this morning where she's "thinking of me", "wanted to say hello", "thanks again for last night", "had a wonderful time" and the biggie: "would really like it if I called more often than just once a week".

Slow and steady wins the race.

 

[MikeEdward1973]

Thursday, really?

 

[lookyoung]

You're seeing this as unsatisfactory because you didn't have sex by the second date? Is sex what you mean when you say "I end up hooking up with very few of them"?

Because it sounds to me that things were rolling along almost fine... she couldn't see you saturday but she counter-offered with Friday. That's good. You had a nice 3 hour time Friday without dragging it out into a marathon date. That's good. You had a little make out session at the end of the night. That's good.

The only problem I see is that you were groping her on the second date. She may feel that was too much - even though at the time she seemed to be enjoying it.

Then what happens is the chick doesn't want another date because she doesn't look forward to another groping session.

I stopped grabbing some time ago (which I admit was terribly difficult at first when every molecule in your body is urging you to grab something soft within your reach), and found that in turn, it made the woman desire me more (that's challenge. It's like catnip).

Call her Thursday. Gives her time to dwell on the great time she had with you and to look forward to you calling again (if she had a great time).

And yeah, a formal dinner date is probably better a few dates in. I just had a fifth date with someone and just now took her out to dinner. Even though I've been kissing her goodnight at all the other dates, when I dropped her off this time, she asked me to hang out a bit. Make out session ensued and today there's a message on my voicemail this morning where she's "thinking of me", "wanted to say hello", "thanks again for last night", "had a wonderful time" and the biggie: "would really like it if I called more often than just once a week".

Slow and steady wins the race.

I would not take this guys advice. I think its terrible. I think its always a good thing to be aggressive. If not woman will see you as MR nice guy and chances are you will be going home and wacking off. A woman will never dump a guy or think a guy is a pig for being too aggressive if they are attracted to you. I am always aggressive reason being is it cuts through the bulls1t. If a girl doesn't want to put out than you throw her at the back of the list.

As for your date you should have initiated her coming back to your place. You should have made a move on her. The guy who doesn't make the move loses and you may have lost. Next time you just need to be more aggressive. Follow your nature and be a man.

 

[jophil28]

Slow and steady wins the race.

Mikey, listen to the veterans on this forum like Mr ME and Mr Jophil.
I get the strong impression that you are going hard at this dating thing at warp speed. thinking that you will get laid faster if you push harder.
Wrong - the opposite outcome is more likely..

It is your job as a man to provide the forward energy to set up dates and move your connection with her in a forward direction. It is her job to set the pace and the velocity. You are like the accelerator and she is like the brake pedal.
DO you know what happens when you push the pedal to the metal with one foot and hard down on the brake with the other ? A lot of energy is wasted for no forward movement.

Dating is just like driving - only ONE pedal down at any one time. If she hits the brakes, you back off on the gas. Then wait until she eases back on the brakes and SLOWLY push down on the gas pedal ...Ya dig ?

 

[MikeEdward1973]

Mikey, listen to the veterans on this forum like Mr ME and Mr Jophil.
I get the strong impression that you are going hard at this dating thing at warp speed. thinking that you will get laid faster if you push harder.
Wrong - the opposite outcome is more likely..

It is your job as a man to provide the forward energy to set up dates and move your connection with her in a forward direction. It is her job to set the pace and the velocity. You are like the accecerator and she is like the brake pedal.
DO you know what happens when you push the pedal to the metal with one foot and harf hard down on the brake with the other ?

Dating is just like driving -only ONE pedal down at any one time. If she hits the brakes, back off on the gas. Then wait until she eases back on the brakes and SLOWLY push down on the gas pedal ...Ya dig ?

Yes, you called it right - at one point I went on 12 dates in 10 days last month. I've been putting in a lot of effort with pretty limited results.

Very good insight on your part.

The brake/gas analogy is good, I need to keep that in mind.

 

[Mr. Me]

A woman will never dump a guy or think a guy is a pig for being too aggressive if they are attracted to you.

So it seems to me that you agree that a guy that acts very aggressive risks being seen as a pig, you're just saying if the woman is attracted to the pig, that she won't see him as being a pig.

But women do complain about their dates who paw at them, right? Well, these are guys who they were attracted to enough to go out on the dates with in the first place, aren't they?

Truth is closer to that they can be attracted to you, but you can turn them off if you make them uncomfortable before they're ready. Yeah, it's a strange world, stuff like that happens.

There's a big difference between being the proverbial Mr. Nice Guy - and being a gentleman who's doesn't act like a pig. I choose not to act like a pig, so the advice I give, while you may disagree with it, isn't advice on how to be a jerk.

This is Mike's second date in with the girl. She has some interest in him, but we don't know if it's high enough that Mike being very sexually aggressive wouldn't necessarily blow it.

And maybe Mike isn't ruled by his balls and only looking to get laid on a second date?

Besides, a guy doesn't paw at a girl to get her in bed. Girls desire you when you come off as seductive and sexy rather than crude. Eye contact is sexier to them then your hand on their butt.

So, anyway, Mike, yes. Thursday. Partly for the reasons I stated. And also because, let's say this girl starts to have regrets about the other night. If you don't call her, then she might think it's because she came off slutty and that you're not interested. Great! Several days go by and then comes Thursday and you call her - and she may be relieved that you finally did call and enthusiastic to see you again.

If you call her Tuesday, same could happen, but we're just giving it that extra measure.

And in the meantime, she may even call you. Then you won't have to wonder what to do.

 

[lookyoung]

But women do complain about their dates who paw at them, right? Well, these are guys who they were attracted to enough to go out on the dates with in the first place, aren't they?

Your very gullible if you think that a woman that goes on a date with a guy is always attracted to him. Woman sometimes go out on dates to have a good time at your expense and to attention horrr. For example she may have broked up with BF and she uses you to feel better about herself.

Truth is closer to that they can be attracted to you, but you can turn them off if you make them uncomfortable before they're ready. Yeah, it's a strange world, stuff like that happens.

Now your starting to sound like a woman.

This is Mike's second date in with the girl. She has some interest in him, but we don't know if it's high enough that Mike being very sexually aggressive wouldn't necessarily blow it.

If your experienced your not going to blow it. Its really easy. First you kiss the girl. than kino her. Grab her tits, ass. See how she reacts. If you kiss her and go to grab tit and she says stop than you pretty much stop. Its not going to creep her out that you tried. Once your experienced with woman you learn the sensitivity of the body language.

And maybe Mike isn't ruled by his balls and only looking to get laid on a second date?

We all want to get laid by someone were attracted to we are men. This is in our nature.

Besides, a guy doesn't paw at a girl to get her in bed. Girls desire you when you come off as seductive and sexy rather than crude. Eye contact is sexier to them then your hand on their butt.

Now your really starting to sound like a woman.

So, anyway, Mike, yes. Thursday. Partly for the reasons I stated. And also because, let's say this girl starts to have regrets about the other night. If you don't call her, then she might think it's because she came off slutty and that you're not interested. Great! Several days go by and then comes Thursday and you call her - and she may be relieved that you finally did call and enthusiastic to see you again.

Came of as slutty???? Wtf The guy didn't even bang her yet. This is a non issue.