2LTRs, Need to choose - Please Advise!

[GoldMan]

Guys, I could use your insight....

3 months ago I broke it off with my gf for another girl. After a month and a half I got back together with her while maintaining the relationship with the new girl. This is the thread:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=158543&highlight=back+move

I was really missing her because she is a great girl and figured that in about a month I would know which one to choose. It's been more than two months and I've been going crazy seeing the gf 3 days a week and the new girl twice a week. Making up alibis, putting things away and taking them back out again.

I know this can't go on forever.

The new girl just added me to her facebook account and she has pics of us together with a comment saying "dont' we make a cute couple?" I've already told her that there is a possibility for more but I don't want to rush it. I'm digging her a lot and if I didn't have the gf I would be pursuing more with her.

I love my gf a lot and she is very good to me. My gf and I got into it last week because I go out every friday (alibi) with my friends to the bar, she's its because I'm "still looking to see what is out there". She tells me that I need to find the right girl for me. The physical attraction has decreased a lot and I suspect it is because I'm getting it from the new girl.

I'm feeling like crap, guilty, and stressed out. My question is...what criteria would you use to determine which one to stay with? Anybody been in this situation before?

I appreciate any feedback....

 

[jophil28]

I'm feeling like crap, guilty, and stressed out. My question is...what criteria would you use to determine which one to stay with? Anybody been in this situation before?

I appreciate any feedback....

So ,on Fridays nights, you tell your G/f that you are still looking for the right girl for you, and you are sticking it in another woman on the side, BUT you still "love your G/F" ?
Words escape me.

 

[GoldMan]

Correction made on that sentence. She tells me the reason I go out is because I still am still looking for the right girl.

 

[jophil28]

Correction made on that sentence. She tells me the reason I go out is because I still am still looking for the right girl.

More correctly, you know that your G/f is 'in the bag', so you are out gaming other chicks hoping to meet a potential upgrade. At the same time, you are sneaking around with a second woman who believes that she is in a "relationship " with you? And you are deceiving both of them because you have not been open with either...

Reverse the situation. How would you like to be one of those women and be in a "relationship" with someone who was cheating on you by being in another LTR and who was also cruising the bars Friday nights?

Any woman who pulls that shyte by stringing along two guys gets slammed here , and rightly so..
Frankly, I do not believe that you are ready for an LTR with anyone.

 

[pLaYtHiNg]

I would think that not seeing both of them for awhile and gaining some perspective can help you out with this. We can't tell you which girl to choose, obviously we don't know you or them.

Take some time out for yourself. Good Luck!

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

I say slam the headboard with as many women as you want, but having a relationship with two women? That's too much "relationship" for a man. With all this talk of cheating and sneaking and pleasure vs. guilt, you sound like a woman. As jophil said, the kind we like to flame here.

 

[vitor]

What would happen if they both found out and you had nothing. Eventully you will get caught, it just happens. Your ex was an ex for a reason what is going to magiclly make things better all the sudden. I would say end it with her, keep dating the new girl taking things slow and play the field a bit.

I am all for playing the field and having options but will say that having a girlfriend and having a somewhat serious girl on the side is just not cool. When women know you are dating other people it is one thing..

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Goldman,
"2LTRs, Need to choose - Please Advise!"I don't think you need to chose,it will be sorted out for you OR NOT depending on how clever you are!
"I know this can't go on forever" fair statement,so what does go on forever?rather than thinking about chosing one of them you should be auditioning and grooming new leading Ladies to keep in the wings...Events can suddenly change and if anything goes seriously wrong it is easy to lose both lovers...you will find going back to one gets boring even for an old guy like me....Spinning plates keeps life interesting,keeps you on your toes

 

[GoldMan]

Thanks for the replies. For the record, I am not going out every friday night, i'm using it as an alibi to be with the new girl. My dilemna revolves around the fact that my GF is a great girl and I would like to want to want to take it to the next level with her, but I don't. Her and I are continuing on the hope that I will change my mind and want that with her.

I've been spinning plates the past 7 years and it just isn't doing it for me any more. I've been thinking about having a kid in the near future. I'm sure i'll get bored with whoever I choose at some point and want to go back to the game but I'm thinking that having a child will switch my focus to being a father.

 

[NewMan]

This is an age old problem - and the answer is really very simple.

If you don't know which one, then the answer to your question is neither.

Don't think for a second, that you will miraculously want to spend the rest of your life with one of these women - because it is not going to happen.

Secondly the following statement:

but I'm thinking that having a child will switch my focus to being a father.

is just something I expect to hear out of a womans mouth.


Finally, don't expect that spending the rest of your life with a woman is going to be a bed of roses. You will lose attraction. You will get board. Your eyes will wonder. You will get opportunities....

Which is why your selection process should be at top notch.

The bottom line here, is that none of these women fit the bill.

 

[Colossus]

One LTR is enough.

It sounds to me like you wanted to have you cake and eat it too; which is understandable....but as you have found out this is not good for your mental health.

From your past thread it seems your long-time gf treated you really well. You need to take a step back, take a week off from BOTH girls (make something up if you have to), and decide what it is you really want. Not just which girl you want, but what you really want from women at this point in your life.

It sounds like that poor girl would follow you follow you to the ends of the earth....you should consider the significance of this.

Also ask yourself exactly WHAT you are attracted to in the newer girl. It mught just be the novelty factor, or maybe you are genuinely into her.

First decide what it is you want from a woman at this time in your life;
Then make your choice and stick to it.

 

[DavenJuan]

first thing to address is this notion that having a child is going to make you more focused. or what you really mean to say is GROWN UP!

if you believe that by having a child is going to accomplish this, you are extremely mistaken.


i agree with colossus. its clear you want your cake and eat it too..

what i have come to realize over time is that you dont have to "cheat" to accomplish this.

you would be surprised how many women would be open to you simply saying...

" hey, i dont want a exclusive relationship right now, but if you want to hang out from time to time, im open for that."

maybe this would have worked with these women, maybe not. but clearly its not working with what you are doing currently.

listen, i can relate just like a ton of other men on this forum

your "original" gf you can relate to. or you feel that you "know". shes been there for the last 5 years. she will do anything for you...etc etc

thats all great. however if there is something that is pulling you in some other direction. then there is clearly somethings that you need to address.

stop branch swinging, waiting for something else to come along,

be a man, and lay everything out on the table is far as what it is you want. you want to date around fine. be honest with yourself and with them.