27 y/o virgin with communication problems.

[eldominante]

I agree with MrPositive. I don't feel uncomfortable around women. I just don't know what to talk about with them or how to do chit chats. I think, I'll try it again and again and following the DJ Bible.

Currently, I've starting living instead of dreaming of my life.

 

[Mr.Positive]

I don't feel uncomfortable around women. I just don't know what to talk about with them or how to do chit chats..

Let them talk about themselves then. While you remain a mystery.

You have a presence. You are a man, right there, in front of them. Never feel like you have to chit chat, or dance on tables, etc to get a woman's attention, or get her interested.

Silence show's a lot of confidence actually. Most often saying less is more, imo.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

What do you mean with that? I have still huge hopes to make it better. Currently, I approach sometimes some girls. Newly, a spanish girl was a bit talkative with me and we are going to see us at hostel meetings/parties.

But I need regular success with women.

when I meant have your **** together, I mean, are you already set in your career job yet, do you live on your own or not?

 

[eldominante]

when I meant have your **** together, I mean, are you already set in your career job yet, do you live on your own or not?

No I am still a student but live alone in a hostel. But my sticking point is: how do i fix this social skills issue? with much effort i can approach but after it, it ends. whenever i talk it is not what others are interested in. they listen to me because of politeness and cut me off anytime.

 

[jonhaul]

Dude my ex girl friend had a mild case of aspbergers but I only noticed it on the first date with her. I was with her for 11 months I only dumped her because she became afraid of sex because of the pregnancy scare after the condom broke and she took a morning after pill. It was no more relationship without the sex and from what I see still hasn't found a new man unless shes hoing it up which I doubt a non out going nerdy reclusive woman like her did. She lost her virginity to me at age 29 (diagnosed with aspbergers at that age too alter on in life) and I was 23 lol... Yes that was on the second date and she made out with me topless on the first. I found out later on when I asked her about why. She said she was horny lol... The weirdo even described herself as "pansexual" and only was attracted to me because of my personality not physically lol.. I met her at bed bath and beyond when I bought a husband pillow, made small talk about her, and asked for her number. She even admitted to me she rarely don't give out her number to any dude because I didn't seem like a jerky douche... She had even said a few days before she gave up on finding ANYONE. You just never know... lol

Anyway dude my point is my ex used it as an excuse with her issues she faced in her life. You don't need to put yourself down man adapt, build your confidence, and over come it. Find faith and believe in yourself bro. Do not let it bother you. Try using snap chat or something like that to chat with chicks first and then move from there. Take a little bit at a time dude and you will see its no big deal. Women are nothing to be intimidated about I used to be very shy and not know what to say but damn. They're just people too and you will see this too. Then again I go for the down to earth types lol... I like a woman whos very easy going and chill personally.

 

[eldominante]

You guys are totaly misunderstanding something. I never wrote that I would fear women in any way. My only problem is chit chat and connecting with people in general. Therefore I don't have friends. THere is no comfort phase. Mostly, I search for words what to talk about to ANYONE! The factor women is so special because it's about replication!

The advice by getting slimmer and caring for style makes about 75%. The rest is humor, chit chat which I also can't do. The other 2 lie in my hand. But the social stuff, I have no power. Whenever I try hard being funny, I get laughed at. I'm told being like a goofy.
But when I'm myself, I'm strict, serious and sometimes I use sarcastic and black humor.

I made the experience that people either want you because you are so humourous and they enjoy your presence or they wanna take use of you and throw you afterwards away. I'm suited to the last one.

I explain how I go on with being talkative: I approach by asking about what I take notice of. For e.g. if the woman is reading, I ask about the book or magazine, the physical appearance that is special. Whenever I talk to strangers, I invest much more than they do. It's like I try desperately to make a conversation. Shortly before a lesson, I talked to a girl whom I knew. But she wasn't interested in talking with me, seemed boring. But on the other hand, she was very interested in talking to another person.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Dude my ex girl friend had a mild case of aspbergers but I only noticed it on the first date with her. I was with her for 11 months I only dumped her because she became afraid of sex because of the pregnancy scare after the condom broke and she took a morning after pill. It was no more relationship without the sex and from what I see still hasn't found a new man unless shes hoing it up which I doubt a non out going nerdy reclusive woman like her did. She lost her virginity to me at age 29 (diagnosed with aspbergers at that age too alter on in life) and I was 23 lol... Yes that was on the second date and she made out with me topless on the first. I found out later on when I asked her about why. She said she was horny lol... The weirdo even described herself as "pansexual" and only was attracted to me because of my personality not physically lol.. I met her at bed bath and beyond when I bought a husband pillow, made small talk about her, and asked for her number. She even admitted to me she rarely don't give out her number to any dude because I didn't seem like a jerky douche... She had even said a few days before she gave up on finding ANYONE. You just never know... lol

Anyway dude my point is my ex used it as an excuse with her issues she faced in her life. You don't need to put yourself down man adapt, build your confidence, and over come it. Find faith and believe in yourself bro. Do not let it bother you. Try using snap chat or something like that to chat with chicks first and then move from there. Take a little bit at a time dude and you will see its no big deal. Women are nothing to be intimidated about I used to be very shy and not know what to say but damn. They're just people too and you will see this too. Then again I go for the down to earth types lol... I like a woman whos very easy going and chill personally.

A woman that was 29 and lost her virginity? An Aspir woman? How did she look?

 

[jonhaul]

A woman that was 29 and lost her virginity? An Aspir woman? How did she look?

Uh lol... She was a chubby gal with a decent face. Lots of people at my old work place though she was a babe. I don't really wanna put pictures of her up.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Uh lol... She was a chubby gal with a decent face. Lots of people at my old work place though she was a babe. I don't really wanna put pictures of her up.

obviously she was a virgin that long by choice I bet

 

[jonhaul]

obviously she was a virgin that long by choice I bet

Nope tried to loose it at age 18. The guy wasn't man enough to get it in when my 23 year old talent and manhood accomplished where he FAILED.

 

[eldominante]

Back to the topic:

How should I go on? I always try it again and again and again. I simply can't make chit chat. When others hold the conversation, it works. Else not. I have no friends. Not because I'm so crazy or weird. Whenever it is about watching others into their eyes or faces, it is difficult for me. Maybe it is aspergers. But my 2nd test for it was negative. I was told I would have it only if I wanna have it.
It is because either I have no special skills others can take use of or it is about connecting with people. My brain is programmed on chatting with people only if I want something from them. Whenever I try more, they see me as someone who talks rubbish. How to cure it? What do you guys think of using Mystery Method? Should I go after it or taking Don Juan Bible or what is your proposal?

 

[jonhaul]

A step at time man you need to build your social skills up. Get out when you can or find a group in your local area where maybe you can find people who have a similar issue that can help you out and cope with it. Its hard for us to say on line what you should and can do without knowing you or seeing you in person. I wouldn't make women an immediate a high priority at the moment for you because that will come once you get a grasp on your socialization issues. Try having web cam conversations you know online chats or something too. What are your hobbies and passions? You can seek out people who like the things you do and can relate with them as friends. Who can either be men or women...

Yes also read the DJ bible too...

Sure we all want things from people especially when it comes to the opposite sex. I wish you well dude but this is just a bit complex. Just make a gal laugh, smile, enjoy herself, and she will appreciate you. Its not that hard and if you can't get what you want from her just find a new women who will honor appreciate you. Whether it be just sex or something more. Women want a strong, confident, and emotionally strong dude. If you have all those in check you will do well.

 

[jonhaul]

Go to the wingman forum bro have one of us locally help you out.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

A step at time man you need to build your social skills up. Get out when you can or find a group in your local area where maybe you can find people who have a similar issue that can help you out and cope with it. Its hard for us to say on line what you should and can do without knowing you or seeing you in person. I wouldn't make women an immediate a high priority at the moment for you because that will come once you get a grasp on your socialization issues. Try having web cam conversations you know online chats or something too. What are your hobbies and passions? You can seek out people who like the things you do and can relate with them as friends. Who can either be men or women...

Yes also read the DJ bible too...

Sure we all want things from people especially when it comes to the opposite sex. I wish you well dude but this is just a bit complex. Just make a gal laugh, smile, enjoy herself, and she will appreciate you. Its not that hard and if you can't get what you want from her just find a new women who will honor appreciate you. Whether it be just sex or something more. Women want a strong, confident, and emotionally strong dude. If you have all those in check you will do well.

Wondering if it is possible for him to make himself this attractive and get a girlfriend or get laid in less than 6 months/year

 

[eldominante]

As Explained i have tried socializing and getting friends lots of times and i won't do it again. i did not succeed buti got insulted or bullied. so i need an alternative. making others laughing with me couldn't i make as well. but i often made it work that i got laughed at people are nice to me if they wanna take use of. it has happened many times that after using me, they ignored and avoided me.

 

[eldominante]

As Explained i have tried socializing and getting friends lots of times and i won't do it again. i did not succeed buti got insulted or bullied. so i need an alternative. making others laughing with me couldn't i make as well. but i often made it work that i got laughed at people are nice to me if they wanna take use of. it has happened many times that after using me, they ignored and avoided me.

i can't make others laugh. i have told you so often. so what is wrong with you? if i could do so, would i ask you how to go on? what i think is funny,othersdon't think it is funny.they just make weird faces.

so, i should go for mystery method. right?

 

[JaegerPilot217]

No I am still a student but live alone in a hostel. But my sticking point is: how do i fix this social skills issue? with much effort i can approach but after it, it ends. whenever i talk it is not what others are interested in. they listen to me because of politeness and cut me off anytime.

Doing undergrad or grad school?

 

[eldominante]

I'm at bachelors. But ourr school system was like A-levels: 13 classes. After it, I study medical IT.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I think most people romanticize the concept of friendship. The reality is that friendships are built around shared interests. That's a pre-requisite. Join some sort of group, and everyone else in that group will have something in common with you. Surely you have hobbies or interests, and I'm guessing there are groups of people who meet to enjoy whatever it is together. Those people are your future friends. And later on, when either you or they find a different group, they will drop out of your life as the shared interest disappears.

Even if your interest is a problem of your own that you want to solve, there are women out there with the same problem. You said you wanted to lose weight, so join a weight loss group like Weight Watcher's. Most women there are actually not fat, believe it or not. The fat ones don't go to meetings.

Another suggestion would be a speech club like Toastmaster's. More people fear public speaking than fear their own death, and Toastmaster's forces you to practice making speeches. It's the same idea as Zig Ziglar - do what you fear most and you will control your fear. Everyone else there will have communication issues of their own; the club is like a support group.

As far as talking to people in general, you seem to be saying that you should quit trying because you're not immediately good at it. No one's good at anything they just started. You get a little better with every failure, whether you realize it or not. You just said that you learned humor is not effective if you come off as a clown - there you go, important lesson learned. You just got better. The only way to stop getting better is to quit.

 

[eldominante]

Ok. About slimming I know I just need movement. Weight watchers is Expensive. So I will continue talking. What about Humor? I didn't get it. Still continue with it or should I change my Humor style? I can speak in Front of groups very easily.