26...never really been a player

[Rhino22]

Yeah, so I'm 26 and apparently I am quite good looking, but for most of my life I had low self esteem. ONly had one real girlfriend and that lasted for 4 years. So I feel kind of screwed to be really starting to "mack" on girls at age 26 lol. So far I've only approached two girls that were strangers.

One was a few months ago at a bookstore. She was probably a 9...I said some really stupid stuff to her but she ended up giving me her # without me even asking for it. Things never worked out with her because she was one of those high maintenance types.

THe second girl I approached was last friday. She was a waitress who wasn't even our waitress for the night but kept flirting with me and acted completely different towards my friends. I went to try asking if she wanted to hang out sometime and didn't realize her boyfriend was right next to her. Oops. That didn't work out.

So yeah, am I too old to even start doing this stuff? I feel like I missed out on aLOT. I suffered for years with anxiety and there is nothing I can do to go back but Im hoping I can still make some progress with ladies at this point and not look like a complete fool.

 

[DJDanny]

I swear you're my fvcking twin dude. I was probably in your spot a couple months ago, tons of anxiety, low self esteem, out of a 3+ year relationship, never much of a player although I faked it pretty good according to my ex. This however is good news for you, because about a month ago I fully commited to changing and my situation has improved 100 fold since then.

You're right, you're 26 and there are probably guys 18 years old who have more experience with women, the question to you is, are you going to sit and compare yourself to them and beat yourself up over it or are you going to go out there and make a change and become who you want to be. First and foremost you have to want it.

There is no magic pill to boost your self esteem, it's something that will come along slowly as you continue to believe in yourself. This is your world dude, you need to let go of all the self limiting beliefs you have. Maybe you've only fvcked the one chick in your life, so fvcking what? That doesn't mean you can't have banged 100 by the time you're 30. So maybe you didn't live your life the way you wanted in the past. Are you going to yet that be the reason you can't live your life going forward? I know for myself for a long time I beat myself up for not doing things I wanted in the past. Don't let it ruin the present.

This website is a great tool, but at some point you need to turn off the computer and put your skills to good use, to many guys fall into the trap of the keyboard jockey, I know I did, so last weekend i resolved to turn off the computer Thursday - Sunday. And guess what I probably had the best weekend of my life and I'm going to do it again this weekend.

Whoever said as you think you shall become has it all backwards, as you start to do the right things, you're head will start to come around to that positive frame of thinking.

 

[squirrels]

Sh!t, I didn't even get laid for the first time until I was 23.

Why do you believe you are unfit to talk to girls?

For me, it's kind of a belief that all human beings are unworthy morons...and since I am one of them, it transfers. Kinda negative, I know.

 

[Rhino22]

I got laid at 21 but didn't have my first real girlfriend until I was 22...we just broke up 6 months ago at the age of 26. She completely broke my heart too...cheated on me and left me for some gothic guy.

I think that maybe I am very attractive. I have been told so by many people but I see alot of girls look away...are they intimidated or what? My ex even told me once that when I came into her work to demand she move out of her apartment she said the only good thing to come out of that whole fiasco was that every girl at her work place thought I was hot. And this is when she was pissed that she told me that lol.

I'm just not good at conversing with people in general. Or maybe I'm just really nervous and I am telling myself I'm not good at it. I'm not super witty...I'm just kind of a "nice" guy but obviously not nice enough to never take risks.

 

[jnice48146]

Look, you guys are still young as hell! I wasted 10 years of my life in a crappy marriage, that's from 22 to 32, and you know what? F*CK IT! I'm here now to learn, then to apply in the field.You can't hang on to crap from the past, just let it go and get on with your life. The gist of what I've learned is don't worry about getting rejected, its inevitable. Especially in the beginning. So go out and diesel through your growing pains and learn from mistakes, and get yourself comfortable with approaching women. Nothing to lose!

 

[thedude4242]

yea with the anxiety problems if serious enough can keep you from living your life and thats mean socializing with girls. which can really suck. now at 26 you want to fullfill all the sex that you felt you miss out on and you feel like you dont have too much time left. have a plan and make progress and you will be good. it has robbed you of some really good times in your life but remember it is not how you start it is how you finish and take steps to get what you want.

 

[Rhino22]

Let me just say that I do go to a therapist and she said, "I think you will start to build confidence once you start getting out there , asking girls out, and seeing that you are not getting rejected." I then said, "I could get rejected." And she say's, "I doubt that's what will happen."

WHy did she say that? Is she into me or something? lol I have always kind of got that vibe from her actually.

 

[zekko]

Let me just say that I do go to a therapist and she said, "I think you will start to build confidence once you start getting out there , asking girls out, and seeing that you are not getting rejected." I then said, "I could get rejected." And she say's, "I doubt that's what will happen."

WHy did she say that?

Because therapists have absolutely no idea what they are talking about.

 

[Semtex]

Therapists are for women, tbh

 

[jnice48146]

Go out and have some success with women. That should be all the therapy you need!

 

[AFCToDJSlowButSurely]

hey rhino, im same age and never really had a significant relationship in my life, so you definetely arent the only one around here, im working on being more social and making improvements in my life, its never too late to start.

 

[thedude4242]

I have not had one either. I am that same age too.

 

[trv26]

Let me just say that I do go to a therapist and she said, "I think you will start to build confidence once you start getting out there , asking girls out, and seeing that you are not getting rejected." I then said, "I could get rejected." And she say's, "I doubt that's what will happen."

WHy did she say that? Is she into me or something? lol I have always kind of got that vibe from her actually.

Because she gets paid to do just that.

 

[Rhino22]

Lol I actually don't pay her.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Of course you aren't too old. Was Abraham Lincoln "too old" to become the greatest President in the history of the US when he did so at the age of 40 after an entire lifetime of failing at everything he ever tried?

Was Michael Jordan too old to become the greatest basketball player in history after being cut from the high school team?

It's all in your mind. What you believe in with conviction, becomes your reality. It is an inner struggle which you must first have to lead you to the conclusions that propell your outer reality. It won't be easy either, you must throw yourself into the fire, it is the only way. In our quest, comfort and common sense are the ENEMY. Comfort is a blanket which puts you to sleep as it keeps you warm, and common sense is all the perfectly valid reasons why you can't.

So to hell with it, you are whatever you really think you are. Whether you think you can or you cannot is irrelevant, for either way, you're right.

 

[Rhino22]

So throw myself into the fire even though I think I can't right now and eventually I will start to think I can?

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Exactly. There are always so many reasons why something cannot be done, the list never ends. But creating (in this case, creating yourself) is the business of training your mind to think like a winner, and to believe that your passionately and consistently held inner thoughts will manifest in your reality. You make your reality, you are the boss, never believe anything else.

This is a great time to throw yourself into self-improvement. Think and Grow Rich is the original and penultimate bible of self-improvement, I heartily recommend you read it.

 

[Rhino22]

I have read "The Secret" have you ever read that? It basically say's your thoughts attract like things. Um I told my therapist about it and she has read the book as well. She said that me thinking the last two girls I approached had boyfriends actually attracted me to girls that have boyfriends. I think that's a load of crap. I think that is what she was trying to say.

So, to confirm what you are saying...if right now I think I can't win with women but I force myself to approach...eventually I am going to win? You would think after the first initial rejections that you get the idea that you will always get rejected or do you get use to the rejections that you no longer care anymore and that is when you start to "win"?

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

You've got the idea. You lose the fear of getting rejected, you become much more natural, you cease to be dependent on the women, then some strange things start to happen. They start coming after you.

Look at rejection as your DJ Drill Instructor. Go out and get rejected 20 times, maggot!

But it sounds to me as though your efforts would be better spent upon yourself versus trying to get better with women. Improve yourself, your dealings with the ladies will naturally improve as well.

 

[Rhino22]

But it sounds to me as though your efforts would be better spent upon yourself versus trying to get better with women. Improve yourself, your dealings with the ladies will naturally improve as well.

How did you know? You might be right...