26, lonely, confused

[Demodulate]

start doing brazilian jiujitsu

it will solve lots of your problems..

get you out of the house and back into shape..

it will introduce you to a bunch of people who after awhile will actually care about whats going on in your life..

the self confidence you gain on the mat will transfer into all aspects of your life..

it will make you a better person on so many levels.

and it something you can do for years..

you will get out of it whatever you put into it.

most places the first week or month is free so just drag your ass down to a school and get on with it.

 

[DanelMadr]

Stop being a pvssy...that hint of self pity might kill you.

Basically you have all the guns. Good looking, obviously smart and being able to be honest with yourself. But you are afraid...if you shoot and miss it might hurt more than if you were ugly, dumb and in denial. I understand that but believe me it is the silliest mindset. Been there done that.

Well, you must not be that hard on yourself. Fvck it, man. Everyone will miss the target time to time but it is important to start shooting and keep shooting. Not hip spraying, just shooting

How to kick yourself to do that is only on You.
Me for example being a loner all my life it is hard to do. I have no trouble making friends and socialize. I like people but I don't mind or even prefer to be on my own. I guess I enjoy the world more then. And thanks to this I have high standards for friends, I guess.
Right now only person I am happy to be with is my brother. He is more outgoing than me but we have many common things to discuss-politics/world view etc.
What I'm trying to say that I came to realize that you can't change who you are. If you are really a loner, well, be it. It is nothing to be ashamed of. But it does not mean not talking and having fun with other people time to time.

Kick yourself, man. If you are like me...spin class won't entertain you for long.
I think what bothers you is not a lack of friends but a lack of sex. We all can say that it is not golden pot after all but you need to get that done. And you can be a loner to do that. Fvck every other action hero is a loner. Men are loners at heart. We don't need to chat with a friend on phone all night. And after the years I strongly believe that to meet really good men you have to be in extreme situation like a war.
However sitting home won't do any good for you. But joining a gym just to get ladies is lame

Send yourself on a mission "Operation Hottie". Don't be afraid to make a fool of yourself. Just laugh it off. When you see me walking home late night alone, I am laughing at myself after I shot myself in the leg.

NO FEAR!

 

[loveprefect]

Stop being a pvssy...that hint of self pity might kill you.

Basically you have all the guns. Good looking, obviously smart and being able to be honest with yourself. But you are afraid...if you shoot and miss it might hurt more than if you were ugly, dumb and in denial. I understand that but believe me it is the silliest mindset. Been there done that.

Well, you must not be that hard on yourself. Fvck it, man. Everyone will miss the target time to time but it is important to start shooting and keep shooting. Not hip spraying, just shooting

How to kick yourself to do that is only on You.
Me for example being a loner all my life it is hard to do. I have no trouble making friends and socialize. I like people but I don't mind or even prefer to be on my own. I guess I enjoy the world more then. And thanks to this I have high standards for friends, I guess.
Right now only person I am happy to be with is my brother. He is more outgoing than me but we have many common things to discuss-politics/world view etc.
What I'm trying to say that I came to realize that you can't change who you are. If you are really a loner, well, be it. It is nothing to be ashamed of. But it does not mean not talking and having fun with other people time to time.

Kick yourself, man. If you are like me...spin class won't entertain you for long.
I think what bothers you is not a lack of friends but a lack of sex. We all can say that it is not golden pot after all but you need to get that done. And you can be a loner to do that. Fvck every other action hero is a loner. Men are loners at heart. We don't need to chat with a friend on phone all night. And after the years I strongly believe that to meet really good men you have to be in extreme situation like a war.
However sitting home won't do any good for you. But joining a gym just to get ladies is lame

Send yourself on a mission "Operation Hottie". Don't be afraid to make a fool of yourself. Just laugh it off. When you see me walking home late night alone, I am laughing at myself after I shot myself in the leg.

NO FEAR!

a different perspective!
thanks, now I know it is OK to be a loner.

perhaps you could share more of your loner life with me? dont you feel helpless sometimes?

 

[the305]

I just turn 27, damn i think im old, lol - I got into this community about 2 years ago, and my life did a complete 180. I used to be home on friday nights playing video games not getting a single phone call from women, Now my problem is.. Women fall for me too quick, and i've messed around with too many girls that know each other. Its a problem i would of NEVER dreamed i would have 2 years ago.

 

[DanelMadr]

a different perspective!
thanks, now I know it is OK to be a loner.

perhaps you could share more of your loner life with me? dont you feel helpless sometimes?

Helpless? Hell no. It is a self-pity and pointless worries fvcking with your mind.
I stopped to feel sorry for myself long ago like when I was 10 years old. I had a little bit of tough childhood experiences and I was an emotional kid, I could read people well, I guess and any negative emotions touched me. So if I did not stop pitting myself I would end up bad. I guess, puberty and my macho father had something to do with it.

I figured out early on that no ones gonna fvcking help you. Your parents might try but it is more humiliating than helpful and other people just don't give a flying shyt. Worse....lots of people are more than happy to step on you when you are down. So, don't be down. And if you fall, get up before someones robs you.
Kind and supportive people going out of their way to help you for no price are extremely rare. And the few I know are loners too :-D Although older and married.

Of course I sometimes feel I could do better in life. Having many "friends" going to house parties etc. But every time I do that, I just feel disappointed. Meaningless conversations with shallow or not-cool people, chicks not that hot ;-) and simply not having such a good time. I mean it is not bad, I enjoy company but it doesn't add so much value to my life. I can be without it. Some people can't stay alone. They need support, they need to feel they are part of some tribe, I guess....I don't.

I always identified with the lone rider who comes to a town, shoots the bad guys all alone, ravishes a chick, spits on the floor and goes away. :-D

First it was just a romantic idea. Then it got real. Then I thought maybe I'm fooling myself, maybe I'm rationalizing some flaw in me and lying to myself. But nope, thats what I am. A guy who is absolutely OK to be on his own and company of others annoys him after a while and he needs to spend some time alone.

However, it does not mean you don't go for the ladies. You should realize difference between being OK alone and being a weirdo :-D
Simply you are not the party animal giving high fives to everyone but you should be capable of having a decent conversation with people and seducing ones you find attractive.

 

[Interceptor]

I'm glad to see a positive attitude and some progress here.
Continued good fortune to you.

 

[MatureDJ]

Here's my advice. Be cheap, sock away all your money into retirement accounts, and when you get about $200K or so, become an English teacher abroad. You will get meet women, no matter where you go (except if you would be stupid enough to teach in the Middle East!) While you are waiting to get the cash to build up, date cougars.

I've been traveling to Eastern Europe (not teaching at that time, just hanging out), and I will be going soon to start my teaching career there. The fact is just that the American woman is garbage - she is fat and of bad attitude.

 

[f283000]

Here's my advice. Be cheap, sock away all your money into retirement accounts, and when you get about $200K or so, become an English teacher abroad. You will get meet women, no matter where you go (except if you would be stupid enough to teach in the Middle East!) While you are waiting to get the cash to build up, date cougars.

I've been traveling to Eastern Europe (not teaching at that time, just hanging out), and I will be going soon to start my teaching career there. The fact is just that the American woman is garbage - she is fat and of bad attitude.

rofl most people can't even save a couple hundred bucks let alone 200 gs. Not to criticize your plan because I agree with everything except that.

There is no need to save any money except maybe take like a grand with you as emergency. Anybody can live comfortably teaching english in asia as long as they are debt free at home. Remember that you will be making what a low wage worker makes here (but over there that is middle class). So as long as you don't have any debts in your home country you will live the good life.

When it comes to women the only obstacle to not getting women over there is if you happen to be gay. If you are a white male you are pretty much guaranteed to get girls. Even the fattest and ugliest of guys go over there and end up with girlfriends. It's a paradise for foreign men.

I've done plenty of reading on the subject and have spoken with people that teach in China. I would be going if i didn't have student loans/credit card debt but you bet i'm leaving and might stay there once i'm done with my debts.

 

[the_m@n]

The below worked wonders for me when I was feeling like you feel.

Never before had i thought i will need to post in mature man forum. Just need to get this out of my system and I hope fellow mature members could lend a helping hand .

a little background info on myself. Capricorn, shy, introvert, never been in a long term relationship. Just turned 26 this year, having a good job with above average pay compared to people my age. I considered myself as good looking, slightly below average height basically a loner (which others might perceived me as independent)

i am working in a city hundreds of miles from home. in the workplace, i have always been carrying the flirty attitude with female colleagues and everyone is thinking I am a player. the truth is, i am having virtually no social circle at the moment, hanging out with my flat mate sometimes (who is also a loner at 25 years old). my only other friends outside of the workplace in the city are a bunch of nerds which i have known forever since highschool.

it is almost impossible to meet anyone outside of the workplace with my extreme limited social activities. i did have a couple of flings with the girls in my office but other than that, nothing. I am not into clubbing or pubs, I am not involved in sports and I am not part of any community, church groups. nothing. my life revolves around, work, sleep, eat and excrete.

any mature man facing the same issue? please help me get out of the rut and escape from this vicious cycle.

I was feeling this way when I got out of my past relationship.

My schedule now consists of things which I enjoy doing for myself and nobody else. So far since the breakup I have purchased a really nice digital SLR camera because I like to take pictures. I have gone on 2 dates with a woman whom I met that also likes to take pictures. Conversation was easy and I was enjoying myself even though I decided not to pursue her.

Second thing I did was start getting myself into better shape. I've been hitting the Gym, eating healthier and reading about correct form and dieting. My body has changed quite a bit with a little work and women have noticed (and I have noticed them noticing) I've joined up with a buddy and we go to the gym together. I started off going by myself but after a while you see the same people so it makes sense to find a partner to motivate you and to spot. This relationship has also led to joining a larger cirlce of guy friends. I'm now in their football pool and we watch sunday football, participate in beer tastings, and hang out at the bars sometimes.

Third thing I have been doing is I joined some local art classes because I have always like to draw and paint. My painting classes are fun and interesting and I have met a lot of new people. I haven't met any hot women in these classes but at least I am getting myself out there. Sometimes attractive women see my artwork and that usually sparks a very easy conversation about why I chose that piece which can lead to further conversations and dates. I had to buy some art supplies the other day and the girl working behind the counter was very helpful in helping me out. Guess what... I have a date with her this weekend.

Fourth thing I am in the process of doing right now is volunteering at the local hospital. I figure I like to help people and I might as well use the opportunity to expand my social circle. Who knows, I could meet some hot nurse.

My point is if you don't get yourself out there opportunity will pass you by. You need to sit down, grab and piece of paper, take out a pen and jab it into your arm. You're alive dude! Start living YOU'RE life. Write down the things you like to do and seek out opportunites to do those things. Change your habbits and keep yourself busy. So busy you don't have the opportunity to think about how lonely you are and how your life is going nowhere. Before you know it you will have more energy, you will meet more people, and you will find things out about yourself that you didn't know.

Good luck and keep with it. It gets better man, I promise.

Keep rockin'!:rockon:

 

[TIC]

rofl most people can't even save a couple hundred bucks let alone 200 gs. Not to criticize your plan because I agree with everything except that.

There is no need to save any money except maybe take like a grand with you as emergency. Anybody can live comfortably teaching english in asia as long as they are debt free at home. Remember that you will be making what a low wage worker makes here (but over there that is middle class). So as long as you don't have any debts in your home country you will live the good life.
.

I'm a loner pretty much like this guy and this is what I've been thinking about doing lately. I'm a junior year English student at college. I would probably head to the Philippines rather than a major Asian country like China or Japan, though. In terms of the people, I hear the best things about them

Problem is student loans though. No credit card debt, kids, etc, but I'm not sure I could live over there on a low salary and still pay off student debt. Perhaps in the future, who knows.

 

[oldschooldj]

My advice,

Just go do something.

Even if it's scary. Especially if it's scary.

Most people think they need to build confidence or something first before they go out and do the things they want.

It's the exact opposite.

Go do the things you want, and the confidence will come.

Life is short.

You don't wanna be 37 posting the same thing do you.

Go do it!

Oh yeah, and if you haven't done it yet, go through the weeks of the DJ Bootcamp, but this time actually do all of the excercises. It forces you to get out there. Having 1 thing go well will lead to another, and another, and another. To hell with the getting laid aspect. Just for the getting over any social phobia aspect, it's awesome.

GET THE FEAR MONKEY OFF YOUR BACK AND LIVE!

Good luck

 

[Warrior74]

My advice,

Just go do something.

Even if it's scary. Especially if it's scary.

Most people think they need to build confidence or something first before they go out and do the things they want.

It's the exact opposite.

Go do the things you want, and the confidence will come.

Life is short.

You don't wanna be 37 posting the same thing do you.

Go do it!

Oh yeah, and if you haven't done it yet, go through the weeks of the DJ Bootcamp, but this time actually do all of the excercises. It forces you to get out there. Having 1 thing go well will lead to another, and another, and another. To hell with the getting laid aspect. Just for the getting over any social phobia aspect, it's awesome.

GET THE FEAR MONKEY OFF YOUR BACK AND LIVE!

Good luck

This. Confidence comes afterwards. The same with self esteem. You can't feel good about things you haven't done/earned yet. You can fake it, until you make it, but you know your faking it until you cross that threshold from becoming to being.

Who is more confident? The man who jumps out of plane for his first time or the man who has done it 1000 times? But guess what? Both are courageous. The first timer even more so, because he fought his fear and did it.

 

[snake]

Wow.

Just joined this forum for the sake of this thread and I hope no one is going to gripe about the bump.

Saw the Original Post and found myself in awe at how similar a story – broad as it is – this is to my life. Though I do not consider myself immensely attractive I yield that I am also no Adonis.

I work for myself and make an O.K. income for my first year. All the friends I do have are also introverts... Introverts who, somehow, managed to find themselves wives. Not a cent in their pockets – without occupation nor aspirations other than the commonly regurgitated “financial security” plea.

I find myself worse off than ever now. Each of my ex’s are married – all two of them... The others who are outside of the Ex category, are also married. I wonder what life would be like from the time it is all signed and sealed, and children run rampant throughout the living rooms of their newly bought homes. Well, I have a pretty good idea; utter void.

No close friends or even a hang-out partner – I forced myself into online dating. The audacity of some women, and naturally arrogance of others left me more-so depressed than before.

I have no advice to give. As a fellow introvert I know what it is like amongst large crowds. Being some-what self conscious does not help in the slightest and forcing such behaviour or “social masquerade” leaves one immensely empty afterwards. Perhaps the best analogy would be diving in a sea of acid looking searching for a single pearl.

So what’s next? It’s a mystery whose conclusion is about as disinteresting mainstream music...

 

[FairShake]

You said you're a smoker. Go to bars and hang outside with the smokers. Go on smoke breaks with people at work.

Never turn down an invitation.