26 and never had a gf ... very depressed about it

[WestCoaster]

Change is good!

Good posts on change Oxide and Bumble-B. Change is a good thing. I went to grad school after 15 years of work in a profession I liked, but wasn't paying much or taking me anywhere. Now I'm much happier. Some people and even societal pressures told me no, stay in the rut. Luckily I didn't.

There's a great book called, "Your Own Worst Enemy" about adult underachievement and how talented, bright adults get in ruts and don't achieve to their fullest. A lot of my friends are caught up in this, that's why I got the book. I had a little of it, but not nearly as much as they do.

Good one about projection bumble-b and seeing your life 20 years from now. Visualization is a great tool, as is journaling daily thoughts and motivators down. I write five goals down each day of things I want to accomplish in the near future such as getting a job that pays a bit better, buying a house, losing weight, etc. It really helps to clear things in my mind.

Most of this is in our minds. I'm certainly not there yet, far from it. I'm definitely a work in progress, but much happier and more on my way than I was just three years ago.

Don't worry about having a girlfriend or not having a girlfriend, just focus on yourself, career, making attempts at meeting women and it will all be good. Having a GF is overrated anyway.

 

[Bumble-B]

Oops... I forgot to add: when you're approaching a woman, go with the attitude that shows that YOU are the one deciding if she's right for you, not the other way around. Even if she's a HB, if her personality is really bad, then she doesn't qualify to be with you. Simple as that. There are around 3 billion other women on earth to choose from!

 

[TooColdUlrick]

bobbob, do exactly what you said in your post. make sure you try to fukk some chicks. like i said, fukk anything! you can worry about raising your standards later. you should be able to bag an UG inside of a week, with some decent effort.

but, you have to have a positive attitude, along with "i don't give a sh!t". be sensible about it.

report back. i really want to hear a lay report from you! the uglier the better!

[god i'm a prick]

 

[dietzcoi]

Westcoaster has some great comments.

Also: Be careful.. women will actually STOP you from achieving what you want in life...

How many men gave up on education or progress in thier careers because they married and had kids? MANY!

My own brother turned down a good promotion and raise because his wife did not want to leave New Jersey to go to Wisconsin!

Can you imagine, not wanting to leave NJ?? I grew up there... never want to go back...

Anyway, the point is, you are now FREE to begin your career and go anywhere you want. A GF will only put the brakes on that...

Take the advice from soembody who let a women destroy his potential lifestyle...

Dietzcoi

 

[ShortTimer]

Originally posted by dietzcoi
Also: Be careful.. women will actually STOP you from achieving what you want in life...

How many men gave up on education or progress in thier careers because they married and had kids? MANY!

Yup, seen it happen to more than one married friend. It's like marriage = personal statis for most men. Once they are married all personal growth stops, so I've decided that I won't get married until I grow up.

 

[WestCoaster]

Dietzcoi is right

Boy, if I had a buck for every guy I knew who had his life short-circuited, stopped, or at least slowed down by a gf or wife, I'd be rich, rich, rich.

Once you're happy with yourself and the prospect that you don't have a girlfriend or might not get married -- I may not, who knows, my life doesn't seem to be heading in that direction -- you'll be happy.

I know a lot of guys on the fast-track career-wise who bagged it to get married. A friend of mine wants to move from the Midwest back to the Northwest (he's a college friend) and he'd do it in a heartbeat but his wife -- get this -- thinks he has too many ex-girlfriends in the Northwest. The guy didn't even have that many girlfriends! Also, he would never cheat. Also -- he's been married almost 20 f'n years! So instead he stays in the humidity-sucking, flat, no mountains, no lakes, no scenery of northern Indiana. Good grief.

I've had many other friends settle on careers all for a woman -- an American woman, which means she'll get fat and b-tchy.

It's funny how self-improvement on this site is pooh-poohed. It shouldn't be because if you base your life around women, you are DOOMED.

 

[WaterTiger]

Originally posted by dietzcoi
My own brother turned down a good promotion and raise because his wife did not want to leave New Jersey to go to Wisconsin!

I'd have said: "Baby, gas up the car I can be ready to go in 15 minutes!"

She turned down more money, better career move for him AND a chance to get out of Jersey? Your brother's wife is NUTS. (And you can tell her that I said so! )

Doesn't she realize how resentful that will make him? Everytime he hears some one got something new or better, he's going to be thinking about that missed oppertunity! And that it's HER fault! She's cutting her own throat! She should be encouraging him to go for it! To further his career, his education! It just makes life easier for her in the long run! She's nuts!

I could just smack her!

 

[ShortTimer]

Re: Dietzcoi is right

Originally posted by WestCoaster
...he'd do it in a heartbeat but his wife -- get this -- thinks he has too many ex-girlfriends in the Northwest. The guy didn't even have that many girlfriends! ...

That sounds like some lame made up excuse. I think the real reason she doesn't want to move is so that she doesn't have to leave the other guy she is banging.

 

[chicksrock]

Re: Re: Dietzcoi is right

Originally posted by ShortTimer
That sounds like some lame made up excuse. I think the real reason she doesn't want to move is so that she doesn't have to leave the other guy she is banging.

 

[WestCoaster]

Don't believe or listen to women

* On my Indiana friend, they're pretty religious so I doubt she's bopping someone else ... but you never know. The ex-gf excuse is frankly a lame one, IMO, and I'm not sure why he hasn't called her on it. Oh yeah, I forgot, he's one of the many married AFCs.

Women are so contradictory, such as the Wisconsin/NJ story you told. When they were dating she probably told him all the time to push forward, move up, and succeed.

Reminds me of a bimbo that I thought about marrying (I thank God every day I didn't -- and I'm not that religious). She constantly talked about her ex-hubby, what a loser he was, and how he didn't make any money. She was impressed that early in my career I was looking forward, always trying to move up. She was low-rent/white trash, so I was definitely different than the losers she'd been with.

So eventually I have to leave town for a much, much better job. At first she's impressed, we try to keep the relationship going long distance. Within a month she's sleeping with some other guy, a real loser and I'm out the door. (In hindsight I'm glad it ended, but not that way.)

But so much for her big talk on moving up career-wise, being professional, and all that. Just idle talk.

Listen to YOUR heart, YOUR mind, YOUR thoughts. Don't listen to the garble coming out of the mouths of women ... watch their actions.

 

[decades]

Don't believe or listen to women<<

wc, you've been hurt man! what is with all the over generalizations about women? what's the story man? chicks are berry berry good for us. as long as we are smart about them.

 

[WestCoaster]

OK, a revision

Listen to them, but take a lot of it with a grain of salt.

One thing that's helped me the most is to watch their actions more than listen to them. Almost every woman I've known says they want a classy, professional guy, are done with the loser/bad boys ... and then they gravitate towards the first loser/bad boy they can find, even if the have bad body odor!

So I'll listen a little bit, but I'm watching a lot more carefully these days. Most women are full of it, unfortunately. They are very contradictory. If they would just be honest and say, "I like bad boys, I have a tough time holding down jobs, my future is dim, I'll probably have multiple divorces ... and oh yeah, you can bank on it that I'll get fat."

There, that's honesty! Might as well be honest from the get-go instead of talking about fantasyland.

 

[WestCoaster]

Good stuff baseball

You're way ahead of the game. Having DJ skills at 17 is priceless, it will save you from a lifetime or half a lifetime of misery. I'm done telling the guys on the high school board to not worry about women because they're making the mistake 9 out of 10 men do: build their lives around women. I hear the DJ stuff, but I know they're putting women on pedestals because they're so defensive in their posts.

Sadly, more than 50 percent of the boys on the high school site will end up divorced. They're repeating the mistakes of my generation, which repeated the mistakes of the older generation ... it's really hard to reinvent a society.

Too bad about your brother. Have you showed him sosuave.com? That could really turn his life around. A good career is so vital to one's mental health, their pocketbook, and how they carry themselves. I've known soooooooo many men (I mean AFCs), who have forgotten this all for a woman, who most are terribly bored with right now. Was it worth it to them? He-l no, but they won't admit it. They think they did it right.

Wow, your brother sounded like he had a good future and he does if he wakes up, becomes a man, puts some distance between himself and that girl he's dating, gets an education, and moves on with his life. Sadly, in 10 years when he's stuck in a dead-end job he'll kick himself to no end.

The thing is that the guys who don't worry about women so much in their 20's and are on the career path (see Mark Cuban, billionaire owner of the Dallas Mavericks) will surpass the AFCs faster than a speeding bullet. I wish I had known this years ago. They're out there, they're going to win, they're going to kick the AFCs a$$es, and they're going to be doing the hiring and firing. Luckily I didn't go too far down the AFC path. I just can't believe the guys on the high school board (and others) don't know this is happening RIGHT NOW. They're moving ahead, while the others are worried about girls who aren't worth worrying about.

Bummer.

 

[ShortTimer]

Re: Re: Re: Dietzcoi is right

Originally posted by chicksrock

*shrug* color me jaded.

 

[WestCoaster]

You will go far baseball DJ

Whether it's playing pro baseball (what position do you play?) or working in pro baseball management, I see you doing so because of your attitude.

That's so great you've embraced some of the things from this site at such a young age. Funny how AFCs and others laugh at it and you for doing the RIGHT thing. Oh, if only your brother knew. Us geezers here (that's a joke people, don't kill me!) know from experience and from watching how AFCism ruins lives.

You've understood the fine balance of having women in your life but not being your entire life. That, my friend, is worth more than its weight in gold.

Too bad others aren't following your lead. You're right, they're wrong.

* Have your brother private message me on this site and I'll give him example after example (including some from my own life) how everything he is doing is wrong.

 

[WestCoaster]

Thanks for the reply. I hope your baseball dreams come true. If you play in college make sure you go where there's a good coach and development program where you can get drafted.

A guy I know plays Division III and his draft stock has risen dramatically since they hired none other than former World Series MVP Scott Brocious as an assistant. Not only has his coaching helped, but his connections with pro scouts are invaluable.

Having worked in the sports industry and watching some good guys I know not get drafted because of lack of connections, try to find a place that has potential to get you drafted. One of my best friends is a scout for the KC Royals and he told me all about the game of drafting. You would be amazed on how much they put on attitude, sportsmanship, being able to handle failure, and having class. So many guys on the borderline of getting drafted get dropped because of lousy attitudes. I've got some incredible stories on this if you ever want to hear them. So that's good you have a positive attitude, keep that up!

Good luck in all your endeavors.

* Meanwhile tell your brother to wake up! Women come and go, but a good career lasts a good, long time and is the key to one's future.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Bobby, don't let your past failure/inaction dictate your future success - a lot of success is based on attitude!! Now that you have been pulled out of "The Matrix" it is your duty to become a new man with a new perspective on life!

You are still young - time is on your side!

Here is a kick in the rump to move you forward..

(PR_L puts on his boots and kicks his computer)

 

[chicksrock]

Yeah I showed him the site but he sorta laughed at me and said something saying that the board is retarded. He told his girl and his friends about this site and they all make fun of me

Serves you god damn right...
you don't give anybody anything unless they ASK for it and WANT it...

Hope you learnt your lesson....

 

[WestCoaster]

No biggie

No biggie that he saw this site and you showed it to him. I'm glad you did.

I hope all the men in the world read this site. The fewer AFCs, the less an AFC society we'll have. A few guys holding the keys to the kingdom isn't good in ridding the world of AFCism. Just look at the dozens of commericals during the Olympics: men are portrayed as idiots in each one.

You should bookmark the DJ Bible and bootcamp and have your brother go through the 6-week reading plan.

Your brother is being a fool. Us older guys have been through all that pedestal-placing of women in the past -- well at least I have -- and all it brings is heartache, frustration, and embarrassment. A couple of times I wanted to go back to a woman's house and ask her if she could put my nads into a jar and return them to me.

Your brother is wrong, this board is right. If he has the guts, have him private message me and I'll tell him stories until his eyes turn red.

Unfortunately, he just doesn't get it.

 

[bobbob]

Just a quick update ...

Today was the first week of school. Strangely enough there weren't that many cute girls compared to previous years. I went up to 1 girl on campus and 1 girl at the grocery store. The girl on campus was in a rush to get to class. The girl at the grocery store was incredibly stand-offish and rude, so I just said "nice meeting u" and left. I also chatted up a girl at the school bookstore a few days ago; I wasn't attracted to her but she was pleasant, and asked for my email address afterwards.

Right now I am still kicking myself over the gorgeous girl i saw at the bookstore earlier today. Tall, slim, blonde chick, really hot. I waited too long to go up to her and she ended up leaving. I feel 100X worse about not going up to her than I felt about getting shot down by the cold grocery store girl.

In response to TooColdUlrick ... I've only ever been with one ugly girl in my life and it was not enjoyable, so I won't go that route. I think she weighed more than me, it was almost frightening ...

Anyways it feels good to get the ball rolling