25 and still no girlfriend but I am not socially awkward and far from ugly looking

[ArmyStrong90]

Not sure if I should be worried about not having been in a serious relationship with a girl at this point of my life. Not to make excuses for myself but I THINK that the reason for all the girls I have met through out college (just graduated too) seem to "doge" me is because they get this impression that I maybe too strong for them in terms of personality. Below are some examples

1) There was an instance where this girl and I were in the talking phase, trying to move things further with her was rough because "I wasn't what she was looking for" I later met her ex-boyfriend who was the complete opposite of her in the sense that she was a gorgeous girl (diva like) and he was a nerd and the epitome of a guy that lacks the skills to date or have sex with such a girl (you barely can understand what he says due to his severe speech problem) when I told him about her and I he told me that I doged a bullet because she has a very controlling personality once she is exclusive with another guy and she split with him due to consistent disagreements. I remember her telling me that I needed to convert to her religion in order to date her and that I must be willing to marry her in the future lol although I did like her a lot I was not willing to compromise on serious matters--funny thing is she was just bull****ting the entire time because the guy she dated afterwards was an atheist and seemed to lack the confidence to even look me in the eye when speaking to him.

2) The girl after her was one whom I had feelings for. She was around my age at the time like the previous girl (24) but seemed more legit. Except she never told me that she was off and on with another dude that she has long history with, rather she would use guilt tactics about how she isn't wanted by guys when she is clearly gorgeous. Instead I felt led on by her thinking I can change the circumstance, we would flirt and I would get the impression that she digs me but we never had sex. It was only until a semester later that she broke it down to me (valentines day) of how she was going to get back with the guy that she was on and off with and he was just like the dorky dude in my previous example. He had the complete opposite physical stature of the type of man that would date a girl like her. According to a friend of mine that met him, this guy is much shorter than her and looks like a complete nerd he also appears to have a quirky sense of humor and looks like the beta

Other than this other girls I have met were involved in greek life and seemed superficial. Looking back to college it was hard not to judge a girl before meeting her because from what I have gone through they all seemed to think I was the "serious type" which is a turnoff?? so am I doing anything wrong by putting more emphasis on working towards my goals? because its mainly the more attractive girls that act this way. I tend to find out the real reason why they weren't able to be with me and its never really MY fault, they just tend to have something going on in their lives that conflicts. What do you guys think??

 

[cola]

1. Stop comparing yourself to guys or judging guys worthiness of girls. One day you'll be with a girl and a guy who wants her will think you're a dork as well.
Also who are you to judge?

2. "you're too serious" that you get from girls ..
Smile more. Don't walk around like an idiot grinning from ear to ear but when talking to people adopt a sly little grin or smirk.

3. Your going about getting a girl friend wrong. You have to bang them.

The way this works is this --

Meet them + Date them + Bang them + Continue to bang them and date them + wait for them to ask to be exclusive.

Now you have a girlfriend. Their vaginas and hearts are intertwined. If you aren't banging these chicks they'll never get enough attatchment to you to want to be exclusive.

You were taught by society to get a girlfriend then push for sex. Thats wrong.
You push for sex and then she becomes a girlfriend.

 

[El Payaso]

1. Stop comparing yourself to guys or judging guys worthiness of girls. One day you'll be with a girl and a guy who wants her will think you're a dork as well.
Also who are you to judge?

2. "you're too serious" that you get from girls ..
Smile more. Don't walk around like an idiot grinning from ear to ear but when talking to people adopt a sly little grin or smirk.

3. Your going about getting a girl friend wrong. You have to bang them.

The way this works is this --

Meet them + Date them + Bang them + Continue to bang them and date them + wait for them to ask to be exclusive.

Now you have a girlfriend. Their vaginas and hearts are intertwined. If you aren't banging these chicks they'll never get enough attatchment to you to want to be exclusive.

You were taught by society to get a girlfriend then push for sex. Thats wrong.
You push for sex and then she becomes a girlfriend.

I agree with everything except number two. My experience is probably different. I found that I am able to attract women more when I don't smile at all. I only ever smile when it is something I find legitimately funny and not just to fit into some social norms. That's just me though.

 

[Mr. Focus]

I agree with everything except number two. My experience is probably different. I found that I am able to attract women more when I don't smile at all. I only ever smile when it is something I find legitimately funny and not just to fit into some social norms. That's just me though.

I smile a lot by nature, it works with me. C0cky/funny can work well with a smile if you can manage it right.

Anyway, as for OP's original post:

Just chill man, go with the flow, there's nothing amazing about being in a relationship. If you're not fvcking by the 3rdish date, and there isn't signs that she wants to, NEXT the hell out of that bich. Don't waste time, spin plates.

 

[sph21]

Not to make excuses for myself but I THINK that the reason for all the girls I have met through out college (just graduated too) seem to "doge" me is because they get this impression that I maybe too strong for them in terms of personality.

Girls love a man who has a great personality. If none of them are attracted to your personality, then you might want to reevaluate your own judgment about it.

when I told him about her and I he told me that I doged a bullet because she has a very controlling personality once she is exclusive with another guy and she split with him due to consistent disagreements.

The fact that you didn't know that she's a controlling type, means that you have not met enough women. When you meet enough women, it's quite easy to tell whether she's a controlling type of person or not.

I remember her telling me that I needed to convert to her religion in order to date her and that I must be willing to marry her in the future lol although I did like her a lot I was not willing to compromise on serious matters--funny thing is she was just bull****ting the entire time because the guy she dated afterwards was an atheist and seemed to lack the confidence to even look me in the eye when speaking to him.

“Judge by actions, not by words.” ~ Pook's 3rd lesson.

Except she never told me that she was off and on with another dude that she has long history with, rather she would use guilt tactics about how she isn't wanted by guys when she is clearly gorgeous. Instead I felt led on by her thinking I can change the circumstance, we would flirt and I would get the impression that she digs me but we never had sex.

This is quite normal. You were her backup plan in case nobody else wants her. You were her orbiter. You need to have more experience with girls to spot this kind of behavior.

It was only until a semester later that she broke it down to me (valentines day) of how she was going to get back with the guy

A girl doesn't initiate this kind of information unless you did something that triggered it. I assume you were confessing your feelings on that day. Never do that again.

He had the complete opposite physical stature of the type of man that would date a girl like her. According to a friend of mine that met him, this guy is much shorter than her and looks like a complete nerd he also appears to have a quirky sense of humor and looks like the beta

A girl cares more about how a man can make her feel. If he's shorter than her but he knows how to sweep her off her feet, then all his other imperfections will be of little value. Girls don't look for perfect men. Perfect is boring. Don't belittle another man just because you want to defend your own ego after she chose him & not you. You're not learning anything by doing that.

Looking back to college it was hard not to judge a girl before meeting her because from what I have gone through they all seemed to think I was the "serious type" which is a turnoff??

Girls love to hang out with a fun person. If you're too serious around women, then that means you are boring.

I tend to find out the real reason why they weren't able to be with me and its never really MY fault, they just tend to have something going on in their lives that conflicts.

A girl will cancel or postpone her own agenda just so she can be with you if she's really into you. When she gives you a reason to justify her own agenda, then that means she's not attracted to you. You did something wrong to her that kills her attraction to you. It was your fault.

If you really want to attract women, you need to learn how to take full responsibility of every action you take. Women want men to lead. If you are still lacking in leadership skill, then do whatever is needed to fix it.

The reason why you never have a girlfriend is because you have been playing it safe. Girls love to have a man who is not afraid to get what he wants in life. If you're too afraid to fail, then you have not become a man. A girl doesn't want to have a guy who is weaker than her. A guy who is not afraid to fail is a mentally strong man. He can be her rock when she needs it.

To become that man is not easy. Be a man and all these questions will disappear from your thoughts.

You started this thread by picking these words: "far from ugly looking". Stop assuming that women are thinking like men do. The way women are attracted to men is different from how men's way to be attracted to a woman. Men are easily attracted to good looks. While women can be easily attracted to a man who can make her feel like a woman.

Taken pook's thread "be a man":

The problem is not with them, it is with guys. We are afraid to embrace OUR nature, that of being a Man. Being in a culture that sees Manhood as predatory and oppressive and uncouth, we cover it up within ourselves. By doing so, we hide our sexuality. (Sexuality! Do I mean rock hard abs and rippling muscles? That is not what women find sexy [it's a contributing factor, not the core]. A type of PERSONALITY is what women are looking for. Someone they can depend on [has backbone], someone who will be successful [has ambition], and someone who is decisive [has charge]. Nice guys have no backbone because they think women are frail things that will break in confrontation; nice guys reveal no ambition because they fear being seen as arrogant to women; nice guys are afraid to be decisive for fear of being seen as 'oppressive'.)

Now ask yourself: "have I become that type of personality of what women are looking for?"

 

[ArmyStrong90]

you sound like an introverted narcissist to me. the tells are all there.

i would worry more about your personality and mental perspective on life and yourself than trying to get girls right now

I’ve got friends and a life I go out when I can and take great care of myself. Yes I do have some flaws of my own but they are minor and shouldn’t be something that repels girls. So there is no possible way I can be an introvert let alone a narcissist. I have had plenty of casual sex if that helps you get a better idea

 

[ArmyStrong90]

Girls love a man who has a great personality. If none of them are attracted to your personality, then you might want to reevaluate your own judgment about it.


The fact that you didn't know that she's a controlling type, means that you have not met enough women. When you meet enough women, it's quite easy to tell whether she's a controlling type of person or not.

I am pretty good at picking up vibes from people. When a girl literally holds something over your head-in this case trying to get me to bend to her will in order for me to be with her-it literally means that she is trying to see if I am someone that can easily be controlled. If you read earlier she was trying to get me to convert to her faith because at the time she saw me as boyfriend material. She would also tell me wild stuff about her sexual fantasies but when I tried to go for the kill she said she would only give me a peck on the cheek (curved her quick from that day on) trust me her actions were the complete opposite of her words she just thought I was naieve.

“Judge by actions, not by words.” ~ Pook's 3rd lesson.


This is quite normal. You were her backup plan in case nobody else wants her. You were her orbiter. You need to have more experience with girls to spot this kind of behavior.

I agree on this one. I was literally orbiting around her because I felt there was something that never existed.

A girl doesn't initiate this kind of information unless you did something that triggered it. I assume you were confessing your feelings on that day. Never do that again.

No, she brought it up by asking nonchalantly if I had a valentine then **** went to a blunder from there.

A girl cares more about how a man can make her feel. If he's shorter than her but he knows how to sweep her off her feet, then all his other imperfections will be of little value. Girls don't look for perfect men. Perfect is boring. Don't belittle another man just because you want to defend your own ego after she chose him & not you. You're not learning anything by doing that.

I agree with you here, however I don’t find myself to be boring in the way you are putting it (as if I am some dull deadbeat) and again this is a guy that she has always had feelings for even in that time of turmoil. From what I have been told I have a laid back personality. Trying to be spontaneous all of a sudden will feel weird unless I am a good actor because it doesn’t match with who I am. When I meet a woman who I vibe with I have a real chill/flirty personality, at the same time I can be a bit personal (where the ‘serious’ vibe comes from)

Girls love to hang out with a fun person. If you're too serious around women, then that means you are boring.


A girl will cancel or postpone her own agenda just so she can be with you if she's really into you. When she gives you a reason to justify her own agenda, then that means she's not attracted to you. You did something wrong to her that kills her attraction to you. It was your fault.

If you really want to attract women, you need to learn how to take full responsibility of every action you take. Women want men to lead. If you are still lacking in leadership skill, then do whatever is needed to fix it.

I understand that you need to lead (I’m a lieutenant in the army you don’t need to tell me twice) but again there is a point where nothing can be blamed on you. This type of thinking only makes men seem like they are the culprit even if the woman herself had problems. Women are people too and have issues of their own they do not want to disclose that may cause friction in the relationship you are pursuing. I did what the proverbial “alpha” male would do with out being the genuine *******.

The reason why you never have a girlfriend is because you have been playing it safe. Girls love to have a man who is not afraid to get what he wants in life. If you're too afraid to fail, then you have not become a man. A girl doesn't want to have a guy who is weaker than her. A guy who is not afraid to fail is a mentally strong man. He can be her rock when she needs it.

To become that man is not easy. Be a man and all these questions will disappear from your thoughts.

You started this thread by picking these words: "far from ugly looking". Stop assuming that women are thinking like men do. The way women are attracted to men is different from how men's way to be attracted to a woman. Men are easily attracted to good looks. While women can be easily attracted to a man who can make her feel like a woman.

When I said “far from ugly looking” I didn’t mean it in a way to guilt trip women, I put it in there because this is an online forum and wanted to avoid any talk as to what I may look like.

Taken pook's thread "be a man":

Now ask yourself: "have I become that type of personality of what women are looking for?"

 

[ArmyStrong90]

1. Stop comparing yourself to guys or judging guys worthiness of girls. One day you'll be with a girl and a guy who wants her will think you're a dork as well.
Also who are you to judge?

2. "you're too serious" that you get from girls ..
Smile more. Don't walk around like an idiot grinning from ear to ear but when talking to people adopt a sly little grin or smirk.

3. Your going about getting a girl friend wrong. You have to bang them.

The way this works is this --

Meet them + Date them + Bang them + Continue to bang them and date them + wait for them to ask to be exclusive.

Now you have a girlfriend. Their vaginas and hearts are intertwined. If you aren't banging these chicks they'll never get enough attatchment to you to want to be exclusive.

You were taught by society to get a girlfriend then push for sex. Thats wrong.
You push for sex and then she becomes a girlfriend.

Lol I try to personable when I talk to people let alone girls so I don’t think smiling is a problem. I am also sitiuationally aware of the environment, I never barge into a girl space. Eye contact+smile them make the move. My point is, most of these guys aren’t what I made them out to be in my head I am no different than they but I cannot seem to grasp what’s sets them apart from me. A lot of thoughts go off in my head as in, could these girls want to finally settle down? Do they not see themselves as compatible with me because they mistaken my confidence for being a showboat? I also live in northern va (close to DC) and here status seems to be everything.

 

[ArmyStrong90]

I've always found it easier to get girlfriends than to get casual sex, and i've never been able to relate to guys that have the contrary problem.

Seems like women often want the opposite thing than we do.

Stop wanting a serious relationship so much, and they'll probably want one.

It comes from a fear of forever being alone because I see a lot of my friends in and out of them. Being 25 just adds to the fact that I feel too old