21 year old virgin. Am I doing something wrong?

[ABC123]

So as the title says, I am a 21 year old virgin. By choice though. I had multiple occasion where I could've lost my virginity but was insecure about my average size penis. I consider myself average looking and never really had a problem with women. Sometimes I catch women looking at me but I never approach because I don't know what to say. Quite honestly, I haven't really had much interaction with women since high school (3 years ago). When I was in school, it was much easier to talk to women because there were a **** ton of them and since we had class together, there was always something to start the conversation with and gradually move on to other things. In conversation, I was always playful, sarcastic, and when the opportunity came, I made sexual remarks . I don't consider myself a chump or simp. I'm don't say things or act a certain way to please women. I hate to text or call for long periods of time and this worked great for me in high school and in my opinion made women more attracted towards me.

Anyways, currently I have zero friends, literally. I've been studying for a cyber security certification (OSCP) for the past 8 months and still have 4 more months to go. Once I have the certification, I'll practically get a job as a Pentester ($60k/year at least) since passing the OSCP is really difficult and few people have it. I'm doing this through self-learning, I am not going to college and I have zero debt.

The reason I came here for advice is because 2 days ago my brother who lives in Mexico City called to catch up. He told me all about the girls he has met and had sex with. Mexican, French, English, Spaniard, etc. he's 23 years old. I believe him because he's attractive and in very good shape. I'm happy for him.

I don't compare myself to others, mainly because I'm so focused on my own life (getting the OSCP) that I don't have time to look at others peoples life. I don't have any social media (Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, TikTok, etc.) Well, I have LinkedIn but I use that to connect with cyber security professionals to make job hunting easier.

Anyways, since my brother called I kinda feel like I am missing life because:
1. I am still a virgin at 21.
2. I have no friends.
3. I have no friends.

I want to list the things I feel insecure about:
1. The fact I am still a virgin.
2. My penis size. Average
2. I'm overweight. 1.75m, 90kg.

I want to list the things I feel proud of:
1. My personality
2. I am not so bad looking.

I want to mention that I am not depressed in any way. I don't go out because I need money for my self-learning material and the cost of the OSCP. I currently have $4650.74 in my bank account. Any advice would be helpful.

Thanks.

 

[sangheilios]

There are stats that are showing sexlessness and virginity are quite common for men well into their 20s, you aren't an outlier. This has been a rapidly growing trend over the past decade and it does not seem to be improving, interestingly it seems to correlate with when dating apps became a thing.

 

[BadBoy89]

The reason I came here for advice is because 2 days ago my brother who lives in Mexico City called to catch up. He told me all about the girls he has met and had sex with. Mexican, French, English, Spaniard, etc. he's 23 years old. I believe him because he's attractive and in very good shape.

You should ask your brother to help you.

 

[thelambofdeth]

There are stats that are showing sexlessness and virginity are quite common for men well into their 20s, you aren't an outlier. This has been a rapidly growing trend over the past decade and it does not seem to be improving, interestingly it seems to correlate with when dating apps became a thing.

This. With dating apps and social media any moderately attractive women will settle for nothing less than a Chad or a high value man out of her league bc of all the hordes of simps and orbiters that gas them up and bloat their egos. Even basic af women and thots/slots. And ofc feminism...

 

[SW15]

You're overweight. You need to lose weight and lift weights. If you have big muscles, you'll get more vagina. Your penis will look bigger even if it is average sized if you reduce your weight.

 

[sangheilios]

This. With dating apps and social media any moderately attractive women will settle for nothing less than a Chad or a high value man man out of her league bc of all the simps and orbiters that gas them up and bloat their egos. Even basic af women and thots/slots. And ofc feminism...

I've mentioned this many times on here, I can personally cite several examples of women that were overweight and unattractive that had literally harems of male orbiters that they had lined up, many of whom were actually decent looking but not necessarily "chads". A substantial portion of men are downright simps and are desperate for just about anything that resembles a woman/vagina. I've also mentioned this on here many times, but I'm around 6'4" and 235ish and one of the fittest guys at my gym, no steroids so this is natural looking. I've had women tell me I have a dad bod or point out a quite overweight/obese woman and tell me that is my league and what I should go for. Granted, I'm closer to 40 than I am 20 now but if this is the expectation for someone like me then where does that leave most men?

This has been floating around on the internet for a while but this illustrates this point quite well.

The Online Dating Pig Experiment - Male Thirst - The Hidden Dominion

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

This. With dating apps and social media any moderately attractive women will settle for nothing less than a Chad or a high value man man out of her league bc of all the simps and orbiters that gas them up and bloat their egos. Even basic af women and thots/slots. And ofc feminism...

not only this but younger men are also now competing against guys in their late twenties and early thirties who have jobs, places to live, cars, and etc because of the apps

 

[Striker_93]

Relax young fella, you're only 21, you're just a kid and have plenty of life and opportunities to have sex, yeah you're a late bloomers but again, you have plenty of time bruh.

One thing I learned in life is that anything can change at anytime, literally.

Circumstances changes, personality changes, friends changes ect THINGS CHANGE!

Don't get too caught up in how you're life is right now, it can and will change.

Work on yourself......

Drink water

Exercise/workout

Put yourself out there more and engage with women until it becomes easy, unfortunately you won't get good at engaging with women until you constantly engage with them, you will naturally get better.

Once you get laid or get a girl showing some interest in you you're confidence will go up and the rest is history.

Be positive and keep working bruh!

Now go get some pvssy!!

 

[Velasco]

Stats, Apps and Chads smh

Your fine, brother

 

[Dark Horse]

21 is older but it's not THAT much older. Back in 2014, the CDC states that 15% of men were still virgins in the 20-24 range. https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/03/on-late-in-life-virginity-loss/284412/

Nowadays, the percentage of virgins on their 20th birthday is likely higher because more men in general are more likely to be sexually inactive than ever before. The rate of sexual inactivity among men has apparently skyrocketed in the past 5 years.

I don't think it's 50% of men that are still virgins at 20, but it wouldn't surprise me if it sits at around 20% today.

 

[thelambofdeth]

I've mentioned this many times on here, I can personally cite several examples of women that were overweight and unattractive that had literally harems of male orbiters that they had lined up, many of whom were actually decent looking but not necessarily "chads". A substantial portion of men are downright simps and are desperate for just about anything that resembles a woman/vagina. I've also mentioned this on here many times, but I'm around 6'4" and 235ish and one of the fittest guys at my gym, no steroids so this is natural looking. I've had women tell me I have a dad bod or point out a quite overweight/obese woman and tell me that is my league and what I should go for. Granted, I'm closer to 40 than I am 20 now but if this is the expectation for someone like me then where does that leave most men?

This has been floating around on the internet for a while but this illustrates this point quite well.

The Online Dating Pig Experiment - Male Thirst - The Hidden Dominion

And they totally ruin it for virtually everyone. At this point, you essentially have to be an apex male just to compete for an average woman bc of all the artificial ego bolstering these woman will receive. And it's only compounded if she's actually attractive. Then it's basically a lottery lol bc with all the simps, orbiters, OLD and SM validation she gets you basically have to be a total gigachad to even clock on her radar. It's totally dreadful. All the simping does is not only makes things impossible for the simps, but it also has lasting ramifications for all men. The lot of them need to be culled.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I want to list the things I feel insecure about:
1. The fact I am still a virgin.
2. My penis size. Average
2. I'm overweight. 1.75m, 90kg.

Come on bro. My size is nothing to write home about, I have a few more pounds than you, and I do just fine with girls. Im pretty sure this whole insecurity thing is just in your head.

Just hire an escort to get the virginity thing out of the way. Start eating healthier, doing exercise, and be confident even i you have to fake it till you make it.

 

[RickTheToad]

So as the title says, I am a 21 year old virgin. By choice though. I had multiple occasion where I could've lost my virginity but was insecure about my average size penis. I consider myself average looking and never really had a problem with women. Sometimes I catch women looking at me but I never approach because I don't know what to say. Quite honestly, I haven't really had much interaction with women since high school (3 years ago). When I was in school, it was much easier to talk to women because there were a **** ton of them and since we had class together, there was always something to start the conversation with and gradually move on to other things. In conversation, I was always playful, sarcastic, and when the opportunity came, I made sexual remarks . I don't consider myself a chump or simp. I'm don't say things or act a certain way to please women. I hate to text or call for long periods of time and this worked great for me in high school and in my opinion made women more attracted towards me.

Anyways, currently I have zero friends, literally. I've been studying for a cyber security certification (OSCP) for the past 8 months and still have 4 more months to go. Once I have the certification, I'll practically get a job as a Pentester ($60k/year at least) since passing the OSCP is really difficult and few people have it. I'm doing this through self-learning, I am not going to college and I have zero debt.

The reason I came here for advice is because 2 days ago my brother who lives in Mexico City called to catch up. He told me all about the girls he has met and had sex with. Mexican, French, English, Spaniard, etc. he's 23 years old. I believe him because he's attractive and in very good shape. I'm happy for him.

I don't compare myself to others, mainly because I'm so focused on my own life (getting the OSCP) that I don't have time to look at others peoples life. I don't have any social media (Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, TikTok, etc.) Well, I have LinkedIn but I use that to connect with cyber security professionals to make job hunting easier.

Anyways, since my brother called I kinda feel like I am missing life because:
1. I am still a virgin at 21.
2. I have no friends.
3. I have no friends.

I want to list the things I feel insecure about:
1. The fact I am still a virgin.
2. My penis size. Average
2. I'm overweight. 1.75m, 90kg.

I want to list the things I feel proud of:
1. My personality
2. I am not so bad looking.

I want to mention that I am not depressed in any way. I don't go out because I need money for my self-learning material and the cost of the OSCP. I currently have $4650.74 in my bank account. Any advice would be helpful.

Thanks.

Look, here's the facts. You're 20 lbs - 30 lbs over weight. @ 5'9'', you should be around 170 - 175 lbs. Cut the carbs, go for a walk, go for a hike, etc. We're not sure what you look like, however, you can post a pic here and blur your face if you like. Or, you can upload some of your best looking pics to photofeeler.com and have females judge on how you look. Once you get those numbers, we can get to work.

1) Loose weight.
2) Go to the barber and get a haircut / face shave or beard groomed.
3) Get some style with your wardrobe. I guarantee you that needs a lot of work.
4) Start doing sh!t. You sound like a loner, and that's fine. However, if you want to have access to females, you must go outside your box, go to meetups and group events, and mingle. At 21, it's not a big problem. If you want until 30+, it's going to be much harder.

Get to it.

 

[bat soup]

So as the title says, I am a 21 year old virgin. By choice though. I had multiple occasion where I could've lost my virginity but was insecure about my average size penis. I consider myself average looking and never really had a problem with women. Sometimes I catch women looking at me but I never approach because I don't know what to say. Quite honestly, I haven't really had much interaction with women since high school (3 years ago). When I was in school, it was much easier to talk to women because there were a **** ton of them and since we had class together, there was always something to start the conversation with and gradually move on to other things. In conversation, I was always playful, sarcastic, and when the opportunity came, I made sexual remarks . I don't consider myself a chump or simp. I'm don't say things or act a certain way to please women. I hate to text or call for long periods of time and this worked great for me in high school and in my opinion made women more attracted towards me.

Anyways, currently I have zero friends, literally. I've been studying for a cyber security certification (OSCP) for the past 8 months and still have 4 more months to go. Once I have the certification, I'll practically get a job as a Pentester ($60k/year at least) since passing the OSCP is really difficult and few people have it. I'm doing this through self-learning, I am not going to college and I have zero debt.

The reason I came here for advice is because 2 days ago my brother who lives in Mexico City called to catch up. He told me all about the girls he has met and had sex with. Mexican, French, English, Spaniard, etc. he's 23 years old. I believe him because he's attractive and in very good shape. I'm happy for him.

I don't compare myself to others, mainly because I'm so focused on my own life (getting the OSCP) that I don't have time to look at others peoples life. I don't have any social media (Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, TikTok, etc.) Well, I have LinkedIn but I use that to connect with cyber security professionals to make job hunting easier.

Anyways, since my brother called I kinda feel like I am missing life because:
1. I am still a virgin at 21.
2. I have no friends.
3. I have no friends.

I want to list the things I feel insecure about:
1. The fact I am still a virgin.
2. My penis size. Average
2. I'm overweight. 1.75m, 90kg.

I want to list the things I feel proud of:
1. My personality
2. I am not so bad looking.

I want to mention that I am not depressed in any way. I don't go out because I need money for my self-learning material and the cost of the OSCP. I currently have $4650.74 in my bank account. Any advice would be helpful.

Thanks.

I think the solution is to avoid mentioning your average-size penis to the women that you meet at bus stops. Take up some hobbies, lose some weight and stop worrying so much about things that nobody would even know or care about in most cases.

 

[BDDazza]

So as the title says, I am a 21 year old virgin. By choice though

Stop lying to yourself, if it was by choice you wouldn't have posted.

I had multiple occasion where I could've lost my virginity but was insecure about my average size penis.

This isn't true, if your penis was "average" you wouldn't be insecure as average by definition is normal.

Sometimes I catch women looking at me but I never approach because I don't know what to say. Quite honestly, I haven't really had much interaction with women since high school (3 years ago). When I was in school, it was much easier to talk to women because there were a **** ton of them and since we had class together, there was always something to start the conversation with and gradually move on to other things. In conversation, I was always playful, sarcastic, and when the opportunity came, I made sexual remarks . I don't consider myself a chump or simp. I'm don't say things or act a certain way to please women. I hate to text or call for long periods of time and this worked great for me in high school and in my opinion made women more attracted towards me.

Anyways, currently I have zero friends, literally. I've been studying for a cyber security certification (OSCP) for the past 8 months and still have 4 more months to go. Once I have the certification, I'll practically get a job as a Pentester ($60k/year at least) since passing the OSCP is really difficult and few people have it. I'm doing this through self-learning, I am not going to college and I have zero debt.

The reason I came here for advice is because 2 days ago my brother who lives in Mexico City called to catch up. He told me all about the girls he has met and had sex with. Mexican, French, English, Spaniard, etc. he's 23 years old. I believe him because he's attractive and in very good shape. I'm happy for him.

I don't compare myself to others, mainly because I'm so focused on my own life (getting the OSCP) that I don't have time to look at others peoples life. I don't have any social media (Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, TikTok, etc.) Well, I have LinkedIn but I use that to connect with cyber security professionals to make job hunting easier.

Anyways, since my brother called I kinda feel like I am missing life because:
1. I am still a virgin at 21.
2. I have no friends.
3. I have no friends.

I want to list the things I feel insecure about:
1. The fact I am still a virgin.
2. My penis size. Average
2. I'm overweight. 1.75m, 90kg.

I want to list the things I feel proud of:
1. My personality
2. I am not so bad looking.

I want to mention that I am not depressed in any way. I don't go out because I need money for my self-learning material and the cost of the OSCP. I currently have $4650.74 in my bank account. Any advice would be helpful.

Thanks.

You have a confidence issue, in your post you put yourself down a few times. Your weight, height, and penis size. This is effecting your ability to feel confident with women. Unfortunately only your weight is changeable. Until you resolve your eating and diet you won't feel confident enough to speak with women.

You clearly have an issue with women (and your weight) and you need to address both simultaneously. There are instances of denial when you say "your not a virgin by choice" this isn't helpful, you need to accept that you want to change this situation and a lot of work is required. Stop referring to high school, that is the past and you didn't get laid in high school either!

You need to make a proactive attempt to meet new people and put yourself in a situation interact with women, you need to put in an intentional effort e.g. going to events, bars, clubs, social gatherings, parties! Try online dating too, just so you can get familiar with how to interact with women virtually as text game should be part of your arsenal too.

Stop using your course in cyber security as an excuse not to fix your problems. Many people do courses and manage to have a healthy sex lives and relationships too.

 

[BuckledWheel]

A good post & believe it or not there a quite a few guys in your position. Some on this forum will slate you because of your age, but I see where your coming from. There is plenty of time to start banging chicks, but time is something you can’t get back. You seem intelligent enough, read some books that are out there in the manosphere & maybe tune into YouTube. Your lack of experience will be telling in the future & a lot of chicks may take advantage of that. Don’t fall in love with the first chick you bang, it will be a disaster. If your manhood is average, what’s the problem? Some guys would love to have an average penis. Your goals are solid but studying hard is a factor here. Taken some time to work out at the gym or at home, this will build up confidence. You don’t need to aim for a perfect 10, lower your expectations & get your nut busted. Maybe join some real life groups & build up a friends list. Above all don’t be telling chicks you’re a virgin. Act like you’ve banged lots of girls. Good luck bro..!

 

[BDDazza]

A good post & believe it or not there a quite a few guys in your position. Some on this forum will slate you because of your age, but I see where your coming from. There is plenty of time to start banging chicks, but time is something you can’t get back. You seem intelligent enough, read some books that are out there in the manosphere & maybe tune into YouTube. Your lack of experience will be telling in the future & a lot of chicks may take advantage of that. Don’t fall in love with the first chick you bang, it will be a disaster. If your manhood is average, what’s the problem? Some guys would love to have an average penis. Your goals are solid but studying hard is a factor here. Taken some time to work out at the gym or at home, this will build up confidence. You don’t need to aim for a perfect 10, lower your expectations & get your nut busted. Maybe join some real life groups & build up a friends list. Above all don’t be telling chicks you’re a virgin. Act like you’ve banged lots of girls. Good luck bro..!

This is good advice, many people won't admit to sleeping unattractive or below average women, so its refreshing that this advice is given especially when the OP is such a dire position. It's important the OP isn't looking for the "perfect" women to fall in love with or lose his virginity to.

My only concern is going too deep down the manosphere stuff may lead him to hating women, becoming upset with ladies because of his uphill struggle. This may cause him to try less and go full incel mode.

 

[BuckledWheel]

My only concern is going too deep down the manosphere stuff may lead him to hating women, becoming upset with ladies because of his uphill struggle. This may cause him to try less and go full incel mode.

I get that, he’s young enough to not have the puncture wounds that a 30+ year old male may have, having dealt with all manners of female. Knowledge is power & whether it’s used full on or not will require some intelligence & restraint. The red pill is hard to swallow sometimes. I wish the OP well.

 

[needimprovement250]

I’m in a similar situation but older, so I feel for you OP. I’m turning 29 in a few months and I’ve never dated or had a girlfriend, I did lose my virginity to a girl I hooked up with back when I was 21, but nothing since then. At least you have a good career path going for you and you should be proud of that because I have no career path, still live at home with my parents, and like you I also have no friends. Sounds like you did better than me in high school too, I’ve never had any confidence and to this day I’ve still never asked a girl out or made a move of any kind. In high school, I didn’t even talk to any girls and one year I think I only talked to a girl like 2 times the entire school year and that was only because they talked to me in order to ask me a question. I thought that I was saving myself from embarrassment due to being rejected by avoiding girls, but everyone at my school thought it was weird that I never tried to talk to any girls and a couple guys even asked me if I was gay with the second one saying straight up that the reason he’s asking is because I never talk to any girls and that I only talk to other guys.

I wish that I was 21 and still dealing with this situation, its so much harder when you’re approaching 30. I wouldn’t worry about it too much OP, I think it’ll happen to you sooner rather than later and just try to avoid making the mistakes I made so you don’t end up like me.

 

[BDDazza]

I’m in a similar situation but older, so I feel for you OP. I’m turning 29 in a few months and I’ve never dated or had a girlfriend, I did lose my virginity to a girl I hooked up with back when I was 21, but nothing since then. At least you have a good career path going for you and you should be proud of that because I have no career path, still live at home with my parents, and like you I also have no friends. Sounds like you did better than me in high school too, I’ve never had any confidence and to this day I’ve still never asked a girl out or made a move of any kind. In high school, I didn’t even talk to any girls and one year I think I only talked to a girl like 2 times the entire school year and that was only because they talked to me in order to ask me a question. I thought that I was saving myself from embarrassment due to being rejected by avoiding girls, but everyone at my school thought it was weird that I never tried to talk to any girls and a couple guys even asked me if I was gay with the second one saying straight up that the reason he’s asking is because I never talk to any girls and that I only talk to other guys.

I wish that I was 21 and still dealing with this situation, its so much harder when you’re approaching 30. I wouldn’t worry about it too much OP, I think it’ll happen to you sooner rather than later and just try to avoid making the mistakes I made so you don’t end up like me.

Have you tried online dating. Register to all the free OLD apps, Bumble, Tinder, Hinge etc.

Use those dating apps as a method to improve your communication with women. Don't worry if the women are not hot, just talk with them and try to convert them to SMS or WhatsApp. At first you'll find it almost impossible but after a few months it will become very easy.

Once you've mastered the above, try to keep the text conversation going for as long as possible. Most women will ghost you eventually but that is fine, the point is to get familiar to interacting with them.

Once your mastered the above, try to convert the lady from SMS or WhatsApp to a date. 99% of women will flake at first but eventually you will master it.