21 and a virgin, looking for advice

[superstorm250]

Hey everyone, this is my first post on here, I've come across this site before and it seems to have some useful advice, so I thought that maybe people on here could help me.

Well like the title says, I'm 21 and a virgin. Not only that, I have NO experience at all! I've never been on a date, never kissed a girl, and have no confidence at all, so I've never approached a girl or gotten a number either. I know that my confidence has a lot to do with this because its pretty much been as low as it can be for my entire life, but now its even more bruised due to my lack of experience. because at this age, a guy is expected to have already had a relationship/sex and most girls in my age group have already done that too. That's where I think i have a problem, because most girls started out anywhere from around 14-18 and have been having sex and dating for years before they get to be my age, so why would they want a guy like me who has never done anything and won't be any good? And unfortunately, I have a feeling that a majority of girls are like this, so it becomes A LOT harder to find someone.

One thing I want to be clear about is that I'm not trying to become a player or anything, I would only want a relationship. I need everyone's help because I literally know nothing at all. The only things I know about the experience issue is to not say anything to a girl about your lack of experience unless she asks, but I still kinda need help with that one because I've heard that they're good at picking up on that by themselves without you saying anything. And that nearly all girls will ask you about your relationship past, and then I guess that I just have to be honest and hope that she doesn't care.

To save anyone from asking, I'm 5'10 and 165 lbs, but I'm skinny have no muscle tone. I know that I should start working out and change this.

This is just a shorter version of the reason why I'm in the situation that I'm in. If you want to read the whole reason, you can read it over on reddit:
http://www.reddit.com/r/relationshi...21m_never_been_on_a_date_kissed_a_girl_had_a/

 

[Meisterman]

Hey everyone, this is my first post on here, I've come across this site before and it seems to have some useful advice, so I thought that maybe people on here could help me.

Well like the title says, I'm 21 and a virgin. Not only that, I have NO experience at all! I've never been on a date, never kissed a girl, and have no confidence at all, so I've never approached a girl or gotten a number either. I know that my confidence has a lot to do with this because its pretty much been as low as it can be for my entire life, but now its even more bruised due to my lack of experience. because at this age, a guy is expected to have already had a relationship/sex and most girls in my age group have already done that too. That's where I think i have a problem, because most girls started out anywhere from around 14-18 and have been having sex and dating for years before they get to be my age, so why would they want a guy like me who has never done anything and won't be any good? And unfortunately, I have a feeling that a majority of girls are like this, so it becomes A LOT harder to find someone.

One thing I want to be clear about is that I'm not trying to become a player or anything, I would only want a relationship. I need everyone's help because I literally know nothing at all. The only things I know about the experience issue is to

"not say anything to a girl about your lack of experience unless she asks"

Wrong. Even if she asks you can give an ambiguous answer or say you've been with a few women. Whatever you do, DON'T tell her you're a virgin.

I still kinda need help with that one because I've heard that they're good at picking up on that by themselves without you saying anything. And that nearly all girls will ask you about your relationship past, and then

"I guess that I just have to be honest and hope that she doesn't care."
Why do you feel like you have to be honest? If a girl asks what you're doing when you're sitting in your underwear eating Doritos and jacking off to porn, should you be honest then too? Or would it be better to say you're at the gym or library, grabbing drinks with friends, or studying for an exam?

To save anyone from asking, I'm 5'10 and 165 lbs, but I'm skinny have no muscle tone. I know that I should start working out and change this.
Bench press and pull ups man. Compound exercises. Make it a goal to increase your lifts every week, even if it's only by 5 lbs or less.

This is just a shorter version of the reason why I'm in the situation that I'm in. If you want to read the whole reason, you can read it over on reddit:
http://www.reddit.com/r/relationshi...21m_never_been_on_a_date_kissed_a_girl_had_a/

I read your post on reddit, and it seems you're stuck in the past talking about what happened in high school with girls etc. You're too stressed over it bro, you gotta let it go.

And stop reinforcing this negative mindset of "I will have to tell her the truth once she asks." You're fabricating these scenarios in you're head and they don't even exist but you are already acting is if they are real.

None of the experience sh*t matters man, and they won't always ask. When I lost my v-card it was to a girl a few years older than me and more experienced. I told her I had already been with multiple women. She then said I was really good at fvcking and she's never had a guy make her c*m so easily. Afterwards my confidence skyrocketed.

Just fake it till you make it man. Your past doesn't define you. As long as you keep believing that you're just some beta 21 y/o virgin who is terrible with women, that's all you'll ever be. But not because it has to be that way. Because you're making it that way by having a negative mindset. Go to the gym, gain confidence, step out of your comfort zone, and make it happen. Remember seeing isn't believing. Believing is seeing.

 

[logicallefty]

How are you at making small talk with other males? That's a good place to start if your really shy all around. Its not a gay thing it's practice to get your confidence built up. Hey your lucky you found this site at your young age. There is plenty of time to make really good things happen for you and you've got a great crew of guys here to help you.

 

[pyros]

Hey everyone, this is my first post on here, I've come across this site before and it seems to have some useful advice, so I thought that maybe people on here could help me.

Well like the title says, I'm 21 and a virgin. Not only that, I have NO experience at all! I've never been on a date, never kissed a girl, and have no confidence at all, so I've never approached a girl or gotten a number either. I know that my confidence has a lot to do with this because its pretty much been as low as it can be for my entire life, but now its even more bruised due to my lack of experience. because at this age, a guy is expected to have already had a relationship/sex and most girls in my age group have already done that too. That's where I think i have a problem, because most girls started out anywhere from around 14-18 and have been having sex and dating for years before they get to be my age, so why would they want a guy like me who has never done anything and won't be any good? And unfortunately, I have a feeling that a majority of girls are like this, so it becomes A LOT harder to find someone.

One thing I want to be clear about is that I'm not trying to become a player or anything, I would only want a relationship. I need everyone's help because I literally know nothing at all. The only things I know about the experience issue is to not say anything to a girl about your lack of experience unless she asks, but I still kinda need help with that one because I've heard that they're good at picking up on that by themselves without you saying anything. And that nearly all girls will ask you about your relationship past, and then I guess that I just have to be honest and hope that she doesn't care.

To save anyone from asking, I'm 5'10 and 165 lbs, but I'm skinny have no muscle tone. I know that I should start working out and change this.

This is just a shorter version of the reason why I'm in the situation that I'm in. If you want to read the whole reason, you can read it over on reddit:
http://www.reddit.com/r/relationshi...21m_never_been_on_a_date_kissed_a_girl_had_a/

Relax, many guys have been in a very similar situation dont worry. Myself for example.

I had zero experience whatsoever until I was 21 when I got my first brief makeout LMAO...

As someone above said you dont have to be honest, I encourage you not to be honest with the first couple of girls. You should lie to them and after you've had some sex then for the next girl you can be honest if you wish. Do not tell them you're a virgin.

Anyway, this is not advanced physics you know? it does not really matter if you have no experience because when you finally get a girl, after you two have sex, you inmediatelly have experience! so you can move from there lol. Even if she 'detects' you lack experience it doesn't matter. If you wanna keep seing her you lie, if you dont mind if she leaves you can be honest, in any case you have leveled-up!

I can understand your 'fear' about a girl detecting your lack of experience because you may do something wrong, or not do something etc... but what you should do, as I did, is learn about how to turn on women, how to touch them, how to have good sex, how to kiss properly...etc, watch some videos as well, and that's it. That's what I did, and the first time I banged a girl it was easy, fun, and we both enyojed it eventhough I made a couple of small 'mistakes' lol.

Also you should get some muscle, read www.therationalmale.com and some other pickup stuff, but DO NOT BECOME OBSSESED WITH THIS MATERIAL or it will be counterproductive, trust me. It is just a guide, not a step-by-step program you have to follow each time, every second you spend with a girl.

Cheers.

 

[Genos]

You're not alone man. I too, have little sexual experience at 21, for various reasons, which do share some similarities with your story in the reddit post.

You had shots with women, I'm absolutely certain - there were opportunities - you just weren't in the right mindset to see them and push forward. And my friend, that's what this website is for. You're going to be learning a lot, and your world, not only with regards to women, will change for the better.

One last piece of advice. Reframe 'being a virgin' in your mind. Instead of thinking, "Damn, girls won't like me because I'm a virgin/have no experience/am shy/might suck in bed", think to yourself: "Damn, I'm gonna become so fvckin awesome/secure in who I am/socially adept/confident with my sexuality that if people knew I actually don't have ANY sexual experience they be frickin surprised. They prolly wouldn't even believe me!"

Start reframing negative thoughts into positive ones in your mind! "As you think, you shall become."

 

[Konada]

Same here, don't worry you're not the only one here in the same boat. Obviously we all came from the same place of negative self talk and it can be pretty hard to break out of that cycle even if you know it is bad for yourself. What I found really helped me was establishing a few guideline principles for myself socially which skyrocketed my success in the social world (never really found the DJ bootcamp useful):

1. Never take yourself seriously all the time. Nobody appreciates a wet blanket, have a laugh at yourself but be able to assess when you need to be critical of yourself and when you can have fun.

2. Get rid of that filter! Chances are you are a naturally funny/witty guy but afraid to make comments in fear of being judged. I'm a naturally vulgar person (trying to tone it down), granted I offend some people but the people who appreciate my style are the ones whom I find closely bonded to.

3. Realise there's a first for everything. The first few dates I had with women I was straight up honest that I had no experience whatsoever. Thing is, they don't really care about experience, what matters is if you're comfortable and grounded with what you have. Its an aura of confidence that turns most women on.

4. Never stop improving! I cannot stress this enough. Its one thing to be yourself. Its another to be your best self. Who would you choose? A scrawny awkward you? Or a built, socially adjusted you? Don't expect women to date you if you find yourself undateable.

 

[pyros]

Same here, don't worry you're not the only one here in the same boat. Obviously we all came from the same place of negative self talk and it can be pretty hard to break out of that cycle even if you know it is bad for yourself. What I found really helped me was establishing a few guideline principles for myself socially which skyrocketed my success in the social world (never really found the DJ bootcamp useful):

1. Never take yourself seriously all the time. Nobody appreciates a wet blanket, have a laugh at yourself but be able to assess when you need to be critical of yourself and when you can have fun.

2. Get rid of that filter! Chances are you are a naturally funny/witty guy but afraid to make comments in fear of being judged. I'm a naturally vulgar person (trying to tone it down), granted I offend some people but the people who appreciate my style are the ones whom I find closely bonded to.

3. Realise there's a first for everything. The first few dates I had with women I was straight up honest that I had no experience whatsoever. Thing is, they don't really care about experience, what matters is if you're comfortable and grounded with what you have. Its an aura of confidence that turns most women on. dont do this...there may be one or two that find it ok, but the majority will start questioning your 'skills' and having second thoughts about you

4. Never stop improving! I cannot stress this enough. Its one thing to be yourself. Its another to be your best self. Who would you choose? A scrawny awkward you? Or a built, socially adjusted you? Don't expect women to date you if you find yourself undateable.

Go get 'em tiger.

 

[skinnyguy]

You're ****ed if you feel inferior because you're a virgin. Tell yourself that your life is fine, and that many are envious of you. I made the same mistake you did. I was a virgin until my 20s and I let it kill my self esteem. If you're not careful, your self esteem will get wrecked for decades and you'll be depressed.