MrConfidence said:
I've got two questions/problems that I need help on. Firstly, I've got major, major confidence issues man. Despite the fact that I've accomplished a lot of things other people have not, I'm still not confident. For instance, in jazz band last night, despite the fact that I was actually playing the music good, I still thought I sucked until someone said "I thought you did good man", and even still I thought they were just saying that to cheer me up. Also, I still find myself giving a sh*t what other people think, which is not good. My positivity also needs work. Secondly, how would you approach a girl a lunch, when she's sitting down, and eating with her friends? That's pretty much the only way I ever see myself approaching chicks anymore, until after high school. Okay, screw that, 3rd question, how do I make friends dude? Just kind of tired of being a loner.
First, dont put yourself down. instead of saying to yourself, "i dont feel confident", say "im glad i at least had the confidence to play jazz tonight. im sure i can always improve, but none the less, i am trying, and thats what really counts!"
And to help you with your second concern. try this out. i tried it out myself with total strangers, (my age, at a park) and it worked.
Before you walk up to their table, make sure there is an empty seat for you. if so, walk up to the table.
start off as so:
you: hey girls, you may or may not know me, but im a cool guy who really enjoys the company of some beautiful ladies, if you know what i mean. [APPLY C+F (****y + funny) attitude here. change your tone, sound relaxed, but be cheerful at the same time. have a natural smile on. make sure you dont smell, have cologne on, but nothing too strong, so once you are sitting by them, they can also remember you better by your smell once you leave. trust me, this is a big help.]
now they may either smile back at you, stare at you, or comment back. when i tried this, the girls said something along the lines of "aww what a cutey" lol. no matter how they respond, ask them this after;
you: "
i hope you dont mind a funny guy like me, sitting next
you, alright". now if they say they dont mind, your in dude, start a fun convo, and talk to all the girls at the table. include all the girls, make eye contact, and apply some KINO FOR SURE when you tell a joke (and you know they find the joke funny).
what to do if things dont go according to plan, as in they reject, they say they do mind.
if this happens, casually glance at your watch (make sure you have a watch on) or better yet, take out your cell phone and check the time. then tell them,
"oh man, im goin to be late. ill see you girls later". quickly leave the table, dont say anything else, if they say anything, act like you ignored it, and leave the ROOM / cafeteria area. now ignore them the girls at the table the rest of the day, unless they initiate a convo with you later on at school.
the next day, if you see them eating at their usual table, go walk right past them. make sure you have 2 friends by you. when you are just about to pass the table, start laughing as if you were told a really funny joke.
punch your friends shoulder lightly and tell him this, say it loud so the girls can hear it, but make it sound natural.
you: "oh man, <insert friends name here>, i know she wants me, but i dont think she has
the stuff, i mean cmon, a girl like that, even you should stay away from her, haha."
right when you say this line, glance at your target thats sitting at the table. remember, your still laughing, so be in a happy mood. make eye contact with her, hold it for 1 to 2 seconds, and break eye contact by immediatly talking to your friends again.
ok so now after this, dont be anywhere in sight. youll be mysterious, and the girls will most probably be thinking, "what girl were they talking about", "what stuff?", "do you think they were talking about me?".
after lunch, go find your target again, and initiate a convo with her. use one of the openers located here on the forums. chit chat for less than a minute, and then close the conversation by you saying you have to go, but you would want to talk to her.
dont ask for her number first. ask her for her instant messenging screen name. (you will be presented less desperate) if she gives it, thats good, keep it, if she doesnt have one, say,
"hey, how bout you write your number down then". if she gives it, thats even better, if not, sorry dude, i tried my best as of now.
now no matter what, make sure somehow, you talk to her after school. anywhere, after school walking home, or her waiting to be picked up by her parents, or online instant mesenging, or her phone (if you got lucky with her number that is).
then the next day at school, go by the table again, and sit by your target. remind her of something funny you said, and try to keep a short convo going. if things are going well, stay at the table. if you screwed up,like said something to ruin the mood, then once again, say "i have work to finish. talk to you later <insert girls name here>". then casually leave. if she says anything, dont ignore her. just make sure you leave if you told her you will leave. if she tells you to stay, after you said you have to leave, DONT STAY. she has control over you then. and you will open yourself up to alot of mind games.
now heres the ciritical part. leave her! dont initiate convos with her. its her turn to do it. if she tries to talk to you, shes interested in getting to know you. that happy mood you set off with your friends in front of her got her going. if she doesnt attempt to start something, shes not interested in talking to you, or is really shy.
either way, this will be a great learning experience for you, so TRY IT! dont back down. you have the confidence.
p.s
like you said, your in a band. thats a major plus if you can talk to her about some of your work. make sure its not boring though. insist you would like to play a song for her some other time, like at the next upcoming party, or maybe at your/her house? if she says why, or acts surprised, tell her, "dont worry girl, its not the first time im doin this, *start laughing*".
she will have mixed thoughts then, she will think "wait does he mean he plays for other girls too?" or "hes played in front of friends in general, so he wont get embarrased?" either way, your making her think about you, which is a good thing.
take these tips wisely. try using at least 1 of them. whatever you do, always remember, in general, girls in highschool are more nervous and shy than the guys.
