2 Dates -- No Call -- Now What?

[bigedd2002]

Hello. This is my first time posting on this site...in fact I've never posted before on any site. Anyways, back to why I'm here...

I've recently been on 2 dates with a girl. She is awesome in my opinion. Both dates when on for hours (date 1: drinks, date 2: dinner) and the conversation was great...no awkward silences. I have not felt this way about a girl for a long time.

However, I think I just realized she doesn't feel the same.

The second date was on a Thursday night. It was at a nice restaurant (nothing fancy) and as I said, the conversation was excellent. I had the feeling that a connection was taking place. After the date, as we walked to our cars (we came separately) we gave each other a nice hug (instigated by her) and I mentioned that I had a really great time and would like to see her again. She agreed and said something like "well you have my number, give me a call".

I was away that weekend at a wedding (that I mentioned to her), but I planned to call her on Monday.

I called Monday. Left a brief message and told her to give me a call.

I didn't hear from her. So I called again on Wednesday. Left a brief message again and also asked whether she would be free that Saturday night.

Today is Friday. I have not heard from her.

Previously, she would call me back.

The way I see it, there are 2 scenarios here:
1) She is busy and hasn't had time to call back.
2) After 2 dates she is not interested.

I'm pretty sure I'm dealing with #2.

So here is my dilemma...

I rarely get that "instant connection" feeling with someone. It takes time for me to get there. However, in this case, we have so much in common (especially the arts) that, although still early, thought that I found something.

I didn't really convey this to her because I didn't want to come a across as being too assertive (especially only after 2 dates).

I'm pretty sure she will not call.

I want to call her on Monday to tell her how I really feel. I will probably get the answering machine...so this will allow me to "lay it all out there"

My questions to you all:

1) Do I call on Monday?
2) I've already called twice...will I seem too desparate?
2) If I call on Monday, what do I say?
3) Should I accept the fact that she is not interested and move on?
4) Should I not give up so easily?

I would really appreciate some advice.

Thanks!

 

[diablo]

Originally posted by bigedd2002
I want to call her on Monday to tell her how I really feel. I will probably get the answering machine...so this will allow me to "lay it all out there"

That would be even worse than simply calling her a third time would be. If she's not interested, some guy that she's only been on 2 dates with before leaving her a voicemail telling her how he thinks that she and him have a deep connection and should be together with each other is just going to freak her out. You've called twice, 3 times is excessive. If she wants to talk to you again, she'll call you - best you can do now is forget about her until that time comes (if it does).

 

[bigedd2002]

Let me define "lay it all out there"...

I just want to say how I really feel right now.

There wouldn't be any mention of things like "we were meant to be with each other".

 

[earthshyne]

Action: Introduce yourself
Intent: So she's reminded of you

Action: Make light of the lack of contact.
Intent: Makes the point but doesn't come off as desperate.

Action: Express, modestly, the fact that you liked having dinner with her.
Intent: Buffs her up and you're telling the truth.

Action: Let her know you'd like to maintain contact.
Intent: She knows you're interested.

Action: Put the ball in her court about making contact.
Intent: Gives her the decision making power, but also gives you your power back, so you're not appearing desperate.

The call may go something like this:

"Hi, this is bigedd2002 calling again. Looks like we keep missing each other. Anyway, I really enjoy myself when I'm with you and I'd like to see you again. Let me know when you'd like to go out again. I'll look forward to your call! Bye!"


If you don't get a message within 7 days... NEXT.

 

[biker_gixxer]

Listen to Diablo's advice, he hit the nail right on the head. Infact, read it a few times so it really sinks in.

Do you actually think that letting her know how you feel is going to change anything? It's not, incase you couldn't answer that question for yourself. Girls like mystery, intrigue, and a challenge. How are you going to produce any of these qualities if you lay all your cards out on the table? Think bro...


1) Do I call on Monday?
Sure, go right ahead. If you want to seem like a desperate sap, this is an excellent way to do it.

2) I've already called twice...will I seem too desparate?
As opposed to just a 'little' desparate?

2) If I call on Monday, what do I say?
Do we need to come over there and rip the phone from your wall to keep you from doing this?

3) Should I accept the fact that she is not interested and move on?
Well what do you know, I THINK he's starting to get it...

4) Should I not give up so easily?
No, of coarse not. Go right ahead and call everyday until she blocks you from the phone...Stalker Boy!!

I think you get what I'm strying to say bro, good luck.

 

[bigedd2002]

Breaking News!

She called and left me a message!!!!!

She had a hectic week (mentioned this twice)!!!

She can't go out on Saturday but asked for a raincheck!!!

My fellow DJs, please give me some good pointers for my 3rd date so I can knock it out of the ballpark!

 

[xiola]

Re: Re: 2 Dates -- No Call -- Now What?

Originally posted by diablo
That would be even worse than simply calling her a third time would be. If she's not interested, some guy that she's only been on 2 dates with before leaving her a voicemail telling her how he thinks that she and him have a deep connection and should be together with each other is just going to freak her out. You've called twice, 3 times is excessive. If she wants to talk to you again, she'll call you - best you can do now is forget about her until that time comes (if it does).

perfect answer. Two calls is fine but a third is too much. Leave it alone and shell think of you as a nice, fun person but just didnt do it for her. Call her again, and shell tell all her friends how a nice, decent man turned psycho on her.

You may run into her again and how do you want to be rememberred???

b

 

[Royal Elite]

Originally posted by bigedd2002
Breaking News!

She called and left me a message!!!!!

She had a hectic week (mentioned this twice)!!!

She can't go out on Saturday but asked for a raincheck!!!

My fellow DJs, please give me some good pointers for my 3rd date so I can knock it out of the ballpark!

You need to figure out your intent. As a man, and from this quote I think you want to hit it, but from your actions this relays the message that you are looking for a nice ltr. This seems like old fashion courting, and if she thinks that you wont get any. Its the third date invite her back to the crib or you go to hers.

Whatever you do you better push forward. Make a romantic move (kiss her, hold her hand)-or you will become friend buddy boy.

 

[xiola]

just saw the post where she asked for a raincheck. in my experience, a woman is never too busy to go out on a date, unless she is just super swamped. I work around 45 hours a week and I have social engagements but I can always find time to have a couple of drinks or coffee with a woman.

sounds like she is just really busy at work and socially and you are toward teh bottom of her list. go out with her and have fun but do not get caught by her

b

 

[Bonhomme]

Good you didn't call a third time

Lay back ... wait a day to call, and set up a date that is something you like to do and will be fun. That strictly depends upon your tastes.

Now the other BIG thing I'm seeing here is that -- if I read this correctly -- she has initiated all the physical moves. She initiated the hug -- a hug only, after the second date! While it's not good to be making awkward physical moves too early on in a date, if a gal is attracted, at some point she'll expect you to step it up a notch physically.

This is where it gets hard to describe, because there's no real recipe. I'll give you an example of how I got things going with one gal -- when I met her before we even had a date. We got to talking, and at some point health came up, and I told her I can pretty surely tell whether or not she is a smoker. "How?" She asked; and I replied: "Let me see your hand." She gave me her hand, and I lightly caressed it, and said, "you definitely aren't a smoker." "How do you know?" she said, to which I replied: "Because a 28-year old smoker could not have such soft skin." After I started to caress her hand, she kept it going, and we were lightly touching and caressing each other's hands for several minutes (geez, I'm getting hard just writing about it). We ended the night making out so passionately we were just about speechless.

There are a million ways to do this, but just pay attention to the vibe, and trust your instincts. If she's into you, and you handle her with finesse, she will welcome the physical contact.

And you really should have gone for a kiss at the end of the date. There should be plenty of stuff in the DJ Bible on how to kiss properly, but the general idea is to tease her a bit: look into her eyes with a relaxed smile, and draw your lips closer to hers, but don't quite make contact. Then if she doesn't want to kiss, she'll turn her head away, in which case, she's not a romantic prospect. So be it, just treat her as a friend and seek others for dating. But -- in the more likely event she does not turn her head away, either she will pull you in and go at it, or she's effectively given you the go-ahead to ease your way in an kiss her. Always start lightly and gently with a new gal, and if she wants more, she'll take it.

Remember, treat her as just a friend and you'll end up as just a friend. Treat her as a lover to be a lover.

 

[frivolousz21]

here is what you do!


you talk to her one more time..and set up a time..if she is to busy..you dont call her again..let her do it..and if she doenst

NEXT!

 

[dreamy]

You had drinks on the first date that is good you need
to try to touch her. She probly likes it

You could have taken her anywhere it doesnt make
a diffrence When i was broke i use to tell them that i love
mcdonalds and i always eat there because i have stock.

STOP CALLING HER put a little distance between you & her
think of it like the relationship between your parents
or anyone else if you constantly call they always expect
this call and not call you ,sometimes you become a bugaboo
If you dont call they will be like damn why hasnt so and so called
i wonder what hes up to

The way I see it, there are 2 scenarios here:
1) She is busy and hasn't had time to call back.
2) After 2 dates she is not interested.

1) yeah she is busy trying to find a real man
what did you do to make her want to see you again
next time try to use kino(touching her ) like trying to check out her rings
or playfuly hitting her on the shoulder JUST LIKE WHEN YOU WERE IN
ELEMENTARY OR JR HIGH SCHOOL
THIS STILL WORKS TO THIS DAY
2) Would you be intrested if you wanted to have fun wit
someone and all they did was sit there and talk all day
never tease,playfight,or anything?
that **** is boring

go and get/read a psychology book even a dictionary
what you did on the date came across as PASSIVE not
asssertive

y questions to you all:

1) Do I call on Monday?
2) I've already called twice...will I seem too desparate?
2) If I call on Monday, what do I say?
3) Should I accept the fact that she is not interested and move on?
4) Should I not give up so easily?

1) you still can call but understand that now you have
****ed it up (she thinks of you as a friend,she might think your gay
because you didnt try to kiss her touch her etc.
only call to practice your game untill she tells you to stop calling

3)read some us mags or anything that has to do wit pop culture
than call and discuss that ie. i think j-lo is stupid

 

[StringShredder]

Assuming that it's ever appropriate to ever "lay it all out there", never do it using an answering machine.

There are problems with answering machines.

Firstly, there is the same problem as with talking on the phone. No face-to-face contact or body language. You need to engage these when discussing any important inter-personal matters.

Second, there is the quality, which usually sucks. Answering machine quality has gone down since they went from tape to digital.

Third, you can't edit! If you are lucky, the answering machine lets you erase or re-record a message. If you accidentally hang up, too bad. You cannot call back and get rid of the message.

Fourth, when you are being recorded, you might be nervous and not say what you want to in the right way. It's like if someone handed you a microphone and told you that the tape is rolling, and now sing!

Lastly, and this is probably the most important point, never assume that just because you got her answering machine that she is not sitting there listening to you being recorded! People still use answering machines to screen calls, or they don't get to the phone fast enough, whatever. Suppose her machine lets you re-record the message, and she hears you stuttering and stumbling trying to say the same fwcking thing over again in seven different ways. In her mind it's as if you called seven times. You look like a loser with no confidence, even though it isn't true, since even successful vocalists, comedians, etc do lots of takes in the studio to get it right! Never assume that her answering machine is "home alone!"

Anyone who is thinkng about ranting on a new girl's answering machine should watch the movie Swingers. Haha.

 

[biker_gixxer]

Originally posted by bigedd2002
Breaking News!

She called and left me a message!!!!!

She had a hectic week (mentioned this twice)!!!

She can't go out on Saturday but asked for a raincheck!!!

My fellow DJs, please give me some good pointers for my 3rd date so I can knock it out of the ballpark!

YEAH, WOOHOO, LETS PARTY!!!! A GIRL CALLED YOU BACK!!!!

You act like you've just won the lottery or something. I hope you have better control over your emotions when you're around her....

 

[tmpgstx]

just saw the post where she asked for a raincheck. in my experience, a woman is never too busy to go out on a date, unless she is just super swamped. I work around 45 hours a week and I have social engagements but I can always find time to have a couple of drinks or coffee with a woman.

She called because she knows you're a good guy .. but she DID NOT offer a counter date, but stated a rain-check. This is way to open and puts you in a bad position again - trying to set up a date.

She was not specific. She WOULD drop anything else to be with you if she had a high interest level.

The best thing you can do is totally ignore her for awhile. Try to get other things going with other girls.