2 cents??

[oman1987]

ok guys i have a little situation i just thought id get some 2 cents on.

quick bit of back ground - met a girl while travelling, i like her, i know she likes me. After i came home she carried on travelling for 2 months. Shes back on sunday. kept in contact while she was away up until maybe 1-2 weeks ago (technichly we said we wer bf/gf before i came home - yes bit AFC. But ive never really felt like i have a gf). The messages dried up a bit, becoming low interest or just because we haven been around each other.

the latest messages -

HER - "Hey no iMessage doesn't seem to be working although iPod is still going just about.
I'm sorry I've not been in touch. I'm not being fair to you at all and I know that. I always said I'd be honest and honestly I'm struggling to feel like I'm in a relationship at the moment. That's nothing bad on your part, it's all me and my **** lack of effort and the fact that I've been partying every day for the last week. So I'm really sorry for neglecting you big time. I hope things are ok at home for you and we get to talk sometime soon x"

ME - Hey, I too am struggling to feel like im in a relationship and think it was abit naive of us. We do need to talk but im not going to do it over messages or texts. Ill speak to you once your back. Like i said have fun on the rest of your trip, its once in a lifetime. take care x

HER - "That sounds like a good plan. Thanks for being awesome ill call you when I'm home x"

I have decided to go NC (so far its been 2 days) and see what happens & im a bit indifferent about her now. the only thing im wondering is should i just send a short text welcoming her back home/a happy xmas (i know what your going to say, but i just need to hear it!! dont message her and see what happens).

 

[TheWolfMan]

I see no problem with sending her a short welcome home text. I don't get why you would be bf/gf with someone when you know she still had 2 months of traveling. You should have just been like I had fun with you, we'll chill when you get back or something a long those lines. Obviously interest waivers when you don't see each other for 2 months.

 

[oman1987]

I see no problem with sending her a short welcome home text. I don't get why you would be bf/gf with someone when you know she still had 2 months of traveling. You should have just been like I had fun with you, we'll chill when you get back or something a long those lines. Obviously interest waivers when you don't see each other for 2 months.

Yeah i know, it was a bit naive on my part agreeing with her & saying we'll be bf/gf. She was pushing for an answer, i was a little drunk when we actually had that conversation. But its done now.

when shes back im just going to say to her i think we need to just take whatever we have back to the beginning. Just go out for a drink and see what its like. Like you said interest waivers.

I guess i just wondered what people thought about sending a welcome back text - i guess i actually have to show interest to her again

 

[Purefilth]

there are soooooooo mannnyyyyy people to fvck while youre off travelling (as im sure you know).

I think she'll be swamped by her friends for a few weeks when she gets back.

Maybe she will get back to you, but im sure she'll have left someone behind that she wants/who wants her badly.

NO WELCOME HOME STUFF - Let her call you. But dont hold your breath.

 

[Boilermaker]

^

He nailed it.

 

[pdx1138]

agreed. let her get back to you. not the other way around.

 

[dap]

I agree with everyone else on the NC but I am a bit more pessimistic. When girls talk about how they are being an awful girlfriend, what they are really saying is: if you had any self respect you'd move on. And when she talks about partying for a whole week straight and "neglecting you big time", I think that means that she has moved on already. She probably may think you are needy wanting to be BF/GF so soon and being willing to wait around for 2 months while she's off partying. NC might bring her back if she still has interest because it shows that you have other shît going on (she thinks: maybe he didn't want to put up with my BS after all) so she may chase you back. Or it may be over.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

(Sigh) Another example of how texting KILLS relationships.

In this case, we have a guy who decided to banter on and on with a girl he just met while traveling. I won't even get into the whole "you haven't even had more than 1 date with her, why the f--k is she your girlfriend" conversation.

What I WILL say, though, is this: when a girl you just met goes on vacation and/or is traveling around, NO CONTACT is the way to go. If a girl likes you, she's not going to forget about you in a day, 3 weeks, 2 months or whatever. However, she WILL start to get annoyed if you're constantly expecting her to be available to text you every time you send her a message. Dude, she's on VACATION. She's SUPPOSED to be partying it up and having fun without worrying about how it affects YOU, a guy she just met that she barely knows outside of the world of text messages.

Furthermore, you shouldn't even be getting all hot and bothered when she sends you messages like this. Here's how your response to her first text should have gone:

HER - "Hey no iMessage doesn't seem to be working although iPod is still going just about.
I'm sorry I've not been in touch. I'm not being fair to you at all and I know that. I always said I'd be honest and honestly I'm struggling to feel like I'm in a relationship at the moment. That's nothing bad on your part, it's all me and my **** lack of effort and the fact that I've been partying every day for the last week. So I'm really sorry for neglecting you big time. I hope things are ok at home for you and we get to talk sometime soon x"

ME: No worries - you're on vacation. Don't worry about focusing on me for now - have a good time, I'll talk to you when u get back.

Nothing about how you're "struggling" (don't lie, you're not), and nothing that makes you come across like you're questioning whether or not you should have asked her to be your girlfriend (showing lack of confidence). Just a simple message letting her know she doesn't need to feel guilty about having fun without you there, which makes you come across as someone who is indifferent to what she does - which is what you SHOULD be in the first place!

 

[Purefilth]

(Sigh) Another example of how texting KILLS relationships.

Give over already. It has sod all to do with texting and everything to do with being off travelling.
Yeah we get It you dont like texts. Girls do. Better to learn how to text effectively than put up every post "texting kills!!!!!".
Lets be honest - there is no medium of communication that would've helped this.

Learn a new line. This catchphrase is OLD.



Nothing personal - I just think your text-rant is obsolete here.

 

[NewAndImproved]

HER - "Hey no iMessage doesn't seem to be working although iPod is still going just about.
I'm sorry I've not been in touch. I'm not being fair to you at all and I know that. I always said I'd be honest and honestly I'm struggling to feel like I'm in a relationship at the moment. That's nothing bad on your part, it's all me and my **** lack of effort and the fact that I've been partying every day for the last week. So I'm really sorry for neglecting you big time. I hope things are ok at home for you and we get to talk sometime soon x"

What she gave you here was a verbose and convoluted "It's not you, it's me." She could've just said that, of course, but then she wouldn't be a woman.

It's never a good thing when a girl is giving herself an out. I see at least 5 in her message above.

Move on.

 

[omega05]

so why was she pushing for you to be her bf? what would make you guys bf/gf? What have you guys done together?

 

[oman1987]

Sorry boys this will prob be a long & boring post -

so why was she pushing for you to be her bf? what would make you guys bf/gf? What have you guys done together?

Traveled USA for 9 weeks on a tour of 2 groups of 13 people - i was in one group she was in the other. Would go to the same places/campsites/hotels etc pretty much everyday. I actually didn't talk to her apart from the odd short conversation until week 2. Went to a bar, both groups were there, got talking/drunk etc. Drunken kiss, (following night) drunken fumble, (following night) her staying in my tent (& it carried on for the rest of the 2 months).

TBH i just was myself, wasnt too fussed about her and enjoyed the trip. The last 4 weeks she would actually put a tent up for us to "stay" together. The odd free day we had in a city or place, we would go round in a group together, have a laugh etc (we called a couple of the free days dates). She actually told her mum about me (and told her about us being bf/gf (apparently)). Even one night we were in a house for a couple of nights, she was in my bed and after "you know" i swear to god i heard her say "i think im falling in love with you" (i wasnt sure what she said and questioned it "what was that?" she pretended she was just sleep talking and didnt know what she said (i just left it). When i left to go home (and she carried on her travels) she balled her eyes out.

Even when she was travelling around by herself, she'll go out of her way to get wifi to message me (Apart for the last 2 1/2 weeks). The past 3 weeks shes been on a bus round NZ partying it up, pretty much moving on everyday to a new destination.

sorry i digress

When she pushed for an answer- she got in a mood one day and i just walked off. Her group went out for dinner. I sat round our camp fire getting smashed. They came back and she came over to sort it out "because she didnt want to go to sleep after a disagreement" (i was quite content with what had happened and by that time a bit drunk) Anyway, we talked & she wanted to know where she stood because "all the relationships ive had the guy has always chased me, but you dont".

there were 3 option we said

1) call whatever this was, quits
2) stay in contact & see what happens when she was back
3) be in a relationship

she pushed for option 3 (i wish i had stayed true to myself & said option 2) but i went along with it.

 

[omega05]

option 2 would have been best. what do you want from her?

 

[oman1987]

option 2 would have been best. what do you want from her?

Yeah tell me about it, the long text convos or odd facetime convos got a bit boring. i think Harry Wilmington was right - texting does kill things some what & interest waivers (out of sight, out of mind)

honestly... now we have been in contact for most of the time shes been away, i may as well see if anything is there. It seems f'in stupid to me having kept in contact for 95% of her travels, for when she comes back to say (from her or myself) LJBF. We may as well just go for a drink or something

But you've seen the messages (in my 1st post)... doesnt look great does it.

OR it could be a girl just wanting to go out and have a blast on the last 3 weeks of her once in a lifetime trip (and who can blame her. shes prob paid enough £££ for it. i know i would want to be out enjoying myself)

 

[oman1987]

Right... This morning ive woken up and just got this on my mind (i know i shouldnt but i honestly cant help it). Also i just don't understand the whole thing. Its proper annoying me today...


*should* she get back in contact, how would you guys play it?

 

[oman1987]

just an update,

 

[betheman]

do you have any idea how many d!cks she has had inside her since you last met? you may need to take your socks off to help count!
you really shouldtn be bothered about her, you should have been hooking up with others instead of nurturing this oneitis