2.5 yrs relationship over

[drak_ool]

1 year of living in the same area (most of it living together) and then 1.5 hard years of living on different continents. We could make it work as long as we had a plan for getting together in the near to medium term. But as my girl's business grew bigger and bigger, she had a change of mind about leaving it all behind and coming to the US. On my part, I just passed my bar exam and want/need to get some experience working here in the US before I can move abroad. Once that became clear, my girl starting pulling away, she never had time to talk to me anymore and just became really shady.

I kinda understood what was happening so I just braced myself for the inevitable: couple days ago I get an email from her telling me what I already knew. "I don't feel the same way about us... I need some space..." the usual stuff. I could have gone no contact on her right away, but I didn't wanna sound bitter so I just emailed her back, called her out in a "soft" way on her behavior of late and wishing her a good life.

Even though I loved the girl to death, and we had so many amazing moments together, I took the whole thing way better than I thought... After all, I could be in a much worse situation: new lawyer, just got a sick pad in Santa Monica, still young... The future doesn't look that bad!

Lessons learned: 1. Don't listen to what girls say, instead look at their actions/reactions. Even though she still used the same language as before (I miss you, see you soon, darling, baby, etc...) I could see from her body language and the small amount of time she dedicated to talking to me that she was checking out.

2. LDRs can only work as long as you have a plan for getting together in the near future (a year or so max). If it goes beyond it, or things get murky, it's hard to channel the energy to keep the relationship going.

Back to sarging... See you in the field gents!

 

[Bible_Belt]

Congratulations on passing the bar.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Hey man sorry to hear that -- Santa Monica is a beautiful area you're not going to have much trouble meeting new women who are in the same geography as you. Stay positive man -- sounds like you are and you learned a lot.

 

[drak_ool]

Stay positive man -- sounds like you are and you learned a lot.

Just like in my last break-up, the hard part was seeing my girl change, act all shady and lie to me that hurt me the most. By the time she announced it to me though, I already knew it and was prepared for it.

The other thing is I just can't love a woman who doesn't love me back.

I really miss her, but not the person she is now, the person she was back when we first started dating. And I know I can't get that person back, pple change, life moves on...

 

[st_99]

Take the 'R' out of LDR because its not a relationship, at best its occasional FWB's.

Perhaps it should be permanently changed to LDFB or LDFWB?

 

[VictorK]

I was in a 4 year LTR that ended in April 2010. 8 months of the relationship were spent as LDR but we had a great time none the less. It was my first serious breakup ater investing all that time and it wasn't easy man. I think now almost a year a later..I'm starting to get into the mindset of my single days. I'm a little older now, career is advanced..and all my friends are getting married. I keep telling myself..."One less guy to complete with on the datring scene"

goodluck

 

[Colossus]

Just like in my last break-up, the hard part was seeing my girl change, act all shady and lie to me that hurt me the most. By the time she announced it to me though, I already knew it and was prepared for it.

The other thing is I just can't love a woman who doesn't love me back.

I really miss her, but not the person she is now, the person she was back when we first started dating. And I know I can't get that person back, pple change, life moves on...

Yeah this is usually how women exit relationships. It's rarely an abrupt or direct confrontation about moving on. Their action always tell the truth...distance, shady behavior, the classic "too busy", etc. Then comes the need for space, time, or some other vague thing they have been missing; when in reality they just want the 'space' to pursue their next branch. Women rarely break up with a man without their hand on a new c0ck. And that's not cynicism--I like women for what they are--but after 30 years I guess my personal experiences and observations start to correlate too profoundly to be coincidental.

Believe it or not this is actually a good breakup. You're in a good place, you've accepted it's over, and you're ready to move on.

 

[drak_ool]

Take the 'R' out of LDR because its not a relationship, at best its occasional FWB's.

Perhaps it should be permanently changed to LDFB or LDFWB?

Ya, it might look like that to someone on the outside, but I have to disagree. Sure, we only saw each other for about a week or so once every 2 months, but talked/skyped 2/3 times a day and were both really involved in each other's life. That's actually how I was able to notice that she was changing since she became colder and colder in our daily interactions.

 

[drak_ool]

Yeah this is usually how women exit relationships. It's rarely an abrupt or direct confrontation about moving on. Their actions always tell the truth...distance, shady behavior, the classic "too busy", etc. Then comes the need for space, time, or some other vague thing they have been missing; when in reality they just want the 'space' to pursue their next branch. Women rarely break up with a man without their hand on a new c0ck.

quoted for truth!

One of my best friends also went through a very similar breakup when his 3 yrs relationship ended with his gf leaving and refusing to talk to him anymore. Surprise, surprise, a few weeks later it transpired that she was already dating someone else, a guy she had met while still "officially" dating my friend.

This is another aspect of women's psychology which I find hard to understand. How can you go from one committed relationship to the next without any kind of a break in between? The most plausible explanation I can come up with is that she had been mentally checking out for months, and was simply in the relationship out of inertia until she could find her next c0ck. Once she secured her new man, it was "hasta la vista!"

 

[Viagra4Soul]

2. LDRs can only work as long as you have a plan for getting together in the near future (a year or so max). If it goes beyond it, or things get murky, it's hard to channel the energy to keep the relationship going.

You just described 90% of Hollywood celebrity divorces where the partners are always on other sides of the globe (the other 10% are 'sex addictions'! btw)

I've done it (LDR's) 3 times in my life - never again.

 

[Slickster]

2. LDRs can only work as long as you have a plan for getting together in the near future (a year or so max). If it goes beyond it, or things get murky, it's hard to channel the energy to keep the relationship going.

The more LDR's you attempt the more you will realize how futile it is. They NEVER work.

The moment you decide to do the "distance" thing the relationship is essentially over. If it was someone you truly wanted to be with then you would never let them move away. The more people realize this fact the less time they will waste on LDR's.

 

[Colossus]

The most plausible explanation I can come up with is that she had been mentally checking out for months, and was simply in the relationship out of inertia until she could find her next c0ck. Once she secured her new man, it was "hasta la vista!"

You're exactly right. Women can very easily go through the motions of a relationship while they branch swing. It's usually only AFCs who have no clue; if you are astute enough you can start to see the subtle changes in behavior. They just dont like to be alone, plain and simple. Especially after a breakup; there is something about c0ck-hopping that validates their actions and makes them feel like it was "meant to be", or "it just happened". Men are usually more apt to just end it and move on. But women by nature need security, and nothing makes her feel more secure about ending an LTR than having another guy to hold her, fvck her, and tell her how great she is.

On the note of Long-distance....I will totally agree that they do not work. I've even started to see this being away from my gf for a month. She came to visit midway through, so we were only apart for two week intervals, but talking on the phone everyday just doesnt cut it. Plus it's fvcking annoying, I hate the phone. This only works because I know it's temporary---I fly home this weekend. But we couldnt do this repeatedly.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

I had a 2month LDR by which we communicated everyday via text, calls and video chat. It worked for awhile, but when I came back, things just weren't the same. Some momentum had been lost, and the opportunities in her area were not abundant -- this lead to scarcity and difficulty finding employment -- which only strained the relationships with this girl and those around me.

LDR's have to be temporary at most, and even then they can be dangerous ground. I'm now a believer that LDRs, as much as you may care about the person, are really difficult -- especially when your lady is so far away yet so many single ladies are in front of the eyes. Makes it real hard for both people.

 

[scrouds]

Ya, it might look like that to someone on the outside, but I have to disagree. Sure, we only saw each other for about a week or so once every 2 months, but talked/skyped 2/3 times a day and were both really involved in each other's life. That's actually how I was able to notice that she was changing since she became colder and colder in our daily interactions.

If you're not putting your diick in her pusssy, you're max only 1/2 involved in her life.

Otherwise love the positive outlook, congrats on passing the bar and good luck and good hunting.