1st approach to a women, since finding this board!!

[FSUSem1nole]

HI everyone!! I was just hoping you Veterans would give me some tips on what I might have done wrong, It was the first time I approached a women since experiencing this board, and I most say I am highly impressed, I definately notice myself evolving!!!

Heres the Scenario, I was leaving my office building and I always walk up the flight of stairs to my parking level, well when I reached my level I noticed a women waiting for the elevator, and we made brief eye contact and she smiled, so I approached her and said.

Me: Hi, my name is Frank. Do you work in this building??

Her: No, I'm just here for a meeting.

Me: I figured as much since theres no way I could forget such a radiant smile as yours!

Her: (giggled)

Me: Speaking of which, Theres nothing more I'd like to stay and chat, but I'm also headed to a meeting, so how about you give me your number, and I'll give you a call sometime?

Her: No, thanks I'm not interested..

Me: Ok, well I'll see you around!

Now, even though it ended in failure, I didn't get bummed or depressed, in fact I walked away with an even stronger confidence level... and I now if this would have been 2 months ago, I wouldn't even have approached her, but thanks to you guys, like I said I'm definately evolving, but did I ask for her number to early???? should I have asked her name??

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F-L-O-R-I-D-A, S-T-A-T-E, FLORIDA STATE, FLORIDA STATE, FLORIDA STATE, WOOOO....

 

[RKTek]

PERFECT!

I bow before you, O mighty Seminole warrior!

It's now probably hard to walk around your newly expanded balls!

 

[Giovanni Casanova]

By the sounds of things, you did everything right. We obviously weren't there, but judging from what you said you did it textbook and you did it absolutely perfect.

The truth is that even the greatest DJs get rejected sometimes. Even if they do everything perfectly. Even Babe Ruth only had a batting average of .342 -- but even hitting that ball a third of the time made him one of the greatest players ever.

Who knows why she wasn't interested. Maybe you're blonde and she only likes dark-haired guys. Or maybe she just got out of a relationship. Or maybe she's already seeing someone. Or maybe she's a lesbian. Or maybe... do you get the point?

Whatever her reasons, based on what I saw it wasn't anything that you did wrong. Just keep doing it, savor the victories and savor the defeats. Each rejection brings you one step closer to an acceptance.



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CASANOVA

"There are only two ways of telling the complete truth--anonymously and posthumously."
Thomas Sowell

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something."
Plato

"Before we set our hearts too much upon anything, let us examine how happy those are who already possess it."
Francois de La Rochefoucauld

 

[TheLadiesMan]

Congrats bro... those steps that you took, sometimes other men cannot comprehend to do.

You know who you are... carry on bro.

-TheLadiesMan

 

[PoachR75]

Sounds like you are not discouraged AT ALL.
BRAVO!

Also, we all have to keep in mind that usually, you have to establish some type of repoire with a girl to get the digits, usually more than one contact. Most females don't feel comfortable with giving a # to a guy they only had a 60 seond conversation with. Don't worry, she didn't reject you, she just rejected THE SITUATION. You did fine....Outstanding

[This message has been edited by PoachR75 (edited 02-14-2002).]

 

[T Dog]

Rock on dude. I agree, that was text book. Consider it not as a failure, but only as practice. And practice often.

It's all about volume.

T Dog

 

[WildThang]

Originally posted by FSUSem1nole:
Me: Hi, my name is Frank. Do you work in this building??

Telling her your name right off kills the mystery. A better approach would have been:

You <smiling and looking friendly, confident, with just a touch of mischief>: Hi - I haven't seen you here before. What's your name?

Her: <name>

You: <Pause...>

This is where she either asks for your name or doesn't.

If not, it's a no show. She's not interested. Make some token fluff talk if you can be bothered. Stay friendly though unless she starts biatching you, just in case you run into her again and her interest level has changed (for whatever obscure chick reason).

If she does, there's some interest there.

Let's assume she is and she asks. So you tell her.

You: Hi I'm <FSUSem1nole>.
<Smile and shake hands for some kino>
<Ask an open-ended question like...> So are you here on business, [her name]? >
<smile some more, like you both know it was a dumb thing to say but you're joking around so it's cool>

Her: Yadda yadda yadda.

You: <pick up on something she says and make some comment with an emotional hit to it>

Example: She says she's here for a meeting and she looks unhappy about it say: "Yeah - I hate those too." <keep smiling> "Wouldn't you rather be doing something more relaxing and fun than being in here all day?" And spin out the relaxing and fun idea for a while, then ask her what she would rather be doing.

Or if it looks like she's happy about it, mirror back how exciting it is when things like that go well.

Then repeat with another question, and do the same process again - edging her towards positive feelings ('relaxing' 'exciting' 'fun') all the time.

Then do the close: 'Hey - been fun talking to ya. Let's do it again sometime.'

Hand her some paper and a pen. DO NOT ASK. 'Give me your number and we can see about doing something fun away from here.' <Or better refer back to something positive she's just mentioned. If it's something specific like sailing or going to the gym or whatever make sure you mention that. Don't set up a date, just leave her with the impression that what she thinks of as fun and your own self are closely associated.>

Done.

Key steps:

Always ask her name

Always wait to see if she asks yours

Always ask open-ended questions and reflect back some of her emotional responses.

Always make sure your responses get her imagining or experiencing some positive emotional state. (If you have to start with negative one, turn it round as soon as you can.)

Always close by telling her to give you the digits. And associate that and yourself with something positive and fun. DO NOT ASK. Do not hesitate either.

 

[bankshot]

haha i did a similar pickup yesterday. i saw a fine chick that i wanted to talk to. she was getting some water and so i walked up and decided to get some water myself. she was about to walk away so i said hello, she said wassup and i played like a dumbass and said "damn i don't remember your name" of course i had never seen this girl or met her before but right away i had her attention so she was lookin at me trying to figure out what i was talkin about. she said "i haven't met you before" then she reflected and said "or at least i dont remember meeting you". so am like "well whats your name" she told me her name and i waited for her to ask me mines when she did not i told her my name. and reached out to shake her hand she shook my hand blah blah.. i could have stopped here but, still i wanted to see if i could get the digits. i made a joke about how i always liked getting water here and she laughed and agreed she did also. so i was like well am on my way to class let me get your number. "she's all like no i can't i don't know you" i gave her a dumbass look and said "well you see thats the point" and waited for her to say something" then she's like you would'nt believe how many weird calls i get. so am like "oh okay i get it i look like a stalker" she laughed again this time loud and said " well no no no, but i just can't give everybody my number" this is when i lost interest and said "well look i wanted to say wassup but i gotta go now" she thought and said "maybe i'll see you again we can sit down and talk".
end of the story

point is i lost the number game but she came back with some level of interest, to bad i've already forgotten her name. i'll need a good excuse next time i see her. or just be a jerk and tell her i forgot it. oh well. fun rejection story thought i'd share it with you all.
if i could have changed anything i would have held her hand for a second longer when i shook it, looked down at the handshake then back to her eyes and smiled, i think that would have been a better way of establishing a connection but oh well! the next female will get that move.


[This message has been edited by bankshot (edited 02-14-2002).]

[This message has been edited by bankshot (edited 02-14-2002).]

 

[indy]

Good show Seminole!

Textbook action but one area you could focus on a little would be to work on building rapport with her.

Work on it the way WildThang says... I've just gotten a BUNCH of ideas from what he said (thanks WildThang!) and your chances for success increase even further.

And bankshot, good of you to go out and hit 'em up for the number, it takes guts to make that decision and go in and ask! But one possible reply to when she said the bit about her getting tons of weird calls, you could've said "Thats okay, I'll only call 20 times a day!" with a grin.

But that chick wasn't too interested, because she would've made it easy for you to get her number, not the other way around.

The summary I think is in what WildThang said, get some good emotional high states in, rapport - make them feel good talking to you and they'll give you the number if they're in any way single or "looking".

DJ on, mates!

 

[preditor]

One of your responders applauds you for your effort, ideed he should. It is sound advice to PRACTICE often. I have come to the point where I just play with women even if I'm not interested. I toy with them, make them squirm, to see their reaction. I play most every where I go the power of having the confidence you develop after a while is intoxicating. The more you practice the better you get. I have a natural gift that I have developed and refined over time, that being a deep sexy voice. I play over the phone, in the covenience store , on the street, at work, every where I go. My voice just melts them. I have had some women tell me that "It is running down their leg just hearing my voice. I never get real obvious with my conversation I just speak on normal subjects and put them into a trance with the voice and my eyes. I play every where I Go "I only do it because I can " you can too work at it.You will become a LADY KILLER too!

 

[Don the Legend]

Good Job Seminole!

Your technique is just fine. Change it around a little like Wildthang posted just to see if your results are better.

Otherwise, you are on your way.

Take Care,

Legend

 

[SoSuave.com]

Moving to new Success Stories forum. Reply there.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by WildThang

This is where she either asks for your name or doesn't.

If not, it's a no show. She's not interested.

Sorry Wildthang but I have to strongly disagree, I have introduced myself to many woman and talked, they havn't once asked me for my name until I got their number!!!
If she doesn't ask for your name right away, doesn't mean sh*t!!!

 

[BigBill]

Great job.

Try to be a little more creative as you get more comfortable with approching. Have fun with it. I used to be really shy about approaching at all especially in front of other people. but now I love it.

One from a few days ago. I was delivering pizza to a subway store around lunch time and there is a REALLY fine girl waiting in the line. I walk up to her and say

'Hello there young lady (she looked about 25, I'm 32) that'll be $15!'

she says 'But I didnt order a pizza.' By now all the people in line and the clerks are sort of looking to see what's gonna happen next.

I get a really exaggerated look of surprise on my face and go 'You didn't! they told me you ordered a pizza and I was supposed to bring it over here to you.'

she says 'I'm sure, really.' By now shes smiling and laughing a little so I know its time for the close.

(said with an evil grinchly grin) 'hmmm... I tell you what. give me your name and phone number and when I get back to the store I'll check it out in our computer and make sure you REALLY didn't order this pizza.'

Her: (Lauging) 'OMG, you are terrible! If I didn't have a finace (shows me her ring) I would definitely give you my number! That was great!'

me 'hrmph! All the really good ones are taken I guess.' then I gave the pizzas to the clerks (not that unusual reseraunts order from eachother all the time) and was satisfied to see that they were looking at me like they couldn't believe what they had just seen!

This is the level of confidence you can look forward to with a little practice. and it gets a lot more fun too!

 

[ElwoodBluez]

13-2, buddy.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOklahoma where the wind goes sweepin' down the plain....

 

[WildThang]

Originally posted by CLOONEY:
Originally posted by WildThang

This is where she either asks for your name or doesn't.

If not, it's a no show. She's not interested.

Sorry Wildthang but I have to strongly disagree, I have introduced myself to many woman and talked, they havn't once asked me for my name until I got their number!!!
If she doesn't ask for your name right away, doesn't mean sh*t!!!

Yeah, well it works better if you give them a chance to.

The pause makes the difference. Here's why:

1. It allows you to continue with a handshake or whatever just slightly longer than you really need to.

2. If she's interested, she's immediately thinking 'I want to know more! Tell me more!' She's already a little excited. At this point the name question is the obvious one for her to ask.

I mean - what else is she going to say? 'God I want you - fvck me now'? Or 'Tell me about your mother'? Or 'Chocolate. I must buy...chocolate.'?

No - it's almost like a forced move in chess. If the interest is there she picks up the stimulus and responds to it, and the situation channels that interest into the next obvious move for her to make.

Now, she *may* ask you something else about yourself. That's almost as good. The closer to home it is, the better. Say if she comments favourably on something you're wearing - I'd take that as positive too. (Even a neg hit from her can be positive, although with that kind of chick if you want to have any chance at all you have to neg hit her right back *immediately*. And make it sting some too.)

But whatever - for some reason names are magic in Chickville. They are the jackpot. Don't ask me why - I don't know. That's just the way it seems to work. So if she asks, that's a sign to proceed full throttle.

3. If she's not all that interested, one of two things will happen. The first is an awkward silence. I don't need to explain what that means.

The second is some kind of brush off or diversion. Anything negative like 'You know, I really don't get out here much...' If she looks away, looks around, ramps down the contact rather than ramping it up - it's over.

Don't underestimate this. Yes, you can sometimes still get the digits. But the interest level isn't going to be as high as if the name thing happens.

A useful thing to remember is that you once you get practice you can *feel* the difference. It's very, very obvious. Your male instincts (yes we do have them guys - and they're seriously useful) know exactly what she means by her response.

So if you get a let down or confused feeling - it's time to bail. But if it feels sparky and in sync right away, you can turn up the heat. And you can be sure she's going to like it.

 

[the graphics guy]

I think you did OK, 'Nole, for there are so many bro's who wouldn't have even done the walkup. For my POV, the one thing I would have done different if possible (and you don't indicate here whether you truthfully had to leave right away or were just saying it) is to extend the talk a bit, a few moments of fluffing, leading into eliciting values and learning about her representaional systems so you could feed her back replies in the most rapport-buildiing way. Then a number close would have been more doable, IMHO.

 

[the graphics guy]

BTW, as for the name thing, I vary it on that one. Sometimes I'll volunteer my name, sometimes wait until she asks, sdometimes I'll play with her a bit and give a false name, like Harrison Ford, Justin Timberlake, Enrique Iglesias, etc., just to tickle their funny bone.

 

[Wizdom]

Originally posted by PoachR75:

Also, we all have to keep in mind that usually, you have to establish some type of repoire with a girl to get the digits, usually more than one contact. Most females don't feel comfortable with giving a # to a guy they only had a 60 seond conversation with. Don't worry, she didn't reject you, she just rejected THE SITUATION. You did fine....Outstanding

I totaly agree with PoachR on this one. Why in Gods name would a HB give you her digits after a 60 second conversation, or after a 1hour conversation for that matter??
There is no reason at all...
That is why you must create a reason.

Take this for example: If a really ugly chick came up to you and started a conversation, and ended by demandin your digits(in a nice maner)- Would you give them to her???
ME- Hell no
Y would I want to continue talking to someone that I cannont either personaly relate too, or that is not different from other girls.(or cool in some way)I wouldn't
and I'm sure you wouldn't either...

The same thing is true for the HB. Why would she give her # to a complete stranger or some1 she knew very little about. The main thing she is going to base it on is your looks.

Most of the time the only way you are goin to score a # is if you qualify in the HB's book of ideal hottness. Which is hard to do unless you're a model or some crap.

So for all of us non models, to get those digits we have to be interesting. This can be somewhat of a task if you arn't a decent conversationalist or slick with words. Of course there are many variations to this, but mainly you have to give her a reason to be interested in you enough to get her digits. Unless you already know that there is interest. Which brings me to my last observation.

When I ask for digits I usualy know befor hand what her interest level in me is.(or if she is feelin me or not) This can be really hard in a brief Hi how ya doin coversation. So generaly what I do if I think that I could score some numbas, is take her somewhere that we can sitdown and chat/coffee.

This allows her to get more comfortable with the thought of giving me her number. Believe me if a HB is not comfortable around you--well lets just say no digits and no luvin! end of story~

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Is it the answer we are trying to get too, or the solution to get to the answer.-
-Wizdom