19 year old noob here. I really ****ed up and need help

[Fratboy]

Background about me: 19 years old, attending a university, party a lot but also do very well in school.

My problem: I have been ****ing up with women by seeming needy and now I realize my mistakes.

This is hard for me to do and telling you guys this is going to be extremely embarrassing. I know where I ****ed up, but I just need some input on where to go from here. I am a complete noob at this game, so I would appreciate if you guys gave me constructive criticism instead of ****.

Here's the story:

I know a girl, and I am going to call her Jane. Jane and I have the same friends, but we weren't really friends until a few months ago. Over the past few months, Jane and I started texting and snapchatting eachother a lot. She would always reply, so I assumed that she was into me. I obviously assumed wrong. Jane was away at home for a few months, and she decided to come up and visit. We were going to the same party that night that she came up, so my mentality was that I was going to get it in. We get to the party, and it doesn't seem like Jane is into me at all. Instead, she goes home with a complete nerd and ****s him, while I was sitting there wondering where I ****ed up because I thought she was into me. Jane knew I was pissed, so I told her I was into her the day after, which I know was a mistake. She said, "I didn't know that, which was why I was so thrown off when you got mad last night." I asked her if she wanted to go to the beach later that day, but she said that she said that she would be down but she was going home that day, but she was going to be moving back up in 2 weeks. She was going to be moving back up, so I was stoked.

Jane and I snapchatted back and forth and texted back and forth while she was at home. I was always the one to initiate the conversation, but she kept it going. Jane moved back up here about two weeks ago. I asked her to hang out on a Monday, but then we both were too hungover, so we rescheduled to Thursday. During this period, we were still texting back and forth, and I initiated the convos, but she kept them going. Thursday comes, and she blows me off, so I just say **** that I'm over her. But I wanted to give it one more shot. Sunday I text her lets go to ----- on Tuesday. She says she's down, and I text her Monday night to make sure we were still on, and she said she was drunk and had to read in the morning. Me being an idiot said let's go Friday then, and she agreed. So we texted on and off yesterday and today. I try to hit Jane up for some party tonight because she likes to party, and she was texting me asking about it, but she stopped texting me and went and partied with other people. That's why I'm here right now.

I know I ****ed up. Should I cut off all contact with Jane-no texting, no snapchatting, etc. Also, is there any way that I can make a Jane chase me and reverse this whole situation, or did I sink this boat?

Also, it seems like I'm putting in most of the effort-texting her first, trying to hang out, etc. We're both 19. If she was interested, wouldn't she want to see me in person regardless?

In summary, I need to know what to do. I want to know if there's a way to erase the damage I have done and make Jane chase me. I am only 19 and very clueless, but I'm glad I found this forum.

 

[Great being a man]

I don't know if there is really any damage......doesn't sound to me like much was happening, anyway.

My standard advice to all men, is to circulate enough and get to know several women..........you must have an abundance mindset with women. That way, you will quickly lose interest in their flaky behaviors, because you have other options going.

Ever wonder why women are so blase' about dating etc? It's because they have literally endless opportunities to meet men. They have it easy.

If you knew 3-4 other girls, you wouldn't even be asking about this one......

Try to remember to attract a girl.........back off, let her show some interest. They aren't stupid, they know we're interested in them.............just let them know you'd like to get acquainted, give a number. And then back off.

If she contacts you.........great, and if not..........well, go find another

best of luck

 

[dk1990S111]

ya I would not initiate contact. if she is interested let her contact you. if she is not interested then just move on and find some other girls to talk to. seriously dont initiate

 

[Fratboy]

I agree not much has happened. So don't text her first and don't reply to snapchats all?

 

[hudpes]

Welcome to ground level, nowhere to go but up, just not with this one (and if in you're mind you're asking - what, never with her? What about later? - then you're in the wrong mindset). You've realized you've made mistakes and there is nothing to be angry about. She had no clue you were into her, since all you did was initiate friendly chit chat. You need to become goal oriented, direct and take a risk - face to face, not screen to screen.

If the energy you shined to her would be a woman it would be an obese, sweaty, filthy, smelly troll in thongs. That's how sexually attractive you are to girls when you're insecure, needy, pushy AFC. Now, shed some weight, clean your act, find your peace and most of allow things to come and go without resistance. If you do things right, you won't need to chase girls, they'll chase you. I suggest you read the Bible.

 

[Fratboy]

I understand. What if she texts me and starts giving me crap about cutting off contact?

 

[hudpes]

fratboy, you have no interest in being her friend, so you have no interest in her, act like it, and by the way, there is no need for you to apologize, or state reasons why, so don't.

When the captain decides to set course to another destination, he doesn't look back and wonders what if, it is done. Part of being a man is whatever decisions you took, good or bad, you took them and now you're here - as past is the foundation on which the present stands, choices you've made are the foundation of your position in life, you stand on them and by them, there is zero place for regret, there are only lessons.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Fratboy,

Firstly, welcome.

Secondly, stop being a silly b0llocks and start texting EVERY girl. And not for stupid gossip sh!t. You contact them to make arrangements to meet. You're 19 years old with your whole life ahead of you. If you tie yourself down to one now, you'll get to 25 or 30 and ask yourself what the f*ck you were doing.

Thirdly, listen to hudpes' advice. I have two types of female acquaintance; those that are genuinely just friends (of my own choosing) and those I am pursuing. Never shall the two groups be confused. Of course, you can decide to change the group to which a particular chick belongs, but never allow her nor yourself to place you anywhere.

TMK says, never assume that being friends with a chick will get you laid. Because it wont.

 

[Skyline]

Hmm.. Harry... Harrry! I need a Harry Wilmington here! There's a case about using the phone to not strictly set up dates which has resulted in ruining the potential of a relationship! :trouble:

But seriously man you have no reason to be talking to a girl every day. Use the phone to set up dates and maybe a brief conversation every now and then but that's it. Instead of texting and snap chatting her a bunch of random stuff you should have just sent her texts or snaps that set up a date. Flirt and escalate in person not behind a screen. Your lack of game, mystery, and options landed you in the friend zone. You could go ghost but it would honestly just make you look butt hurt since you already confessed your interest.

I would just keep her around as a friend, it you can that is, college girls have other hot college girl friends. And yes read the DJ Bible.

 

[pyros]

Background about me: 19 years old, attending a university, party a lot but also do very well in school.

My problem: I have been ****ing up with women by seeming needy and now I realize my mistakes.

This is hard for me to do and telling you guys this is going to be extremely embarrassing. I know where I ****ed up, but I just need some input on where to go from here. I am a complete noob at this game, so I would appreciate if you guys gave me constructive criticism instead of ****.

Here's the story:

I know a girl, and I am going to call her Jane. Jane and I have the same friends, but we weren't really friends until a few months ago. Over the past few months, Jane and I started texting and snapchatting eachother a lot. She would always reply, so I assumed that she was into me. I obviously assumed wrong. Jane was away at home for a few months, and she decided to come up and visit. We were going to the same party that night that she came up, so my mentality was that I was going to get it in. We get to the party, and it doesn't seem like Jane is into me at all. Instead, she goes home with a complete nerd and ****s him, while I was sitting there wondering where I ****ed up because I thought she was into me. Jane knew I was pissed, so I told her I was into her the day after, which I know was a mistake. She said, "I didn't know that, which was why I was so thrown off when you got mad last night." I asked her if she wanted to go to the beach later that day, but she said that she said that she would be down but she was going home that day, but she was going to be moving back up in 2 weeks. She was going to be moving back up, so I was stoked.

Jane and I snapchatted back and forth and texted back and forth while she was at home. I was always the one to initiate the conversation, but she kept it going. Jane moved back up here about two weeks ago. I asked her to hang out on a Monday, but then we both were too hungover, so we rescheduled to Thursday. During this period, we were still texting back and forth, and I initiated the convos, but she kept them going. Thursday comes, and she blows me off, so I just say **** that I'm over her. But I wanted to give it one more shot. Sunday I text her lets go to ----- on Tuesday. She says she's down, and I text her Monday night to make sure we were still on, and she said she was drunk and had to read in the morning. Me being an idiot said let's go Friday then, and she agreed. So we texted on and off yesterday and today. I try to hit Jane up for some party tonight because she likes to party, and she was texting me asking about it, but she stopped texting me and went and partied with other people. That's why I'm here right now.

I know I ****ed up. Should I cut off all contact with Jane-no texting, no snapchatting, etc. Also, is there any way that I can make a Jane chase me and reverse this whole situation, or did I sink this boat?

Also, it seems like I'm putting in most of the effort-texting her first, trying to hang out, etc. We're both 19. If she was interested, wouldn't she want to see me in person regardless?

In summary, I need to know what to do. I want to know if there's a way to erase the damage I have done and make Jane chase me. I am only 19 and very clueless, but I'm glad I found this forum.

In bold what you did REALLY WRONG.

Do not ever ever again text a girl that much, or contact her THAT MUCH.. You just dont do that.

Besides, you were the only one to initiate...are you dumb? If you initiate twice and she doesnt, you stop contacting her.

Never say to a girl that you like her! THIS IS the second most important attraction killer! what is the first one? text her, contact her every damn day! you did both, good job.

You chased her way too much, always wanting to hang out, rescheduling, and again...texting her all the damn time.

She banged a nerd you say...well, he may be a nerd but he is not obessed with the girl, he's not a damn stalker like you, and he is not her text buddie like you.

There is nothing you can do now to reverse the situation, but you can do one thing for your own good, STOP TALKING TO THIS GIRL. Just keep it to a minimum, maybe one text per week or none in a month would be better, and go find another girl in the meanwhile and do not repeat all this huge mistakes you did.

What if she asks why you stopped contacting her? you say you're dating someone and have little time now.

You're young, its ok, but you should change the way you deal with girls NOW, unless you want to be a puss-y when you're 30 and fu-ck fuglies.

Read the DJ bible, and go to therationamale.com and read all articles.

 

[BraddH]

Get over yourself.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Mauser's advice is truly inspired. OP, read Mauser's advice and memorise it.

 

[hudpes]

^^^^Ditto. Mauser, you really covered the topic of chats perfectly.

 

[wishyo]

lol, being the (the most?) optimistic dude here I can't really say everything will be fine with her lol.
texting is harmful imo. when u want a girl, just text her asking and that's it. be scarce bro

 

[The_411]

1. No reason to be embarrassed, you're 19 year old. I'm sure everyone here probably has big list of crap they did/didn't do that messed them up when it comes to women.

2. You are at college and you're 19. Do not and I repeat do not get a girlfriend or spend time pining for a woman. Make female friends solely for the purpose of social proof and networking. Relationships in college are a bad bad idea for men. Plus you are way too young to getting into anything serious. Plus a relationship in college can screw up the chief reason you are there which is to build towards your professional goals.

3. At college there are so many young attractive women who are away from home and are learning to live by themselves. The freedom aspect is like a license to hook up for women and believe me that most women want to hook up with out getting tied down because they want to party and see what's out there.

 

[Fratboy]

Thanks guys. She texted me today about how hung over she was while I was at work. Don't know what to do.

 

[Poop1337]

So if I understand correctly you took this chick to a party and then just let her out of your sight and expected it to work out. Did she meet you back at your place before the party? How about doing shots and getting little miss likes to get wasted... wasted! Then just fcking her. Yeah don't treat this like a relationship and stop with all the texting other then to set up alone time opportunities to fck. Cool it with the days at the beach or walks through the park stuff and just do her like that nerd did. Sounds like you may have oneitus make sure you're going after every girl you can and not just hoping for her.

Also yes very weak telling her you like her. She should not know that. What she should know is you're trying to fck her and you obviously haven't been trying to fck her.

 

[pyros]

Thanks guys. She texted me today about how hung over she was while I was at work. Don't know what to do.

so after asking here about this girl, and getting many replies you DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO?

 

[Fratboy]

Didn't text her back, didn't respond to snapchats. I'm not chasing her when I could have girls chasing me, you guys are right. I'll read the bible when my exams are over after tomorrow.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Mauser, you are in golden form.