10 Months In…things are getting serious….

[expos]

So I knew this was coming. My girlfriend of 10 months has been pushing for a future together…and I’m not even close to proposing.

The good stuff:

1. Best relationship I’ve ever had, treats me like a king and is really attentive.

2. She’s never been married before. Late bloomer in terms of looks. No kids.

3. Manager at a Fortune 500 company. Secured a full ride academic scholarship to a major university out of high school - so she’s very bright.

4. In shape, prettiest girl I’ve ever dated.

5. No personal issues, not on any meds, no personality disorders, no depression or bad upbringing. Not a gold digger.

6. Low partner count (I’m her third).

7. We rarely fight.

8. Parents adore her.

9. I’m definitely committed to her.

10. We both make great money.


The bad stuff:

1. She’s going to be 40 next year. Major concerns about having a kid. I’m 35.

2. We are only 10 months into our relationship. Seems too early to propose.

3. I’m coming off a divorce that has been final less than two years. Thankfully no alimony or child support. Ex-wife is going to be married in like a month or two. I’m not ready to walk down the aisle that soon.

4. She wants to move in. I’m not sure about this.

Looking for any advice here. A lot of people like to put timelines on this stuff and I feel like I need another year of dating. That puts her at 40 or 41 if/when we get married. Then, kids are a whole other issue.

 

[usernamedox11]

Sounds good outside her age. 5 years older...imagine you at 50 and her at 55, or even you at 45 and she at 50. She might seem too unattractive to you at those points being that much older. If you want kids from her, that's another thing to keep in mind.

I wouldn't let her move in and would just wait until you marry her to let her move in if that's what you want to do.

Only 3 partners at 40 is great and it seems like she's just been looking for the right one and has been selective, which shows great impulse control in a girl (important for marriage).


I'm a lot younger than you and I don't really know what to tell you. If you would like to marry her, maybe wait till it's at the year and a half mark before you propose just so you better know for sure and make sure you've got your own life in order before you do so.

Really the only thing bad about her, it seems, is her age. You'll have to figure out if that is a deal breaker for you.

 

[pyros]

she's too old if you want kids.

funy that you believe she's only had sex with two men before you, at 40. LMAO.

she may be treating you like a king because she is 40 and she wants to get married etc. She may change once she's married and become a psycho.

You could live with her and see how things go in a 1 year time span, if you want to make sure she's as adorable as she is now.

Too old in my opinion. Besides, she's 40 and single? not married before? why...? suspicious...

 

[JohnChops]

she's too old if you want kids.

funy that you believe she's only had sex with two men before you, at 40. LMAO.

she may be treating you like a king because she is 40 and she wants to get married etc. She may change once she's married and become a psycho.

You could live with her and see how things go in a 1 year time span, if you want to make sure she's as adorable as she is now.

Too old in my opinion. Besides, she's 40 and single? not married before? why...? suspicious...

Contrary to popular belief, women get just as busy as us men :O (GASPPPP). Some don't have time to go out, get laid, have a relationship, especially since this girl seems really committed to her job/her schooling.

Honesty, if you're not ready youre not ready. Do it on your terms. Moving in? Ehhhhh I can't comment on that. Good luck

 

[abe0]

There is always so much pessimism about women here....She sounds like a good catch to me which are harder to find. Wait a year if you going to propose and do not tie the knot if that is what you are planning to do for another year. You have been down that road before so you should know what your are getting yourself into. Dating women is like walking through a landmine and so you have to be cautious with eyes in the front and the back.
Forget the age issue....if she is fit, good looking, and a good woman ....she is a good catch. Just make sure that she is all she says she is....and only time will tell. That is why you wait and be sure before jumping in with both feet.
Good luck. Abe

 

[VladPatton]

Hey, you had a good stretch, 10 months isn't bad. I'd hit the nuke button. She's 40 and desperate to have kids and play marriage catch-up with her friends. This is why you have to go younger when you want something more long term. See, we think the macking and the games and the sex is all great and fun, but these girls eventually want something hardcore, like marriage after X amount of time. This is what gets me. Do you want that? After a recent divorce I presume no. She should understand.

Have a talk and ask her if she's cool with not getting married for another 4-5 years, and see what she'll say. My take is that she'll get pissed and hit the nuke button herself.

Good luck, man, and keep us posted.

 

[El Payaso]

Don't get pressured into making any decisions you're not sure of or don't want. If you just got divorced and don't want to get married so soon. Then, don't. Yes, she'll get all pi$$y, upset and might walk away but you saved yourself a whole lot of headache and frustration in the long run.

 

[Alvafe]

thing is she will force you now to marry, when she hits 40 she will want to have a kid, and know she will spend her whole money to amke it happen if she can't have kids anymore because of age.

then again what you want? you want to settle with her? want to wait more? your decision, stick to it, and do what you want.

since you came here toa sk this i'm sure you don't want anything serious, so ask yourself this questions

do I want her? why I would settle now? i'm ready to go for it all again? I want someone younger? will I be wanting to have sex with her in the next 10 years or so?

I think that is the things you should ask yourself, don't just don't do it for pressure of parents, friends or her, think on what you want, and don't be afraid in thinking you will lose her if you don't, you can always do better, she certainly not

 

[Trump]

1. Best relationship I’ve ever had, treats me like a king and is really attentive.

2. She’s never been married before. Late bloomer in terms of looks. No kids.

3. Manager at a Fortune 500 company. Secured a full ride academic scholarship to a major university out of high school - so she’s very bright.

4. In shape, prettiest girl I’ve ever dated.

5. No personal issues, not on any meds, no personality disorders, no depression or bad upbringing. Not a gold digger.

6. Low partner count (I’m her third).

7. We rarely fight.

8. Parents adore her.

9. I’m definitely committed to her.

10. We both make great money.

The bad stuff:

1. She’s going to be 40 next year.

It's up to you what you want to do, but she is all that stuff to you because she has to be. Her SMV is very low so she has no other choice than to be super super nice to you and treat you like a king. If you leave her, who is going to want her at 40?

The bad stuff outweighs the good stuff. I would give up all the good stuff for 20 years younger.

 

[pdx1138]

I'm in the age bracket and wouldn't consider moving in at all until you've been dating at least 2 years, but thats my rule.

Then live together at least for 1 before any kind of marriage talk, to make
sure you even getting along while co-habitating. I believe people should
live together before getting married. The longest lasting marriages in my
experience of folks I know, all lived together awhile first.

What you really should do is talk everything through, truthfully...and do not compromise on what you want/are looking for.
That would only make you miserable later.

If your heart just isn't in it for kids, you need to tell her that. Boggles my mind how many 40 something women think they can even have kids by that age. It's extremely rare without some kind of fertility drugs by that age.

If it doesn't work out, it sucks, but at least you had a great 10 months.

 

[Sino Zane]

For one, she may or may not be lying about only having sex with 2 guys prior to you. Also consider that she may just be using you to have kids. There are potential negative consequences to having her live with you. You just got done with a divorce in which you were minimally scathed. However, you should be aware that 50% of marriages end in divorce, the majority of which are initiated by women. Also make a mental note of the fact that, quoting Chris Rock, you are, in all likelihood, dating her representative instead of her true self. She really may be a nice girl who cares about you and really just wants to be with you. But keep in mind that she's older and desperately wants children as soon as possible. So naturally, she's going to do whatever it takes to make this happen as soon as she can - be extra nice, etc. Once she has you, however, there's always the possibility that she begins to show her disregard for you. Why? Because she was potentially settling for you in the first place.

With all this in mind, it's not my decision to make. It's yours. Good luck.

 

[MOTU]

Her SMV is very low so she has no other choice than to be super super nice to you and treat you like a king. If you leave her, who is going to want her at 40?

Dude, I am just not sure that is true. A fit and attractive 40yo single woman with no kids is at the top of the heap for that age range. Lot's of women that age are fat and have stretch marks and a string of brats in tow. Yea maybe her value is higher to guys closer to 50, but there are plenty of guys that will chase down a woman like that.

 

[Masculinity]

It sounds like you're about to win the game. From a psychological standpoint, though, it is probably not a good idea to propose until after you've been with her for 24 months or more. Why rush it, though? A relationship is much stronger if you can stay together without getting married than to stay together because of the legal "bond."

 

[jester1x]

Sounds like she put her career aspirations ahead of marriage and children.

Sometimes, you have to take an opportunity in life when it presents itself to you. It may not be the most ideal, time and place but that's how life usually works.

Who cares about her age!? There are plenty of women in their late twenties and early thirties with multiple marriages, multiple children under their belt and it shows in their face and bodies.

Take a chance if that's what you truly desire. But, no whining if you cut her loose then decide she was the best. No offense of course...we've all been there.

 

[Kailex]

Consider all the things she is without kids/marriage.
Consider all the things she could become.

At 10 months she is pressuring you into moving in? Sorry buddy, but the clock is ticking in her mind. I get afraid of relationships like this for that very reason.

Whatever this relationship is that you are having right now, could very well not be the same relationship if she moves in and you propose. Do everything on YOUR terms, not hers.

Yeah, she's fit now but how much is she going to care about getting back into shape once she's had a kid at age 41. REALLY think this through.

 

[jester1x]

Yeah, she's fit now but how much is she going to care about getting back into shape once she's had a kid at age 41. REALLY think this through.

No offense meant Kailex but this can happen to any woman at any age.

On a somewhat related note, I saw this cute redhead (in the face) around 25 or so sitting on the floor stocking the lower shelves in a local store. I don't think she realized the crack of her a** was showing to any customer behind her. I would have found it truly sexy if not for her gut which is the very reason you could see her crack. She'd be quite an attractive woman if not for the gut.

 

[goldengoose]

You're pushin' too hard, uh-pushin' on me, You're pushin' too hard, uh-what you want me to be, You're pushin' too hard about the things you say
You're pushin' too hard every night and day,You're pushin' too hard Pushin' too hard on me.

It's a serious business, And there's no time for jokes

You can get out of here said a middle aged lady
So I moved in with you And you loved me.



All joking The Seeds and Fleetwood Mac lyrics aside. You just got out of a marriage with a certified nut and you want to take the plunge again? I see your ex wife is headed down the aisle again. You gotta feel sorry for the poor bastard who she's going to marry. What a life he's going to have.

I'm no shrink, just The Golden Goose, but it looks like you're in a competition with your ex wife to get re married for status. Who gives a sh1t about her, she is always going to be miserable with whoever she is with. Don't even pay attention to what she's doing.

10 months of a relationship is way too soon to get married.

It all comes down to YOU and what YOU want. Don't let a woman pressure you into something you don't want to do. She will use having kids as a ploy for you to put a ring on her finger. 10 months ago she wasn't thinking of kids. Don't let 10 months later be a reason you have to rush into a marriage.

You can never be sure you were only the third guy she's been with.

You're getting pressure from her which is not a good thing. Women who pressure always have reasons behind it besides what they are telling you. There should be no reason for her to be doing that. It takes a strong man not to cave in to her pressure and demands. Don't cave in. It's all about what is going to be best for you. Don't make your decisions based on another person's behalf. You will end up regretting it.

Don't beat around the bush, tell her it's too soon and don't let her keep you under pressure for an early marriage.

She wants to move in. I would seriously consider letting her do that in a relatively short time so you can see if it's going to work out. Things are different when the woman is under your roof. Give it a test run to see if it works out. If it does, then you have your answer and can decide if you want to propose.

Don't get stuck in another bad marriage just after 10 months because she can change and you will have another divorce to go through. If she isn't understanding of your decision and wants to force you into marriage, then she isn't the woman for you. Pressuring and forcing now is just a preview of what she will do in a marriage then you will be stuck. Give that a good thought or two above anything else.

 

[Kailex]

No offense meant Kailex but this can happen to any woman at any age.

None taken, and it can.

But I think the motivation for a 41 year old to get back into shape after a baby is going to be far less than a 25 year olds. Although this is America, and it could very well be the opposite.

 

[SoSerene]

Dude, I am just not sure that is true. A fit and attractive 40yo single woman with no kids is at the top of the heap for that age range. Lot's of women that age are fat and have stretch marks and a string of brats in tow. Yea maybe her value is higher to guys closer to 50, but there are plenty of guys that will chase down a woman like that.

Yeah amongst OTHER 40 year olds sure, she's doing great. But compare her value to a 25 or 30 year old woman, everything else held constant, and she's miles behind.

 

[Desdinova]

The bad stuff:

1. She’s going to be 40 next year. Major concerns about having a kid. I’m 35.

2. We are only 10 months into our relationship. Seems too early to propose.

3. I’m coming off a divorce that has been final less than two years. Thankfully no alimony or child support. Ex-wife is going to be married in like a month or two. I’m not ready to walk down the aisle that soon.

4. She wants to move in. I’m not sure about this.

Looking for any advice here. A lot of people like to put timelines on this stuff and I feel like I need another year of dating. That puts her at 40 or 41 if/when we get married. Then, kids are a whole other issue.

I went through this exact scenario about 3 years ago. The woman was a year older than me. We got along really well and had lots of fun. She had a few quirks, but it was something I could live with. I didn't see myself staying with her forever, but she was fun to date.

8 months into the relationship, she tells me she has to decide whether to stay with me or not, because I repeatedly told her that I'm not wanting to get re-married, have kids, or live with anybody anytime soon.

She tells my dad that she gave me an ultimatum about our future together. So of course my dad tells me about it. I knew it was time to get rid of her. I didn't want to become committed to ANY woman after 8 months.

I broke it off a month later, telling her AGAIN that I had no plans of moving in with anybody, having kids, or getting married. She asked, "So what's the purpose of two 30-somethings getting together?" I responded with "How about enjoying each other's company?" She got even madder, trashed my living room on the way out of my house, and peeled away in her car.

Today, she's living with a guy she's known for less than 2 years and about to give birth.

My advice: RUN. All she's wanting at this point in her life is to satisfy her loudly ticking biological clock. All you are is the most convenient option for her at this time. Her desire to procreate is stronger than her desire for you or your feelings.