1 year later

[DonJuanathan]

1 month ago, the ex emailed me. We'd been together 3.5 years, multiple counts of extra relationship attachments, lies, etc. She emails me asking for some of her things back. Everything that was hers is already with her, I cleared our apartment out THOROUGHLY. Anyway, I deleted it after sharing it with a few friends. No one could agree on what she wanted and I'm not interested in repeating history.

2 days ago she emaile me again, this time saying she just wants 5 minutes of my time and she hopes I'll grant her this opportunity. It reads like a badly written business letter. General consensus is that she wants closure or wants to rub in my face how well she's doing. At the same time as this, her Facebook account is suddenly unblocked or back in existence. We have no connections and none of the old links are active between our accounts so I assume it's a new account. None of my other friends can even find her through the search function, so I'm assuming she's been looking at my account, which is completely open. That's the only reason I can figure that I can see her and none of my friends can.

So I deleted her second email, but I don't think this will be the last of it. Here's the funny part:

EVERY girl I talked to acted like I owed this girl something. They think I'm being a heartless jerk for not responding or giving her what she wants. When I told them that I want nothing to do with her and I don't owe her anything (I was the AFC sap during the breakup, I gave her all the satisfaction she needed until I went No Contact thanks to this board), they all say the same phrase, "I don't see why this is such a big deal. Just go give her closure." My answer of, "if it's not such a big deal, then why should I do it," gets the same response as well: REVENGE. When pressed for an answer, all of the girls I talked to seem to think that I should go so that I can show her how well I'VE moved on, or entertain her for a bit and blow her off, or whatever. What I've learned from this is that girls are more petty and vicious than I'd realized. I'm never going to one of them for advice again, they clearly don't have a clue as to what they want or how to get it and are concerned only with their own image and well being.

So what's the sosuave take on this situation?

 

[Purefilth]

Personally, I wouldn't waste my time.

 

[muscleman]

Yup, it might be tempting to go back for 'closure', but you stand to gain nothing from this. Just keep ignoring her, you did it right up to this point.

 

[DonJuanathan]

Thanks guys. That's what I though I should do, but it's hard to keep it together when it comes down to it. I swore that she was the breaking point and that I would never be AFC again after this. Thanks for helping keep me on the path.

 

[DonJuanathan]

It'd be tempting to fvck her again, but honestly, even though she's an HB8, she's not that good in bed. We had sex about 9-21 times a week for 3 years straight and did everything together, yet I never actually felt SATISFIED with her the way I did with my two LTRs before her. Sex with them was amazing even though less frequent. So I think I'll work on becoming stronger emotionally and becoming a DJ. I'm enjoying having my own life and freedom.

 

[VladPatton]

Closure: A woman's secret word for regurgitating shyt from a failed relationship. Once things are over, they are over, and you don't owe her anything, and that includes your time. Do you really want to sit there and have everything come up again? Everything that phucked you up a year ago so it will phuck you up for another 3 months? Phuck that ****, man, blow her off, delete her off your Facebook, phuck all those girls' advice, they are on the wrong team, and just let it go. Good luck.

 

[seethehoop]

I agree with everyone on here, you don't owe her a thing however if it comes to a point that you are using more of your energy to ignore her then maybe consider it but purely for you're own needs. If it did come to this then meet her and just explain that there's nothing to talk about you've moved on and don't see the point in bringing up the past, even do this by return email.

 

[Serg897]

I agree with the consensus here. What reason do you have to revive old drama that you know is better off dead and buried? Leave this nonsense in the past where it belongs.

 

[NewAndImproved]

I'm never going to one of them for advice again, they clearly don't have a clue as to what they want or how to get it and are concerned only with their own image and well being.

Indeed.

I used to make the mistake of telling girls all about my problems looking for advice.

Here's why I stopped:

Let's say I told a girl friend that a girl I started dating said she'd call and didn't and this was a consistent pattern I was getting annoyed with. I would usually hear an excuse "oh, she's probably busy" "why don't you call her instead?" "she doesn't want to seem too eager." etc...

OK. Fine.

But then when I told that same girl friend that I decided to do the same thing they'd be like "hey, you said you were going to call her... you better call her!" "why are you playing games?"

WTF.

We all know that girls are emotional and momentary... this proves all of that. It also shows that they're often unable to put themselves in another person's shoes because they personalize everything. Meaning, all she was thinking about in my example is how she would feel if a guy said he'd call and didn't. Not about the situation at hand and how the girl I was with was treating me.

 

[DonJuanathan]

Update:

So I caved a few days ago and emailed the ex one night after hanging out with a girl who I'm not really interested in, but with whom I thought I could sort of practice the "I don't give a f***" mentality. Anyway, I sent the ex these exact words, "What do you want?"

Took her 4 days to respond, to which she said, "I just want the 5 minutes I mentioned. Nothing more."

I though about it for a bit, watched The Walkind Dead, and then sent this (errors are due to me using my phone and not reading before sending):

What is this a drug drop? Been watching Breaking Bad much? The way I see it, eveything that was yours is in your hands and of had something to say, I gave you plenty of chances to say it. You walked out of my life. Let's keep it that way.

I know she likes Breaking Bad and I know that she ripped the 5 min thing out of there. She's always been like that. Anyway, I intend to route all further incoming mesages to the trash folder and summarily delete them upon arrival, never to be seen by my eyes.

Thank you, gentlemen, for your support and sound advice.

(Incidentally, it was thanks to sosuave that I ever manned up enough to get this girl in the first place. I did it all wrong, but I got laid for 3.5 years thanks to this site giving me confidence)

 

[BMX]

You should have emailed her these exact words: "Who is this?" and then showed us her pissed off response.

 

[The Gambler]

Update:

Took her 4 days to respond, to which she said, "I just want the 5 minutes I mentioned. Nothing more."

Hahaha... Sounds like a bad sales pitch, right? It's ALMOST tempting to take her up on her offer, keeping a close eye on the time. At exactly five minutes, you cut her off mid-sentence and say something like, "Well there's five minutes I'll never get back." Hang on the line just long enough to hear her startled reaction, then "click."

I can only hope that the wounded AFCs who come here end up like DonJuanathan.... You've gotta love this guy.

The Gambler

 

[Alvafe]

also is not what you guys said? if a girl calls you a jerk you are doing something right?

and nice one op

 

[DonJuanathan]

She emailed back. My iphone flashed the message onscreen as I was looking at it, so I saw some before I deleted it.

"Save your witty comments." And something about no wantin to get back into my life, no ill will, and stuff.

Guess it WASN'T worth my time then.

Women only ever care about themselves. I'm realizing that a man has a hard job to walk a fine line of protecting his heart while still maintaining the ability to care about himself and others (not LOVE, just care). I don't like being a jerk, but this time, I had to do it to protect myself.

 

[DonJuanathan]

Point taken, Danger. I believe you are correct.

 

[ArcBound]

When girls say they want closure, they mean they want to fix and mend their broken ego.

The guy usually goes to give "closure" realizes he still has feelings, goes AFC again and her ego and attraction is once more validated. Or he comes off as a jerk to her. Either way, her decision is cemented and now she is 100% sure she did the right thing in breaking up with you.

In a sense when girls ask for closure, they are already mind fvcking you and jerking you around with no regard for you...So jerk them around and don't even respond to any of her messages/calls.

She doesn't deserve closure or your time after all the lies and deceit.

 

[DonJuanabe]

Unless the reason she wants to talk is she has HIV and thinks she might have given it to you...

 

[DonJuanabe]

And along with what Danger said, if you do respond you keep it short and concise -- don't be witty, don't explain, don't go into detail.

 

[El Suave]

Why after all this time are you even bothering yourself with this subject?

 

[The Gambler]

Come on guys, he didn't do anything that bad. And I disagree with anyone who thinks she somehow got the "upper hand" because of his small amount of communication.

She said:

"Save your witty comments." And something about no wantin to get back into my life, no ill will, and stuff.

Guess it WASN'T worth my time then.

Wow. She really told him. I don't sense a single ounce of her being pissed off here.

Some of you guys better get a clue and lighten up a bit. Otherwise, you can look forward to hanging out with your right hand for the foreseeable future.