1 min they all over you next day they say they never had feelings. Explanation?

[BPH]

@pete101 you just responded to my one message 3 different times, back to back, within 3 minutes of each other.

Do you not see how this behavior might not be attractive to a woman?

 

[pete101]

@pete101 you just responded to my one message 3 different times, back to back, within 3 minutes of each other.

Do you not see how this behavior might not be attractive to a woman?

How is that relevant to why she is U turning on me the next day?

I didnt reply to her 3 times

 

[BPH]

I don't think you understand how you come across, and for that reason I don't think I can help you if you're not aware of the problem.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Why wouldnt i be traumatized by this type of thing being led on them U turned the next day?

This

is the sort of sh-t that leaves people traumatized. Your dating troubles come nowhere close to such events

 

[Clockwerk50]

It is called the light-switch effect. It indicates the process when someone is no longer attracted to you and they move on. Since we are in SoSuave, I will try to explain the women perspective.

In our case, women are emotional creatures, and their behaviour is determined by what causes their emotions. The emotions can range from being happy and sad to interested and disinterested. Their emotional state comes first, and since their emotional state is beyond their control, they decide if someone or something is causing these emotions. As an example, if a women is sad while watching a movie, she will say “the movie is making me sad” while men would ask “why is this movie making me sad?”

In addition to this, it is important to emphasize that men are the gatekeepers of commitment and women are the gatekeepers or sex. In other words, it is the role of a male to provide value to get sex while it is the role of a woman to be relationship focused to get this commitment. With this in mind, we can conclude that women determine the conditions of the relationship, and if there is no benefit to her, no association takes place with a specific man.

As you may have thought, the light-switch effect takes into account that any past benefit that has been provided does not mean the relationship will continue between both parties because every new emotional state that arise creates a new reality for her. In other words, all the good feelings you gave her can turn sour the moment you start giving her bad emotions; in her mind, if there was any value in the relationship she wouldn’t be feeling this way. If the man provides no value the legs close.

In your case, she has the disinterest feeling that was “caused” by you. What did you do to cause this feeling? Who knows. It could have been the neediness, reactiveness, insecurity, maybe she wanted you to **** her that night and you only got to her nipples or it could be the way you kissed. No one knows. However, I think the main reason is that, just like a low value woman gives sex to every man out there, you probably give your commitment away like it is worthless, and everything that comes easy has no value. She probably sensed that you wanted to marry her just by being with her one night and this caused her to run. You don’t even know who she is, how she sleeps, if she cleans or cooks, and then you want to be with her the rest of your life…

So basically, you went from the “cool foreign guy” to this “creepy over sensitive commitment freak dude” from one night to the other. My advise is to not take rejection personal and learn from this. Being over sensitive is a woman’s trait. After all, men’s role in the dating world is to show them a good time and the women’s role is to keep the relationship going by any means necessary, sometimes by giving you sex so you can keep coming back for more.

 

[Learning Curve]

show super high interest in you the night before then the next day have buyers remorse

There is your answer.

All ch1cks apparently like you before you go on a date with them. Once you do, they become cold.

Probably you have a good text or phone game but your in-person game is weak. What you are saying is weak. Your body language is weak. And probably women can sense that. You are not a leader, you are not direct. You are insecure.

Many reasons to figure out why a guy is always failing after dates. You should post an example of a date, what you have discussed, how it has went etc so we can trully help you. There is no other way around this.

 

[pete101]

I don't think you understand how you come across, and for that reason I don't think I can help you if you're not aware of the problem.

Yeah i get you im focusing on one thing you are talking in general

But how do i kill the neediness if i have anxiety? Is just getting more options the only solution?

 

[pete101]

It is called the light-switch effect. It indicates the process when someone is no longer attracted to you and they move on. Since we are in SoSuave, I will try to explain the women perspective.

In our case, women are emotional creatures, and their behaviour is determined by what causes their emotions. The emotions can range from being happy and sad to interested and disinterested. Their emotional state comes first, and since their emotional state is beyond their control, they decide if someone or something is causing these emotions. As an example, if a women is sad while watching a movie, she will say “the movie is making me sad” while men would ask “why is this movie making me sad?”

In addition to this, it is important to emphasize that men are the gatekeepers of commitment and women are the gatekeepers or sex. In other words, it is the role of a male to provide value to get sex while it is the role of a woman to be relationship focused to get this commitment. With this in mind, we can conclude that women determine the conditions of the relationship, and if there is no benefit to her, no association takes place with a specific man.

As you may have thought, the light-switch effect takes into account that any past benefit that has been provided does not mean the relationship will continue between both parties because every new emotional state that arise creates a new reality for her. In other words, all the good feelings you gave her can turn sour the moment you start giving her bad emotions; in her mind, if there was any value in the relationship she wouldn’t be feeling this way. If the man provides no value the legs close.

In your case, she has the disinterest feeling that was “caused” by you. What did you do to cause this feeling? Who knows. It could have been the neediness, reactiveness, insecurity, maybe she wanted you to **** her that night and you only got to her nipples or it could be the way you kissed. No one knows. However, I think the main reason is that, just like a low value woman gives sex to every man out there, you probably give your commitment away like it is worthless, and everything that comes easy has no value. She probably sensed that you wanted to marry her just by being with her one night and this caused her to run. You don’t even know who she is, how she sleeps, if she cleans or cooks, and then you want to be with her the rest of your life…

So basically, you went from the “cool foreign guy” to this “creepy over sensitive commitment freak dude” from one night to the other. My advise is to not take rejection personal and learn from this. Being over sensitive is a woman’s trait. After all, men’s role in the dating world is to show them a good time and the women’s role is to keep the relationship going by any means necessary, sometimes by giving you sex so you can keep coming back for more.

Thanks for this this sheds some light.

We didn't actually kiss she wouldnt let me which i thought was weird yet would let me play with her tits and suck them and if i pushed more would have gotten further as we were in the car fooling around outside her friends she was staying only a passing car startled her

She seemed dtf but wouldn't kiss god knows why

I speculate she had a date right before me and he was supposed to come over while driving her back it was like 10pm and she was like 'i may need to get back i have a friend who wants to visit' i didn't think about what time it was but it makes sense now i was getting played, she was horny i was there right place right time as she was horny for the other guy but cos it was too late by time i drove her back it was too late for her to meet the other guy

Maybe im being paranoid but something didnt see right.

As per your explanation the light switch effect may have been after she said when can i see you next we got out the back seats me exiting the right door, her the left but i made the mistake of running round the back if the car to embrace her (she was cold and distant suddenly) - too eager needy

When i said I'll see you tomorrow she didnt respond.

Everything adds up to her seeing someone else prior:

Day before we were supposed to meet 9pm but messages didnt deliver till 7pm, read but no response till 9pm just saying hey i just got home, didn't have connection earlier.

I ignored and did not blue tick this message (normally im a quick responder with everyone unless busy) i didn't then she follows up 8 mins later saying would i rather meet tomorrow evening?

I did not blue tick this either i waited till after midnight to respond as was livid. Then said it depends if she has data on or not as we cant find each other where we meet.

She responds 20 mins later i dudnt see it just went to sleep do she didnt get a response till 10am then replies swiftly when i did (normally she took an eternity to reply to the whatsapp messages but again this is a red flag normally i wouldn't have these long back n forth messages before meeting but cos she was abroad this is how it was)

All the red flags were there from her actions

Even though she was all agreeable after then about seeing me she went back t treating me as an option

Cos i sent later i was jyst finishing work and leaving in an hour

To her while on my way down saying she was running late and sent me her live location which was only 20 mins from where we were meeting

I told her it us ok as was running late too (i was rushing down thinking was gona be late too) but in retrospect i should have said there was no excuse for her to be late after what happened yesterday (messages didnt deliver) maybe i will in future but may scare off a stranger.

I have to admit the date did not go well cos essentially she wanted to go for a walk or to eat but it wss too lste then sge wanted to see my city by car so we just drove around while i showed her the city but i have a hard time talking abd driving and running any sort of pitiful game if distracted with like you know cars to avoid crashing into lol

I did not sense interest from her not until i touched her leg then she didnt fllinch then i moved my hand on to hers and she grabbed it and started carressing it like she had been waiting for me to do so, I saw no indicators of interest prior apart from trying to feed me her food we got for the ride back just a simple bakery pieces

Maybe it was the light switch method or buyers remorse thinking it over night

But i wrecked it yesterday anyhow pretty much telling her if she isnt forthcoming with me then cant expect the same and not going to wait around I'll just see someone else

She proceeded to unmatch me immediately and said then we go our separate ways and to take care on whatsapp

I have to learn to walk away i always seem to need to have a slanging match with them when it ends like this saying everything i wanted to say before

She proceeds to tell me she doesnt have feelings and never dud and does not know why she said when can i see you next as was fleeting moment

 

[Agamemnon43]

So, you are already so invested in a girl that you think had seen a guy before she'd seen you? What kind of girl do you think that is?
You definitely seem paranoid, neurotic, frantic, and non-articulate. Like the other guys here have said, it's probably very similar to how you come across in real life. It's an instant turn off when girls realize how you behave.

Also, the girl didn't even let you kiss her, but she let you suck her tits. Maybe your breath was bad
And on top of that, you run around the car to embrace her. I would have broken contact with you too.

I think you need to drop this one and calm down a bit. Focus on yourself. Exercise, communicate with people more, etc. etc. There is no easy answer and solution to everything you've asked.

 

[TheGambino]

It is called the light-switch effect. It indicates the process when someone is no longer attracted to you and they move on. Since we are in SoSuave, I will try to explain the women perspective.

In our case, women are emotional creatures, and their behaviour is determined by what causes their emotions. The emotions can range from being happy and sad to interested and disinterested. Their emotional state comes first, and since their emotional state is beyond their control, they decide if someone or something is causing these emotions. As an example, if a women is sad while watching a movie, she will say “the movie is making me sad” while men would ask “why is this movie making me sad?”

In addition to this, it is important to emphasize that men are the gatekeepers of commitment and women are the gatekeepers or sex. In other words, it is the role of a male to provide value to get sex while it is the role of a woman to be relationship focused to get this commitment. With this in mind, we can conclude that women determine the conditions of the relationship, and if there is no benefit to her, no association takes place with a specific man.

As you may have thought, the light-switch effect takes into account that any past benefit that has been provided does not mean the relationship will continue between both parties because every new emotional state that arise creates a new reality for her. In other words, all the good feelings you gave her can turn sour the moment you start giving her bad emotions; in her mind, if there was any value in the relationship she wouldn’t be feeling this way. If the man provides no value the legs close.

In your case, she has the disinterest feeling that was “caused” by you. What did you do to cause this feeling? Who knows. It could have been the neediness, reactiveness, insecurity, maybe she wanted you to **** her that night and you only got to her nipples or it could be the way you kissed. No one knows. However, I think the main reason is that, just like a low value woman gives sex to every man out there, you probably give your commitment away like it is worthless, and everything that comes easy has no value. She probably sensed that you wanted to marry her just by being with her one night and this caused her to run. You don’t even know who she is, how she sleeps, if she cleans or cooks, and then you want to be with her the rest of your life…

So basically, you went from the “cool foreign guy” to this “creepy over sensitive commitment freak dude” from one night to the other. My advise is to not take rejection personal and learn from this. Being over sensitive is a woman’s trait. After all, men’s role in the dating world is to show them a good time and the women’s role is to keep the relationship going by any means necessary, sometimes by giving you sex so you can keep coming back for more.

Absolutely nailed it

 

[inquisitor]

Are there any definitive posts on here or threads that explain why women show super high interest in you the night before then the next day have buyers remorse and say they have no feelings and never had any?

This has happened way too many times in my life for it to be coincidence and i need to fix what im doing wrong.

So most importantly what can be done to avoid this the next day?

Because im developing psychogical trauma where after i leave after what seems a good night it reminds me of previous times they U turned the next day leaving me flabbergasted.

Does anyone have explanations why women go hot and cold like this the very next day? And importantly how to avoid it?

Sh!t test.

 

[pete101]

There is your answer.

All ch1cks apparently like you before you go on a date with them. Once you do, they become cold.

Probably you have a good text or phone game but your in-person game is weak. What you are saying is weak. Your body language is weak. And probably women can sense that. You are not a leader, you are not direct. You are insecure.

Many reasons to figure out why a guy is always failing after dates. You should post an example of a date, what you have discussed, how it has went etc so we can trully help you. There is no other way around this.

But why on the date is she asking me when she can see me again to just 180'ing? It was good enough to get her half naked in the car and to say that, to the next day completely u turning

To be honest it wasnt going the way i hoped from her being late esp after what happened the day before which in retrospect i should have declined when she offered how about tomorrow night instead as it just exposed my availability, normally would say i was busy and not counter offer making her realise she f'd up. My time constraint pressureof her leaving soon made me bend the rules when i shouldn't have.

The nail in the coffin was weeks before when the convo was going stale and she was slow to respond + talking to so many guys. Just cos she was feigning interest before the signs were still there.

Now i have to process what happened, i hadn't been on a date for months so was out of practise didn't have options this was inevitable whether she initially liked me or not.

I didnt like the fact she met someone else before me as who likes being treated as a back up option and even if i was the other guy who she liked more would i really want to be with someone like this?

People keep talking about how it is my fault due to neediness or insecurity which i accept and have to own but if the shoe was on the other foot and im the other guy she likes and she doesn't do these things to is that still character traits you want in someone?

Ie users. We seem to let slide women using male orbiters provided it isnt us they are using but is that even acceptable? These seem lke real character flaws in people even if they all do it.

 

[pete101]

Sh!t test.

So i clearly failed the sh*t test what would have one done instead to pass it?

 

[pete101]

So, you are already so invested in a girl that you think had seen a guy before she'd seen you? What kind of girl do you think that is?
You definitely seem paranoid, neurotic, frantic, and non-articulate. Like the other guys here have said, it's probably very similar to how you come across in real life. It's an instant turn off when girls realize how you behave.

Also, the girl didn't even let you kiss her, but she let you suck her tits. Maybe your breath was bad
And on top of that, you run around the car to embrace her. I would have broken contact with you too.

I think you need to drop this one and calm down a bit. Focus on yourself. Exercise, communicate with people more, etc. etc. There is no easy answer and solution to everything you've asked.

The more i think about what happened was pointing towards her seeing a guy before me hence why she was late and also at 10pm at night saying when we were getting back as a friend wants may visit (a friend = guy, my friend = girl) who is visiting that late on a saturday night!

Essentially if i had a different perspective i could have fvcked her in the car she was about to sit on top of me but a fvcking car came by which startled her

Essentially I lucked out under normal circumstances cos the guy she wanted to see was too late then for her to make arrangements, she was horny and dtf for him but i happened to be there so had i took her straight to a hotel as soon as she started caressing my hand it could have gone a different way but most likely the same situation would have occurred.

Yeah the running round the back of the car was stupid i should have waited for her to come round my side before saying bye. Run around is too dramatic i just walked rpumd the back at a normal slightly quicker pace.

But i take on board what you are saying.

 

[pete101]

This has had me thinking in general:

People keep talking about how it is my fault due to neediness or insecurity which i accept and have to own but if the shoe was on the other foot and im the other guy she likes and she doesn't do these things to is that still character traits you want in someone?

Ie users.

We seem to let slide women using male orbiters provided it isnt us they are using but is that even acceptable?

These seem lke real character flaws in people even if they all do it.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Women have a keen sense for a man is overly dependent on them and for some reason it just seems to seep out of us as men

Usually becuase most men are talking to at MAX 1-2 women at the same time

If you're talking to 10 chicks one not replying really doesn't matter all that much and women just KNOW when you have other poon on the scene

My best results with women have always come when I couldn't care less wether I see them again or not

take from that what you will

 

[Manure Spherian]

I dont think it is unreasonable for me to want to f them over if im constantly getting led on to just get u turned the next day

It isnt uncommon for guys to become heartless after having their heart broken or what not, we become cold hearted and cheat and not care as we are still damaged by previous interactions or past trauma

If that’s the case then don’t waste your time and energy and disassociate from. That’s option.

 

[pete101]

Women have a keen sense for a man is overly dependent on them and for some reason it just seems to seep out of us as men

Usually becuase most men are talking to at MAX 1-2 women at the same time

If you're talking to 10 chicks one not replying really doesn't matter all that much and women just KNOW when you have other poon on the scene

My best results with women have always come when I couldn't care less wether I see them again or not

take from that what you will

Yeah i realised now this was inevitable i hadn't been on a date in months i have been so busy working had no time. Building a business that is flourishing now i have the luxury of stepping back and not needing to take on every client and can set the terms of when i work.

Coming in with no options was always heading for disaster and like you say they can tell.

But we cant magic options out of nowhere so if i find myself in this predicament again i need to act as if i do but again like you say and others on here they'll be able to tell in person as my actions wont be congruent.

It is easier to hide via the phone but in person you really have to be strong in your core and frame that ok you dont have options now but you will again so no need to sweat or be desperate or needy.

When i last had this situation 15 years ago it was always the same like i didn't just want to f them i wanted to be with them abd this leads to my downfall.

Normally i am just tryna f but this one and the one from 15 years ago i didnt only want to

Also out of my own kindness advising her where to go while in town. I do this out of kindness to anyone but it just will come across as trying to win favour so in future i wont help and just tell them I'll tell them when we meet. As i was just setting myself up to be used.

 

[TheGrindEqualsHappiness]

This is more from old-school ASF-perspective, for sh1ts and giggles:

Trying to f-close, but not being able to plow trough LMR, is one way of failing a sh1ttest and killing the attraction.
Seemed to also break your frame(I am the prize), considering all the clingines you did show.
This was a good learning experience, now go fvck ten other women before spending second thought about her.

Remember it's always much easier to start from a fresh chick than trying to salvage situation that ended up going south and with the next chick you will always be tiny bit more skilled than with the previous one.

 

[Canadian_Man]

People keep talking about how it is my fault due to neediness or insecurity which i accept and have to own but if the shoe was on the other foot and im the other guy she likes and she doesn't do these things to is that still character traits you want in someone?

Ie users. We seem to let slide women using male orbiters provided it isnt us they are using but is that even acceptable? These seem lke real character flaws in people even if they all do it.

This line of thought is how you can become (more) bitter, which will only yield you poorer and poorer results.

The whole "I want to f them over before they f me over" also shows you're already going down that path.