1 hour on the phone. What next?

[Tolstoi]

I matched on Tinder with a 48 years old woman one week ago, and we have texted each other every day. (I am 50.) She seems to be quite interested mainly due to the status gap between us.

Yesterday, we talked on the phone for the first time, and the conversation took 1 hour. During the conversation, I suggested her several times to go to sleep since she had to get up very early, but she kept on the conversation.

I also suggested her to meet her in person, and she replied that that is possible and that we should talk more times to get to know each other better.

My idea is to be now a few days without contacting her, to keep mystery and suspense on. However, I am not very sure whether that is best move to follow. What would you advise me?

 

[Alvafe]

Iwould advise you mark a date already and talk there, i'm younger then you and I can't stand to stay on a phone for 20 min wroking, even less without a reason.

also match more people, or better yet find a hobby and meet new people

 

[Black Widow Void]

There's a possibility that her "having to be up early" was a polite get-away card if needed. Either way, it looks like she enjoyed talking to you.

Because you were on the phone with her for an hour, flipping things (in order to appear suspenseful and mysterious) might not play out the best. It's too early. She could interpret this as being wishy/washy or that you're strictly uninterested. My advice is to keep future conversations much shorter and just as importantly, you end the call and do so when it's on a high note (you want her feeling good and craving more).

Perhaps she's new to the on line dating process. If so, you'll want to give her a hall-pass on not quickly wanting to meet in person. At the same time, you also do not want her to become accustomed to having a "phone-pal" (too much phone conversation can push you into "friend potential" territory).

Good luck.

 

[Tolstoi]

Thanks for your advice.

She never mentioned to get up early; I knew she gets up early, as she lives far away from her work and her work starts early.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Cut that habit out immediately. The phone is for setting dates. If you must talk (her request) keep it to 10 minutes maximum.

Think about this.. why would she ever need to go out with you if you allow her hour long phone conversations?

Point #2: the point of dating is to create opportunities for sex to happen. Can your penis enter her vagina over the phone? No.

 

[flowtheory]

Anytime I’ve talked with a woman for a large amount of time in the early stages, nothing has ever materialized. It’s almost like it drained the intensity. Sure you can develop a ‘chemistry’, but it’s not one where it’s on the edge of your seat.

Talking on the phone is a logical act. There’s no possibility of touching or escalation. The only escalation is setting a date. So that’s what must be done. No more phone talking in the early stages. You’re only goal should be to set a date and lead the way to connection, fun and naturally after that, sex will simply happen.

Phone conversations, I believe, are reserved for established relationships to stay connected when both aren’t able to get together. Or to resolve conflict which has happened, as it’s purely verbal communication and being rational.

If she’s saying she needs 4 one hour phone convos before going on a date because she doesn’t want to waste her time that won’t work. And by virtue of that, she’s leading you and the relationship and we all know that’s not what a woman actually wants.
Also, in the last 4 minutes she could realize she isn’t interested, then you just wasted 4 nights for nothing. And be real; you don’t just want to gab on the phone with her, like a male girlfriend.

“enjoyed our chat the other night. There’s a cool new lounge that just opened at (location), let’s grab a drink this Friday at 7pm. Does that work for you?”

if you get anything except her agreeing or suggesting another time that would work, let go. If she’s delaying or creating obstacles, she’s not that interested.

 

[Kotaix]

If she's stringing you along with more phone talk and no dating then I suggest you put your foot down and tell her that you want to meet her in person. She wants you to do that, but she'll never tell you.

“enjoyed our chat the other night. There’s a cool new lounge that just opened at (location), let’s grab a drink this Friday at 7pm. Does that work for you?”

This made me lol, every single "lounge" I've ever seen is a dump

 

[Tolstoi]

Thanks for all your helpful comments.

I have meanwhile sent her a text asking her for a date. She replied with something else and not answering my proposal of a date. Since in her reply she asks a question (totally unrelated to the date) to keep the conversation going, I answered her telling that our conversation will continue in person during our date.

 

[Tolstoi]

She have just replied accusing me of pressuring her, and asks whether we will not talk until our date. To be consistent, I shall give her no reply.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Never invest more than a few minutes of your time on a person you haven’t met. What if you meet and she isn’t who she says? Or if she never meets BECAUSE she isn’t who she says she is. Or she is just lonely and wants attention. You must screen women. If they aren’t giving you what you want then they are out. She can go find some other male girlfriend sucker who’s willing to give her hours of free attention and validation.

 

[EyeBRollin]

She have just replied accusing me of pressuring her, and asks whether we will not talk until our date. To be consistent, I shall give her no reply.

Nope, wrong answer. Text this:

Let’s save it for the date.

 

[Black Widow Void]

You catch on fast.
Hopefully, it'll work out, but even if this doesn't amount to anything, she'll never mistake you for a pushover.
I could not have responded to a woman like this any better.

Cheers.

Thanks for all your helpful comments.

I have meanwhile sent her a text asking her for a date. She replied with something else and not answering my proposal of a date. Since in her reply she asks a question (totally unrelated to the date) to keep the conversation going, I answered her telling that our conversation will continue in person during our date.

She have just replied accusing me of pressuring her, and asks whether we will not talk until our date. To be consistent, I shall give her no reply.

 

[flowtheory]

This made me lol, every single "lounge" I've ever seen is a dump

Where do you live? There’s tons of really great places where I live

 

[flowtheory]

She have just replied accusing me of pressuring her, and asks whether we will not talk until our date. To be consistent, I shall give her no reply.

Pressuring her? Lol, come on, woman. Rather than be playful at minimum she’s playing victim and saying you’re pressuring her because you just want to experience a date in the real world...

Yep. She’s using you for validation. I would quickly move on. It shouldn’t take more than a few texts or a quick phone call to just get out in person.

 

[Kotaix]

Where do you live? There’s tons of really great places where I live

seattle area, most lounges I've seen are in rotting strip malls with blacked out windows so you can't see inside

 

[John9999]

I matched on Tinder with a 48 years old woman one week ago, and we have texted each other every day. (I am 50.) She seems to be quite interested mainly due to the status gap between us.

Yesterday, we talked on the phone for the first time, and the conversation took 1 hour. During the conversation, I suggested her several times to go to sleep since she had to get up very early, but she kept on the conversation.

I also suggested her to meet her in person, and she replied that that is possible and that we should talk more times to get to know each other better.

My idea is to be now a few days without contacting her, to keep mystery and suspense on. However, I am not very sure whether that is best move to follow. What would you advise me?

No no no. Do not keep talking on the phone like she wants. I guarantee that’s all she wants. Some male attention, but never actually meet in person. I finally got smart about this. Phone is fir setting dates. Period.

 

[Tolstoi]

This is to let you know how the situation has evolved.

Instead of giving her no reply, I followed EyeBRollin's advice of texting her: "Let’s save our conversation for the date." She again accused me of pressuring her, and added that our date may take some time to occur and that meanwhile we may loose contact with each other.

I responded with: "Whether or not our date takes long to occur only depends on your degree of interest."

She replied saying that I am being imposing and that she fears what comes next as an imposition to continue talking.

This time I shall not give her any reply.

 

[EyeBRollin]

You folded.

At that point after her response you go silent or repeat let’s save it for the date.

Here’s the thing: this woman wants the spoils of your attention without have to put in any work for it. My advice of not communicating via the phone will get her to show her true intentions (validation) faster than you wasting a few more hour long conversations with her. Maybe you would get out with her eventually but you must question what else you will have to play on her terms with. Next it’s she doesn’t kiss for three dates.

This woman is a miserable structured bvtch (common for Western women once the pass 30). The point is look how soon you found this out about her just by asking her out.

 

[flowtheory]

I responded with: "Whether or not our date takes long to occur only depends on your degree of interest."

This is borderline, if not, negotiating her desire.
Once you asked her out and she didn’t agree or suggest another date, she showed you her level of interest. Anything said after that is just validation for her.
if you have to talk about her interest, you both know she holds the reigns and it doesn’t showcase any sort of attraction for her towards you. And by virtue, that means you’ve given away your sovereignty. You're Now seeking her to validate you through means of agreeable.

you saying “let’s save the convo for the date” and the above quoted is just playing right in to her dramatic, self absorbed ways. She already got whatshe wanted from you. She was just hoping to keep you in orbiter territory. And if you don’t walk away now and cease messaging, she will tantalize you with future dates and class hope of that.

It’s okay this happened. Many have had it. It’s part of the dating world. Just ask yourself why even bother with a woman who isn’t all green lights before you’ve even met?
Don’t waste time with women who aren’t giving all green lights within the first three dates up to the point of sex. This is the time where the relationship should be the easiest, no difficulty should really take place.

 

[Tolstoi]

I liked EyeBRollin's advice, and, instead of ceasing communication, I sent her a text saying "Let's discuss that in our date".

She replied immediately agreeing with a date during her lunchtime, but warning that the duration of the date will be short, because she will have to return to her work.

She works close to where I live, but she lives far away (maybe 50km away).

I have not replied her yet. What would you advise me?