“What Took You So Long?” –– My experience! (long)

BGMan

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The title refers to the new article on the sosuave.com main page, and I have a sneaky suspicion that the same thing is happening to me right now!
http://www.sosuave.com/halloffame/hall221.htm

Anyway, so here’s the deal.

I have talked on here often before about a certain HB9 at my college whom I’ve known for close to two years now. I always thought she had a thing for me, but although I got a short date with her seven months after I met her, she always seemed to be into playing head games, and was always unavailable. My gut kept telling me that she was interested, but the games suggested that she was just kicking tires.

Finally, last spring I LJBF’ed her, on Valentine’s Day no less. (Just a day that AFCs love, right?) All this time I’ve been seeing other women, so I don’t think she could qualify as a one-itis; I certainly never acted AFC around her. According to a mutual male friend, she was acting really crabby that semester; she blamed it on a boyfriend of hers being out of town. The mutual friend was puzzled because he never thought she liked the boyfriend that much, and indeed, this was the first I’d heard of him. She never mentioned him to me, ever. (I think she was crabby because I LJBF'ed her, personally.) Not long before I learned about the boyfriend, she told me “don’t assume anything”. I’ve been using Doc Love’s System like gangbusters on this girl because frankly I think it’s the only thing that would work on her, and not only that, it’s excellent practice.

Well, here’s where the plot thickens. I haven’t talked about her on here since May, but it is, to say the least, surprising. First, I registered for a summer astronomy course. I told a few friends of mine I was taking it, but anyway, she took it too. The day after the first day of the class (in June) she called me up and offered to meet with me, dinner, Saturdays, whatever, ostensibly to do “homework”. At first I suspected her of simply mooching off my math skills, but I never told her that I was good at math and this turned out not to be the case. She made me dinner at her apartment and we watched a rather stupid movie that we both laughed a lot at. At the very end, I kissed her. Although she didn’t kiss back, she responded positively and encouragingly, so maybe it was an Anti-Slut Defense.

Not long after that, her boyfriend showed up once after the class and gave her a hug. She didn’t seem very enthusiastic about it at all, she had a sort of subdued expression but let him hug her. He’s a tall, blond, good-looking hunk, better-looking than me at any rate, by the way. The next time she and I had a date (again, she approached me), I made an excuse to leave early. Sometime after that, she actually brought a male friend of hers to the class, but I could tell that he was only that, a male friend.

Meanwhile, she has been very open to meeting me whenever I ask, and being very flexible, a total 180-degree turn from her activity last year. The first time I asked her for Thursday, she said the homework was due that day, but counteroffered twice, even saying, “you could come over now, if you want” (it was about 8:30pm). That time I excused myself, and the second time I asked her, a couple of weeks ago, I “forgot” to meet her. She went nuts, called my house three times, counteroffered twice, and finally got another meeting set, which was also kept short (during that time her roommate, while checking the answering machine, stumbled upon a message of her boyfriend calling “just to tell her he loves her”). In addition, in another new development, she gets quite annoyed when I talk to other women (which I’m always doing).

After reading AussieGuy's “What Took You So Long?” article this morning, I called her and asked for Sunday. She said, “sure, but it’ll have to be late at night.” She's busy all day Sunday? Suurrre. Another evening offer. I said “how about 8pm?” and she said okay.

In addition, she has been wearing rather sexy clothes in lab, and today in class (there's only about ten people in it, btw) she made a furtive glance at me, stood up and changed her shirt while the other guys happened to be looking away, revealing a bikini top and shorts, as well as lots of skin and a glorious figure. A little striptease, in other words. :eek:

So that’s where it stands right now -- Sunday is the day after tomorrow. If this case is indeed similar to the new article put up, then it looks like someone seriously wants me. :cool:

Let's see what happens!

BGMan
 

TesuqueRed

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Sounds like monkey girl in mid-swing, no?

--don't read anything negative in that--!

I mean, usually we use the term "monkey girl" as a denigration of sorts or interchangeably with "untrustworthy bytch who cheats on her BF".

We all know when this type of play really sucks---when you're the branch being let go---and could really suck in the future---you're the branch she's swinging to intransit to yet another branch further on...

But often enough, or quite often, it is merely someone finding a better match and working their ways toward it, and either knowing how to do it or having to figure it out.

So--BG--I think she's the latter. Pay attention to how she arranges this transition. She will--let her do it, don't interfere with her work, if that's what you want (her)--and let us know how she does it.
 

BGMan

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TesuqueRed:

I think you're right. Yes, "monkey girl" is exactly what I thought too!

Hehe, I just read Santos' experience with Chantal. Fortunately, I don't think this girl is anything like that. From what I gather and have seen of her, she's highly intelligent, as well as sweet and giving, and is one of those quiet types who only says something if she really means it. And, unlike Chantal, she has never mentioned her boyfriend to me.

She has asked me a couple of times where I'm going for graduate school, since I mentioned I'm getting outta here as soon as I get my bachelor's, which is next May. Before she said she planned to graduate in 2007, but she recently changed that to 2006 and said she was also planning on getting away from here and going to grad school.

I was rather surprised when she took her shirt off in class, though. I think this stuff of Doc Love's seems to make her do rather crazy things. First calling me and basically handing herself to me on a platter, repeatedly chasing me when I back off, and now this. :D

BGMan
 

TesuqueRed

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Curious--what does Doc say about this kind of situation where she pursues when you backoff but maybe pulls back herself when you turn around--???

You can't back off forever, can you?

I've tried it--kept it going a long time! But at some point someone has to shift gears and make it happen.

Side note: when you express interest and she backs off in turn, it may mean you're own move was weak in addition to her own reacting to that chase-prey instinct (using the term loosely, but you know what I mean...)

I would think that when you back off, she chases and you--basically--ambush her on the chase: at a certain moment, when she's chasing, you stop everything in the tracks and call her on it. Confront her---but it has to be as simple, direct, and with as few words as possible.

A simple date request could be it. "I'll pick you up 7:00 Friday (pause) dress nice." (mysterious smile).

If she starts to waffle or tries to cancel, then--you don't have to be explicit, your manner or tone will say it all--let her know this is her final chance: she either steps up and becomes a big girl or she'll be LJBF'd back where the 4.2 chicks who are 40 lbs overweight are sitting in the back row as far as you're concerned.

And be absolutely willing to carry through with the un-stated but fully implied threat.

----------basically, I'm wondering how others have handled someone with high IL, someone with quality but who can't seem to bring themselves to finally go for it---the intelligent ones always seem to get emotionally tangled up like this, don't they?--and how do you get the conversion?

Does Doc have suggestions? I've been in this situation occasionally (and been there myself, sorry to say...)
 

BGMan

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Update!

To continue, on our fourth date, we had a rather interesting conversation. Here's a snatch from it:

Me: Yeah, I don't get guilty too easily. (at least, when it's not my fault... I didn't say THIS to her, though).
Her: You have no heart. :)
Me: (sheepish grin) :D
Her: I take it you're not an emotional person?
Me: Not really. I don't believe in showing emotion.
Her: You know, girls are constantly saying they like a guy who is emotional. I think guys are afraid to show emotion.
Me: Maybe that's not the way we're built?

...and so forth. The last time I got into a discussion about "emotion" with a couple of girls, one of them had a serious crush on me. In addition, she admitted she had memorized my phone number, and asked me my birthday (which is in September) and wrote it down. When I mentioned a movie I liked, she said, "we have it; you should come over to watch it."

Anyway, at the end, she started getting slap-happy, and sat in this chair that tips back really easily. She tipped back and fell flat on her back. Her roommate came by, but did nothing, while she was giggling with a stupid grin on her face. It was so obviously deliberate, what she did. Anyway, I teased her about sitting in the chair, and tried to help her up (she's surprisingly heavy for one so thin and curvy -- she apparently has a lot of muscle mass). On the third attempt I (again "accidentally" ;)) fell on top of her (not all the way; her boobs and belly weren't actually touching me) and we were both giggling like idiots. It only lasted a few seconds; her roommate came back and muttered something under her breath, so she pushed me off of herself. I left shortly after that; best to leave on a high note!

Posted originally by TesuqueRed
"I would think that when you back off, she chases and you--basically--ambush her on the chase: at a certain moment, when she's chasing, you stop everything in the tracks and call her on it. Confront her---but it has to be as simple, direct, and with as few words as possible.

A simple date request could be it. "I'll pick you up 7:00 Friday (pause) dress nice." (mysterious smile).

If she starts to waffle or tries to cancel, then--you don't have to be explicit, your manner or tone will say it all--let her know this is her final chance: she either steps up and becomes a big girl or she'll be LJBF'd back where the 4.2 chicks who are 40 lbs overweight are sitting in the back row as far as you're concerned.

And be absolutely willing to carry through with the un-stated but fully implied threat.

----------basically, I'm wondering how others have handled someone with high IL, someone with quality but who can't seem to bring themselves to finally go for it---the intelligent ones always seem to get emotionally tangled up like this, don't they?--and how do you get the conversion?

Does Doc have suggestions? I've been in this situation occasionally (and been there myself, sorry to say...)"


I dunno. I did call him once, and he said just to take her up on her offer and meet with her, and if her behavior was "good", maybe give her another chance. Which is what I have done. This last date happened at about the 40-day mark, so if things continue to go well, it may be curtains for the AFC-hunk BF.

BGMan
 
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BGMan

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Re: WTF???

Originally posted by takfer1
Are you kidding me?
As Dave Barry would say, I swear I'm not making this up! :D

However, she dropped her boyfriend's name for the first time, while she was talking to her roommate, so maybe I should keep my eyes open. :eek:

BGMan
 
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