I've discovered there are 3 ways to start a conversation with a stranger who I maybe want to turn into a friend, date or meetup, but I’ll focus on the most basic one, and that is this...
To start things off, I just ask them an innocent, non-invasive question.
That's it.
There's no magic to it.
But what I do – and this is important – is I make the question relevant to the situation at hand, because this makes it come off natural, tactful and harmless, which makes it easy for them to answer.
What I do is I look at what the person is currently doing at that exact moment, and then I ask them a simple question as it relates to it.
This is how I break the ice and get the conversation started.
For examples...
If I’m in a bookstore and they have a book in their hands, I ask them what book they’re planning to buy.
Or if I’m behind someone at the convenience store who’s buying scratch-and-win tickets, I ask them if they’ve had any luck recently.
Or if I see someone finished a meal beside me at the bar, I ask them how their supper was.
Inevitably, they give me an answer and hopefully say a little more too.
The whole goal in the beginning is just to get them talking to me and most importantly: volunteering information about themselves.
That's key.
Sometimes this just takes one question, and sometimes I have to ask a follow-up question or two to achieve this.
But once they start talking and revealing personal information about themselves through the answers they give me, it's exactly what I'm waiting for because it gives me material to work with. Now I can ask them about the topics they bring up which glimpse into their life, so I start getting to know them and what they're all about as a person.
So if they said the book they're going to buy is on psychology, I immediately know it's one of their interests. Now I can inquire what made them take an interest in psychology, and now I'm on a conversation topic that is dear to their heart.
I've found the trick is to find out what's important to people and in their lives, and then focus the conversation on it.
Meanwhile, as I’m talking about the specific topic, I will also squeeze in short comments and revelations about myself as it relates to that topic, so they slowly get to know me too and start to like me and develop trust in me.
Now I'll keep the conversation on this hot topic going for 3-5 minutes.
And then right when the conversation is reaching a high point, I tell them I have to get going, but it was great chatting and I want to talk to them more about it all later.
This is me first giving them a legitimate reason for them to talk to me again, and this makes it a no-brainer for them to exchange contact info with me.
I now ask them their name and tell them mine (if it hasn't happened yet), and then I pull out a card with a QR Code that links to my Facebook profile, get them to scan it on their phone and friend me.
Then I wish them well and go on my way.
That’s it.
Now I can get in touch with them again through Facebook.
It’s actually pretty easy after you’ve tried it out and gotten some practice and confidence with it.
Then later, I message them, build some rapport through text, and then arrange to meet up for a coffee or a drink to see if we click and if we see potential in a future.
That's how I do it.
To start things off, I just ask them an innocent, non-invasive question.
That's it.
There's no magic to it.
But what I do – and this is important – is I make the question relevant to the situation at hand, because this makes it come off natural, tactful and harmless, which makes it easy for them to answer.
What I do is I look at what the person is currently doing at that exact moment, and then I ask them a simple question as it relates to it.
This is how I break the ice and get the conversation started.
For examples...
If I’m in a bookstore and they have a book in their hands, I ask them what book they’re planning to buy.
Or if I’m behind someone at the convenience store who’s buying scratch-and-win tickets, I ask them if they’ve had any luck recently.
Or if I see someone finished a meal beside me at the bar, I ask them how their supper was.
Inevitably, they give me an answer and hopefully say a little more too.
The whole goal in the beginning is just to get them talking to me and most importantly: volunteering information about themselves.
That's key.
Sometimes this just takes one question, and sometimes I have to ask a follow-up question or two to achieve this.
But once they start talking and revealing personal information about themselves through the answers they give me, it's exactly what I'm waiting for because it gives me material to work with. Now I can ask them about the topics they bring up which glimpse into their life, so I start getting to know them and what they're all about as a person.
So if they said the book they're going to buy is on psychology, I immediately know it's one of their interests. Now I can inquire what made them take an interest in psychology, and now I'm on a conversation topic that is dear to their heart.
I've found the trick is to find out what's important to people and in their lives, and then focus the conversation on it.
Meanwhile, as I’m talking about the specific topic, I will also squeeze in short comments and revelations about myself as it relates to that topic, so they slowly get to know me too and start to like me and develop trust in me.
Now I'll keep the conversation on this hot topic going for 3-5 minutes.
And then right when the conversation is reaching a high point, I tell them I have to get going, but it was great chatting and I want to talk to them more about it all later.
This is me first giving them a legitimate reason for them to talk to me again, and this makes it a no-brainer for them to exchange contact info with me.
I now ask them their name and tell them mine (if it hasn't happened yet), and then I pull out a card with a QR Code that links to my Facebook profile, get them to scan it on their phone and friend me.
Then I wish them well and go on my way.
That’s it.
Now I can get in touch with them again through Facebook.
It’s actually pretty easy after you’ve tried it out and gotten some practice and confidence with it.
Then later, I message them, build some rapport through text, and then arrange to meet up for a coffee or a drink to see if we click and if we see potential in a future.
That's how I do it.
