“All the girls fancy you, but they think you’re gay.”

[Dirtheart]

Here’s one of those good news/bad news situations. I have just been talking to a Uni friend on the phone and during the course of our conversations she asked “You can tell me to mind my own business, but are you gay?” I told her I'm not, but enquired why she would ask.

Her: Well, I suppose it’s because you take care in your appearance, like, you’re always really well dressed and clean cut…it’s a compliment.

Me: Don’t worry I’m not offended, but did you really think I’m gay?

Her: I just wondered. But I’m not the only one.

Me: Really? Have other people said the same thing?

Her: Just what I’ve overheard. I see girls looking at you all the time, but they…forget I said anything.

Me: Go on. Seriously, I’m not offended. I’m glad you brought it up. It might solve a few questions I’ve been asking myself.

Her: I’m sure you know all the girls fancy you, but I hear them talking and they think you’re gay.

Me: Are you serious? The girls fancy me?

Her: Stop pretending to be modest.

Me: I’m not. I have a big grin on my face right now and I’m flattered, but I’d really like to know what I’m doing that makes me appear gay. Do I act like a woman? Speak girly? I know I’m not butch and I communicate with women better than men, but…

Her: No. It’s just…I mean it as a compliment…I’m not saying you look like a girl or anything, or act like one, but you’re like, pristine and always like to look your best. Women love that, by the way. And you’re really classy and charming.

Me: I’m cool with that. If I can trust what you are saying, you have really made my day.


Anyway, she was quite cautious about telling me this and I’m not sure if there’s more to it. I do tend to attract the attention of gay men and I have been asked this question before, but it doesn’t offend me. However, if women fancy me and like my image, I don’t want that to change, but if they think I’m gay, I’m obviously killing my chances.

90% of my friends are female, so maybe I’m picking up some effeminate habits. But basically, what I’m asking is how can I appear more masculine without changing my image? I walk tall, I speak deeply and slowly, but is there anything else I can do?


Ps. In case you are wondering, I didn’t use any c+f routines on her because she’s just a friend and not my type. And I’m not normally so modest.

 

[FlyGuy]

The only way they would think you're gay is if you don't make any moves on them. Try being a bit more aggressive with the ones you want, obviously they don't see you as a sexual person (or at least not sexual around women).

90% of my friends are female

LOL, ok man WTF!? Maybe you are gay? j/k That's pretty crazy though, I don't think I could stand being around that many women if I wasn't banging some of them. Maybe that's just me though. I've always thought guys made better friends.

 

[esroim]

It's not really a good news/bad news situation. She told you that all the girls like you (good thing).
The fact that some of them think your gay doesn't really matter. If you start talking to one of the girls you like she'll realise your not gay. The only problem that could occur out of a situation like this is that some girls will want a very masculine man but as she said it's not like you look like a girl or act like a girl. It's just that you take care of your appearance.
**** changing. Stay as you are. And anyone who distances themselves because they think your gay isn't worth knowing anyway.
If you want, try and make more male friends but don't change.

 

[Beethoven]

Try making yourself a bit rougher looking, but not so much that you damage your good appearance. A little bit of stubble can look good and 'manly'. I think clothing choice comes into this somewhere as well.

Also, do you stick to more masculine or feminine topics when you're speaking? If you only talk about style, fashion, theatre etc, without ever making a rough joke, and ambitious statement or some other 'guy-type' comment, then you're going to sound a bit effeminate. i.e. gay.

 

[JT47319]

You're only gay if you're not ****ing a portion of that 90% of your friends. If you haven't ****ed them, then yeah, it's a problem.

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

I've gotten that several times myself, that people thought I was gay or bi because I'm so metrosexual and VERY hung up on how I look, checking my hair all the time etc. But generally that opinion about me never sticks because it's so obvious I like girls!

I thin that's maybe what you're problem is, you aren't showing your interest in women good enough!

 

[AFK Protector]

GET

A

GIRLFRIEND



That'll shut them up.

 

[taqueso]

Originally posted by AFK Protector
GET

A

GIRLFRIEND



That'll shut them up.

This is the answer.

 

[Hollowpoint]

Originally posted by AFK Protector
GET

A

BOYFRIEND



That'll shut them up.

 

[TyTe`EyEs]

I'm not saying that you're gay, but every dude i've known who was friends with mainly females turned out to be gay.

 

[ScrewIt]

ah...all the benefits of dressing metrosexual.

just be careful, some guys may dislike those pretty boy looks and might decide to kick your ass, so just watchout for yourself.

yep those girls want (desire) what they (think) they cant have, such as assuming your gay.
I wonder if they'd lose interest if they knew you were straight?

other than get a girlfriend....can be a goodd solution.

another soultion is...

GET

SOME

GUY

FRIENDS

but be careful, not all guys want to be friend with a pretty boy.

i used to dress like you, but not completely way out there as you. and my bum dressing/bum looking friend was bitter about it. he's always been envious of my looks ever since i met him anyway.

 

[Ebach]

ScrewIt, bum dressing? What's bum dressing? Someone is envious of your looks? Can't believe that ****. Of course if you slap your friend in his face with your looks he won't like it. Neither will you like it if he whined about his good looks or your ugly face. It's a guy thing. Don't do personal insults if you want to keep your pretty face image and dignitity.

 

[Oxide]

haha, too much of a good thing, i suppose.

i myself had some lines thrown at me about my clean apartment ( first week after i moved in..never been that clean since )..


clothing wise, however, i want to try and clear something up.

I love dressing stylish/nice. My friends sometimes ask me why i am dressing up on a monday night to go to blockbuster, but the truth is, i just like looking good, hell, who doesnt?!


The major difference is, it doesnt take me hours to dress up and make up my hair. I do it quick, so there is no time sacrifice...

I do not go crazy with this meterosexual stuff- actually, i have an idea. here is a list of stuff i do, when it take care of myself... add some stuff that you do, and let's see when it turns from "guy to gay".


My list:
----------

Cut nails with nail clipper. sometimes with sizzors.
Get a haircut whenever my hair is too long. I DECIDE when it is too long.
Take a shower once a day.. depending on how much i work out - up to 2-3 times.
Use shampoo+conditioner... sometimes just shampoo, just becuase all the hair products i use make my hair feel like sh1t.
Wear different underware daily.. sometimes once every two days.... depending on working out process and the amount of clean underware aviable
brush my teeth 2-3 times a day, trying to extend to 40-50 seconds at a time. (braces gotta be clean)
Shave my facial hair once every 3-4 days, i do not grow it quick.
Put cologne on when i am going out.. one puff in the air in front of me, and i walk into it.


Your turn.











About clothes... Evaluate your closet and think "is this making me look good, or is this making me look like a fruitcake?"
I love my ralph loren shirts and underware... but i do not wear those lame ass black net shirts, or leather pants- however i wouldnt mind trying leather pants... seeing if it gets postive reactions from horny college girls.
I also like cut off sleeve shirts- BUT careful with this one. Year ago i used to be quite skinny with no arms/shoulders, so they would make me look queerish... now after gaining some weight, i love the way i look in them.. same goes for muscle shirts.
Long sleeve shirts are cool with a tshirt underneath. match the colors... i wear green underneath, blank white long sleeve shirt on top and blue jeans- looks good.


damn, it's late- ask if u got any more questions...


remember man - do not try to explain to everyone that you are not gay, show them you are not.

 

[Austin Allegro]

As someone said, the main reason people will think you are gay is if you look smart, are friendly and charming, but don't make a move on women.

If a woman finds you attractive, gives you green signals and you don't make a move on her, alarm bells start ringing. The three options they will go through are:

1. He has a girlfriend
2. He is gay
3. He does not find me attractive.

Since they know 1. isn't true, and 3. is too hard for them to bear, they hope for 2. to be the answer.

Take it as a good sign, but make sure you act a bit more manly and go for it with at least one of these women.

 

[Capi Crimini]

People have said the same thing to me. Mainly people who just meat me. They say I don't act gay. But because I'm so clean cut and dress good I look gay. (good thing is gay people don't think so. I've had them say I'm not gay but I could be bi because of the way i wook and dress) but once women know me better they say it as a joke but they really don't think so.

I take it as a compliment. I dunno

 

[Dirtheart]

Thank you all for all the feedback and advice. Now that these things have been pointed out to me I see that many of them do indeed ring true and make a lot of sense.

I admit, I have had a tendency to hold back from giving any kind of sexual signals to women and have perhaps carried a disinterested or untouchable vibe as a result.

I do have hell of a lot of female friends, and a number of them have expressed an interest in me, but most of them are in MY Friend Zone. Those I am interested in, however, are married or in relationships. So generally, I have a lot of women around me, but none I'm making moves on or even flirting with.

I think now that my metrosexual image may just be an additional factor that leads people to think I'm gay. So it could be my personality that needs changing rather than my image.

But how do you portray raw masculine sexuality without looking like a chauvinist or lech?

 

[Ulex]

You should be careful with the more manly approach. I recently have been hanging around with a group of girls and I started not showing interest, while they were all over me. Some of them call me gay. Then I decide to make a move on two of them, and it was a disaster. I almost loose them all because they were all friends. Now I returned to the more quiet behaviour and things returned to normal.

In short, I think with a group of girls one should be careful in DJing hard. Don't give a **** about the gay comments.

Ulex

 

[Austin Allegro]

Ulex has a point. I think sometimes the 'gay' view by women is an unconscious c0ckblock, eg they find you attractive but for whatever reason don't want you to make a move on them, so justify this by thinking 'well he's probably gay'.

Then when you DO make a move, the c0ckblock is broken and panic sets in because they know they can' t innocently fancy you/flirt with you anymore. Suddenly you become like 'all the other men' and your allure/mystery is gone, and you'll find they don't want to hang around anymore.

This definitely happened to me at least once.

 

[Dan_DJ]

Originally posted by Dirtheart
But how do you portray raw masculine sexuality without looking like a chauvinist or lech?

That's a difficult question. In most cases, you either have the "macho" image or you don't.

 

[Dirtheart]

Thanks again. This is very interesting. I don't mind people wondering if I'm gay and I wouldn't want to risk losing friends, but at the same time I wouldn't want it to impair my chances with women.

I think the solution then is to reserve my flirting/masculine behaviour for women who have no predetermined opinion of me.