Why Men Have Given Up On Dating Women

[zekko]

I know a fair share of people, and not one couple amongst them started from the man cold approaching… or warm approaching either!

Cold approaching is better suited for casual sex and one night stands than for LTRs IMO. If you have social connections, and you know a girl, you probably have some idea of what she is like personally, what her values and interests are, how she responds to you, whether or not you like her, etc. We all like an attractive woman, but what makes the difference for a LTR in the next cut is personality. To find someone suitable for what you want in an LTR, cold approaching would be like throwing a frisbee into a large crowd and hoping it lands on someone with all your requirements. The odds are incredibly low. Now if it's just finding a girl who might be willing to have sex with you, the odds are still low, but they're much better.

 

[self_is_an_illusion]

I wanted to understand the MGTOW movement, so I asked a few guys their reasons for giving up on dating. Here’s what I gathered:

Why Men Have Given Up On Dating Women

Understanding #MGTOW movement.

katya-koval.medium.com

Women see most men as disposable. They have fun with you and use you while they surreptitiously look for a better man. I am not interested in being a placeholder, so I’ve decided to withdraw from it all. Women deserve a good man and they can go look for him, but I won’t subsidize their search with compliments and free dinners.” — KD, 33 years old.

“I always give my 110% when I go into a relationship. I have never been the one to end things, and every time I get out of a relationship I am crushed and feel lost. And I am so tired of that. So. Bloody. Tired. I don’t have the energy to give that 110% anymore. I’m worn down and tired. You can keep hitting your head against the walls, but the walls are never going to change. You’ll just end up hurt.”

“My last relationship drained me mentally, emotionally, and physically. Thank god that she broke up with me. I’m not even bitter. It made me realize that I don’t want to be with anyone anymore. I just want my dogs, coffee, and gym.”

“Dating women requires a lot of money and effort with very little chance of reciprocation. If someone genuine falls in my lap, I would consider it. Otherwise, it’s not worth my time. I have better things to do.”

“I find dating tedious and a waste of time. I have never looked forward to going on a date in my whole life. I know it will be the same old forced conversations with women who I won’t fall in love with and will never see again. I’d rather be with friends or just relax at home.”

Another guy says, “Why play a game you can’t win? This might sound like a defeatist attitude but everyone’s endurance to losing has its limit. You lost one game of chess. It’s okay. You lost 10. You think, “Maybe I need to change my approach.” But if you lose every game you play, you will surely say, “Maybe I shouldn’t play chess anymore.” It’s the same thing with dating. If you keep losing and losing, of course you want to give up.”

“I have not completely given up on dating. But I have very little hope. I’m 30 years old, have a career, own a nice home, reasonably fit, have hobbies, etc. But only once in my entire existence did I find someone who’s decent (someone capable of functioning like an adult) that gave me a chance. EVERYONE else who showed interest in me was/is a complete train wreck (someone who can’t hold down a job, no driver’s license, and probably wouldn’t pass the background checks required to get into my workplace. I am better off single than attaching my life to the kinds of women I typically find in my area.”

“Nearing my 30’s, I started caring more about a woman’s personality, effort, and our compatibility. Sadly, dating during these times, most of the women I’ve talked to bore me or show no enthusiasm. It’s discouraging when they don’t reciprocate my energy and positivity. What I’ve noticed is that women in their early 20’s are too immature. While women in their mid 20’s to 30’s are looking for a normal, simple life, which I am not. It would be nice to find someone I align with mentally, but that’s a very small number of women. At this point in my life, I don’t care. I’d rather work on myself.”

“My life is better now. I am not gonna say all women are bad, but the good ones usually want nothing to do with me; and that’s fine. But some women can be unreasonably demanding and I feel like I’m never going to be good enough. Last year I started doing some solo travels and getting into a few hobbies. I’m proud to say that I have been single for a year now and I am loving it.”

“From past experiences, women treat me like money, security, and a place to stay — not as a partner, friend, or lover. Right now, I’m taking a break and focusing on enjoying my life.”

“I do not feel motivated to put in the effort. It’s been a year since I’ve given up dating and I have grown to love my peace where I do not have my every action, purchase, and thought questioned or attacked.”

“I haven’t completely given up on dating women, but am currently on hiatus. I may end up alone forever. Probably because my standards are too high. Still, I won’t settle until I can find someone who holds herself to the same standards she holds me to.”

“To be honest, I’m just tired. I feel like every girl I meet has a list of expectations for me. I just want to be myself.”

“I hate the way people make me feel, especially when they compare me to others. I hate feeling like I’m in an audition where I have to open up a part of me so they can deliberate if I’m “good enough.” And if I’m not, I risk being thrown out and treated like an unwanted stray. I don’t want that.”

———————

Thoughts?

I can totally understand where you’re coming from. It’s tough when you put so much effort into relationships and don’t feel like it’s reciprocated, or when you’re constantly judged and compared to others. The emotional toll that comes with repeatedly giving your all and ending up hurt can make anyone question the whole process.

That said, it’s also important to recognize that not every relationship or person will have the same dynamics. While it can be tempting to pull away completely, sometimes the key might lie in setting clearer boundaries and being more intentional about the types of connections you want to form. But at the same time, taking time for yourself and focusing on personal growth is equally important, being content in your own company is a valuable place to be.

Everyone deserves to feel valued and respected, and if you’re not finding that in the dating world, taking a break to heal and recharge might be the best choice for now. Just remember, not all women are the same, and while dating can be draining, there are still meaningful connections out there when the time is right.

 

[self_is_an_illusion]

Sounds like a bunch of people that have the mentality of lifelong losers.

And when you have the mentality of a loser, it should come as no surprise that you lose more often than not.

I see where you’re coming from, but I think it’s important to recognize that people’s experiences shape how they view things. For a lot of these guys, it’s not about a ‘loser mentality,’ but rather the result of repeated disappointment or emotional exhaustion. When you keep putting yourself out there and it feels like the effort isn’t being reciprocated, it’s easy to become disillusioned.

It’s not so much about labeling people as losers, but more about trying to protect themselves after repeated setbacks. Acknowledging the tough experiences people go through and allowing space for them to process can help shift the conversation from judgment to understanding. Everyone’s journey is different, and sometimes taking a step back is part of the healing process before re-engaging with the world.

 

[self_is_an_illusion]

This is key, sadly, a majority of men will never get to that point. this is why I consider most MGTOW hypocrites. why focus on women so much in their content? yet claim not to care if you truly focused on going your own way you would live your life and abundance would be a byproduct of that. But I think most MGTOW (not all) have boring lives so they watch Sandman as a form of cope. Instead of living a purposeful life

While the notion of ‘abundance’ he’s describing is appealing, it’s important to recognize that human behavior is often shaped by much deeper psychological needs than simple detachment or aloofness. What many men in the MGTOW movement are expressing is the result of emotional pain, unmet expectations, and, perhaps, a deep sense of betrayal or frustration. These aren’t trivial matters. they’re profound human experiences that can lead to a reorientation of one’s goals and desires.

The idea that living a purpose-driven life naturally leads to an effortless attraction or ‘abundance’ oversimplifies the complexity of human relationships. Attraction is not just a byproduct of disinterest or aloofness; it’s tied to a wide array of factors, including emotional connection, mutual respect, and the inherent vulnerability that comes with intimacy. To say that most MGTOW individuals are simply ‘coping’ through content like Sandman may miss the deeper existential dissatisfaction many are grappling with.

The key is to approach these experiences with understanding, both of oneself and of others, and to recognize that the pain or disillusionment many men are experiencing may be a symptom of a broader societal shift. While the pursuit of purpose is a noble one, it’s important to also consider how our relationships, or lack thereof, impact our emotional and psychological well-being.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I see where you’re coming from, but I think it’s important to recognize that people’s experiences shape how they view things. For a lot of these guys, it’s not about a ‘loser mentality,’ but rather the result of repeated disappointment or emotional exhaustion. When you keep putting yourself out there and it feels like the effort isn’t being reciprocated, it’s easy to become disillusioned.

It’s not so much about labeling people as losers, but more about trying to protect themselves after repeated setbacks. Acknowledging the tough experiences people go through and allowing space for them to process can help shift the conversation from judgment to understanding. Everyone’s journey is different, and sometimes taking a step back is part of the healing process before re-engaging with the world.

I didn't label them as losers, I said they had the mindset of a loser. And regardless of the reason, it still is the case.

Apparently I am built different than most other people where "losing" or "failure" doesn't discourage me, it actually drives me harder.

It's like I don't go slow down and then go park the car, I rev the engine and floor it.

But my experiences have been different. In one way or another, I have had people tell me all my life that "I couldn't do something" and never listened to it and instead went out and did what they claimed I couldn't do. Over and over and over and over again.

Athletically, career wise, in my personal life, etc...and it wasn't necessarily directed towards me, in a negative manner, sometimes more of a "don't get your hopes up" type thing, but I took it as a challenge regardless...and I am going to win. Always. If it's the last thing I do, I will win.

I'm the dude diving for the ball in pickup basketball games and boxing people out like it's game 7 of the finals. But you best believe that I was one of the most sought after player on any team no matter the sport...even if I wasn't particularly good at it(although I was at least average in pretty much anything I played, soccer and football I was exceptional) because as one kid told others when they picked me first when choosing teams when other people laughed at him for taking me first(it was in hockey which I was OK at) "I don't care, his teams always win".

And guess what we did that day?

We Won.

 

[JacquesMemoirs]

The problem with this whole topic is we all go by different definitions of what Cold Approach even is. Some venues are going to reflect differently than others for this sort of thing.

but the name certainly suggests being cold. Obviously, I’d rather make a warm approach with just about anyone, not just attractive babes.

I’m extroverted but this is not the 1990’s anymore where you Cold approach

 

[Solomon]

While the notion of ‘abundance’ he’s describing is appealing, it’s important to recognize that human behavior is often shaped by much deeper psychological needs than simple detachment or aloofness. What many men in the MGTOW movement are expressing is the result of emotional pain, unmet expectations, and, perhaps, a deep sense of betrayal or frustration. These aren’t trivial matters. they’re profound human experiences that can lead to a reorientation of one’s goals and desires.

If they are dealing with emotional pain, a deep sense of frustration and all those things you mentioned watching videos about "Women Hitting The Wall Part 34" isn't gonna fix that ****, It's like a person who starts doing drugs due to a painful situation, sure it's going to feel good at first to mask the pain. However, you're going to keep trying to chase the high by doing more, eventually turning into an addict. THe pain never goes away if you don't address it! The point is drugs isn't the answer! They need therapy. Watching content that doesn't do anything for you but just confirming your biased to me is quite frankly, a waste of time; it's not living a life of abundance

While the notion of ‘abundance’ he’s describing is appealing, it’s important to recognize that human behavior is often shaped by much deeper psychological needs than simple detachment or aloofness. What many men in the MGTOW movement are expressing is the result of emotional pain, unmet expectations, and, perhaps, a deep sense of betrayal or frustration. These aren’t trivial matters. they’re profound human experiences that can lead to a reorientation of one’s goals and desires.

The idea that living a purpose-driven life naturally leads to an effortless attraction or ‘abundance’ oversimplifies the complexity of human relationships. Attraction is not just a byproduct of disinterest or aloofness; it’s tied to a wide array of factors, including emotional connection, mutual respect, and the inherent vulnerability that comes with intimacy. To say that most MGTOW individuals are simply ‘coping’ through content like Sandman may miss the deeper existential dissatisfaction many are grappling with.

The key is to approach these experiences with understanding, both of oneself and of others, and to recognize that the pain or disillusionment many men are experiencing may be a symptom of a broader societal shift. While the pursuit of purpose is a noble one, it’s important to also consider how our relationships, or lack thereof, impact our emotional and psychological well-being.

I do not care for women who dress in gothstyle, guess what I do not waste my time thinking about them nor talking about them all day. If they are not having healthy emotional connections or relationships with respect. Then they need to go to therapy first as mentioned before and then go outside and meet people

I tried to understand MGTOW I have even spend a lot of time in their spaces. I even hung out with a MGTOW guy offered to give him game on the crypto market etc. Most just wanted to ***** and complain about women. Sorry but I find it cringe to hear men whining about women all the time it's soft to me and comes of bitchmade

 

[self_is_an_illusion]

The creepy label is because you’re not living an honest life. Like you hide things. Maybe you look at porn. You jerk off. You do weird things. You are lying. You have dirty hands and dirty psychology.

You’re not living a clean life. You’re damaging yourself somehow. You’re lazy about things. You’re sneaking around. You’re doing things wrong, or spiritually off, and women’s response is giving you the creepy label.

Maybe your voice is off. The creepy label is also connected to a man’s eyes. It’s connected to the quality of a man’s skin. The manner that he walks. The ways he interacts in social situations. A lot creepy guys just have a certain dullness in their eyes, like they are lazy, and they are not properly dressed or socially calibrated.

Plenty of unattractive men are not creepy. If you look really good you can get away with more but even the best looking guys can throw it all away and find themselves being labeled a creepshow.

It’s just what women naturally do and should not be taken personally.

Women can identify the most minute information from a man’s eyes, his voice, his skin, his movements. They are designed to spot a creep from a mile away

It’s understandable to feel shame about certain behaviors, especially if you’ve internalized societal judgment. However, it’s important to recognize that exploring sexuality through things like porn or masturbation is a normal part of many people’s lives. What's essential is being honest with yourself, understanding your needs, and ensuring that you are practicing healthy, respectful behaviors. Shaming yourself or others can be counterproductive, and there are ways to engage in these activities responsibly without letting them affect your self-worth or interactions with others.

 

[self_is_an_illusion]

Let those guys try dating the other man-babies they're still playing Dungeons&Dragons and attending Star Wars Cons with then...

A trip to The ER, so as to have a poorly lubed anus stitched back together, and a few months spent swallowing other dudes's semen just might revive their affinity for cooter

Let us be unequivocally clear: what you have said is nothing short of disgraceful. This is not some misguided attempt at humor, it is a glaring manifestation of toxic masculinity, and it is beneath you in every conceivable way. What is most disturbing here is not merely the vile language you’ve chosen, but the mindset that underpins it. In your attempt to tear down others, you are, in fact, eroding your own sense of self-worth and your capacity for meaningful, authentic relationships.

Do you genuinely believe that denigrating others, reducing them to crude stereotypes, will improve your own life? Are you so consumed by insecurity and bitterness that you feel the need to drag others through the mud in a futile attempt to assert control? This is not a display of power, it is, instead, a stark indicator of your profound dissatisfaction with your own inability to engage with the world in a mature, healthy manner.

You may think that such statements make you appear tough or edgy, but they only serve to reveal the narrowness of your perspective. The true measure of a man is not found in insults and dehumanization, but in the ability to step back, reflect, and recognize the humanity in all people, particularly those with whom you may disagree or fail to understand.

What you may perceive as cleverness is, in fact, a transparent signal that you are trapped in an unending cycle of bitterness and self-loathing. It is time to shake off this self-destructive pattern and understand that true strength is found in kindness, self-honesty, and the cultivation of healthy relationships, not in spewing vitriol and clinging to insults as though they are badges of honor.

If you ever aspire to garner real respect, you must cease hiding behind your crude language. Instead, demonstrate that you are capable of standing up for yourself in ways that command respect, ways that inspire admiration, not fear or revulsion. You are better than this, though you will only come to recognize it once you stop projecting your inner turmoil onto others.

 

[self_is_an_illusion]

women today are pump and dump dumpster for lesser men

theirs a reason why all these rich men nowadays have foreign wives

and I’m sure that will become novelty at some point

will probably get to a point where certain women are bread legally for wifey material

This is a deeply derogatory and negative perspective toward women. It’s important to challenge these views because they don’t reflect reality or the complexities of human relationships. Women, like men, are diverse, multi-dimensional people who deserve respect. Reducing women to one-dimensional stereotypes only perpetuates negativity and misses the richness of real, meaningful connections. Everyone, regardless of gender, deserves to be treated with respect and dignity.

 

[The Duke]

This is a deeply derogatory and negative perspective toward women. It’s important to challenge these views because they don’t reflect reality or the complexities of human relationships. Women, like men, are diverse, multi-dimensional people who deserve respect. Reducing women to one-dimensional stereotypes only perpetuates negativity and misses the richness of real, meaningful connections. Everyone, regardless of gender, deserves to be treated with respect and dignity.

Hey Self, you are really good at criticizing how others think and what they believe. How about say your piece and STFU? Or just leave the forum for good. You constantly argue with every one and it's obvious you are a fraud.

 

[BaronOfHair]

You are better than this...

You obviously aren't especially familiar with me

 

[BaronOfHair]

Everyone, regardless of gender, deserves to be treated with respect and dignity.

Had you found yourself scrubbing chamber pots in Liz Bathory's castle, at some point during The late 1500s, your thoughts likely wouldn't be so wishy washy

 

[Smok1nAce]

This is a deeply derogatory and negative perspective toward women. It’s important to challenge these views because they don’t reflect reality or the complexities of human relationships. Women, like men, are diverse, multi-dimensional people who deserve respect. Reducing women to one-dimensional stereotypes only perpetuates negativity and misses the richness of real, meaningful connections. Everyone, regardless of gender, deserves to be treated with respect and dignity.

Any self respecting man generations ago would have never entertained the idea of even touching some of these women.

The idea that your an “alpha” male because sleeping with a female that has slept with 10 other men is a fallacy and breaks the logic of being an alpha.

I would even argue it’s more “alpha” to be a virgin with modern women. At least then you can claim some respect about yourself.

Now obviously all this is just talk and not how the real world works but it’s notion hold’s true.

The dude bros who flex that he slept with a woman who’s slept with numerous other men isn’t the flex it was 10 years ago.

Same way years ago the idea of you can’t turn a ho3 into a house wife was dating 101.

And society wonders why modern men aren’t dating but let media and norms tell you it’s men’s fault.

No not every woman is a *****. I’m old enough to remember the days of that. But the vast majority of them nowadays are. Men are just accepting the facts. It’s what men have done for thousands of years when presented with reality.

Thats the reason why and you knuckleheads can’t seem to understand that cause you’re drenched in the media. Sex, important to men but respect and honor outweighs it.

That’s why it’s becoming more acceptable to be a single man even women are realizing it (but they won’t admit it) that the average modern women is a troublesome *****.

 

[The Duke]

This is a deeply derogatory and negative perspective toward women. It’s important to challenge these views because they don’t reflect reality or the complexities of human relationships. Women, like men, are diverse, multi-dimensional people who deserve respect. Reducing women to one-dimensional stereotypes only perpetuates negativity and misses the richness of real, meaningful connections. Everyone, regardless of gender, deserves to be treated with respect and dignity.

You really are a bitter, angry woman. There is nothing diverse, or multi-dimensional about you. You talk a lot about respect, but you haven't shown this forum any. Spoken like a woman, who has no idea what respect means to a man. No man rambles on and on with a onesided view promoting women, while putting down men.

I'm not letting up on you, I will keep calling you out until you are banned or quit posting.