The most confident way to ask a woman out via text

[JST8828]

Just a FYI.

Suggesting a specific time or date without first considering her schedule often leads to rejection without a counteroffer. It also creates a sense of negative compliance momentum. Yore twice as likely to get a yes if you first ask when she’s available for example, turning 25% odds into 50%.

It’s a common mistake men make - thinking, I want to see her, this time works for me, and suggesting it without factoring in her availability.

Simply checking her schedule first before proposing a plan drastically increases your chances of success.

Good stuff asking her out though even though the odds were really low.

I kind of agree, but it still would be hard to believe a woman that’s truly interested wouldnt counter in some form. it’s also not like I asked her for one specific day. what would your text have looked like?

 

[New_Journey]

Suggesting a specific time or date without first considering her schedule often leads to rejection without a counteroffer.

If you do that in person like telling her that you're going somewhere and to join you, this is the preferred method, it shows confidence, showing that you're different from guys who invite via text, if she can't they often reschedule if they like you.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She just got back from a trip the night before, so I texted her
"So was (trip location) all you had hoped for? Looks like I'm not going to be running into (store name that she works at where I've seen her most lately) anytime soon. What would you think of grabbing a drink on one of your days off to tell me all about your trip? My treat"

She responds by saying "It was amazing! I'm busy this week but maybe next"

I simply wrote "Sounds good, let me know when you're free"

And that was that. Nothing else. No specific day mentioned, no real enthusiasm about my offer. Could have asked her specifically when she's free next week but I didn't want to come off at all desperate. Oh well. Win some you lose some. Next...

When I said it didn't matter what you say when you ask her, that didn't include being a supplicating beggar...

Yikes.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I kind of agree, but it still would be hard to believe a woman that’s truly interested wouldnt counter in some form. it’s also not like I asked her for one specific day. what would your text have looked like?

I wouldn’t have texted her. She had to invest a little bit before I asked to hang out and I mentioned in the first post. After 2 initiations it would have been hard to get off the hole you digged. Other members may have a different mentality to increase the odds or decrease the time spend on this girl, however, I don’t think there were any words that you could have said for her to agree to a meet up.

Try going after high interest women since they are subtitle to your influence. Again, if she really was interested to see you she would move mountains to see you whatever day you picked (get a babysitter, call in sick, tell the husband to beat it, etc).

 

[New_Journey]

IMO we should close this post. OP already what the answer of the girl rejecting him. If OP wants to learn more about seduction, he should make a new thread.

 

[Harry Wilmington IDS]

Just a FYI.

Suggesting a specific time or date without first considering her schedule often leads to rejection without a counteroffer. It also creates a sense of negative compliance momentum. Yore twice as likely to get a yes if you first ask when she’s available for example, turning 25% odds into 50%.

It’s a common mistake men make - thinking, I want to see her, this time works for me, and suggesting it without factoring in her availability.

Simply checking her schedule first before proposing a plan drastically increases your chances of success.

Good stuff asking her out though even though the odds were really low.

If this has worked for you, then by all means keep doing it. However, in all my years of dating and being in relationships (including the woman I'm engaged to now), I've gotten far more yeses for dates by NOT asking what their schedule is.

I frame my ask the way I said the OP should do it: I tell them I want to take them out, and I give them the option of 2 days that I'M available. Now, if she can't do either days that's fine and she's free to suggest a day that would work better... but why do I do it this way?

Simple: because I want HER making time for a date based on MY schedule, not hers.

It's a power dynamic play. Of the two of you, you should be the leader, which is what she wants you to be. Therefore, she should be trying to fit her life into YOUR schedule (i.e. follow your lead and when YOU have time for her), not the other way around.

You give them the option of 2 days so it makes them feel like they have power of choice. That also lets them know you're free more than one day, so if those days don't work for her you're possibly open to another day.

This is just one small example of communication dynamics that men don't understand. For women, who are great at picking up passive language and social cues (as a generality), you don't have to spell out everything for them in order to have good communication. In this case, you don't have to use word salad to get them on a date by saying ALL the things like "hey I want to take you out and I want to make sure you're ok with where we go and what we do and oh by the way can you check your schedule to see if you can fit me into it?"

Less words = more power. "Hey, we should get drinks, I'm free Tuesday or Thursday, lmk".

Lastly, the real reason asking her schedule is a waste of time is because WOMEN WILL ALWAYS BREAK THEIR SCHEDULE FOR MEN THEY LIKE. And for men they don't like, they'll bring up a scheduling conflict of their own accord. Either way, it again means you don't have to ask them about it because their answer to you will let you know if they feel you're worth their time.

 

[Clockwerk50]

If this has worked for you, then by all means keep doing it. However, in all my years of dating and being in relationships (including the woman I'm engaged to now), I've gotten far more yeses for dates by NOT asking what their schedule is.

I frame my ask the way I said the OP should do it: I tell them I want to take them out, and I give them the option of 2 days that I'M available. Now, if she can't do either days that's fine and she's free to suggest a day that would work better... but why do I do it this way?

Simple: because I want HER making time for a date based on MY schedule, not hers.

It's a power dynamic play. Of the two of you, you should be the leader, which is what she wants you to be. Therefore, she should be trying to fit her life into YOUR schedule (i.e. follow your lead and when YOU have time for her), not the other way around.

You give them the option of 2 days so it makes them feel like they have power of choice. That also lets them know you're free more than one day, so if those days don't work for her you're possibly open to another day.

This is just one small example of communication dynamics that men don't understand. For women, who are great at picking up passive language and social cues (as a generality), you don't have to spell out everything for them in order to have good communication. In this case, you don't have to use word salad to get them on a date by saying ALL the things like "hey I want to take you out and I want to make sure you're ok with where we go and what we do and oh by the way can you check your schedule to see if you can fit me into it?"

Less words = more power. "Hey, we should get drinks, I'm free Tuesday or Thursday, lmk".

Lastly, the real reason asking her schedule is a waste of time is because WOMEN WILL ALWAYS BREAK THEIR SCHEDULE FOR MEN THEY LIKE. And for men they don't like, they'll bring up a scheduling conflict of their own accord. Either way, it again means you don't have to ask them about it because their answer to you will let you know if they feel you're worth their time.

This is a hypothetical outcome tree of how the texting would be if you asked for her schedule and didn’t?

Scenario 1 (asking for her schedule):
Clockwerk50: How's your schedule looking this weekend?
Her: I don't have anything planned, I might be busy, why?
Clockwerk50: We should get drinks together this weekend.
Her: I can't, my grandma is sick. I have to go see her.

Scenario 2 (asking for her schedule):
Clockwerk50: How's your schedule looking this weekend?
Her: I don't Mr. Clockwerk, how about you?
Clockwerk50: We should get drinks together this weekend.
Her: Yes, for sure! I can't wait

Scenario 3 (giving two options):
Clockwerk50: Hey, we should grab drinks. I'm free Tuesday or Friday, let me know.
Her: Not sure, my friend might want to schedule something. I'll let you know!

Scenario 4 (giving two options):
Clockwerk50: Hey, we should grab drinks. I'm free Tuesday or Friday, let me know.
Her: Yes, for sure! Le & know what time.

Scenario 5 (she makes herself accessible):
Her: Hey Clockwerk, I have something to do this weekend but let me know if you can meet so l can cancel it.

Her level of interest dictates the outcome, not the wording. If she likes you, she'll make time - if not, she'll flake or stall. Asking for her schedule doesn't mean you're not leading, you still have to propose a date and plan.

Remember, seduction is the process of drawing people in, making them want to peruse you and possess you. If women are not trying then you are doing something wrong.

 

[Harry Wilmington IDS]

Her level of interest dictates the outcome, not the wording. If she likes you, she'll make time - if not, she'll flake or stall. Asking for her schedule doesn't mean you're not leading, you still have to propose a date and plan.

Yeeeeah no. Wording absolutely matters, especially to women. Women don’t make decisions in a vacuum—how you phrase your invite affects how she perceives you.

Your argument assumes her interest is fixed, but attraction is fluid. A confident, well-worded invite can increase her interest, while a weak or passive one can change her impression of you and completely kill her desire. For exmaple:

• Giving the option of two days makes you the decision-maker; asking for her schedule puts you in a passive position, subtly seeking her approval. For most women, that's a turn-off
• “What’s your schedule like?” makes her think too much. “I’m free Tuesday or Friday, let me know” makes it easy—she just picks or counters. Leaving it open to her gives her too many options, which can hinder her from picking anything.
• You literally proved my point in your own example: “Hey, I have something to do this weekend, but let me know if you can meet so I can cancel it.” That’s exactly why giving set options works. If she’s into you, she’ll adjust. If she’s not, she’ll stall or say no—either way, you don’t need to ask her schedule.

If interest was the only factor, guys wouldn’t see better results just by changing how they word their texts. But they do, and that’s proof wording matters.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Yeeeeah no. Wording absolutely matters, especially to women. Women don’t make decisions in a vacuum—how you phrase your invite affects how she perceives you.

Your argument assumes her interest is fixed, but attraction is fluid. A confident, well-worded invite can increase her interest, while a weak or passive one can change her impression of you and completely kill her desire.

Absolutely agree with this^^. Specifically that attraction for women is fluid especially during early stages and can literally change on a dime.

Depending on the woman and the type of man and relationship she seeks, she may view your words one of two ways.

Asking what day(s) work for her she will view as respectful and polite. No "word salad" required, just a simple question "hey I'd love to take you out next week, what days work best for you"? Personally I love that!

Versus telling her what days YOU are free and expecting her to comply with YOUR schedule which she may view as pompous, arrogant and demanding.

I've felt both ways tbh.

Just be you, find a balance.

Best to not follow some script as every women is different and thus will respond in different often opposing ways to the same stimuli.

 

[New_Journey]

Asking what day(s) work for her she will view as respectful and polite.

This Thursday at 8:30pm there is a salsa dancing event, I want you to come with me, I'll pick you up at 8, wear high heels.

telling her what days YOU are free and expecting her to comply with YOUR schedule which she may view as pompous, arrogant and demanding.

But I am a pompous, arrogant and demanding guy, and sexy too.

 

[Sega Genesis]

This Thursday at 8:30pm there is a salsa dancing event, I want you to come with me, I'll pick you up at 8, wear high heels.

How about this?

"This Thursday at 8:30pm there is a salsa dancing event, I'd love if you couid join me, are you free? If so, I'll pick you up at 8, wear high heels.

Up to you NJ, personally I prefer what I posted it sounds more respectful of her time while also expressing your interest in taking her out.

It shouldn't be just about what you want, you're in this thing together right? Just asking, you may feel differently.

But some women may prefer your style too!

It's not black and white, dating and how we express ourselves is always nuanced with many different shades of gray.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Just text her "you need to come over tonight, my c0ck ain't gonna suck itself."

 

[Sega Genesis]

Just text her "you need to come over tonight, my c0ck ain't gonna suck itself."

Lol there are certain women who would respond positively to that too!! Even before a first date!

Again all depends on the type of man and relationship she seeks.

 

[New_Journey]

personally I prefer what I posted it sounds more respectful of her time while also expressing your interest

I don't care how you feel it. I'm not responsible for how something makes you feel.

This Thursday at 8:30pm there is a salsa dancing event, I'd love if you couid join me, are you free? If so, I'll pick you up at 8

Okay, see you at 8.

"you need to come over tonight, my c0ck ain't gonna suck itself."

That's a good one

 

[Sega Genesis]

I don't care how you feel it. I'm not responsible for how something makes you feel.

^^Bolded, nor should you be! Which is why I didn't say my way of wording it made me "feel" a certain way.

It's just what I (and other women I know) would "prefer" and more likely to accept the invite for reasons previously stated.

Now if you don't care what I (or the woman you want to take out) "prefers" and just want things done your way (and I'm not judging you if you do) that's certainly your perogative!

Like I said she may prefer YOUR style! I was just offering an alternative.

Okay, see you at 8.

Agree NJ. When a woman is sufficiently attracted, she tends to be agreeable and compliant.

 

[Smartone84]

Step one is definitely making sure you and your words come off as confident. After that, it comes down to their overall interest level imo. I've had success and failures mentioning a couple of days for the chick to pick from and I've had success and failure simply saying "We should grab drinks one night soon/next week. Would be fun.". As long as their interest level is above a 5 or so, they'll either pick a day or say something along the lines of "Sure" or "Sounds great", then you proceed to discuss a day and time.

 

[New_Journey]

Agree NJ. When a woman is sufficiently attracted, she tends to be agreeable and compliant.

You're learning, good!

 

[Clockwerk50]

Yeeeeah no. Wording absolutely matters, especially to women. Women don’t make decisions in a vacuum—how you phrase your invite affects how she perceives you.

Your argument assumes her interest is fixed, but attraction is fluid. A confident, well-worded invite can increase her interest, while a weak or passive one can change her impression of you and completely kill her desire. For exmaple:

• Giving the option of two days makes you the decision-maker; asking for her schedule puts you in a passive position, subtly seeking her approval. For most women, that's a turn-off
• “What’s your schedule like?” makes her think too much. “I’m free Tuesday or Friday, let me know” makes it easy—she just picks or counters. Leaving it open to her gives her too many options, which can hinder her from picking anything.
• You literally proved my point in your own example: “Hey, I have something to do this weekend, but let me know if you can meet so I can cancel it.” That’s exactly why giving set options works. If she’s into you, she’ll adjust. If she’s not, she’ll stall or say no—either way, you don’t need to ask her schedule.

If interest was the only factor, guys wouldn’t see better results just by changing how they word their texts. But they do, and that’s proof wording matters.

Not to get into a big argument, but l've said before - men are mainly aroused by what they see, while women are influenced by words, stories, and emotional connection. Being good with words is the male equivalent of a woman sending nudes.

That said, we're arguing semantics. If your approach is a little textbook-like, you already know attraction can't be negotiated. OP was looking for the magic text to turn a dry, careless texter into an engaged one — it doesn't exist. Once a woman is attracted, the small details of how you phrase an invite won't drastically shift her desire. That's the law of diminishing returns - the more attraction she already feels, the less impact the perfect wording will have via text. Sometimes I ask what she's doing on Thursday before I pop the question — it doesn't really matter if the tingles are there. I mean, l'm not an NPC,

What does kill attraction is when she sub-communicates that she wants you to ask her out or kiss her — and you don't proceed. That's when your game is sloppy. Anything is better than nothing.