Ghosted after bringing her to orgasm

[SW15]

It’s not worth it unless you want that green card lol. Sex was always wild and fun though.

I haven't had a desire to get a green card for Australia.

I can imagine that sex with an Australian woman would be wild and fun if a man can get past all the ideological bullcrap.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Yeah, a bit much with eagerness with sex is a major flaw I've been trying to work on. I probably tried to subtly bring up sex multiple times and she'd say not tonight. I think I decided to do that because I had to lead so much for how shy she was. I wrote her again because she took freaking hours to respond with an address.

Also, could have to do with cold approaching takimg a lot of my time and effort and the fact that I usually only have a night with tourists. I'm really not used to girls chasing, but I'm still learning

Something that I got from a video once, that stuck with me was that most girls you meet out of cold approaching are on the fence. They aren't set on a yes or no until you can hook them or not, so a bit of persistence can pay off



Can't think of anything odd I said during the drive. It was pretty laid back and I bought her a fast food meal along the way since she was hungry. I don't feel I hinted at anything longer term, and I'd pull back for her to ask questions and initiate. I'd lightly tease/flirt to keep it spicy

Trying to subtly make sex happen multiple times probably backfired

And yeah, I half expected her to chase and initiate via text after that, so I gave some room, but no dice. Just radio silence

It could be. It could be that you were too impatient, but at the same time, I think you could have gotten further if your logistics were in place, such as at night, drinks, near your house, etc. It’s also hard to analyze what her needs were at the moment. Maybe she needed to be desired by another man, maybe she was looking for a romantic and slow connection, maybe she was ovulating and you were the chosen one, or she simply thought you were going to be a better prospect than the ones in her roster. It may seem like luck, but the trick is to not leave things up to chance.

Maybe @BPH can chime in since he recently got laid with a flight attendant or something like that, who was leaving the country and was also on a time constraint.

Two things that may help you fix your state of mind in future encounters:

1. Frame yourself as someone who doesn’t need others, you’ll notice they tend to lean in more when you seem whole without them.
2. You must learn to adapt yourself and feel their moods. If you sense defensiveness, take a step back. When you sense they’re opening up, push forward.

Regardless, you know you just need to keep it moving. The good thing about all of this is that a sexual seduction, or getting close to one in completion like this, makes the next one easier. And there are obviously other factors in your favor that are currently making you confident so that is always a plus.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I haven't had a desire to get a green card for Australia.

I can imagine that sex with an Australian woman would be wild and fun if a man can get past all the ideological bullcrap.

I think it was the age gap TBH. I was 30 and she was barely 21 at the time still in college. Plus, I monkey branched to her from a previous relationship which was a mess in itself.

 

[SW15]

@BPH can chime in since he recently got laid with a flight attendant or something like that, who was leaving the country and was also on a time constraint.

@BPH did get laid with a flight attendant in Philadelphia. This is a woman who lives in Philadelphia and travels a lot for work. @BPH lives in nearby Wilmington, DE. Wilmington is only 35 miles from Philadelphia.

All flight attendants travel a lot for work. It's not nearly the same as a tourist out of a country.

In theory, @BPH and that woman could have had an extended relationship. It would have been difficult given how she's not present much due to her job.

In general, flight attendants are better as women in rotation than primary girlfriends.

Two things that may help you fix your state of mind in future encounters:

1. Frame yourself as someone who doesn’t need others, you’ll notice they tend to lean in more when you seem whole without them.
2. You must learn to adapt yourself and feel their moods. If you sense defensiveness, take a step back. When you sense they’re opening up, push forward.

There were likely some mindset issues here. I think the bigger issues were practical issues like logistics and his target selection.

 

[CornbreadFed]

In general, flight attendants are better as women in rotation than primary girlfriends.

flight attendants are easy af if you approach in person

 

[BPH]

I have been summoned by @SW15 and @Clockwerk50 .

First off, I'm confused... @CornbreadFed said you got sex and to be happy, but all you did was finger her, right @Oatmeal31 ?

Anyway, my situation was quite different because I matched with a flight attendant on a dating app and ended up driving a little less than an hour to meet up with her at a bar, stay the night, and f***. She lives there, travels for work, and has a roommate.

Your situation involves a tourist who may or may not be back to visit you and is staying in Chicago alone.

For starters, I'm amazed this went as well as it did; double-texting that you needed to hear her Australian accent again, "darling", "high five", asking a total stranger who is there by herself to get into a car with you, drive more than an hour away, and walk out to a beach at night where you're the only ones there? Holy hell, dude, even as a guy, if a girl offered that to me for a first date, I'd think I was being set up to be murdered.

Second, are you SURE you gave her an O? When it comes to fingering, MOST of the time you can sorta tell if she: A. suddenly clenches super hard on your hand like her vag is gonna break your bones, B. you feel a warm rush in addition to how wet she already was, C. straight up starts squirting, or D. her legs start twitching uncontrollably and the rest of her muscles lock up. THAT'S how you know you got it, otherwise she can get as wet as she wants and scream as much as she likes - she could be faking it, or she could be enjoying the hell out of it, just not necessarily having an O.

Third, when she said "that seems like all you want to do" when it came to the kissing had one of two meanings: A. "that seems like ALL you want to do" means she's disappointed that all you want to do is get physical with her rather than talk, hang out, spend time with her, whatever, or B. "that seems like all YOU want to do" means she's down to go further, you just haven't made the move yet. I'm assuming it was the former, since the way this reads sounds like you didn't end up having sex.

Fourth, "I joke about how she's guarding the castle and I might have to break through the gates with an army"...
...
...I shouldn't have to explain why this is bad, but just to be clear, this is a half-truth in the form of a joke. You're communicating that you're desperate for sex from her, and that you feel like you're trying too hard, joking that you have to try even harder. Don't do that.

Otherwise, I don't think there's too much you did wrong here. It sounds like she was interested, just not interested enough to have sex with a total stranger while traveling. She was down for a little fun, just not too much. Your text messaging and comments like the one above probably painted you as a bit needy, which might've turned her off. You may also be jumping the gun, and she'll end up texting you back later on. She may also be lying and had no intent on visiting again, but wanted to give you a mental fallback so you didn't feel like you HAD to get all the way to sex before she left and never returned.

In the future, I would probably suggest just grabbing drinks with her somewhere nearby. You don't have to go on this whole multi-hour journey to end up sober on a beach with her, where she's wondering if she's about to get murdered. You can just go to a bar, show her you're fun, then go back to one of your places if the night goes well. Here you spent at least 2 hours driving, however many hours at the beach, and the night didn't end in sex - you probably feel like you wasted your time, and I'd agree. I'd save that romantic sh** for date 2 or 3 after you've already smashed and she shows she's worth a little extra effort on your end.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I have been summoned by @SW15 and @Clockwerk50 .

First off, I'm confused... @CornbreadFed said you got sex and to be happy, but all you did was finger her, right @Oatmeal31 ?

Anyway, my situation was quite different because I matched with a flight attendant on a dating app and ended up driving a little less than an hour to meet up with her at a bar, stay the night, and f***. She lives there, travels for work, and has a roommate.

Your situation involves a tourist who may or may not be back to visit you and is staying in Chicago alone.

For starters, I'm amazed this went as well as it did; double-texting that you needed to hear her Australian accent again, "darling", "high five", asking a total stranger who is there by herself to get into a car with you, drive more than an hour away, and walk out to a beach at night where you're the only ones there? Holy hell, dude, even as a guy, if a girl offered that to me for a first date, I'd think I was being set up to be murdered.

Second, are you SURE you gave her an O? When it comes to fingering, MOST of the time you can sorta tell if she: A. suddenly clenches super hard on your hand like her vag is gonna break your bones, B. you feel a warm rush in addition to how wet she already was, C. straight up starts squirting, or D. her legs start twitching uncontrollably and the rest of her muscles lock up. THAT'S how you know you got it, otherwise she can get as wet as she wants and scream as much as she likes - she could be faking it, or she could be enjoying the hell out of it, just not necessarily having an O.

Third, when she said "that seems like all you want to do" when it came to the kissing had one of two meanings: A. "that seems like ALL you want to do" means she's disappointed that all you want to do is get physical with her rather than talk, hang out, spend time with her, whatever, or B. "that seems like all YOU want to do" means she's down to go further, you just haven't made the move yet. I'm assuming it was the former, since the way this reads sounds like you didn't end up having sex.

Fourth, "I joke about how she's guarding the castle and I might have to break through the gates with an army"...
...
...I shouldn't have to explain why this is bad, but just to be clear, this is a half-truth in the form of a joke. You're communicating that you're desperate for sex from her, and that you feel like you're trying too hard, joking that you have to try even harder. Don't do that.

Otherwise, I don't think there's too much you did wrong here. It sounds like she was interested, just not interested enough to have sex with a total stranger while traveling. She was down for a little fun, just not too much. Your text messaging and comments like the one above probably painted you as a bit needy, which might've turned her off. You may also be jumping the gun, and she'll end up texting you back later on. She may also be lying and had no intent on visiting again, but wanted to give you a mental fallback so you didn't feel like you HAD to get all the way to sex before she left and never returned.

In the future, I would probably suggest just grabbing drinks with her somewhere nearby. You don't have to go on this whole multi-hour journey to end up sober on a beach with her, where she's wondering if she's about to get murdered. You can just go to a bar, show her you're fun, then go back to one of your places if the night goes well. Here you spent at least 2 hours driving, however many hours at the beach, and the night didn't end in sex - you probably feel like you wasted your time, and I'd agree. I'd save that romantic sh** for date 2 or 3 after you've already smashed and she shows she's worth a little extra effort on your end.

I meant the Dominican chick that was also leaving the country the day after during New Year’s Eve and you were on a time constraint. I thought she was a flight attendant too. My memory is fuzzy. Lmao.

 

[BPH]

I meant the Dominican chick that was also leaving the country the day after during New Year’s Eve and you were on a time constraint. I thought she was a flight attendant too. My memory is fuzzy. Lmao.

Oh, no, that was a different girl.

Met her through Tinder, she was staying with a friend in Philly after having visited New York, then was planning to go back to the DR soon afterwards. Her interest seemed low, but she was open to meeting up for drinks near where she was staying in Philly, and gave me a good answer when I asked if she wanted to go out WITH ME, or just wanted to be taken out, so I made the drive, picked her up, had a couple drinks, then smashed in my parked Prius.

That's the TL;DR.

Why did this work? I verified her interest before making the trip, and made HER convince ME. I chose a spot close by so neither she nor the friends she was staying with would be worried. I spent time having fun and getting to know more about her before I made the move, and I had fun making the move because I gave her a corny line about how we both hadn't had our New Year's kiss tonight, and that we should change that. Then, I isolated her by bringing her back to my car to go to a late-night bar, her friends changed their minds about going out, so it was just us two in the car. I made moves again, she was more into the kissing, slowly getting more comfortable with me being under her clothes (being good at fingering and kissing definitely helps), and then I suggested we move to the back seat, and from there it's just sex.

I told her she needs to let me know the next time she visits the States, but so far she hasn't been back. Would like to see her again; she was fun and had a beautiful face (great body too).

 

[Oatmeal31]

I have been summoned by @SW15 and @Clockwerk50 .

First off, I'm confused... @CornbreadFed said you got sex and to be happy, but all you did was finger her, right @Oatmeal31 ?

Anyway, my situation was quite different because I matched with a flight attendant on a dating app and ended up driving a little less than an hour to meet up with her at a bar, stay the night, and f***. She lives there, travels for work, and has a roommate.

Your situation involves a tourist who may or may not be back to visit you and is staying in Chicago alone.

For starters, I'm amazed this went as well as it did; double-texting that you needed to hear her Australian accent again, "darling", "high five", asking a total stranger who is there by herself to get into a car with you, drive more than an hour away, and walk out to a beach at night where you're the only ones there? Holy hell, dude, even as a guy, if a girl offered that to me for a first date, I'd think I was being set up to be murdered.

Second, are you SURE you gave her an O? When it comes to fingering, MOST of the time you can sorta tell if she: A. suddenly clenches super hard on your hand like her vag is gonna break your bones, B. you feel a warm rush in addition to how wet she already was, C. straight up starts squirting, or D. her legs start twitching uncontrollably and the rest of her muscles lock up. THAT'S how you know you got it, otherwise she can get as wet as she wants and scream as much as she likes - she could be faking it, or she could be enjoying the hell out of it, just not necessarily having an O.

Third, when she said "that seems like all you want to do" when it came to the kissing had one of two meanings: A. "that seems like ALL you want to do" means she's disappointed that all you want to do is get physical with her rather than talk, hang out, spend time with her, whatever, or B. "that seems like all YOU want to do" means she's down to go further, you just haven't made the move yet. I'm assuming it was the former, since the way this reads sounds like you didn't end up having sex.

Fourth, "I joke about how she's guarding the castle and I might have to break through the gates with an army"...
...
...I shouldn't have to explain why this is bad, but just to be clear, this is a half-truth in the form of a joke. You're communicating that you're desperate for sex from her, and that you feel like you're trying too hard, joking that you have to try even harder. Don't do that.

Otherwise, I don't think there's too much you did wrong here. It sounds like she was interested, just not interested enough to have sex with a total stranger while traveling. She was down for a little fun, just not too much. Your text messaging and comments like the one above probably painted you as a bit needy, which might've turned her off. You may also be jumping the gun, and she'll end up texting you back later on. She may also be lying and had no intent on visiting again, but wanted to give you a mental fallback so you didn't feel like you HAD to get all the way to sex before she left and never returned.

In the future, I would probably suggest just grabbing drinks with her somewhere nearby. You don't have to go on this whole multi-hour journey to end up sober on a beach with her, where she's wondering if she's about to get murdered. You can just go to a bar, show her you're fun, then go back to one of your places if the night goes well. Here you spent at least 2 hours driving, however many hours at the beach, and the night didn't end in sex - you probably feel like you wasted your time, and I'd agree. I'd save that romantic sh** for date 2 or 3 after you've already smashed and she shows she's worth a little extra effort on your end.

It was D. locking up and twitching. The way she did it, I'd give props if she somehow faked that. No screaming either, just soft moans

I sent the accent text 4 hours apart because we were coming up on 6:30, she still hadn't sent an address, and I was ready to make other plans if I didn't get a response. Everybody is saying it's a bit much but there's my context

The reason I GAVE her the option for me to drive her is because of where she lives and the way Chicago is set up. It would've taken an hour to get anywhere by public transit, from where she lived and it would've taken half an hour to get anywhere meaningful by car, where we could actually do something.

If we had gone to Wrigleyville or any other neighborhood in Chicago, for example, it would've taken 30-40 minutes anyway by car, or at least an hour for her with public transit. Also, parking is a b!tch and I didn't feel like dishing out money for parking. I gave her the option to pick her up, so it takes less time/effort and she may be less likely to flake. I like going to this beach and there wasn't going to be anyone around so I felt it was something I'd be more in the mood for

Usually, girls politely decline and just drive to meet but she accepted. When I picked her up, I explained there's a National Park, it's gonna take longer to get there, and threw in that there are lights

She was staying with 5 roommates, so it wasn't going to happen there. And I'm renting with a couple roommates around too, and it's not allowed to bring extras, but I still asked if she wanted to come back to mine lol. "Not tonight"

For the other thing you mention, yeah I think it was A. too since I did try to make a move there. I didn't feel like I wasted my time, since I enjoyed it, and I was actually ok with not having sex, even though doesn't seem like it. I was just horny and I'm still learning on not pushing. This isn't the first time I've 'fumbled' because I was escalating like this. I just get carried away..so there is a pattern.

Not having sex, fine, but ghosting is what didn't sit right with me. It cheapens the experience

Anyways, I'm learning. I'm gonna bring it down a notch then. Sounds like I'm pushing too much. Thanks for the advice, no sugarcoating