Need Some Advice - Live-In GF Acting Up

[zekko]

For example goes away to work conference and tells me she’ll call me back in 5min and then calls back 3 hours later after a few drinks and heading out for more

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that this on its own is not that big of a deal. Things happen. But you say stuff like this keeps happening, so that is an issue.

 

[Westminster]

The age difference is a big deal in this case. The dread game is a bad idea. It can work, but it keeps you focused on her. Ultimately your going to feel worse doing that. And... do you really want something when you have to continue to play games to manage.

There is a guy in the group she is with that she is focused on, even if she doesn't know that... He is younger than you.
Your out.

The feeling of disrespect starts when she doesn't think your her best option. Eventually she will tell you that, but first the frog needs to get cooked some more.

It doesn't matter if its your fault or her fault, it is what it is.

Proof is that your asking for help, not her. She is fine....

She is probably making a bad choice, but she is doing it all the same.

Its done.

You can probably keep things going for awhile, while the disrespect increases and you continue to look for things to do to FIX it. It is not going to be fixed unless she wants it. She is some other place not interested in you(based on what your tell). Your self esteem will start to degrade soon because of the disrespect. Move out or have her move out, then no contact.

Then she might see you differently. But your still going to see her the same way.

Good post, which I think more or less sums the situation up.

In my experience, a lot of younger women will have a relationship with an older guy, but it's usually a passing phase, the novelty wears off. She won't buy in permanently and sooner or later she'll monkey branch onto a better option: usually a guy closer to her own age.

So, I'd concur with most other posters on this thread, it's time to move on and it'll be much better for your wellbeing if you end it rather than waiting for her to do it. Because it's in the post anyway, the signs are there - and really you (OP) know that.

I take no pleasure in saying of this by the way but I'm ten years older than you and have had a fair bit of experience with younger women of late. All in all, I'd say, enjoy these things while they last but don't overstay your welcome. You'll only end up getting hurt.

 

[Free_Agent]

What do you mean you tried to be "vague" about it? Did she know you planned a cool weekend away with her or not? Or was it supposed to be a surprise?

I don't know just asking.

No, I said that we're doing something and I left it at that. But she knew that something was going happen. Just not how elaborate.

I told her before I left, she could do it she pleases.

 

[Free_Agent]

@Free_Agent I think most of the guys have called it right. However I worry about what you haven't told us. Your part about getting mad because she didn't call back 5min later and it turned into 3hrs is a little butt hurt in this situation.

Have you ever been on a work trip with a bunch of people in a situation like this? I have and I've been in her situation many times.

Don't let your insecurities and anxiety get the best of you. Not saying that's the case. But you have only hinted that you might play a part in this.

If you want the best advice, you have to have enough balls to tell the whole story. Not just what she did. That's simply not being fair to her and the posters helping you.

Sure maybe I was a little butt hurt. Speaking of work trips..... I didn't add on a previous occasion a few weeks back on a work conference trip she usually stays with her girlfriend co worker share the same room but this time they had one of their male coworkers "hanging out "in the hotel room. I'm not cool with that especially when you're sitting there in your pajamas at 11pm. The dude is a geek with no chance in my opinion but I told he switch the roles and tell me you're cool with it.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The age difference is a big deal in this case. The dread game is a bad idea. It can work, but it keeps you focused on her. Ultimately your going to feel worse doing that. And... do you really want something when you have to continue to play games to manage.

There is a guy in the group she is with that she is focused on, even if she doesn't know that... He is younger than you.
Your out.

The feeling of disrespect starts when she doesn't think your her best option. Eventually she will tell you that, but first the frog needs to get cooked some more.

It doesn't matter if its your fault or her fault, it is what it is.

Proof is that your asking for help, not her. She is fine....

She is probably making a bad choice, but she is doing it all the same.

Its done.

You can probably keep things going for awhile, while the disrespect increases and you continue to look for things to do to FIX it. It is not going to be fixed unless she wants it. She is some other place not interested in you(based on what your tell). Your self esteem will start to degrade soon because of the disrespect. Move out or have her move out, then no contact.

Then she might see you differently. But your still going to see her the same way.

More like the pvssy and/or ass needs to get fvcked some more...by this other guy.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Top 1%. She even says it

And based upon your description of this chick's antics, her assessment is of you is similar to Pope Francis's vow to purge The Church of kiddy diddlers, once and for all...

A paragon of reliability

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Top 1%. She even says it.

Prime example of why you pay attention to a woman's actions rather than her words.

Clearly she doesn't think this otherwise her actions would reflect it which they most certainly do not.

 

[Sega Genesis]

(Mis)behaviour is a reoccurring theme for men of all ages. Every woman we deal with either behaves correctly or she's misbehaving. That's the game.. misbehaviour REALLY become a thing when you invested heavily in each other and your relationship has set rules or I'd say " laws".

A man's biggest flex is having a womam who acts right!!!!

Totally agree with this^^ Gamisch. 1000!
Goes without saying, same for women re men.

Both people should treat each other properly (whatever properly means to them), kindly and respectfully.

I just took issue with the word "misbehave," because where I'm from it's a term a parent uses when their unruly child acts up.

It's not used in the context of adult romantic relationships; for example if/when my boyfriend did something I felt was disrespectful or he wasn't treating me "right," I would never characterize that as he "misbehaved." I would simply say he wasn't acting or treating me the way I need..

I'm actually chuckling at the thought of characterizing it as he "misbehaved" cause again it sounds like he's my child and I'm his mom! Lol

I dunno maybe it's just semantics and my own personal pet peeve, but just wanted to clarify how I feel about it.

I do realize it's a word many men use on this forum to describe women who are rude, disrespectful, not treating them right and who they should probably just dump, perhaps such men should simply find better women?

And not women who behave like children? They (we) do exist!

As for the OP's girlfriend, my last posts stands however I will say IF this were me and I told my long term boyfriend I would call him in 5 minutes but got held up by something the way she did, I would never just blow it off. And call him three HOURS later.

I would have shot him a quick text telling him what was up and that I would connect with him later.

I would hope HE would do same if roles were reversed. I would NOT make a huge issue if he didn't, however... I think it's the respectful thing to do especially in a long term serious relationship

JMO.

Hope that clarifies!

 

[New_Journey]

gf has been somewhat disrespectful. For example goes away to work conference and tells me she’ll call me back in 5min and then calls back 3 hours later

If this bothers you, so you are insecure.

after a few drinks and heading out for more.

This is your fault.

I stay quiet

Why? Are a pushover and a puzzy who can't tell her "You wanna act single, ok, you are single now, get the fvck out of my house"

I'm not the most stoic person myself and have engaged in some of the arguments.

You are lost

Plan a cool weekend for her and try to be vague about it and she ups and goes to Philly for the parade with her trashy "best" friends.

Trips are a reward for good behavior, is she behaving how you want? No? Then why doing that?

She's been silent since getting there and there is a good chance she doesn't communicate the whole trip.

Expected. She doesn't respect you. She goes out drinking and surely getting fvcked in the ass while you the nice guy pathetic simp plans a trip with her, for rewarding her to disrespect you.

I broke the cardinal rule of cohabitating.

Listen carefully, the universe gave you an opportunity to regain your masculinity and respect back.

Have you ever walked away from a woman you love? If not, this will be hard as fvck, but its the only way to fix everything.

Very calmly get home and tell her "Pack your $hit, I want you out of this house, don't care where you go, we are done"

She's most likely getting fvcked by other dudes, there is no saving this, unless you wanna spend years being a cvck.

I'll learn

This is only your fault, and nobody else's, she doesn't respect you cause you allow her.

this time they had one of their male coworkers "hanging out "in the hotel room. I'm not cool with that especially when you're sitting there in your pajamas at 11pm. The dude is a geek with no chance

For a 48 years old man, you are very naive and have the thinking of a high schooler, grow up

 

[New_Journey]

In my experience, a lot of younger women will have a relationship with an older guy, but it's usually a passing phase, the novelty wears off. She won't buy in permanently and sooner or later she'll monkey branch onto a better option: usually a guy closer to her own age.

I don't think that's accurate to be honest. Many younger guys have no clue on what to do, and more mature guys know the game. @BackInTheGame78 is with a younger girl and they seem fine, but again he knows the game, so I'm pretty sure there are many more exceptions.

 

[Westminster]

I don't think that's accurate to be honest. Many younger guys have no clue on what to do, and more mature guys know the game. @BackInTheGame78 is with a younger girl and they seem fine, but again he knows the game, so I'm pretty sure there are many more exceptions.

Sure there are exceptions but I think the average age difference in relationships is about 4 years (in the UK where I live), not 24.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I don't think that's accurate to be honest. Many younger guys have no clue on what to do, and more mature guys know the game. @BackInTheGame78 is with a younger girl and they seem fine, but again he knows the game, so I'm pretty sure there are many more exceptions.

Too many men shift their focus from themselvess and the drive and ambition in what they are working on and towards to the woman.

Big mistake.

Note that I am not saying don't make time for them, but there is a difference between making time for them and putting off things that you would normally be doing and focusing on to be with them at the expense of yourself.

There is a balance that needs to be struck and the balance should be in favor of your interests with her believing that any time with you is super valuable.

She should do more of the schedule rearranging to be with you. She should do more of the canceling of plans to be with you. You should do more of the canceling plans with her to focus on yourself and the things you have going on.

I'm not saying this is 100-0. In every relationship there needs to be some give...but when you DO rearrange things for her it should be such a huge win for her that she is over the moon, not something where she just expects it because you do it all the time.

I'd say probably 70-30 or 65-35 in your favor is around the right balance...60-40 is probably the lowest it should go.

A woman can't view you as a "catch" if she has unfettered access to your time and you are constantly making time to be with her instead of the other way around. She will start wondering why you have so much time for her and why you aren't spending that time doing things you were when she first met you and start seeing you as lacking ambition or drive.

Women always WANT you to spend more time with them and will many times complain and b!tch to their friends about it, but they view a man as weak and easily controlled when they give in quickly to them.

I wouldn't say it's a test necessarily because I don't think it's something they consciously do, but it essentially becomes one over time.

And it goes back to life lessons that help in all situations:

That which is easily obtained has little value. That which has to be worked hard for and a lot of effort expended to get is inherently seen as more valuable. Both to the person for the investment they put into obtaining it and it's overall worth.

 

[New_Journey]

Too many men shift their focus from themselvess and the drive and ambition in what they are working on and towards to the woman.

Big mistake.

Note that I am not saying don't make time for them, but there is a difference between making time for them and putting off things that you would normally be doing and focusing on to be with them at the expense of yourself.

There is a balance that needs to be struck and the balance should be in favor of your interests with her believing that any time with you is super valuable.

She should do more of the schedule rearranging to be with you. She should do more of the canceling of plans to be with you. You should do more of the canceling plans with her to focus on yourself and the things you have going on.

I'm not saying this is 100-0. In every relationship there needs to be some give...but when you DO rearrange things for her it should be such a huge win for her that she is over the moon, not something where she just expects it because you do it all the time.

I'd say probably 70-30 or 65-35 in your favor is around the right balance...60-40 is probably the lowest it should go.

This comment should be pinned and should be made as a rule for every new member to read when they're making their accounts.

 

[Gamisch]

Totally agree with this^^ Gamisch. 1000!
Goes without saying, same for women re men.

Both people should treat each other properly (whatever properly means to them), kindly and respectfully.

I just took issue with the word "misbehave," because where I'm from it's a term a parent uses when their unruly child acts up.

It's not used in the context of adult romantic relationships; for example if/when my boyfriend did something I felt was disrespectful or he wasn't treating me "right," I would never characterize that as he "misbehaved." I would simply say he wasn't acting or treating me the way I need..

I'm actually chuckling at the thought of characterizing it as he "misbehaved" cause again it sounds like he's my child and I'm his mom! Lol

I dunno maybe it's just semantics and my own personal pet peeve, but just wanted to clarify how I feel about it.

I do realize it's a word many men use on this forum to describe women who are rude, disrespectful, not treating them right and who they should probably just dump, perhaps such men should simply find better women?

And not women who behave like children? They (we) do exist!

As for the OP's girlfriend, my last posts stands however I will say IF this were me and I told my long term boyfriend I would call him in 5 minutes but got held up by something the way she did, I would never just blow it off. And call him three HOURS later.

I would have shot him a quick text telling him what was up and that I would connect with him later.

I would hope HE would do same if roles were reversed. I would NOT make a huge issue if he didn't, however... I think it's the respectful thing to do especially in a long term serious relationship

JMO.

Hope that clarifies!

I get that. That's why I specifically said each other rather then "she or her". It's goes both ways.

And I also agree that in the manosphere there is still this longing for "1950" . We see it everywhere now; men believe that 1950 was the best era where you could get a obedient wife for free...

I completely understand that a woman will be agitated when hearing words like misbehaving.

I should also say that misbehaviour means the situation is already in a state of decaying.

Sure there are exceptions but I think the average age difference in relationships is about 4 years (in the UK where I live), not 24.

Nah I gotta disagree with this.

All of my exes were at least 7 years younger than me. Now I am busy with two wonen who are more than 10 years younger than me.

A grown woman = a grown woman. We men REALLY underestimate this. A 20 y.o woman = a grown adult woman who will date whoever she likes, age difference can be 20 even 30 years easily.

It all depends on YOU.

 

[Westminster]

It's not really a debate, the average age gap in the UK is 4 years.

Sure it varies and my last two girlfriends have been over 20 years younger than me.
But the data says what the data says.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I completely understand that a woman will be agitated when hearing words like misbehaving.

We use that word for dogs and children, so anyone would be offended. If the genders were reversed, it would be something like "he was being inconsiderate and not respecting my feelings." Same thing, different words.

 

[jhonny9546]

@Free_Agent
There was something you did, or repeated over time, that made her lose respect for you.

But don't worry, it doesn't just happen to you. It's happened to several of my friends, and you want to know what the worst thing is? Some of them are still together, and have had children.

Yet their women have been in "monkeybranching MODE ON" ever since.

Prime example of why you pay attention to a woman's actions rather than her words.

Clearly she doesn't think this otherwise her actions would reflect it which they most certainly do not.

This could also be her subjective POV. This men might be really in the 1%, but lacking something She "need". Who knows?

Women always WANT you to spend more time with them

It reminds me of when my sister complained to her boyfriend that when they went to the beach together on weekends, she was alone with her female friends from the group, while he went to play volleyball on the beach with the male friends, and then they only saw each other for lunch, and he never organized time for them.
I think the boyfriend exaggerated here, without listening to this thing. Their ratio was more 90/10%.

Also, if you have children and a family, it would be really harder since you now live togheter, and you have to have the time togheter for the kid. This is when the ratio will go mostly 50/50. Men who live with her, and have kids could you confirm?

 

[Vanderdonck]

Let her do what she wants, OP. You do you. She can go act like a single tramp, there's no reason to stop her. Doesn't mean you have to stay with her.

When you strip away all the anger and arguing and bad behavior you usually have two people with different priorities. Not giving her a pass for disrespecting you. All I'm saying is there's no point trying to save her from herself. With this you can be calm and centered because you know you are being true to your needs and she can go get fked by some frat boy on St Patrick's Day before he vomits on her back.

Side note, the whole "don't cohabitate before marriage" rule is silly and fairy-taled. I don't know why so many RP men think a ring will put a magic spell on a woman. The mistake is moving in way too early or not on your terms / when you're ready. Sounds like this one was premature. Whether she was married to you or not is irrelevant, her behavior is still bad.

 

[SW15]

Side note, the whole "don't cohabitate before marriage" rule is silly and fairy-taled. I don't know why so many RP men think a ring will put a magic spell on a woman. The mistake is moving in way too early or not on your terms / when you're ready. Sounds like this one was premature. Whether she was married to you or not is irrelevant, her behavior is still bad.

This was the core of Rollo Tomassi's argument against living with a girlfriend. Although it was written in 2011, it is still valid in 2025.

In 2013's "The Rational Male" book, this blog post was expanded into a longer chapter.

Shacking Up

Iron Rule of Tomassi #4 NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren’t married to or are not planning to marry in within 6 months. You are utterly powerless in this situation. NEVE…

therationalmale.com

she can go get fked by some frat boy on St Patrick's Day before he vomits on her back.

St. Patrick's Day (March 17) falls on a Monday this year. The week of March 17-21 will be Spring Break for some colleges. St. Patrick's Day on Spring Break will lead to some wild times.

Dallas does its major St. Patrick's Day celebration annually on the Saturday prior to St. Patrick's Day. This year, that will be March 15.

 

[Vanderdonck]

This was the core of Rollo Tomassi's argument against living with a girlfriend. Although it was written in 2011, it is still valid in 2025.

In 2013's "The Rational Male" book, this blog post was expanded into a longer chapter.

I'm aware. To me it's not a solid argument. Basically a de facto "the one" argument. Rings aren't magic. You can move in with a serious girlfriend if you're looking to settle down without the government's approval and if you have frame it will be fine. Rest assured it's a lot hard to divorce than to separate.

Now I can understand not playing house with a girl you're not serious about. But a lot of RP guys are against marriage yet might eventually want to co-habitate as they age. Obvious conflict there.