The empty pursuit of dating

[jhonny9546]

Women I get along with and who are valuable to me, I have not found through dating.
That type of person is, in fact, a byproduct of the social activities that unite us.

I have not invested time or resources in searching for her, so the connection is genuine; that person came to me during a phase when I was a man who did not exhibit "need" for a woman.
We were both naturally attracted on a biological level, then mentally, and finally through shared values.

Dating it's fishing in a bigger pond, with a higher competition, and it is a great way to "learn," but once you have learned, you realize how "empty" it can be, how "empty" you yourself may feel, and that 80% of what you learnt, you actually don't need in a genuine relationship with someone.

I believe that many people eventually come to understand this and stop dating to invest their time into activities and hobbies they like.
Something that will actually shape them in what they actually are and want to be.

In doing so, they often make magical discoveries: finding exactly what they were looking for when they weren’t looking at all.

 

[Sophisticator]

I have not invested time or resources in searching for her, so the connection is genuine; that person came to me during a phase when I was a man who did not exhibit "need" for a woman.
We were both naturally attracted on a biological level, then mentally, and finally through shared values.

Great. How is the relationship progressing?

 

[jhonny9546]

Great. How is the relationship progressing?

We eventually moved on.
So her family moved from USA to Italy when she was 5 and we met when we were 18 at this art group. We've been togheter till 23, when she had to go back with all her family to Georgia. This was the best ltr i had since it wasn't based on "game" or the feeling of doing "artificial" things, just for the sake of keeping the LTR. This woman was bringing little or no drama to our days, She was very feminine, and we were enjoying our time togheter without fights or quarrels. But I didn't want to leave Italy and She must go back there. I was still too young to understand She was a good deal, and I could do something more to keep her in Italy.

I never had the time to met such a handsome woman again.
I thought that fishing in a bigger pond would eventually solve the issue, but actually made me more experience, but all women I've met after, always had this big drama issues.

 

[Travel memoir21]

I believe in the laws of Karma, in that you go on live a purposeful life, go get involve with your community, your hobbies, lift weights- stay in shape and try to be at your attractive best, try to keep good relations with your friends and family and enjoy your life as much as possible without needing a woman's validation.

Chances are if you live this way, you're gonna be happy either way whether you get a girl or not.

 

[Serenity]

I agree, you can't really force it and going out with the intent of dating is in many ways forcing it.

I didn't get it either until I stopped. The only reason I did stop was exactly because it left me feeling empty, tired and negative. Why did I keep going for that long? The entire point all along was to feel better, I thought getting with women would do it for me, but it didn't.

I stopped and I felt better, a lot better as I was focusing on myself specifically to feel better through the means available to me. Ever since then I haven't needed to seek out women, but plenty seem interested in me.

I don't need women to feel good, I can do that on my own. They sure want a piece of that vibe though, that much is clear to me.

It did not take long for me to find love when I stopped desperately searching for it. She found me when I wasn't even looking, she seemed good so I let her in and she's still with me because she keeps being good. I have no fear of losing her, not because I think it can't happen, but because I know how to be if I do and that I'll be fine. Avoids that anxious attachment style that ruins relationships one way or another, turning fears into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Most guys on a forum like this will not understand until they reach this breaking point. I didn't, it wouldn't register even if I read about it, but it made all the sense in the world once my experience took me to that point.

 

[jhonny9546]

Chances are if you live this way, you're gonna be happy either way whether you get a girl or not.

You're happy with your life mission, and then, you'll find another happy person.
In this case, Two happinesses come together in a work of art.
But if you find not happy with your life: Two dependencies merge into one tolerance.

but because I know how to be if I do and that I'll be fine. Avoids that anxious attachment style that ruins relationships one way or another, turning fears into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

What you need it's just being single for a long time, then you will understand that being single it's fine.
So, as soon you start to feel disrespected by her, you have the power to move on.
You're like a mountain, and she's the breeze. Can't do anything really.
But, you have to have your **** togheter, in order to be successfull at this

 

[The Duke]

People come up with all sorts of theories on why something works or it doesn't to make themselves feel better.

Anything can happen, and it does.

If dating feels empty, then work on yourself. Make better choices on who you go out with. Take a hard look at yourself. Control your own destiny.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

People come up with all sorts of theories on why something works or it doesn't to make themselves feel better.

Anything can happen, and it does.

If dating feels empty, then work on yourself. Make better choices on who you go out with. Take a hard look at yourself. Control your own destiny.

Exactly right.

Emptiness comes from within, not from external factors.

 

[BPH]

I wonder why so many on this forum seem to constantly engage in things they don't enjoy...

 

[jhonny9546]

I wonder why so many on this forum seem to constantly engage in things they don't enjoy...

I don't think so. There is a "tryout" phase of everything.
Then you'd undestand if that thing is for You or not

 

[Sophisticator]

I wonder why so many on this forum seem to constantly engage in things they don't enjoy...

I can understand how someone might start over-investing in a hobby and end up with fatigue.

I wouldn't have that regarding dating, but I can imagine that if someone started to force themselves to go out and go through waves of anxiety to talk with women that the joy of interacting with women turns into a burden for them.

And you do notice that in the posters who are not naturally gifted with gab that they are overanxious about all kinds of hypothetical scenarios about how they might be ridiculed and mocked for eternity for failing to ask a girl on a date.

The thing to watch out for is when these feelings turns sour and suddenly all women are hoes and witches.

And that is part of what this forum should concentrate on: pulling guys away from toxic masculinity and teaching them how to interact with women like mature men.

 

[jhonny9546]

And that is part of what this forum should concentrate on: pulling guys away from toxic masculinity and teaching them how to interact with women like mature men.

There is gold here