Do you wanna have kids?

[New_Journey]

I don't see myself having kids, I've been snipped for 3 years now.

I know a guy at work who had a kid with his woman, she cheated on him, left for Australia and he hasn't being able to see his kid for more than 3 years, courts don't anything.

I know another elative, who got divorced and his ex used the kids as weapon to get money from him, and talks bad to his about him.

Another in Puerto Rico got divorced, lost everything to the woman and she doesn't let him visit.

A friend of mine got divorced, her woman got back to PR taking the kid

A close friend of mine, had the kid when he was in college with his woman, they separated and 10 years later he sees his kid very few times cause the woman doesn't allow him to.

I've seen news cases where the new boyfriend of the woman does something bad to the kids, if its a girl he touches her or $hit like that.

I know these are isolated cases. But with the lack of masculinity and femininity in today's society, I'm seeing having kids is like a gamble, you can vet the woman all you want, but you truly never know somebody 100%.

Now I ask, this probably will never happen to you, but what happens if it does? Are you ready to take do the gamble?

 

[SW15]

I don't see myself having kids

I don't see myself having kids at this point either. I'm in my early 40s and childless.

When I think about the practical considerations now, it doesn't make a lot of sense. I'm not that excited about the idea of being 60-65 when my children would be reaching adulthood. Even as young adults (18-24), there are still some parental duties. In the shorter term, being around 50 with children in elementary school doesn't seem appealing to me.

At my current age, I would need to have a girlfriend/wife 10-15 years younger for her to be in a good position to bear healthy children. I have not been able to get such age gap interactions. I would not consider having children with a woman 35-40 years old right now.

got divorced....they separated

Are you ready to take do the gamble?

There's a high risk of separation/divorce when having kids with a woman.

When men and women have kids in the USA now (and also true in other Western nations), it is unlikely that the two parents will be a couple by the time their first child is finishing high school.

I don't want to be a 50-55 year man with 1-2 elementary/junior high school aged children and dealing with the following things.

• Family courts in the USA
• Baby mama drama from co-parenting
• Needing to date new women while dealing with the prior 2 bullet points
• Needing to fight a difficult labor market with a high risk of a white collar layoff forcing early retirement while dealing with the prior 3 bullet points

Most of my local area friends have yet to experience these things but some of them will likely face it in the future.

I have childhood/collegiate era friends and male relatives who've already faced divorces/separations and unpleasant co-parenting situations by their early 40s.

 

[The Duke]

As we get older, we see the world with a lot less innocence. I started seeing things as they were by the time I was 20. That turned me off to having kids. I grew up in the perfect family. There was no dysfunction. I knew as time went by that the chances of that being duplicated were slim to none. I grew up in the era of no divorce that transformed into everyone gets divorced. I didn't want to take that risk with my own family. People don't stay together for the benefit of the family any more. They are inherently too selfish. Too many temptations these days.

The other factor for not wanting kids was my strong desire for freedom and fun. I knew kids would hamper that.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Been there, done that

 

[justaroundthecorner]

I have a child, plan to have at least one more.

 

[New_Journey]

As we get older, we see the world with a lot less innocence. I started seeing things as they were by the time I was 20. That turned me off to having kids. I grew up in the perfect family. There was no dysfunction. I knew as time went by that the chances of that being duplicated were slim to none. I grew up in the era of no divorce that transformed into everyone gets divorced. I didn't want to take that risk with my own family. People don't stay together for the benefit of the family any more. They are inherently too selfish. Too many temptations these days.

The other factor for not wanting kids was my strong desire for freedom and fun. I knew kids would hamper that.

Been there, done that

Would you have more kids in this era?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Would you have more kids in this era?

What does that have to do with having kids?

 

[New_Journey]

What does that have to do with having kids?

Why do you answer a question with another question? Its not a trap question, I genuinely want to know what others think, its fine of you don't want to answer also.

 

[jhonny9546]

I am 30 years old, and yes I would like to have a child.
The main motivations are to have the satisfaction of doing something for my child, to live pleasant moments together with him/her, and if things are okay, also with the mother. To teach some things, to see him/her grow and to be able to support him/her,

It doesn't matter if we will be together 5/10 or 40 years, those memories/experiences will remain.
You have to take into account that in today's society, because of the state and feminism, a child can turn into a "mortgage", but this doesn't take away the fact that he/she will remain your child.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Why do you answer a question with another question? Its not a trap question, I genuinely want to know what others think, its fine of you don't want to answer also.

It's a silly question because for centuries people have said the same thing over and over.

The human species would be extinct by now if people went thru with this notion.

Of course I would, eras are irrelevant. Times were far worse than now at almost any point in history. Only because we never were able to experience those do we think otherwise.

 

[Bible_Belt]

You should have as many kids as possible, as long as you're Amish. In an agricultural society, children make you money. In an industrialized society, they cost money. That's why every country in the world is in some stage of demographic collapse. The more advanced the country, the closer they are to that collapse.

 

[New_Journey]

It's a silly question because for centuries people have said the same thing over and over.

The human species would be extinct by now if people went thru with this notion.

Of course I would, eras are irrelevant. Times were far worse than now at almost any point in history. Only because we never were able to experience those do we think otherwise.

You are wrong. I was born in cuba, we never had the epidemic of single mothers back in the 80s or 90s like today, or even the divorce rate. Back them, there was no social media were women we able to monkey branch like today, you only had access to the people living close. So yeah, no

 

[zekko]

Of course I would, eras are irrelevant. Times were far worse than now at almost any point in history. Only because we never were able to experience those do we think otherwise.

Interesting take, not sure I'd agree. I would have rather raised a child in the environment I grew up (60s and 70s) in than the environment today. It was far from perfect, but IMO there was a larger sense of morality then. I never worried about a school shooting, for example.

I've never had a child. So obviously at my age I'm not going to want one now. I like the idea of passing on my genes, but immature person that I am, I've never felt ready to have one. I've always had other priorities. Now the time has come and gone, life's too short. A story I like to tell: I was talking to a woman (not a woman I was hitting on), and she asked about my kids. I said I didn't have any. She said wow, how selfish can you be? I've always remembered her response, there's a grain of truth in it. I was too involved in my own interests to think about having a child. But it's interesting because she clearly thought that having children was one of the main purposes in life.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Interesting take, not sure I'd agree. I would have rather raised a child in the environment I grew up (60s and 70s) in than the environment today. It was far from perfect, but IMO there was a larger sense of morality then. I never worried about a school shooting, for example.

I've never had a child. So obviously at my age I'm not going to want one now. I like the idea of passing on my genes, but immature person that I am, I've never felt ready to have one. I've always had other priorities. Now the time has come and gone, life's too short. A story I like to tell: I was talking to a woman (not a woman I was hitting on), and she asked about my kids. I said I didn't have any. She said wow, how selfish can you be? I've always remembered her response, there's a grain of truth in it. I was too involved in my own interests to think about having a child. But it's interesting because she clearly thought that having children was one of the main purposes in life.

You had the Cold War period then where everyone was across the world was going to be overtaken by Communists, the Hippie Movement and two large scale and unpopular wars to stop Communism's Spread in the Korean War and the Vietnam War. Also if you were a minority, might not have preferred growing up then since segregation was still around and then there was major upheaval when they ended it that caused waves of violence all over the country and in schools as they were combined.

Always nostalgia for periods of time that we remember but when you dig into it further, most of the time memories do not match up with the actual realities of the time overall. The further away memories are the less well they are remembered and the more faulty your remembering of them becomes...this has been the subject of a number of studies.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You are wrong. I was born in cuba, we never had the epidemic of single mothers back in the 80s or 90s like today, or even the divorce rate. Back them, there was no social media were women we able to monkey branch like today, you only had access to the people living close. So yeah, no

You had no Internet either so you wouldn't even be on this forum, no cell phones and at that time barely any computers.

 

[The Duke]

Would you have more kids in this era?

No, I think humanity is worse than ever before. Social media and other technology has paved the way to our demise.

 

[The Duke]

It's a silly question because for centuries people have said the same thing over and over.

The human species would be extinct by now if people went thru with this notion.

Of course I would, eras are irrelevant. Times were far worse than now at almost any point in history. Only because we never were able to experience those do we think otherwise.

Sure, however The divorce rate has never been worse! And divorce rape never was a thing.

 

[zekko]

Always nostalgia for periods of time that we remember but when you dig into it further, most of the time memories do not match up with the actual realities of the time overall.

Oh, there were terrible things going on back then. There was the Vietnam War, but that ended in 1974 so wouldn't directly affect a child. All those assassinations. The world is not for the faint of heart, in any period. And your right that racism has improved, I'm glad to hear someone admit it. But I would still choose to raise a child during that time, for a variety of reasons, mainly moral and spiritual. At least the country wasn't divided like it is now, where you have one half of the country hating the other half. And there wasn't social media back then, so people actually had to go out and do things.

 

[Plinco]

I'll be turning 41 in less than two weeks and I would have at least two kids, maybe three.

 

[Gamisch]

Been there done that.

I can tell you about 100 more similar cases.

I am 30 years old, and yes I would like to have a child.
The main motivations are to have the satisfaction of doing something for my child, to live pleasant moments together with him/her, and if things are okay, also with the mother. To teach some things, to see him/her grow and to be able to support him/her,

It doesn't matter if we will be together 5/10 or 40 years, those memories/experiences will remain.
You have to take into account that in today's society, because of the state and feminism, a child can turn into a "mortgage", but this doesn't take away the fact that he/she will remain your child.

Don't overestimate memories. If a relationship ends its (almost) ALWAYS dramatic and painful. When kids are involved the pain will be tenfold.

Some think that kids will glue a relationship together. It won't. One of the best stupid qoutes I've ever heard?; "men shouldn't have baby fever, that's a feminine emotion ".