Distant FWB

[L16]

what's the best way to handle a friend with benefits that has started to act distant?

Bring it up? Or just go completely distant on her until we're not talking anymore essentially? Break off the arrangement?

 

[Dr.Suave]

I think we need a lot more context. How often did you see each other? How inititates usually? How long has this been going on? Gives some examples of what you mean by "acting distant", etc.

Plates drop over time, its part of the game. Get new plates.

 

[Clockwerk50]

There is not much you can do. She must likely want the relationship to die and to slowly burn out, or, maybe she would like you to put more effort into the relationship and keep the fire alive.

The 2 options you may have are:

1. Text her and invite her out to hang out with you. If she declines or doesn’t counter offer the invitation it might be over.

2. Match her energy and behaviour. If she doesn’t initiate it is done.

It is hard to give you advice since we do not know if you were needy, clingy, inattentive, boring, lacked style, or showed to many un-attractive traits. Also, we don’t know the dynamic of your relationship either, how many times you guys saw each other, had sex, if you ****ed her good, if you treated her well, how many times you texted, what the conversations were about, where were your hang out spots, etc.

 

[L16]

I think we need a lot more context. How often did you see each other? How inititates usually? How long has this been going on? Gives some examples of what you mean by "acting distant", etc.

Plates drop over time, its part of the game. Get new plates.

There is not much you can do. She must likely want the relationship to die and to slowly burn out, or, maybe she would like you to put more effort into the relationship and keep the fire alive.

The 2 options you may have are:

1. Text her and invite her out to hang out with you. If she declines or doesn’t counter offer the invitation it might be over.

2. Match her energy and behaviour. If she doesn’t initiate it is done.

It is hard to give you advice since we do not know if you were needy, clingy, inattentive, boring, lacked style, or showed to many un-attractive traits. Also, we don’t know the dynamic of your relationship either, how many times you guys saw each other, had sex, if you ****ed her good, if you treated her well, how many times you texted, what the conversations were about, where were your hang out spots, etc.

I figured I would keep it pretty general to get an understanding of how people here handle this sort of thing.

I'm guilty of it but I think a lot of posts here contains a ton of information about the poster's specific situation thinking their girl or their situation is so unique but ultimately, it's not.

This thing between us has been somewhat long distance, but we talk often. She's real cool and we're friends. She comes to visit my city every so often. We hang out, get drinks, dinner, go to sporting events, whatever and I **** her for a few days and then she goes back.

I'm having a bit of a rough couple of weeks so I'm not sure I'm thinking clearly so coming here for some perspective and advice.

I know she's not my girlfriend but I still feel like even a FWB should act in a way that shows respect and consideration. Like if a FWB knows your sick, ask you how you're feeling. Respond in a decent/acceptable amount of time in a conversation. Offer to pay for a round of drinks or whatever here and there when together in person.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

The only response to distance, in ANY context/circumstance, is to be distant yourself. You can basically boil women being distant to 2 main reasons: they are stressed, and need space, or there is another guy in the picture. In either case, your job is to pull back, stop initiating, stop giving them free attention that isn't reciprocated.

By all means, try to "communicate" about her distance, let me know how that turns out for you.

 

[BPH]

The overarching answer to your question is to have more options.

If you had 2-3 other girls you were casually dating you wouldn't be thinking about this one to the point where you're considering confronting her about it.

Mirror her interest; if she stops answering your texts and wanting to hang out, stop texting her asking to hang out. Maybe she comes around, maybe she doesn't. Invest your time and effort into women who reciprocate it.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I figured I would keep it pretty general to get an understanding of how people here handle this sort of thing.

I'm guilty of it but I think a lot of posts here contains a ton of information about the poster's specific situation thinking their girl or their situation is so unique but ultimately, it's not.

This thing between us has been somewhat long distance, but we talk often. She's real cool and we're friends. She comes to visit my city every so often. We hang out, get drinks, dinner, go to sporting events, whatever and I **** her for a few days and then she goes back.

I'm having a bit of a rough couple of weeks so I'm not sure I'm thinking clearly so coming here for some perspective and advice.

I know she's not my girlfriend but I still feel like even a FWB should act in a way that shows respect and consideration. Like if a FWB knows your sick, ask you how you're feeling. Respond in a decent/acceptable amount of time in a conversation. Offer to pay for a round of drinks or whatever here and there when together in person.

That wouldn’t be a FWB. Paying for drinks investing emotionally with you it would be a woman who wants a committed relationship with you. This woman is a FWB, which the relationship is superficial and on a surface level. Also, she is not your mom.

If you feeling down and need to vent talk to your boys about it. Don’t vent to women like that. Disclosing all your insecurities is a turn off. Your role as a man is to create opportunities to have fun and sex, not to be all moppy and bring the mood down.

Also, like BHP said, talk to more women.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

Yes, OP let's abuse the word "distant" and play games with the obvious reason why the girl has declining interest.

Long distance relationships suck. Also, the sky is blue.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

There is no way. Likely signals the beginning of the end meaning she has found someone else who is willing to give her more than you are, or someone she is more interested in.

These situations are very transient by nature and it's part of the deal. They don't last forever so just enjoy them while they are going on and don't cry over spilt milk when they move on

 

[sevbucmash]

This thing between us has been somewhat long distance, but we talk often. She's real cool and we're friends. She comes to visit my city every so often. We hang out, get drinks, dinner, go to sporting events, whatever and I **** her for a few days and then she goes back.

What you do is you value her friendship. She'll come true, keep on pinging once in a while. Better to keep a friend than to lose her over stupid thing like sex.

 

[sevbucmash]

Circumstances change. Women do get into relationships. After all, friendship is more important here than the benefits part. Think of all the good times you two had together.

 

[Clockwerk50]

Yes, OP let's abuse the word "distant" and play games with the obvious reason why the girl has declining interest.

Long distance relationships suck. Also, the sky is blue.

 

[L16]

I mirrored her for a couple of days, was busy with work and friends and doing my own thing.

Responding only when I got around to it.

The length of time between texts from both of us were like 20+ hours, which is very unusual.

Today she asked me what's wrong.

How do I respond in a situation like this?

I don't want to be passive aggressive about it, but I also don't want to sound like a ***** either whining that she's been distant to me

 

[Clockwerk50]

I mirrored her for a couple of days, was busy with work and friends and doing my own thing.

Responding only when I got around to it.

The length of time between texts from both of us were like 20+ hours, which is very unusual.

Today she asked me what's wrong.

How do I respond in a situation like this?

I don't want to be passive aggressive about it, but I also don't want to sound like a ***** either whining that she's been distant to me

“Nothing. I have just been busy. When are you coming back to my city?”

If she gives you a wishy washy answer she may be not that interested in seeing you again so keep things casual. If she initiates another time just keep asking her out.

 

[Barrister]

OP,

Considering she isn’t an LTR, your job is to keep things fun and light with her and not overreact. The quickest way this thing is over is if you react emotionally in any way. She sees you as a release. If you start having the deep “what’s wrong” conversations the relationship, for whatever it is worth, will effectively be over.

Good move on the mirroring. Don’t fall for the “what’s wrong” trap when it’s clearly HER projecting onto YOU. Keep it light, invite her out.

“Work is kicking my a$$! Ready for a breather as it’s been crazy! How about we get together this weekend?”