Tired Of Not Having Any Beautiful women In My Life (besides my mom and sister)

[ocho_da_musician]

Wassup guys, I found this forum after looking for forums on the internet to discuss attracting women because I'm tired of having to deal with my problems by myself.

I'm in my mid-20s and I'm sick and tired of not getting any romantic or sexual success with women. I'm not a virgin but I haven't had sex in over three years and that chick dumped me a while back. I've been trying to approach and flirt with women since I was in high school back in 2016-2017. Pretty much 99 percent of my approaches have ended up in rejection. I remember having crushes on girls in my classes and seeing them go out with other dudes, even dudes I was cool with or friendly with.

The internet taught me that I needed to start having the balls to cold approach random women so I did. Walmart, malls, campuses, buses, streets, etc. The most common rejection I've heard is "Sorry, I have a boyfriend." All of this rejection takes a toll on a man's soul. I saw a post on here saying that even if success with women did come in the future, all of this pain won't go away. I completely agree. I lost a close friend to cancer recently but before he died he told me that I might be autistic. I still need professional evaluation. I remember getting kicked out of my local Walmart because people were claiming that I was harassing customers. Even bars and clubs have ejecting for apparently creeping people out. Guys, my intention is not to harass girls, it's to charm and seduce them.

Last girl I approached was some Target employee. She seemed to be into me and I thought I was smoother, more charismatic, more confident than usual in my interaction with her. A lot of my approaches have been like "Hey, excuse me, I saw you and I thought you were cute, can I get your number?" But in this particular situation I tried to be more conversational. She gave me her number and I even double-checked with her to make sure it was correct. The next afternoon I called and I heard some message saying it was disconnected. This crushed me and I've barely approached any women since. This was over two months ago.

I'm not telling this story just for you guys to feel sorry for me, I'm telling my story so that I can hopefully get some help/advice. Every day I look at pictures and videos of beautiful women and I wonder, when will it finally be my turn to get some action?

I do plan to try dating apps in the future, but I've heard a lot of bad things about 'em. Never really seriously used them before though. Right now I'm broke, I can barely even afford to meet chicks, so don't get it twisted, I'm tryna get some paper. But I've heard of broke unemployed dudes still getting laid.

Any help or advice would be appreciated, thanks.

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[Dr.Suave]

You are mid 20s young grasshopper, chill, we got you.

Why did your ex broke up with you? Its important to analize what went wrong so you wont repeat the pattern with your next piece of azz.

Pretty much 99 percent of my approaches have ended up in rejection.

Most of us have been there. Take a break from approaching. Use this time to improve yourself in all areas for your life. Slowly but surely build such a cool life for yourself that women will gravitate towards you. Focus on enjoying life, doing stuff you actually enjoy doing.

Welcome to SoSuave

 

[Gamisch]

Before we all start thinking about possibly theories, let's first gauge what OP looks like.

Can you give us some info on that? Do you go to the gym? Do you have friends that like to go out? Do you use OLD?

Doing approach is good, but it MUST be done as a secondary hobby aka something you enjoy without being to hung up about the results. It's not a life or death matter but something silly you do to enjoy yourself.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

What kind of physical shape are you in OP?

Do you workout/go to the gym regularly?

Not being in good shape is often an issue in these situations.

Essentially you are auditioning for a role and if you don't look your best while doing it, you shouldn't be surprised that you aren't getting it.

 

[The Duke]

Getting kicked out of places because management thought you were harassing customers is pretty alarming. If you thought it was harmless, yet no one else did then I'd say you need to work on social awareness.

The other possibility is your looks. If women find you very unattractive then you are automatically creepy and they will feel violated.

Do you pay attention to non-verbal language and interpret it correctly?

 

[ocho_da_musician]

You are mid 20s young grasshopper, chill, we got you.

Why did your ex broke up with you? Its important to analize what went wrong so you wont repeat the pattern with your next piece of azz.



Most of us have been there. Take a break from approaching. Use this time to improve yourself in all areas for your life. Slowly but surely build such a cool life for yourself that women will gravitate towards you. Focus on enjoying life, doing stuff you actually enjoy doing.

Welcome to SoSuave

Yeah I dunno why she decided to stop seeing me anymore. It wasn't anything serious tho
No offense but I feel like that "focus on yourself" advice is kinda cliche at this point
Thanks 4 the welcome though

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah I dunno why she decided to stop seeing me anymore. It wasn't anything serious tho
No offense but I feel like that "focus on yourself" advice is kinda cliche at this point
Thanks 4 the welcome though

You still haven't answered the question in terms of what type of shape you are in.

I'm assuming, not great. And if that's the case, call it whatever you want but you are trying to swim upstream.

Focus on yourself means that what you can reasonably control, you ensure is on point.

The way you dress, the shape you are in, your financial situation, etc.

 

[ocho_da_musician]

Before we all start thinking about possibly theories, let's first gauge what OP looks like.

Can you give us some info on that? Do you go to the gym? Do you have friends that like to go out? Do you use OLD?

Doing approach is good, but it MUST be done as a secondary hobby aka something you enjoy without being to hung up about the results. It's not a life or death matter but something silly you do to enjoy yourself.

Yeah I guess I would post a pic but for privacy reasons maybe I shouldn't
I'm 6 foot and a few inches, always been pretty skinny so I already know that's probably a reason why I been failing so much
I don't currently go to the gym and I barely even have any friends right now, I'm pretty isolated
I don't currently use OLD but I plan to in the future

 

[ocho_da_musician]

You still haven't answered the question in terms of what type of shape you are in.

I'm assuming, not great. And if that's the case, call it whatever you want but you are trying to swim upstream

I ain't overweight, I'm more on the underweight side fr

 

[ocho_da_musician]

Getting kicked out of places because management thought you were harassing customers is pretty alarming. If you thought it was harmless, yet no one else did then I'd say you need to work on social awareness.

The other possibility is your looks. If women find you very unattractive then you are automatically creepy and they will feel violated.

Do you pay attention to non-verbal language and interpret it correctly?

I honestly don't know if I interpret non-verbal language correctly but if I'm talking to someone then yeah I usually make eye contact and observe their demeanor

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I ain't overweight, I'm more on the underweight side fr

That's just as bad.

 

[Gamisch]

Yeah I dunno why she decided to stop seeing me anymore. It wasn't anything serious tho
No offense but I feel like that "focus on yourself" advice is kinda cliche at this point
Thanks 4 the welcome though

Okay

If you want to go all in and get customised advice, you gotta throw away all shame.

Post a picture of yourself and ask @BackInTheGame78 if he will remove it when you want it removed.

I kinda missed the part of being kicked out of places . That means you make women feel uncomfortable to.the point of scaring them.

If you want a different type of advice then post a picture and we can give you dead honest feedback. Prepare to go on a break from approaching for some months and Prepare for some HARD work that needs to be done

If you start today you might be ready when the summer comes. It's on you...

By the way THIS is why I made this thread

What we can and MUST learn from the men on the pop the balloon shows

Edit. It's NOT about the show or if you like the show. It's about how these men present themselves. If you got a better example please share , so we as men can learn from how other men present themselves in a good way. Hear me out. I know the demographic on the forum isn't interested in this...

www.sosuave.net

Dudes like this need to grasp what I'm saying. You should hypothetically ALWAYS be ready to get picked up from the street and stand in such a line with the confidence you're going home with a woman.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Yeah I guess I would post a pic but for privacy reasons maybe I shouldn't
I'm 6 foot and a few inches, always been pretty skinny so I already know that's probably a reason why I been failing so much
I don't currently go to the gym and I barely even have any friends right now, I'm pretty isolated
I don't currently use OLD but I plan to in the future

So here is the issue OP, as I see.

You are trying to get to a place of abundance coming from a mindset of lack. You can't get there from where you are coming from. It's not possible. It would be like trying to drive from California to Hawaii. It's not happening.

Looking at it from an outside perspective, you want all the results from doing the right things now, but you haven't done any of the right things yet that gets you the results over time.

That's a problem. See the results don't just happen. The results are a byproduct over time of you putting in the work into yourself over and over and over again. And not because you want to get women, because you want to improve yourself. You ALWAYS should be doing this for YOU and YOU only. Everything else that comes along with it is a result of this.

Into working out and getting into shape. Into getting yourself right from a financial standpoint. Into getting yourself right from a mindset and mentality standpoint so that when you talk to women you are projecting confidence and fun and sexiness instead of whatever you seem to be projecting now which is scaring them away and making them so afraid they are kicking you out of places. Likely because you are angry and mad at them rejecting you.

But see...they aren't rejecting you. They are simply giving you valuable feedback and what that feedback should tell you is that you need to do the work if you want the results.

There will be no results without you doing the work first, and likely a lot of it.

What you are doing right now is akin to complaining you want a job and nobody will hire you but you are trying to apply for jobs you aren't qualified for yet. You want to be hired as a doctor without going to medical school and passing the medical boards. You want to become a lawyer without going to law school and passing the bar exam.

In no other place in life does what you are trying to do exist, so why would you think it exists with women?

Most of the time in life you don't get what you want, you get what you've earned. From what you posted, you haven't earned much, so if you want the results to change I would suggest changing what you earn.

 

[zekko]

I'm 6 foot and a few inches

He's got the height, that's a plus.

 

[BPH]

Alright, there's a lot to unpack here so I'm just going to respond to the OP and the fact that you mention being underweight and over 6ft. Looks like plenty of other members are offering sound advice, so I'll offer mine as well.

Wassup guys, I found this forum after looking for forums on the internet to discuss attracting women because I'm tired of having to deal with my problems by myself.

Same reason I came, cold approaching is my bread and butter so let's see what issues you're having.

The internet taught me that I needed to start having the balls to cold approach random women so I did. Walmart, malls, campuses, buses, streets, etc. The most common rejection I've heard is "Sorry, I have a boyfriend." All of this rejection takes a toll on a man's soul. I saw a post on here saying that even if success with women did come in the future, all of this pain won't go away. I completely agree. I lost a close friend to cancer recently but before he died he told me that I might be autistic. I still need professional evaluation. I remember getting kicked out of my local Walmart because people were claiming that I was harassing customers. Even bars and clubs have ejecting for apparently creeping people out. Guys, my intention is not to harass girls, it's to charm and seduce them.

Cold approaching should not take a toll on your soul. It is a quick pain; you approach, get rejected, and move on. There should not be much afterthought beyond what you did wrong at that moment and what you could've done better. I believe the pain of rejection is much less than the pain of settling to be with someone less than you desire.

I can't speak for your "friend", but if the last thing he told you was that he thinks you're an autist I don't know whether I'd consider that a friend (unless he's saying this to help you somehow).

That said, you should describe HOW you're approaching these women and with what frequency. You should not be doing it so much in one place at one time that you're being asked to leave. I have never once in my life been asked to leave or even been asked to stop approaching women in any particular place, so the fact that you are means you are doing something fundamentally wrong.

Last girl I approached was some Target employee. She seemed to be into me and I thought I was smoother, more charismatic, more confident than usual in my interaction with her. A lot of my approaches have been like "Hey, excuse me, I saw you and I thought you were cute, can I get your number?" But in this particular situation I tried to be more conversational. She gave me her number and I even double-checked with her to make sure it was correct. The next afternoon I called and I heard some message saying it was disconnected. This crushed me and I've barely approached any women since. This was over two months ago.

The last girl you approached was more than 2 months ago? That's nothing, dude. If you want success you need way more "at bats" than that. You got a fake number? Who cares? I'm sure a majority of this forum has had that happen at least once to them - it's certainly happened to me before.

This shows a few things wrong with your approach though.

First, you're approaching a store employee. She HAS to be there, she doesn't get to choose whether to accept your interaction. In all likelihood, she's getting paid close to minimum wage and just wants to go home - she does not want to be hit on by strangers. I have a FWB who works the front desk at a gym. She gets hit on CONSTANTLY, and hates it. But she has to be nice to every person who walks in thinking they're the first person to drop a line on her.

Second, you're having a whole conversation without this girl's input; "Hey, I think you're cute, can I have your number?" You don't know her name, her only response is either "yes" or "no", and there's zero reason for her to be interested in you besides your physical appearance in that moment. Have a conversation, see how she reacts, listen to whether she continues the conversation without you having to force it, etc.

And obviously, don't do this with service workers. There are plenty of posts on this forum of guys surprised their barista wasn't interested in them despite "flirting" the whole time as if that's not literally their job.

Every day I look at pictures and videos of beautiful women and I wonder, when will it finally be my turn to get some action?

Change this mentality.

You are not entitled to anything. Dating is a free market where the most desirable men get picked and the least desirable ones do not. There are plenty of posts of guys here thinking that because they had some minor success in the past it should translate to success now and in the future - and they are wrong.

Consider for a moment, if you were a hot girl, would you want to f*** you? If the answer is no, change that.

I do plan to try dating apps in the future, but I've heard a lot of bad things about 'em. Never really seriously used them before though. Right now I'm broke, I can barely even afford to meet chicks, so don't get it twisted, I'm tryna get some paper. But I've heard of broke unemployed dudes still getting laid.

Dating apps should be used as a supplementary tool at best. Even if you're Chad Thundercoq you're not getting many hot matches because there are simply so few on there. A majority of what you'll swipe on are 5s and 6s who think they deserve a 10. That is not ALWAYS the case, as some of my most consistent FWBs have been from dating apps - but you are competing with a LOT of men.

If a girl is hot on a dating app, every right swipe is a match. I've seen it, my ex showed me. Expect nothing and sometimes be pleasantly surprised, but don't lean on it for your dating life.

That being said, if you're as broke as you say, don't focus too much on this. Get a job, save some money, and maybe go to some local bar on the weekend and see if there's anybody you want to meet there. You should not have to spend a lot of money to meet women.

Personally, I live at home with my parents, am underemployed, and make around $40k/year. I can still make it work and get laid a lot because the other parts of the product, that is me, are quite attractive. You've mentioned before that you're over 6ft. That's very good. Now start going to the gym.

I made a thread not long ago called "Tired of being Fat & Ugly?" about a beginner gym program. Go find and read through that if you need a place to start and have no clue whatsoever.

Otherwise, this whole process is going to take time and you'll fail a lot. You just have to decide whether a bunch of little failures is less painful than a single massive one that lasts your whole life. For me it was.

 

[Dr.Suave]

No offense but I feel like that "focus on yourself" advice is kinda cliche at this point

Non taken, brother. Many members here consider cartain pieces of advice as "outdated", I would like to think of it more of "the classics"; then again, Im not doing half-bad and they are the ones asking for help.

Back on topic: Can you tell us more about yourself? What do you do for a living?

 

[ocho_da_musician]

So here is the issue OP, as I see.

You are trying to get to a place of abundance coming from a mindset of lack. You can't get there from where you are coming from. It's not possible. It would be like trying to drive from California to Hawaii. It's not happening.

Looking at it from an outside perspective, you want all the results from doing the right things now, but you haven't done any of the right things yet that gets you the results over time.

That's a problem. See the results don't just happen. The results are a byproduct over time of you putting in the work into yourself over and over and over again. And not because you want to get women, because you want to improve yourself. You ALWAYS should be doing this for YOU and YOU only. Everything else that comes along with it is a result of this.

Into working out and getting into shape. Into getting yourself right from a financial standpoint. Into getting yourself right from a mindset and mentality standpoint so that when you talk to women you are projecting confidence and fun and sexiness instead of whatever you seem to be projecting now which is scaring them away and making them so afraid they are kicking you out of places. Likely because you are angry and mad at them rejecting you.

But see...they aren't rejecting you. They are simply giving you valuable feedback and what that feedback should tell you is that you need to do the work if you want the results.

There will be no results without you doing the work first, and likely a lot of it.

What you are doing right now is akin to complaining you want a job and nobody will hire you but you are trying to apply for jobs you aren't qualified for yet. You want to be hired as a doctor without going to medical school and passing the medical boards. You want to become a lawyer without going to law school and passing the bar exam.

In no other place in life does what you are trying to do exist, so why would you think it exists with women?

Ok wait hold on
Ok I think I see where you coming from but I've had friends before. I wasn't attracting women when I had friends though
I used to work out back in 2019-2020, never really had any gains though, I'm what they call a "hardgainer". I plan to try again this year though, I need a good trainer or something
In terms of being broke, I used to do fast food work. Had some money or whatever, girls still weren't knocking my door down
Not sure how to change my mindset/demeanor so that I don't "scare the hoes away", I mean, I've spoken to plenty of counselors and therapists in my day. At this point I wish I could just take somebody with me to a bar/club and ask them to comment on what I'm doing right/wrong
And sure I see why you would say that me not currently doing online dating is a problem. But when people are constantly moaning and groaning online about online dating is terrible, I don't get any matches, I get ghosted, etc. then how serious should I really be taking it anyway? Don't get it twisted, I still plan to get on the apps and crush it. But I'm just sayin though

 

[ocho_da_musician]

Non taken, brother. Many members here consider cartain pieces of advice as "outdated", I would like to think of it more of "the classics"; then again, Im not doing half-bad and they are the ones asking for help.

Back on topic: Can you tell us more about yourself? What do you do for a living?

Right now, I'm looking for a job, I'm unemployed. Just came outta community college 6 months ago. Still live with my mom. I really like music, I'm a musician

 

[ocho_da_musician]

you guys are throwing a lot of info at me right now, I'm tryna process all this

 

[pipeman84]

I have a FWB who works the front desk at a gym. She gets hit on CONSTANTLY, and hates it.

I don't get this. Why would she hate being hit on by guys who go to the gym (and consequently probably look better than average)?