girl with depression?

[PlatoPacks23]

would prefer answers other than "red flag/avoid" just because this is someone seeing anyway a lot, so good practice


girl said she's on medication for depression, and I was just wondering how someone deals with someone like this in general? This could also apply not just for women, but if there are people in your life who have it. In my mind, she is always in a good mood, but I guess I dont see her often enough to "truly" know her

 

[BPH]

I don't think you're going to get any answers other than the "red flag/avoid" you're looking to avoid.

What do you want us to say?

"Yeah, date somebody with poor mental health, sounds like a winner!"?

Sleeping with somebody like this, perhaps even casually, is one thing. But dating somebody with depression, why?

 

[PlatoPacks23]

I don't think you're going to get any answers other than the "red flag/avoid" you're looking to avoid.

What do you want us to say?

"Yeah, date somebody with poor mental health, sounds like a winner!"?

Sleeping with somebody like this, perhaps even casually, is one thing. But dating somebody with depression, why?

I guess casually is fine, I was just wondering if people have experience (Woman or otherwise) dealing with someone w depression.

The reason I say this is just because I see them on a daily basis, and out of people I see in that group, they are one I am most interested in, even casually.

 

[BPH]

I guess casually is fine, I was just wondering if people have experience (Woman or otherwise) dealing with someone w depression.

The reason I say this is just because I see them on a daily basis, and out of people I see in that group, they are one I am most interested in, even casually.

If manic-depressive bipolar disorder counts then my ex matches the description.

She had a tendency to self-destruct and self-sabotage. My theory is that she doesn't know what a stable, happy relationship feels like, so she believes something has to be wrong. She created her own problems and blamed me for them. She would create fights and drama about things she believed were happening, but never allow me to disprove them, as she had her mind made up and just had to "accept" that I was "doing the things" she believed I was doing, and that she could "get over it".

In the end, you have to be the one to leave.

 

[Clockwerk50]

First things first, your post makes it seem like you are a rescuer type of character, in which is a person who is attracted to people with problems, vulnerability, and weaknesses. Even though you may genuinely do want to help, helping others not only give you a distraction from your own problems but also would make you feel superior, in control and powerful. Again, this is just my assumption. We call these people “captain save a ****”.

Second thing, the book where I got the picture from, it has this to say about dating people with a negative state of mind. Needless to say, proceed with caution or hit the gym so that you have better quality of women attracted to you.

“Lola Montez attracted men with her wiles, but her power over them went beyond the sexual. It was through the force of her character that she kept her lovers enthralled. Men were sucked into the maelstrom she churned up around her. They felt confused, upset, but the strength of the emotions she stirred also made them feel more alive.

As is often the case with infection, the problems would only arise over time. Lola's inherent instability would begin to get under her lovers' skin.

They would find themselves drawn into her problems, but their emotional attachment to her would make them want to help her. This was the crucial point of the disease for Lola Montez could not be helped. Her problems were too deep. Once the lover identified with them, he was lost. He would find himself embroiled in quarrels. The infection would spread to his family and friends, or, in the case of Ludwig, to an entire nation. The only so lution would be to cut her off, or suffer an eventual collapse.

The infecting-character type is not restricted to women; it has nothing to do with gender. It stems from an inward instability that radiates outward, drawing disaster upon itself. There is almost a desire to destroy and unsettle. You could spend a lifetime studying the pathology of infecting characters, but don't waste your time - just learn the lesson. When you suspect you are in the presence of an infector, don't argue, don't try to help, don't pass the person on to your friends, or you will become enmeshed. Flee the infector's presence or suffer the consequences.”

 

[PlatoPacks23]

View attachment 13856
First things first, your post makes it seem like you are a rescuer type of character, in which is a person who is attracted to people with problems, vulnerability, and weaknesses. Even though you may genuinely do want to help, helping others not only give you a distraction from your own problems but also would make you feel superior, in control and powerful. Again, this is just my assumption. We call these people “captain save a ****”.

Second thing, the book where I got the picture from, it has this to say about dating people with a negative state of mind. Needless to say, proceed with caution or hit the gym so that you have better quality of women attracted to you.

“Lola Montez attracted men with her wiles, but her power over them went beyond the sexual. It was through the force of her character that she kept her lovers enthralled. Men were sucked into the maelstrom she churned up around her. They felt confused, upset, but the strength of the emotions she stirred also made them feel more alive.

As is often the case with infection, the problems would only arise over time. Lola's inherent instability would begin to get under her lovers' skin.

They would find themselves drawn into her problems, but their emotional attachment to her would make them want to help her. This was the crucial point of the disease for Lola Montez could not be helped. Her problems were too deep. Once the lover identified with them, he was lost. He would find himself embroiled in quarrels. The infection would spread to his family and friends, or, in the case of Ludwig, to an entire nation. The only so lution would be to cut her off, or suffer an eventual collapse.

The infecting-character type is not restricted to women; it has nothing to do with gender. It stems from an inward instability that radiates outward, drawing disaster upon itself. There is almost a desire to destroy and unsettle. You could spend a lifetime studying the pathology of infecting characters, but don't waste your time - just learn the lesson. When you suspect you are in the presence of an infector, don't argue, don't try to help, don't pass the person on to your friends, or you will become enmeshed. Flee the infector's presence or suffer the consequences.”

by negative state of mind you mean dealing with mental health issues? because I dont find her at all to be a negative person. in fact she's never actually in the moods or battles she says she is around me.

but I see your point

 

[Clockwerk50]

by negative state of mind you mean dealing with mental health issues? because I dont find her at all to be a negative person. in fact she's never actually in the moods or battles she says she is around me.

but I see your point

1. Problems can develop and rise over time. What someone shows on the surface doesn't always capture what they might be dealing with inside.
2. Depressive people often have a negative outlook on life in general.

 

[Gamisch]

would prefer answers other than "red flag/avoid" just because this is someone seeing anyway a lot, so good practice


girl said she's on medication for depression, and I was just wondering how someone deals with someone like this in general? This could also apply not just for women, but if there are people in your life who have it. In my mind, she is always in a good mood, but I guess I dont see her often enough to "truly" know her

What's up with the latest trend of starting a thread only to say please don't say yxz. That means imo you already answered your own question .

Being on medication isn't necessarily bad. At least she's working on whatever issue she got. On the other hand, IF she happens to be crazy...then you brought it all up to yourself.

Personally I'm done with these types of women. I've been with these types way too often so I know the endgame with these women like the back of my hand.

"but I guess I dont see her often enough". You'll find out...

 

[Vanderdonck]

would prefer answers other than "red flag/avoid" just because this is someone seeing anyway a lot, so good practice


girl said she's on medication for depression, and I was just wondering how someone deals with someone like this in general? This could also apply not just for women, but if there are people in your life who have it. In my mind, she is always in a good mood, but I guess I dont see her often enough to "truly" know her

I won't say "red flag/avoid" but I wish someone had told me that years ago.

As mentioned above, good that she's taking steps to improve but IME people like this tend to end up with a) other depressed people (shared misery) or b) abusers. For normal, good dudes it can be like walking into a buzzsaw. I know now that as a happy guy who thinks he can accomplish anything, I'm just not equipped to deal with the depressed.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

What's up with the latest trend of starting a thread only to say please don't say yxz. That means imo you already answered your own question .

Being on medication isn't necessarily bad. At least she's working on whatever issue she got. On the other hand, IF she happens to be crazy...then you brought it all up to yourself.

Personally I'm done with these types of women. I've been with these types way too often so I know the endgame with these women like the back of my hand.

"but I guess I dont see her often enough". You'll find out...

 

[Gamisch]

I won't say "red flag/avoid" but I wish someone had told me that years ago.

As mentioned above, good that she's taking steps to improve but IME people like this tend to end up with a) other depressed people (shared misery) or b) abusers. For normal, good dudes it can be like walking into a buzzsaw. I know now that as a happy guy who thinks he can accomplish anything, I'm just not equipped to deal with the depressed.

Bad behaviour always seeks the path of least resistance like water. Eventually our happy good guy will end up equally if not more depressed than his girl. Because she will do crazy things that he doesn't understand that will double the pain.

If she screams, the language will be screaming as that's the only language she'll understand. Eventually you'll be screaming to make simple points. As a man that's looked upon as " abusive behaviour" by default because you are physically stronger. Bs . She's mentally WAY meaner than he could ever imagine.

I also wished I knew about this earlier in life. I always said I don't wanna be judgemental and that everyone deserves a chance.

Now I'm more like believe people when they tell you who they are.

 

[Glassguy]

by negative state of mind you mean dealing with mental health issues? because I dont find her at all to be a negative person. in fact she's never actually in the moods or battles she says she is around me.

but I see your point

You already said you don't see her enough to "truly know her".
Why would you stick around with someone who has a mental illness? You don't even know to what degree it is. Bi polar? BPD? Scitzophrena?

Are you that desperate to just have a female around? I'd really like to hear your answers to these questions.
Do you think you can "fix her" or that shes magically going to be different now that you came along?
There are billions of women on this earth. Why choose to spend your time with someone with a diagnosed mental illness?

 

[Glassguy]

I won't say "red flag/avoid" but I wish someone had told me that years ago.

As mentioned above, good that she's taking steps to improve but IME people like this tend to end up with a) other depressed people (shared misery) or b) abusers. For normal, good dudes it can be like walking into a buzzsaw. I know now that as a happy guy who thinks he can accomplish anything, I'm just not equipped to deal with the depressed.

You're 100% right. As "normal" and secure attachment people, we don't deal with the avoidants/mentally ill/severely depressed/severely introverted people well because WE DONT UNDERSTAND IT. And vise versa, they don't understand us. They understand that we function more normally. They definitely see that. And I think they wish they could also. But they know they can't. We can only see them on the surface. What's going on in their mind is something totally different than we see on the surface, IMO.
It's just messy to get involved with women who aren't a secure attachment style and it doesn't even matter what issue throws them into anxious and especially avoidant.