Date lost interest in me after meeting in person

jhonny9546

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Men in the 30s/40s typically get invited to private residence parties that are mostly long term couples and often times long term married couples with children under 18. It is somewhat unusual for a single, childless 40 year old man to meet a single, childless mid to late 30s woman at a private residence.
100%.
Wonder which alternative those men and women have to still find that "real" opportunity to meet and talk to someone.
I see something like going to sports club live events (your local community soccer games of the week), church, etc.

From my OLD experience the only reliable indicators of interest are in person dates that lead to more dates and over time, once security/connection/trust has been built, physical escalation leading to the bedroom.
Friends to lovers?
 

BeExcellent

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Advice from the old lady:

During my very limited (2 weeks sum total over 10 years) I accepted dates with 3 different men. NONE of them were as attractive in person and I felt kinda bait & switched....This is why I blew off OLD altogether. Men approach me everywhere in real life so I'd rather know who I'm dealing with in person first....

They all had posted their very best photos ever online & in person did not live up to the photos at all. Two were 3-4 inches shorter than the profiles stated too. That was a turnoff & eyeroll. I was taller than those two in heels, which I have an aversion to.

Meanwhile all 3 were gobsmacked that I am MUCH prettier in person than in photos. Each became visibly nervous, like he was completely unsure what to do around a beautiful woman, which was a further turn off after the photos being misrepresentative & the two guys being considerably shorter than advertised.

So ya. It was a complete waste of my time & I got the hell off OLD in short order.

Women who are beautiful and social and leave the house do not need OLD. Don't beat yourself up OP. Go talk to beautiful woman in person and practice so you don't get intimidated so easily. To a woman its pretty obvious and its a turn off.

Sorry to be blunt but you need to get better at treating beautiful women like normal human beings.
 

SW15

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Meanwhile all 3 were gobsmacked that I am MUCH prettier in person than in photos. Each became visibly nervous, like he was completely unsure what to do around a beautiful woman
I could understand younger, inexperienced men behaving like this. Not 45+ men.

Men approach me everywhere in real life so I'd rather know who I'm dealing with in person first....
That's an achievement. Not every woman can say that. Some of this is a part of a lifestyle design. I know a childless woman in her 30s who doesn't get approached enough in real life. In her case, I think most of that issue is based on how she structures her leisure time. She does a poor job of that.

On the male side of the equation, there's a benefit to that. Most men are not meeting enough women through real life methods, so that's why they end of resorting to the swipe apps or sending DMs to strangers via social media.

The general consensus from female friends I have talked to is no more than about 5 dates for some form of physical intimacy (not necessarily s*x) before you need to cut your losses.
Most men can get sex with limited seduction abilities within 5 dates.

I have heard of instances where the woman made the man wait more than 5 dates for sex.
 
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Manure Spherian

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Advice from the old lady:

During my very limited (2 weeks sum total over 10 years) I accepted dates with 3 different men. NONE of them were as attractive in person and I felt kinda bait & switched....This is why I blew off OLD altogether. Men approach me everywhere in real life so I'd rather know who I'm dealing with in person first....

They all had posted their very best photos ever online & in person did not live up to the photos at all. Two were 3-4 inches shorter than the profiles stated too. That was a turnoff & eyeroll. I was taller than those two in heels, which I have an aversion to.

Meanwhile all 3 were gobsmacked that I am MUCH prettier in person than in photos. Each became visibly nervous, like he was completely unsure what to do around a beautiful woman, which was a further turn off after the photos being misrepresentative & the two guys being considerably shorter than advertised.

So ya. It was a complete waste of my time & I got the hell off OLD in short order.

Women who are beautiful and social and leave the house do not need OLD. Don't beat yourself up OP. Go talk to beautiful woman in person and practice so you don't get intimidated so easily. To a woman its pretty obvious and its a turn off.

Sorry to be blunt but you need to get better at treating beautiful women like normal human beings.
My god, not a single post of yours doesn't include bragging and accounts of how you operate on such a high level.
 

sangheilios

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My god, not a single post of yours doesn't include bragging and accounts of how you operate on such a high level.
IF @BeExcellent is actually a woman, in real life she's probably very unattractive, fat and/or doesn't have much going for her. It would explain this endless rotation of fantasy land stories that's been on repeat with this individual's posts for literally years. A woman with all of these things would never be posting on a forum like this at all, it makes absolutely no sense. Talking about all of these tales helps her live some sort of fantasy out that is much better than her real life. Also could have fantasy prone personality disorder.

It also could just be a troll, either man or woman, that gets a bizarre kick out of posting stuff like this on a forum with many men that are disenfranchised with the dating market.

Either scenario, both are extremely weird lol.

I know you and @Bokanovsky would agree with me on this.
 
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taiyuu_otoko

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I’m struggling to understand what I did wrong.
You didn't do anything wrong.

You just didn't vibe in person.

The percentage of people you will vibe with in person, both men and women, is pretty small.

Get the silly idea out of your head that you can attract all women if you only act "correctly."

Just keep looking for people you vibe with naturally.

Just getting out there and interacting with girls will naturally build your confidence, social skills, and slowly reduce your anxiety and negative self talk.

AND you were probably a bit too invested over text and maybe had some expectations that were a bit too inflated.

BUT if you keep meeting people, you'll re-calibrate what to expect and gain an experience that many people you just won't vibe with.
 

pipeman84

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Meanwhile all 3 were gobsmacked that I am MUCH prettier in person than in photos.
Such thing is impossible, especially for a woman who is +45yrs old. :rolleyes:
If they said so, it's just because they were simps trying to impress you.
 

BeExcellent

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IF @BeExcellent is actually a woman, in real life she's probably very unattractive, fat and/or doesn't have much going for her. It would explain this endless rotation of fantasy land stories that's been on repeat with this individual's posts for literally years. A woman with all of these things would never be posting on a forum like this at all, it makes absolutely no sense. Talking about all of these tales helps her live some sort of fantasy out that is much better than her real life. Also could have fantasy prone personality disorder.

It also could just be a troll, either man or woman, that gets a bizarre kick out of posting stuff like this on a forum with many men that are disenfranchised with the dating market.

Either scenario, both are extremely weird lol.

I know you and @Bokanovsky would agree with me on this.
Lol. The avatar is me in my 50s. if the above makes you cope & feel better, its fine. About to hit the slopes with the husband.
 

sangheilios

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Lol. The avatar is me in my 50s. if the above makes you cope & feel better, its fine. About to hit the slopes with the husband.
I'm not the one who is going out of my way trying live some fantasy life out through an online forum. You have serious issues and need to seek help. The fact that you have an endless supply of these bizarre fairy tale stories and embellish every little thing is very bizarre. No woman with these things would be posting on a forum like this, it makes absolutely no sense.

Fantasy-prone personality - Wikipedia
 

If you want to talk, talk to your friends. If you want a girl to like you, listen to her, ask questions, and act like you are on the edge of your seat.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

Richard1201

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Hi!) Have you ever considered how the energy of a feminine-positive woman can influence your own dating confidence and approach? What specific traits do you think make her energy so captivating, and how can men harness this dynamic to enhance their interactions?
 

DJ Novice

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While we can’t vet the identity of posters I do find it strange why a woman with (alleged) supermodel looks married to an (alleged) Tom Brady clone and living an (alleged) Lauren Sanchez lifestyle would choose to post on a seduction forum.

I think we would learn more from a much more average woman even if the poster is genuine. Women with elite looks operate in a completely different universe and have rarely had to work hard for a relationship or to attract a member of the opposite s*x.
 

sangheilios

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While we can’t vet the identity of posters I do find it strange why a woman with (alleged) supermodel looks married to an (alleged) Tom Brady clone and living an (alleged) Lauren Sanchez lifestyle would choose to post on a seduction forum.

I think we would learn more from a much more average woman even if the poster is genuine. Women with elite looks operate in a completely different universe and have rarely had to work hard for a relationship or to attract a member of the opposite s*x.
Exactly the point I've been making about this poster for a while now, and there are many others who feel the same way lol.

I agree with your comment about a normal tiered woman offering insight on here being helpful. However, there's honestly no reason for a woman to really go out of her way to post on here to do so. Disregarding this, how would a woman even find this site in the first place? Most guys that come on here probably stumbled upon the forum when they were looking up things like "game" or were scrolling through PUA content. They typically do this when they are having issues with their relationships or troubles with navigating the dating market. These are not things that women are going to be searching for and navigating through.
 

pipeman84

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I'm not the one who is going out of my way trying live some fantasy life out through an online forum. You have serious issues and need to seek help. The fact that you have an endless supply of these bizarre fairy tale stories and embellish every little thing is very bizarre. No woman with these things would be posting on a forum like this, it makes absolutely no sense.

Fantasy-prone personality - Wikipedia
I wouldn't dismiss the fact that BE is who she says she is and she posts here for whatever reasons that suit her. In fact she said how she came across this forum back in 2015 (searching about BPD after break up from an ex, IIRC).

Reality is much more complex ... we have a moderator here, nismo, who's 38 and had sex with a 62yrs old woman. He also gets all upset about a 55yrs woman who dismisses him on a dating app. Like, is this for real?!
Or a guy like Chris Draughty who at 20 marries a 26yrs old woman with 2 kids from 2 different fathers.

Such things exist, yet you can't fathom that BE exists? :rolleyes:
 

sangheilios

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I wouldn't dismiss the fact that BE is who she says she is and she posts here for whatever reasons that suit her. In fact she said how she came across this forum back in 2015 (searching about BPD after break up from an ex, IIRC).

Reality is much more complex ... we have a moderator here, nismo, who's 38 and had sex with a 62yrs old woman. He also gets all upset about a 55yrs woman who dismisses him on a dating app. Like, is this for real?!
Or a guy like Chris Draughty who at 20 marries a 26yrs old woman with 2 kids from 2 different fathers.

Such things exist, yet you can't fathom that BE exists? :rolleyes:
I'm sorry, but if you can't see that particular poster is a troll I really don't know what to tell you.

Literally every single post includes some sort of brag about being wealthy, highly attractive, having high levels of success in career and education, etc. There is also a trend towards talking about these fairy tale stories that have these bizarre embellishments that pertain to what I mentioned or even being a part of the upper crust of society lol. There's literally an endless rotation of these stories that I've seen, and this person has been posting such content on here for literally YEARS.

Think about it, why would a woman like this in the real world be posting on a forum like this? This makes absolutely no sense at all, not sure how you don't see this. I'm not saying women like this don't actually exist, but they aren't going OUT of their way to post on a forum like this to constantly boast or tell tales that elaborate on how charmed their lives are lol.

Now, what this individual is actually gaining from posting this stuff on here I can only speculate, and to be honest it really doesn't matter to me. This is a forum dedicated to men to discuss issues with their relationships, dating endeavors, etc. Most young men today that are single are not doing all that well with the current culture around dating and many are honestly struggling to understand or cope with this. What this person posts on here with these constant fairy tale stories and bragging, whether real or completely fictionary, adds absolutely NOTHING to the forum.
 
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What happens, IN HER MIND, is that she comes to see you as WORTHLESS simply because she hasn't had to INVEST anything in you in order to get you or to keep you.

You were an interesting diversion while she had nothing else to do. But now that someone a little more valuable has come along, someone who expects her to treat him very well, she'll have no problem at all dropping you or demoting you to lowly "friendship" status.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

BillyPilgrim

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OP if you're still around this happens to everyone from time to time. It can be a big change in communication method going from text to in-person.

You can mitigate this issue by having a phone call before the date as it's a step closer to in-person and can also build rapport.
 

The Duke

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@sangheilios humble isn't exactly @BeExcellent 's middle name but she is a solid poster. She has by far more likes per post than you do so maybe you should rethink your statement?? Just sharing the facts.
 

Manure Spherian

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@sangheilios humble isn't exactly @BeExcellent 's middle name but she is a solid poster. She has by far more likes per post than you do so maybe you should rethink your statement?? Just sharing the facts.
I am the first one to start this side conversation by stating her compulsive bragging. I do not have as many likes or time on this forum as BE does and I admit I am not all that helpful around here and have said some things people don't like. However, my intention has never been to denigrate or irritate others and in some cases on here and IRL, I apologize for inappropriate statements, or mull over what someone says, and admit my ignorance on a subject because of their feedback.

I actually do not care who is modest or not. I simply consider it extremely distasteful to compulsively brag about and openly self obsess about a charmed life in the upper crust of society on a forum in which most of the lurkers and posters likely do not have success with the opposite sex and, admitted by some, have had alienated, lonely, disenfranchised lives, which seems to be an increasingly common condition in Gen Z males.

If this poster is as she describes herself, I believe she gets a sadistic satisfaction from bragging about her charmed life amongst men who are struggling and can only imagine (or not) what it would be like to live such a life. She brags about her high-powered lawyer father and guidance and investment put into her by female relatives, and rubbing elbows amongst the elite (scientists, pro sports players, doctors, lawyers, trust funders) or dashing fellows who have a knack for stuffing their sausages in many women, when 25% of men grow up fatherless and in broken homes or have air headed boomer parents who didn't or don't teach them a goddamn thing about life. They will never even find love or form a family, let alone get a date.

I consider myself old in the area mating (mid 40s) and "settled down" and perhaps I don't have much to offer here. There is nothing wrong about being rich, talented, beautiful, well connected, and so on. But bragging amongst and shoving it in the faces of struggling men, particularly young men, annoys me. And as I said, I think it done for a perverse reason.

Few people go to seduction forums for good reasons. And what I mean by that is they go to them because they are having a difficult time. Bragging to them doesn't help.
 

BeExcellent

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For the record @pipeman84 is exactly correct about how I found this forum. The ex wife of my first LTR post divorce was dignosed BPD. The woman was diabolical to her ex husband, and sadly to her children as well. My divorce was final in March of 2014; I found this site in December of 2015. He was embroiled in ongoing child custody drama despite his divorce being final in early 2015. We met in the summer of 2015, through a social dancing group on Craigslist. Over time his situation became impossible for a relationship between the court stuff and her financial bludgeoning of him through the courts (she was a multi millionnaire so money was no object. I had never seen such evil from anyone in all my life...) so we parted amicably in 2016 so he could get his life straightened out. We stayed in touch & he is happily remarried to a sweet gal; he knows I am happily remarried as well.

So I found the BPD thread initially.

I stayed because much of the solid content here encourages men to develop to the best of their abilities. Much of the philosophy here echoes things that were important to my father, and reflective of things I have observed in nightlife mating environments all my adult life. So I contribute where I think it might offer something to the discussion. And because men often do not think my life is real, I get asked to explain much context that would not otherwise be necessary.

Then people complain that I'm bragging.

Its not bragging if its true. Why would I lie? And how could my content be so consistent over 10 years unless its true? You don't have to make up a thing if you tell the truth.

Honestly its silly to say a beautiful woman's perspective is useless here. I know how men simp, I know the corny PUA lines, I have been on the receiving end of that all my adult life.

Meanwhile there are various posts pointing out attractive female bloggers trying to help men.

I have always made it a point to be honest with men if they approach and I'm not interested. I am always kind, but direct. And I been complimented for having grace in those situations more times than I can count.

I was never a girl to flake. If I agreed to meet someone I did. I don't like having my time wasted and I am respectful of others so as not to waste theirs; I keep my commitments. I refused to give my contact to any man I wasn't attracted to. And frankly that was the vast majority of men. It is what it is.

I have never understood the fascination with me personally here. I'm simply one voice and I have a singular opinion.

What's odd to me is that I represent exactly the type of woman most men around here would be delighted to have an opportunity to date etc. Perhaps the anger at me represents an anger at women generally, especially beautiful (translation: priviledged) women.

I don't understand that. I mean on the one hand I do (Law 36: Disdain What You Cannot Have from Robert Greene's Laws of Power)....but if you want to be successful with high quality attractive women, you as a man need to understand the landscape in which such women exist.

So if you don't like me, use your "Ignore" button. Otherwise I simply offer a perspective. Same as anyone else here.
 
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