Moving things forward

[Thor’s hammer]

I got inspired by the ”what do you want to read on this forum” thread that I decided to jump the gun and ask some actionable advice.

Okay, so my sticking point is and have been moving things forward and reading women. When a woman shows clear signs of interest, should I just go for it and ask her number? I meet a ton of women through my hobby and quite a few seem interested but the problem is that I actually like the hobby and don’t want that akward situation where I misread someone and ask them out. Should I keep them as friends only? Should I try to set a definite date right on the spot or go for the number and ask her out later? How should I deal with shop assistant who’s flirting with me? Ask her out? Usually I just assume they are being friendly due to their job, but sometimes they are so overt I don’t know how to deal with them.

Then reading women. If you can recommend some material which covers this area, I’d be happy to read it. There are so much info on web that I don’t know which is legit and which is not. Especially physical signs women give and when to escalate wether in a club or date situation. How fast should I move things forward? Sometimes I have missed opportunities when a woman has been all over me within minutes of starting a conversation and I could not read her properly only to realize later that damn I should have gone for the kiss.

And finally texiting. Do you ever flirt through text or do you keep it professional and set dates after few messages? Do you recommend keeping in touch without actually asking the girl out (after you are sleeping with her), just to catch up. F.ex. You have not heard from someone for a week, do you ask how is she doing without planning to set a date right off?

 

[BPH]

There's a lot of different questions being asked here, so I'll try to go piece by piece here:

When a woman shows clear signs of interest, should I just go for it and ask her number?

If you want it and are interested, yes. The worst she can say is no, in which case you move on with your life. Otherwise you may come here posting about what you could've done different.

I meet a ton of women through my hobby and quite a few seem interested but the problem is that I actually like the hobby and don’t want that akward situation where I misread someone and ask them out. Should I keep them as friends only?

Nobody cares as much as you. Do you want to be platonic friends, or do you want to f***? If she rejects your advances, cool, who cares? Keep doing your hobby like she doesn't exist.

Should I try to set a definite date right on the spot or go for the number and ask her out later?

Getting the number usually makes more sense. Trying to immediately plan out a day and time on the spot is much less likely to be a smooth interaction - you can do that over text later where you have time to think. The only case where I'd suggest otherwise is if it's clear she's super interested and will do whatever you decide where you can transition whatever you're doing in that moment into whatever your date idea is.

How should I deal with shop assistant who’s flirting with me? Ask her out? Usually I just assume they are being friendly due to their job, but sometimes they are so overt I don’t know how to deal with them.

Usually this is correct. Most of the time they're being flirty and polite because they are being employed to do so. If one is being overt, treat her like any other woman and ask - just don't be weird about it if she declines and this is a place you frequent.

Then reading women. If you can recommend some material which covers this area, I’d be happy to read it. There are so much info on web that I don’t know which is legit and which is not. Especially physical signs women give and when to escalate wether in a club or date situation. How fast should I move things forward? Sometimes I have missed opportunities when a woman has been all over me within minutes of starting a conversation and I could not read her properly only to realize later that damn I should have gone for the kiss.

This is something I suggest you learn by doing. One of the biggest mistakes I've made (and continue to make in other areas) is trying to acquire as much knowledge as I can before I act. Just approach, fail a bunch, and gradually get better at reading the room as you go. There is a big difference between reading about IOIs (flipping hair, heavy eye contact, touching, etc) and actually experiencing them. You need exposure so you can move through the conversation naturally, rather than looking for specific signs that you can move to the next stage.

As far as escalation, the advice I always give on this is to move the interaction forward until you're stopped. My friend's analogy is that you never know how fast a car can take a turn until it crashes. Keep going until you crash, you might not. If she gives you the number, go on the date. If she shows up for the date, go for the kiss. If she enjoys the kiss, go somewhere private. If she goes somewhere private with you, have sex. If she has sex, make sure to go a good job.

And finally texiting. Do you ever flirt through text or do you keep it professional and set dates after few messages? Do you recommend keeping in touch without actually asking the girl out (after you are sleeping with her), just to catch up. F.ex. You have not heard from someone for a week, do you ask how is she doing without planning to set a date right off?

My philosophy on texting is to keep conversation to a minimum. Beyond texting to set up the date with some light flirting I generally don't call or text otherwise unless she initiates. You can get to know each other on the date, and there's so many non-verbal and body language signs that she is/isn't interested that you won't get from reading text on a screen. If she contacts me otherwise, I'll respond as long as she responds, but I'm not trying to keep her on the phone. I also don't "check in". I don't even do that with my guy friends. Let her feel like you have a life with other women in it and aren't waiting to hear from her so you can jump on your phone to respond.

If anything else comes to mind or you want some elaboration, feel free to reply.

 

[sharkfinale]

I meet a ton of women through my hobby

What hobby is that?

 

[Thor’s hammer]

What hobby is that?

Couples dancing courses and events. I warmly recommend them for anyone interested in women

 

[Mr Wright]

My general go to advice and thoughts is this. If I think a girl is attracted to me because she's laughing or whatever I have to make her prove it by having her let me escalate. At first I always choose the smallest possible escalation in a given situation because it's low stakes and you will usually get your answer.

If you're doing a dance course or event the perfect way to do this is to get a girl to move somewhere with you. Even if it's across the room, to a quieter area to the bar or whatever makes sense socially. A girl will not move with you if she's not attracted to you, it's such a time saver. I usually do it very early in the interaction to see if there's any initial interest. If she's responding positively to smaller escalations then she's probably attracted. Then you can slowly ramp up the escalation points until you're holding her hand. This is a mutual sign of attraction but very subtle as it's not like an overtime kiss so it's easier for guys who are nervous. And if you want a way to hold her hand, just tell her you want to see her nails or compliment her hands, I literally skip past the why most of the time. If she lets you hold her hand for a few seconds with some eye contact. That's a good sign.

If you can hold her hand, you can kiss her. I usually make sure it's in a discreet place, some girls just aren't into PDA and might say no in front of a room full of people. You can do each step rather quickly but ticking off those boxes is a good idea if you're lost about what to do.

Just remember each of these steps will still involve you putting yourself out there.