I had a flirt session the other day. Ran into her again today. What to make of her behavior?

[GoodMan32]

Why do you think this? Asking this woman out would mean nothing ultimately and if she says no she says no. It doesn’t mean you could never go back there. That’s silly talk.

Men who are bold reap the most rewards. Start acting like you own that cafe. Tell her about where you got your haircut. Then compliment hers. Then ask her to meet you after work. There’s literally nothing to lose. You have to stop thinking there will be some repercussions just because you ask a woman out. There are none.

PS - And I don’t see this as a “don’t sh1t where you eat” situation at work. This is a cafe in your office building. Not your boss or subordinate. Big difference.

Everyone is different. On my last post on this thread, I elaborate on why it's the end of the world if I get turned down by a broad I regularly cross paths with.

Men with the confidence to do an ask out reap the most rewards (in the sense that they'll eventually catch an interested fish with their fishing rod), you're right. The problem is all the rejection that could (and most likely will) happen along the way. As an analogy, there are a number of single broads I like the looks of in my condo building. If I made a move on every single in my condo building I'm attracted to, would one say yeah? Statistically, probably. But then I'd risk putting myself in a position where I have to move out of my condo building. Too risky. My housing would be on the line; that's pretty serious.

You're right when you say casting my net at my office building's Cafe isn't the same as sh1tting where I eat. It's still something I don't want to do. And for that matter, I'd gladly get with a coworker (or even boss) if they made the move on me (hell, one of my bosses used to send me IOIs...had she gone one step further...and pounced on me, I'd gladly smash her Baby Boomer cooch)

 

[GoodMan32]

Have a special coin, and next time you get a heavy flirt session, then flip it. Pick heads or tails. If it matches then make a move, if it does not, then do not make a move and move-on. You need a mechanism to make a decision on the spot and follow through with it. Whatever it takes.

Whether I make a move on the spot depends more on my likeliness of running into her again than the result of a coin flip.

 

[GoodMan32]

I asked a coworker out. She gave me a soft No. We still saw each other at work. I asked her out again three months later. She said Yes.
You shoot your shot.

I slipped my digits to a coworker once back in 2021. The broad never reached out to me (even though she repeatedly insisted she would)

I ended up terrified she'd rat me out to HR.

 

[GoodMan32]

Especially to an autistic description of an aborted flirt. All my responses are based on how you act and write around here.


No, I said she was horny. Not necessarily for you, but any banana. Yours seemed available, but you acted like a banana, so she lost interest.


It was not an expiration 'date', but an attraction 'window'. And the window closed in all likelihood 5 minutes after you responded like an autist.



The girl flirts with you, even repeating a compliment (likely because she didn't see anything else she can compliment you on), she throws out bait, but you hesitate and 'poof' her horniness is replaced with boredom again.


No, it wouldn't, except in your delusional mind.

The awkwardness is already there. Instead of you feeling like a fool for asking her out, she feels like a fool for flirting with you and getting rejected. You couldn't have made it worse by asking her out when she flirted with you. See, even when you don't ask her out, you create an awkward situation anyway.

But this is all theoretical, because she was unattractive to you anyway.

This is a nonsense thread. If we all started opening threads to discuss why an unattractive person flirted with us, there would be ten times as many threads. Because we're not all as autistic as you are, most of us get indications of interest daily from women we're not attracted to. Most of us know that we could easily 'bang' does unattractive women, but what is the point?

But, don't fear, there's enough nonsense here to stretch this thread into the double digits, so you get our attention, and with some of us, your validation.

I have no interest in giving her my banana. Not because she's unattractive to me. I find her incredibly attractive. Her age is why I have no interest in giving her my banana.

I'd still be down to go on a date with her (to boost my self-esteem), kiss her, fondle her, and watch her pee. Just because I don't want sex with her doesn't mean she's repulsive to me.

Calling it a "rejection" on my part (when I told her she looks good) is a strange definition of rejection. Even if I didn't officially ask her out, I made it clear I find her attractive. In what universe is that a rejection?

 

[GoodMan32]

Let me be positive today.

Op seems utterly confused that a whomum flirted with him. That's the number one indicator you are RUSTY AF. Hey, it happens to the best of us. You want female validation while women seemingly ingonre you en masse , and then when you do get a chance you don't capitalise..

So ,the next lesson you learn is that the window of opportunity closes real quickly. Ain't no coming back.

The positive note is that you atbleast get noticed. Your real challenge is to increase encounters like this while being 500% more aggressive.

A woman coming onto me throws me off, yeah (because of how sparingly it happens)

Back when I was 25, a young woman touched me right above my crotch (while calling me sexy). I had no idea who she was (and I was highly unlikely to ever run into her again). All the circumstances were right for me to make an official move. Yet I froze (Don't get me wrong; even my autistic self could tell she was making an advance on me. But because I'm not used to a woman coming onto me, I was in shock)

The fact I did anything in response to the cafe girl the other day is a sign I'm better now than I was at 25 (it's just a shame that I'm getting better as my looks fade; what unfortunate timing)

 

[GoodMan32]

It's taken me to reach the age of 47 years to agree with this, ie: not give a f*ck. I've known a girl for 10 years, met when she was 18. 19 years difference between us, she is model quality, and about six months ago, kissed her. Texted her later, but nothing eventuated. We are still friends. I don't regret it, because as you said, I had the balls (albeit fuelled with the confidence of alcohol) to give it a crack.

Let me tell you about the last woman I had free sex with. April 2021. I had been flirting with her off and on for 2 years. Then on the lucky day in April 2021, the circumstances were right for me to finally kiss her. The kiss led to sex.

I never kissed or banged her again after that. And I ran into her many times afterwards. Yet it wasn't the end of the world to run into her (because at least I had gotten something from her). Running into a woman after the fact is only miserable if I got flat out rejected right off the bat.

 

[SW15]

PS - And I don’t see this as a “don’t sh1t where you eat” situation at work. This is a cafe in your office building. Not your boss or subordinate. Big difference.

It definitely isn't a "don't poop where you eat situation". The cafe in the office building isn't that important. It is somewhat dependent upon how often a guy would use a cafe/restaurant within his own office building.

Previously, I mentioned the likelihood of a barista/restaurant staffer to change jobs. In most cases, turnover is high in those locations and a female will change jobs within a matter of months. Another consideration is how often the man changes jobs. I have changed jobs multiple times and when I change jobs, it means I stop going to the cafe/restaurant within that office building of an ex-employer.

There's one thing I recommend for men who work in larger office buildings with multiple companies. I recommend men attempt to attract and seduce women who work at other companies in the same building. It's not "crapping where you eat". There are no consequences there. It's unknown how long she will work for a company in the building and how long you will work there as well. I have found dates in various buildings where I have worked over the years.

In that situation, I think that it is better if she's further away in the building and rarely ever seen as compared to a woman who works for a different company on the same floor in that building or even one floor away. As an example, let's say there's a 20 story office building. If you (as the man) work on the 17th Floor and she works on the 5th Floor, then it's not likely you'll see each other much. In general, you are likely to only see her every so often in the building's lobby. If a rejection happens or if a first-second date with her goes bad, then you won't have to see her often and be reminded of that.

I slipped my digits to a coworker once back in 2021. The broad never reached out to me (even though she repeatedly insisted she would)

I ended up terrified she'd rat me out to HR.

That's weak and passive. If you are going to crap where you eat, at least be the man and lead the interaction.

Fear of HR is a common feeling for men. It a feeling that white collar worker men tend to have regardless of whether their ideology is blue pill, red pill, or black pill. HR managers and HR representatives tend to be mostly female and don't perceive men well in those situations. Men are always guilty until proven innocent in an HR scenario related to mating in the workplace.

I have no interest in giving her my banana. Not because she's unattractive to me. I find her incredibly attractive. Her age is why I have no interest in giving her my banana.

This is an irrelevant conversation then.

She's attractive and you should be interested.

You are only not interested in sex with her because of your oddities related to autism and another possible mental disorder.

A neurotypical would be interested in this situation.

You self-sabotage many interactions due to your oddities. It's you.

I know neurotypical men are prone to misreading IOIs too.

Neurotypical men misread IOIs all the time. Neurotypical men also known for thinking that some service industry worker is interested in them when she's really not. That's why I made that thread in 2020 about hitting on women who work with the public. It's so rare that a woman who works with the public is interested in a customer.

 

[Barrister]

Everyone is different. On my last post on this thread, I elaborate on why it's the end of the world if I get turned down by a broad I regularly cross paths with.

Men with the confidence to do an ask out reap the most rewards (in the sense that they'll eventually catch an interested fish with their fishing rod), you're right. The problem is all the rejection that could (and most likely will) happen along the way. As an analogy, there are a number of single broads I like the looks of in my condo building. If I made a move on every single in my condo building I'm attracted to, would one say yeah? Statistically, probably. But then I'd risk putting myself in a position where I have to move out of my condo building. Too risky. My housing would be on the line; that's pretty serious.

You're right when you say casting my net at my office building's Cafe isn't the same as sh1tting where I eat. It's still something I don't want to do. And for that matter, I'd gladly get with a coworker (or even boss) if they made the move on me (hell, one of my bosses used to send me IOIs...had she gone one step further...and pounced on me, I'd gladly smash her Baby Boomer cooch)

This post is proof that your entire mindset needs to change with approaches. You present as someone petrified to make a mistake and how you will be perceived if you are turned down. You need to understand that it ultimately isn't a big deal. Everyone in this thread is telling you this, yet you continue to make excuses.

Of course you will get turned down. All of us get turned down. It is just part of the game. Accept that and it will set you free and you will realize you are always playing with house money when it comes to cold approaching. Also, stop saying you will come off "creepy." This is like Jealous Woman Speak 101 for women who never get approached to shame men from approaching hotter women. Men who are afraid (like you) then repeat it as an out for never making a cold approach. Stop living in fear brother and simply talk to women. In fact, just go talk to them to start and DON'T ask them out. No pressure. Just make conversation and get comfortable with it. I think you will find by doing a thing it gets easier. But you must change this mindset.

Good luck.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I slipped my digits to a coworker once back in 2021. The broad never reached out to me (even though she repeatedly insisted she would)

I ended up terrified she'd rat me out to HR.

Most corporate Sexual Harassment policies recognize Sexual Harassment as subjecting someone to unwanted romantic/sexual attention. You are allowed to shoot your shot (within reason). But if the recipient expresses that they are not interested. You must desist.

So. Your giving # to a coworker. Was probably fine.

In my case, it was a soft No. Which implied further attempts, later, may be acceptable.

 

[SW15]

This post is proof that your entire mindset needs to change with approaches. You present as someone petrified to make a mistake and how you will be perceived if you are turned down. You need to understand that it ultimately isn't a big deal. Everyone in this thread is telling you this, yet you continue to make excuses.

Of course you will get turned down. All of us get turned down. It is just part of the game. Accept that and it will set you free and you will realize you are always playing with house money when it comes to cold approaching.

I agree that the most important thing right now for @GoodMan32 to do is to do the inner work and work on his mindset before going out on dates from swipe apps, doing daygame approaches, or doing nightgame approaches. As said before, this is likely going to be some combination of therapy and medication as diagnosed by a mental health professional.

Yes, everyone gets turned down. I told the story earlier in this thread about an approach that went bad at my gym. I had to put up with seeing that woman for multiple months until she changed gyms. While it was unpleasant to see her and be reminded of a failed approach, it was worth it. Approaching an attractive, younger woman in a gym is worth the downside of it. As I learned more about her, I did realize that even if a relationship had formed with her, it likely would not have had much staying power. @Barrister -- She had some similarity to that lawyer you dated circa 2019-2020. While she wasn't a lawyer, she was a woman with an advanced degree. As mentioned before, women with advanced degrees (PhD, MD, JD, or any master's level degree) are more difficult to date.

Former PUA Roosh had a principle about this that he wrote about in May 2013. He believed it was wise for seducers to do at least one daily approach. If @GoodMan32 were to make some progress on his mindset, the daily approach practice would help him. Right now, I don't think doing one or more daily approaches is going to help.

One Approach A Day

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Calling it a "rejection" on my part (when I told her she looks good) is a strange definition of rejection. Even if I didn't officially ask her out, I made it clear I find her attractive. In what universe is that a rejection?

In the universe where she thinks there's something wrong with her because you don't want to have sex with her even when she's available and you look like you could do with a good f*ck.

I'm sure she would feel much less rejected, but more relieved, if she had known all you wanted was to see her urinate.

You act like the way you feel rejection is the only way people can experience rejection.

Since some people experience rejection when my tomcat ignores them, I tell you that people with fragile egos can easily feel rejected even when that's not intentional. I know you're autistic, but you can at least try to look at something from a different perspective.

 

[corrector]

Whether I make a move on the spot depends more on my likeliness of running into her again than the result of a coin flip.

That is not what I meant. I meant rather than worrying about risking rejection from a woman, you transfer that risk to a coin flip. If you flip differently then what you selected in your mind, then you are "saved by the bell" and don't have to make any move or risk you are not comfortable with. If you flip what you selected, then don't think about anything or any consequences, but make that move or approach, etc...

Just trying to make suggestions outside of the box. You are neurodivergent and getting advice form neurotypical people, if you are hitting a mental road block, then you can think outside the box and try to play with your mind a bit. Next time you see you have an opportunity but hesitate, then flip it. If it flips right what you thought, you don't leave that coffee shop or place without getting her number or doing something, even if you turn back.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This post is proof that your entire mindset needs to change with approaches. You present as someone petrified to make a mistake and how you will be perceived if you are turned down. You need to understand that it ultimately isn't a big deal. Everyone in this thread is telling you this, yet you continue to make excuses.

Of course you will get turned down. All of us get turned down. It is just part of the game. Accept that and it will set you free and you will realize you are always playing with house money when it comes to cold approaching. Also, stop saying you will come off "creepy." This is like Jealous Woman Speak 101 for women who never get approached to shame men from approaching hotter women. Men who are afraid (like you) then repeat it as an out for never making a cold approach. Stop living in fear brother and simply talk to women. In fact, just go talk to them to start and DON'T ask them out. No pressure. Just make conversation and get comfortable with it. I think you will find by doing a thing it gets easier. But you must change this mindset.

Good luck.

OP wants some cheat code to only have women say yes as if that works that way in any other aspect of life where everything always goes your way 100% of the time.

Then he has some other fvcked up mental stuff going on with them having to be old and wrinkly to want to fvck them.

Honestly, OP should just jack off and save himself the time and mental energy. I cannot imagine any fulfillment he is getting even if he is able to somehow get a woman to agree to fvck him and they most certainly are not getting any.

 

[pipeman84]

Sounds to me like she was practicing her seducing skills on you. She must've sensed your weirdness and thought of you as easy practice.
Just like some here and in the manosphere advise guys to practice on ugly and fat girls in order to become confident to hit on the 8s and 9s.

 

[Gamisch]

OP wants some cheat code to only have women say yes as if that works that way in any other aspect of life where everything always goes your way 100% of the time.

Then he has some other fvcked up mental stuff going on with them having to be old and wrinkly to want to fvck them.

Honestly, OP should just jack off and save himself the time and mental energy. I cannot imagine any fulfillment he is getting even if he is able to somehow get a woman to agree to fvck him and they most certainly are not getting any.

Unfortunately I'm afraid that some men are simply not build for this...I've seen it all around me where dudes just don't wanna put in the effort (anymore), and even personally I have to REALLY set my mind to it otherwise ain't shyte happening.

Don't try to demoralise OP, but let's be real; the process of making that needed transformation is a personal matter. Nobody can give him any other advice than to go ALL IN on life. Perhaps he could put it in writing but I guess it will turn out to be something like a dairy.

In order to change his mindset OP needs t understand that this journey will take a thousand miles AT LEAST. Its no different from wanna go from obese to ripped as it takes a whole lotta tiny and some big steps to change. However, I do salute him for trying. Most definitely. But tbh I don't see how he will make that transformation with this mindset.

With the fetish for exclusively older women on top of this, OP is playing this game on hard mode highest difficulty. It's no different from a 40+ y.o man with let's say a dad bod saying he only falls for 22 y.o redheads with blue eyes and perky tits. Annoying preferences that make a " challenging " situation even more difficult

AITA? Maybe I am. Again not trying to demoralise dudes like him, but all these mental gymnastics also lead to nowhere. Maybe it's time to hang em up, take a step back and accept that you don't really want it.

 

[GoodMan32]

It definitely isn't a "don't poop where you eat situation". The cafe in the office building isn't that important. It is somewhat dependent upon how often a guy would use a cafe/restaurant within his own office building.

Previously, I mentioned the likelihood of a barista/restaurant staffer to change jobs. In most cases, turnover is high in those locations and a female will change jobs within a matter of months. Another consideration is how often the man changes jobs. I have changed jobs multiple times and when I change jobs, it means I stop going to the cafe/restaurant within that office building of an ex-employer.

There's one thing I recommend for men who work in larger office buildings with multiple companies. I recommend men attempt to attract and seduce women who work at other companies in the same building. It's not "crapping where you eat". There are no consequences there. It's unknown how long she will work for a company in the building and how long you will work there as well. I have found dates in various buildings where I have worked over the years.

In that situation, I think that it is better if she's further away in the building and rarely ever seen as compared to a woman who works for a different company on the same floor in that building or even one floor away. As an example, let's say there's a 20 story office building. If you (as the man) work on the 17th Floor and she works on the 5th Floor, then it's not likely you'll see each other much. In general, you are likely to only see her every so often in the building's lobby. If a rejection happens or if a first-second date with her goes bad, then you won't have to see her often and be reminded of that.



That's weak and passive. If you are going to crap where you eat, at least be the man and lead the interaction.

Fear of HR is a common feeling for men. It a feeling that white collar worker men tend to have regardless of whether their ideology is blue pill, red pill, or black pill. HR managers and HR representatives tend to be mostly female and don't perceive men well in those situations. Men are always guilty until proven innocent in an HR scenario related to mating in the workplace.



This is an irrelevant conversation then.

She's attractive and you should be interested.

You are only not interested in sex with her because of your oddities related to autism and another possible mental disorder.

A neurotypical would be interested in this situation.

You self-sabotage many interactions due to your oddities. It's you.



Neurotypical men misread IOIs all the time. Neurotypical men also known for thinking that some service industry worker is interested in them when she's really not. That's why I made that thread in 2020 about hitting on women who work with the public. It's so rare that a woman who works with the public is interested in a customer.

There's a woman I have a flirtatious repertoire with who works for a different company in my office building. She's in her 60s and married. I don't think she'd really take it beyond flirting (but if she offered sex, I'd take it)

There's also a woman from a different company in my office building who compliments my appearance from time to time (and has even initiated locker room talk). She's late 30s. I don't find her attractive (even if she was 45+)

As for the cafe, I enjoy going there from time to time (and at least want the option to go back)

The story about slipping a female coworker my digits was done in a manner where I insisted I only wanted to be friends (because a man really has to tiptoe at work; as you said, HR views men as guilty until proven innocent)

Back to the Cafe girl, the discussion isn't pointless. The fact I'd like to at least get some degree of success with her (even if not sex) means I'd like it if she'd escalate beyond Monday's flirt session.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

OP is on the Spectrum, correct?
Most SS posters are not on the Spectrum.
He is seeking help from the wrong place.
We cannot put ourselves in OPs shoes.

 

[New_Journey]

What should I make of her behavior?

There is no cure for retardation, unfortunately.

 

[SW15]

he has some other fvcked up mental stuff going on with them having to be old and wrinkly to want to fvck them.

The guys who want to start new sexual relationships with 45-60 year old women are typically blue pilled 45-60 year old men or men 60+.

There are plenty of 45-60 year old men in sexual relationships with 45-60 year old women. These relationships are often 10+ year long relationships and often 20+ year long ones.

It is highly abnormal for an early 30s man to be looking that much older.

By the time a man reaches his early 30s, he is older than a substantial number of women. As an early to mid 30s man, it is the perfect time in life to be seeking a somewhat younger woman and have a wide selection of somewhat younger women.

I think it is a common thing for a very young man (18-24) to have sex with a 40 something woman. This is usually one of his mom's friends/acquaintances when it happens. It's rare that an 18-24 year old man will go find a woman 40+ to have sex with him through in-person approaching. Tech methods might help with this because a lot of unusual stuff can be found in mating, especially when a person lacks social skills to find it through his personal network.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

What should I make of her behavior?

She probably thought that about you, for about a second, after you didn't try to close the deal after she went out of her way to make it easy on you.

You've been discounted and forgotten.

Now you can go the cafe without feeling awkward.

Yay.