Dating late 30's and early 40's ?

[CaptFinnBad]

Recent break up with a decent but unstable woman.

I'm actively choosing to try stay away from women for a couple of months and ignoring them as much as I can.

Looking and feeling a lil beat up from the stress of it all. I usually take very good care of myself, gym, healthy routine, dress well e.t.c.

Just needs a bit of polishing when I pick myself back up off the floor (which I want to stay on for a little longer)... I look pretty young for my age, which now works to my benefit.

No problem talking to women, I'm social adapt. When going about my day I'll usually have women approach me and start up conversations (usually about the dog/dogs I'm with that day), I'll flirt with cashers, or start random conversations with strangers, I feel very at ease interacting with people (no so good with groups though).

Part of my business is to meet new clients (nearly always women ), go into their home to meet, talk to them (time usually gets away from me because it's an interesting interaction) , make them feel at ease, build trust , and a bit of a connection.

At the end of it they entrust my with their house keys and the care of their beloved dog to me.

So the concept of dating again doesn't bother me in the slightest nor does Interacting with new women at an intimate level. I'm kinda excited by the thought. .


I think I have a decent base level where I'm at.


Like I said I'm trying my best to stay away from women.

Although been tempted a couple times already , one of which was a really pretty blonde women that approached me in a car park a few weeks ago to ask me about a cage I had in my car, I ended up talking to her about 30 min about dogs , life e.t.c. whenever I see her now she excitedly tries to talk to me ,

I've tried to ignore her a couple of times (break up blues) , actually actively turned my back on her and pretended I didn't see her once lol , she just drove her car next to me, stopped and kinda forced the interaction, I actually fancy her but trying my absolute best to ignore/stay away from women, especially this one as she's my type.

Another was on the beach she came over to say "hi", I was tempted again (I fancied her) but stayed strong. Just a brief interaction, no asking her for her number or walking with her, I just ejected, full on rain man mode, "gotto go now, bye " lol.

Oh I also kinda flirted with another women a pretty latina in a carol service last night, I'll probably go to hell for this one.

She was a member of the church it was being held. Clearly in a relationship with one of the other church guys leading it, she was up in front, she locked eyes with me , oops her mistake, so I thought I'd play around with her for a bit, see if I could get her to bite. Just innocent stuff , but had her laughing at the dorky priest, and giving me eyes and ioi most the service.

Also flirted with a couple of mums at my niece and Nephews Christmas nativity play . Again just innocent stuff.


Really mentally ready trying not to give into temptation as I've promised myself to find inner peace first.

As my biggest fear about dating now is women my age are going to just be problematic, you know the last women left on the shelf type thing.

I'm getting older , which means less and less time to actually find a good woman to build something with. Pick the wrong one and I could be up **** creek without a paddle.



What's your experiences? Who out there is killing it?


* I get oneitis pretty quickly. So have a fear falling for crazy. Feels like that getting closer and closer to a death sentence.

 

[SW15]

My fear is women my age are going to just be problematic, you know the last women left on the shelf type thing.

I'm getting older , which means less and less time to actually find a good woman to build something with. Pick the wrong one and I could be up **** creek without a paddle.

What's your experiences? Who out there is killing it?

Dating in one's late 30s/early 40s isn't as fun as dating in one's teens and first half of 20s.

You don't have to date women your age. You are socially adept and look young for your age. You have field experience and have some understanding of attraction and seduction. I don't think you are going to be a typical average frustrated chump who has to beg for pussie.

You will take some time off and feel better. Then, you'll start meeting some women who aren't the last on the shelf type.

 

[The Duke]

I had so much fun dating in my 30's - early 40's I barely remember having my pants on. I put up some big numbers.

Having a solid job/finances in order becomes more important as you age.

 

[BadBoy89]

Dating in one's late 30s/early 40s isn't as fun as dating in one's teens and first half of 20s.

That's an understatement.

I never understood men who say 30s and 40s were the best time dating, as Duke said above. For me, the phone stopped ringing when I was 32 and hasn't rang much since. I look ok, financially ok, have all hair, not 6'1.

For me, the best best time was 25-29. Man, I was going with Maxim models, Chinese models, Ireland models, I was getting so many calls from hot calls you couldn't believe. I could call any girl Friday night and go out. I had 2 girls begging to come over to my place one time, they both slept over. You couldn't believe how good it was.

Then when I hit early 30s, my finances were getting better, but the calls dried up quick. I didn't know happened. I didn't look or act different. And it started sucking. I was going out with girls I was not attracted to, I had put alot alot more effort into getting a date, let alone a 2nd date. It become tougher and tougher. I mean I had hot gf between 34 - 38, but still.

Now in 40s, I have a company and can't get any date anywhere. Decent looking Divorced women ? Nope. Decent looking Single moms? Nope. Any decent women in her mid 30 - early 40s? No chance. Unless I own Buckingham Palace, which I don't, they ain't getting in touch.

When men are in 20s, they want relationship with the girl to be transactional, and the girl wants love, so its much much. easier.

When men in 30s and 40s, they want the relationship to be about love, and women want the relationship to be transactional, much much harder.

My opinion.

 

[SW15]

Having a solid job/finances in order becomes more important as you age.

I agree with this. Looks alone can carry a man into his early 30s. Around the 30-35 age range is when money starts to take a bigger role in attraction/seduction.

I never understood men who say 30s and 40s were the best time dating..... For me, the phone stopped ringing when I was 32 and hasn't rang much since. I look ok, financially ok, have all hair, not 6'1.

when I hit early 30s, my finances were getting better, but the calls dried up quick. I didn't know happened. I didn't look or act different. And it started sucking. I was going out with girls I was not attracted to, I had put alot alot more effort into getting a date, let alone a 2nd date. It become tougher and tougher. I mean I had hot gf between 34 - 38, but still.

Now in 40s, I have a company and can't get any date anywhere. Decent looking Divorced women ? Nope. Decent looking Single moms? Nope. Any decent women in her mid 30 - early 40s? No chance. Unless I own Buckingham Palace, which I don't, they ain't getting in touch.

You were having solid seduction results up through age 32 and then things seemed to fall off. This seems unusual to me. Some drop off might be expected. You did manage an LTR with a hottie between 34-38 and that's a positive outcome. It seemed like you had to put in more effort to get your girlfriend at 34 as compared to getting a girlfriend around 25-28.

You have money coming in. You aren't totally broke. If you were having money/employment problems after age 38, I could see why your outcomes weren't good. It doesn't seem like that's the case.

You might be a small to medium sized fish in a big ocean. Decent stats on looks and money but not good enough to stand out.

Your last paragraph that I'm quoting might indicate an overreliance on money/status as compared to looks/personality.

Remember that most men in their 30s/40s are pussie beggars for whatever mediocre pussie they can get. However, most of these men are average frustrated chumps who are less game aware than you are.

When men in 30s and 40s, they want the relationship to be about love, and women want the relationship to be transactional, much much harder.

As said earlier, money starts to be more of a thing in attraction/seduction once a man hits his early to mid 30s. Men are viewed more in transactional terms here by women of all ages.

If a man is 37 and he wants an 18-24 year old girlfriend, he's going to need to use the money variable to seduce. He can't win on looks alone there because 18-24 year old women have attractive 18-24 year old men around them. Looks alone aren't something special there but if a 37 year old man can offer money + looks, that can differentiate himself there.

Additionally, if a 37 year old man is dating closer to his own age, those women also have some elevated expectations of what he can offer financially.

For me, the best best time was 25-29. Man, I was going with Maxim models, Chinese models, Ireland models, I was getting so many calls from hot calls you couldn't believe. I could call any girl Friday night and go out. I had 2 girls begging to come over to my place one time, they both slept over. You couldn't believe how good it was.

That makes sense. 25-29 is often a good period for men.

At 25-29, you are old enough to be the 'older man' to women in the 18-24 range but not overly old. At 25-29, you are also getting attention from women in the 25-29 age range and they are still attractive. It's a good time.

Rollo Tomassi was famous for promoting the idea that a man's SMV peak was somewhere in his late 30s. I never agreed with that based on what I saw out on the field. While some men can do well in this time, a lot of men around 36-42 become pussie beggars for mediocre to subpar women near their own age. That doesn't sound like peak SMV for most men.

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[Hamurabimbi]

I didn’t notice much difference. Time seems to have little meaning.

 

[Solomon]

Dating in your late 30s and 40s can be fruitful however quality over quantity
As I get older I tend to have less patience for women and their bullshyt
Also as I get older a woman has to pass the boner test or we are not having sex.(and I don't mean it from an ego thing but literal not being able to pipe a chick you're not attracted too)

 

[New_Journey]

I'm actively choosing to try stay away from women for a couple of months and ignoring them as much as I can.

No you're not, this a lie, stop lying to yourself.

I ended up talking to her about 30 min

Weren't you trying to stay away from women?

I've tried to ignore her a couple of times (break up blues) , actually actively turned my back on her and pretended I didn't see her once lol , she just drove her car next to me, stopped and kinda forced the interaction, I actually fancy her but trying my absolute best to ignore/stay away from women, especially this one as she's my type

You're doing it on purpose to see how they react, this is not ignoring women, this being invested in their reaction.

Another was on the beach she came over to say "hi", I was tempted again (I fancied her) but stayed strong. Just a brief interaction, no asking her for her number or walking with her, I just ejected, full on rain man mode, "gotto go now, bye " lol.

Oh I also kinda flirted with another women a pretty latina in a carol service last night

Proves my point.

Also flirted with a couple of mums at my niece and Nephews Christmas nativity play . Again just innocent stuff.

Again, not staying away from women.

As my biggest fear about dating now is women

There, fixed it for you.

I'm getting older , which means less and less time to actually find a good woman to build something with. Pick the wrong one and I could be up **** creek without a paddle.

This is like saying, I don't go tot he gym cause I don't wanna end up with like Ronnie Coleman, or I won't go to college cause I don't get a Phd accidentally.

Sex for men is not accidentally, there is whole logistic process behind it, you don't fvck a chick by accident, there is whole process behind it.

You don't have so many options to "pick the wrong one" This is a lie, and if you continue lying to yourself, you will be stuck

* I get oneitis pretty quickly. So have a fear falling for crazy. Feels like that getting closer and closer to a death sentence.

Yeah cause you don't have options, your mind is fvcked up.


This whole post is a cope, you're not at ease, you fancy those women, you wanna fvck them, but you are scared of going for it, you are scared of rejection. If any of those hot women would have opened their legs for you, you would've fvcked them, stop lying to yourself.

The first step to fix yourself is to recognize you have a problem, not lying to yourself. The next step is asking yourself, what the fvck do I want? Then the next step is working hard to get it.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Rollo Tomassi was famous for promoting the idea that a man's SMV peak was somewhere in his late 30s.

I still think this is an RP try-hard cope. There are young men who get first dibs on fresh young women who don’t have a dime to their name (not counting rich parents’ money in some cases) who didn’t “improve” anything, let alone have the age to improve anything.

There are young broccoli heads who have had more women than middle-aged RP madmen.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I still think this is an RP try-hard cope. There are young men who get first dibs on fresh young women who don’t have a dime to their name (not counting rich parents’ money in some cases) who didn’t “improve” anything, let alone have the age to improve anything.

Only a small percentage of young women have an obsession for older men. And those women are not just into any 10+ man, they are looking for an often significantly older 'daddy' type that conforms to their fantasies.

 

[SW15]

Rollo Tomassi was famous for promoting the idea that a man's SMV peak was somewhere in his late 30s. I never agreed with that based on what I saw out on the field.

I still think this is an RP try-hard cope. There are young men who get first dibs on fresh young women who don’t have a dime to their name (not counting rich parents’ money in some cases) who didn’t “improve” anything, let alone have the age to improve anything.

There are young broccoli heads who have had more women than middle-aged RP madmen.

We have a similar point of view on this topic.

There are young men who are having sex with young women based on looks and proximity. I don't think it's correct to say that the young men didn't self-improve. Some of these young men develop good habits early. They played high school sports and got a good physique due to that. Between ages 18-25, they kept up that good physique.

A lot of nightlife venue bouncers are getting laid based on physique and proximity to attractive female bartenders and strippers.

Many college students get laid because of the college campus environment (proximity), looks, and sometimes social status (being in a top tier fraternity).

 

[Gamisch]

I didn’t notice much difference. Time seems to have little meaning.

Depends on mostly you as a man . Personally I'm somewhat lucky I still look the same as I did when I was 20 (except for my luscious dreadlocks) . So I get attention from women from all ages. It's more about what I do or don't do with that attention.

The main difference is that I've been taken to the cleaners couple of times and I lost that URGE to pursue women, and most women cant stand that. They wanna be the absolute numero uno ,they want to believe that you never had a woman like her before.

I believe that being bluepilled is the best thing for most men. Being redpill is something that you don't learn later in life. Most dudes go from blue straight to blackpill.

 

[Gamisch]

Dating in one's late 30s/early 40s isn't as fun as dating in one's teens and first half of 20s.

You don't have to date women your age. You are socially adept and look young for your age. You have field experience and have some understanding of attraction and seduction. I don't think you are going to be a typical average frustrated chump who has to beg for pussie.

You will take some time off and feel better. Then, you'll start meeting some women who aren't the last on the shelf type.

Some key elements will disappear:
- the urge to have kids.
-the urge/ willingness to live together and take tons of bs
- the innocence to believe in "the one".

As I said in the post above this one, we as men will pile up tough lessons and after some time a man breaks.

The game won't change. Just saying hello to the right woman can start a whole new story. Just gotta be willing tongo through it again and again. If anything, women don't mind dating an older guy. Both men and women will tell you their parameters are between ages 20 and even 50 sometimes.

 

[Manure Spherian]

They played high school sports and got a good physique due to that.

In the 90’s when I was in my teens, where I went to school and grew up, few people cared about sports and lifting and few were gorgeous men. Those who got first dibs were scumbags, criminals, and rich boys. I’m not kidding.

 

[SW15]

Some key elements will disappear:
- the urge to have kids.
-the urge/ willingness to live together and take tons of bs
- the innocence to believe in "the one".

2 of those 3 key elements are in line with what @BadBoy89 says about women being more transactional in relationships after age 30.

- the urge to have kids.
- the innocence to believe in "the one".

If a woman is less motivated to have kids (30s/early 40s before menopause), then she would likely be less idealistic in her interactions.

If a woman lacks the innocence to believe in "the one", then she would act more in a more transactional manner in her interactions.

The game won't change. Just saying hello to the right woman can start a whole new story. Just gotta be willing to go through it again and again.

Making approaches in real life is good. When rejections pile up on those approaches, men can get discouraged.

Too many approaches that go nowhere and sexless 1st/2nd dates that lead nowhere will affect any man.

If anything, women don't mind dating an older guy.

It can happen. It's more challenging to attract a woman 10+ years younger. It will often require money/status.

In the 90’s when I was in my teens, where I went to school and grew up, few people cared about sports and lifting and few were gorgeous men. Those who got first dibs were scumbags, criminals, and rich boys. I’m not kidding.

Scumbags and criminals makes sense. Rich boys makes less sense, but if they are rich enough, they can impress.

In my junior/senior year of high school, the best looking female from the graduating class one year after my class had a boyfriend who was a total scumbag. I graduated high school in 2001 so this was going on in 2000 and 2001.

Money tends to impress less when women are young and the woman is with a similarly aged man. In high schools and colleges, there are boys from rich families who tend to attract women.

I saw more examples of this in college than high school but I have no doubt that this can happen in certain high schools.

I believe that being bluepilled is the best thing for most men. Being redpill is something that you don't learn later in life. Most dudes go from blue straight to blackpill.

Most men are blue pilled. I don't think being blue pilled serves a lot of men well.

I was raised primarily by my mom to be a beta male nice guy. My father did not have a big role in my upbringing but he said something very blue pilled stuff. I might have been slightly less of a nice guy had my father been more involved, but I would have been blue pilled on my ideology and generally beta.

In high school and early in college, I was having issues in my interactions with women due to being a beta, average chump nice guy. I started reading on the internet and did find some of the seduction community materials at that time. I found David DeAngelo and his ****y and Funny stuff. There were a few others I found in that era too. That was part of my transition from average frustrated chump into skilled seducer. My ideology changed from blue pill to red pill but it was a lengthy process.

As I was moving out of a blue pilled ideology, I do not recall the black pill being much of a thing.

The black pill gained steam in the 2010s and has been more of a thing for younger Millennials and Gen Z than for older Millennials like me.

 

[Barrister]

OP,

I just wanted to say you and I are in the same spot right now, and I think it is always a good idea to take a breather coming out an LTR.

Interestingly, I have found I am the opposite this time around of how I have been in the past and feel especially eager to get "back in the field." I think this is because my LTR was especially bland the last 6 months or so and I stayed in it longer than I should have, and the sex had fallen off a cliff. I am sort of forcing myself to stay out of it like you for a bit because I do think a clean reset is always in our best interests before we start taking multiple women to pound town again. I am excited for that, but acknowledge getting everything in order first is important.

 

[Gamisch]

In the 90’s when I was in my teens, where I went to school and grew up, few people cared about sports and lifting and few were gorgeous men. Those who got first dibs were scumbags, criminals, and rich boys. I’m not kidding.

True. This version of Luke Skywalker was considered an absolute sex symbol. It ain't that hard to imagine that most men benefited from examples like this.

Arguably there's an agenda at play, one that contains pron, trans sexuality , birthrates and dating in general. But that's a rabbit hole...

 

[SW15]

I think it is always a good idea to take a breather coming out an LTR.

This is a great time to take a breather from dating.

November 15 - December 31 is a dead zone for meeting new prospects. It's very difficult to start a new interaction from approaching strangers in person, swipe apps, or social media DM's during the last 6 weeks of the calendar year.

Singles start to get more motivated once the calendar rolls into the new year. Some think the motivation starts as soon as the night of January 1 (meaning 7 PM or later on January 1). Others think it starts around January 2-January 4. Nevertheless, there is a crop of motivated singles that appears at some point in January.

feel especially eager to get "back in the field." I think this is because my LTR was especially bland the last 6 months or so and I stayed in it longer than I should have, and the sex had fallen off a cliff. I am sort of forcing myself to stay out of it like you for a bit because I do think a clean reset is always in our best interests before we start taking multiple women to pound town again. I am excited for that, but acknowledge getting everything in order first is important.

You likely stayed too long in your most recent LTR. This happens to a lot of men at some point in their lives.

 

[Gamisch]

2 of those 3 key elements are in line with what @BadBoy89 says about women being more transactional in relationships after age 30.

- the urge to have kids.
- the innocence to believe in "the one".

If a woman is less motivated to have kids (30s/early 40s before menopause), then she would likely be less idealistic in her interactions.

If a woman lacks the innocence to believe in "the one", then she would act more in a more transactional manner in her interactions.



Making approaches in real life is good. When rejections pile up on those approaches, men can get discouraged.

Too many approaches that go nowhere and sexless 1st/2nd dates that lead nowhere will affect any man.



It can happen. It's more challenging to attract a woman 10+ years younger. It will often require money/status.



Scumbags and criminals makes sense. Rich boys makes less sense, but if they are rich enough, they can impress.

In my junior/senior year of high school, the best looking female from the graduating class one year after my class had a boyfriend who was a total scumbag. I graduated high school in 2001 so this was going on in 2000 and 2001.

Money tends to impress less when women are young and the woman is with a similarly aged man. In high schools and colleges, there are boys from rich families who tend to attract women.

I saw more examples of this in college than high school but I have no doubt that this can happen in certain high schools.



Most men are blue pilled. I don't think being blue pilled serves a lot of men well.

I was raised primarily by my mom to be a beta male nice guy. My father did not have a big role in my upbringing but he said something very blue pilled stuff. I might have been slightly less of a nice guy had my father been more involved, but I would have been blue pilled on my ideology and generally beta.

In high school and early in college, I was having issues in my interactions with women due to being a beta, average chump nice guy. I started reading on the internet and did find some of the seduction community materials at that time. I found David DeAngelo and his ****y and Funny stuff. There were a few others I found in that era too. That was part of my transition from average frustrated chump into skilled seducer. My ideology changed from blue pill to red pill but it was a lengthy process.

As I was moving out of a blue pilled ideology, I do not recall the black pill being much of a thing.

The black pill gained steam in the 2010s and has been more of a thing for younger Millennials and Gen Z than for older Millennials like me.

You know , by now I'm able to highlight certain characteristics from basically every member in this board. What you and I have in common is we are too PRAGMATIC ( logical). But when you deal with women you don't always wanna be that logical. That's why we love the "bubbly personality " that you'll find (mostly) in younger women, and that bubbly personality is oftentimes a mask. Still it can be heavenly to bath in an environment where a woman releases the inner child in yourself.

Perhaps one big thing for the next year can be to search for the positive inner child in yourself. And to come to term with certain things in your current life.

Anything from 28y.o and up is fair game, even though early 30s is a difficult age bracket to deal with.

 

[SW15]

What you and I have in common is we are too PRAGMATIC ( logical).

I am known for being pragmatic and logical.

But when you deal with women you don't always wanna be that logical.

I agree.

I subdue my logical side when I am with women because I want to be successful with women.

That's why we love the "bubbly personality " that you'll find (mostly) in younger women, and that bubbly personality is oftentimes a mask. Still it can be heavenly to bath in an environment where a woman releases the inner child in yourself.

I agree.

Anything from 28y.o and up is fair game, even though early 30s is a difficult age bracket to deal with.

Most early 40s guys would like a 28-30 year old girlfriend. That's a solid age gap, although 28-30 is post prime.

Early 30s can be difficult. Women in their early 30s are more likely to have better physiques that women around 40.