FR: got too aggressive w kino and bartender

[TOneThousand]

Was out at a bar last weekend where I am a semi regular. when I ordered drinks from the bartender who is always there I greeted her by name, "Caroline, what's up with you". She said hi to me using my name, which surprised me cause she'd never done that before and though I'm in there a lot didn't expect her to admit knowing me by name. things were friendly, eye contact, I asked what she did that weekend

Later in the night she came to the other side of the bar and sat at a barstool. She wasn't behind the bar at this point, she was sitting at the bar chilling like any customer would. this was unusual but it wasn't busy there so whatever. While she's sitting on "the drinker side" of the bar I went up and started talks with her. Conversation was smooth, asked her where she lives, she lives near me so I said we're like neighbors. She gave me a hard time about something lame about the neighborhood I live in

I started kino with her. Touching her arm, leaning in when talking, incidental brushing her leg, a bit of breast to arm contact. Everything was comfortable until I started feeling her leg from underneath. Like I was rubbing her leg from the bottom of her thigh or under her knee (overtly). At first she didn't seem to mind but soon she stood up from the stool and stepped back from me while we were talking. she stepped back so there was about a foot or two distance between us. Our conversation kept going and it didn't get overly awkward but it was clear she was creating distance

Later on I went to her to order drinks for me and the girl I came there with and she was all business "what do you need". At closing time when I was about to leave and she's basically cleaning up I went up to her and gave her a hug "thanks, nice to see you Caroline". giving her a hug was intentional to maintain frame that even if maybe she felt awkward, I really didn't think it was weird and that nothing has to be awkward. I was quick and nonchalant about the hug and then busted out of the joint

Takeaways are I probably need to me more gradual/aware of kino escalation. I'm not great with instincts on when to escalate physically and to let it breathe. Mostly I don't escalate enough

One thing that this reminds me of is a time I escalated too much (started feeling a girls ass in a bar) and she withdrew big time. Then a few minutes later the girl came back and was flirting with me again. I ended up banging her that night and dating her for six months... anyway to be agressive, to be cool, that is the question

 

[SW15]

What's the point of this story? Are you trying to have sex with Caroline the bartender? It's difficult to seduce retail workers, bartenders, strippers, and waitresses while they are at their workplace. It helps your cause that you are a regular at that bar but you're still working from a difficult spot.

I started a thread about this topic in 2020.

Successfully Approaching Women at Work (General Public Workers)

The idea of approaching women while they are at their jobs containing interaction with the general public is a topic that is somewhat contentious among men. When I think of women who work with the general public, these are the categories that come to mind of women to approach. Strippers...

www.sosuave.net

 

[Clockwerk50]

She most likely has a boyfriend.

 

[SW15]

She most likely has a boyfriend.

I agree with this. An under 35 woman with a job that works with the general public typically has a boyfriend.

 

[New_Journey]

Was out at a bar last weekend where I am a semi regular. when I ordered drinks from the bartender who is always there I greeted her by name, "Caroline, what's up with you". She said hi to me using my name, which surprised me cause she'd never done that before and though I'm in there a lot didn't expect her to admit knowing me by name. things were friendly, eye contact, I asked what she did that weekend

Later in the night she came to the other side of the bar and sat at a barstool. She wasn't behind the bar at this point, she was sitting at the bar chilling like any customer would. this was unusual but it wasn't busy there so whatever. While she's sitting on "the drinker side" of the bar I went up and started talks with her. Conversation was smooth, asked her where she lives, she lives near me so I said we're like neighbors. She gave me a hard time about something lame about the neighborhood I live in

I started kino with her. Touching her arm, leaning in when talking, incidental brushing her leg, a bit of breast to arm contact. Everything was comfortable until I started feeling her leg from underneath. Like I was rubbing her leg from the bottom of her thigh or under her knee (overtly). At first she didn't seem to mind but soon she stood up from the stool and stepped back from me while we were talking. she stepped back so there was about a foot or two distance between us. Our conversation kept going and it didn't get overly awkward but it was clear she was creating distance

Later on I went to her to order drinks for me and the girl I came there with and she was all business "what do you need". At closing time when I was about to leave and she's basically cleaning up I went up to her and gave her a hug "thanks, nice to see you Caroline". giving her a hug was intentional to maintain frame that even if maybe she felt awkward, I really didn't think it was weird and that nothing has to be awkward. I was quick and nonchalant about the hug and then busted out of the joint

Takeaways are I probably need to me more gradual/aware of kino escalation. I'm not great with instincts on when to escalate physically and to let it breathe. Mostly I don't escalate enough

One thing that this reminds me of is a time I escalated too much (started feeling a girls ass in a bar) and she withdrew big time. Then a few minutes later the girl came back and was flirting with me again. I ended up banging her that night and dating her for six months... anyway to be agressive, to be cool, that is the question

You went there with another girl but are hitting on the bartender? That's a big Display of Lower Value. I'm guessing you didn't fvck the girl you went with?

The better DHV would have been, you having fun with that girl, then of course the bartender would have noticed it, then the next time you go there, you'll be in a better position to try and seduce her, cause you had pre selection already.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Not sure why you would do that at a woman's place of work. She probably felt really self conscious about seeing other people she worked with witness that.

I would chalk this up to lack of social awareness of your part. Not something you do at someone's place of business.

Not surprising with how she acted.

If you wanted something to happen then you invite her back to your place for a drink after she gets off and give her your number to contact you.

Essentially with women who are constantly getting hit on by customers every night, all night, you differentiate yourself by expressing interest but showing you are OK with any outcome, including her not acting on it. Not by doing exactly what 95% of these people would do if they had the same situation present itself.

Then move on and talk with other people there, you leave the ball in her court, if she wanted something to happen she would take advantage of it...maybe not that night but perhaps down the line.

There is something to be said for constantly planting seeds even if they don't sprout right away. Eventually, some may sprout when you least expect it.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Takeaways are I probably need to me more gradual/aware of kino escalation. I'm not great with instincts on when to escalate physically and to let it breathe. Mostly I don't escalate enough

No, mostly you escalate inappropriately. Especially with unreciprocated 'kino'.

I started kino with her. Touching her arm, leaning in when talking, incidental brushing her leg, a bit of breast to arm contact. Everything was comfortable until I started feeling her leg from underneath. Like I was rubbing her leg from the bottom of her thigh or under her knee (overtly). At first she didn't seem to mind but soon she stood up from the stool and stepped back from me while we were talking. she stepped back so there was about a foot or two distance between us. Our conversation kept going and it didn't get overly awkward but it was clear she was creating distance

You don't understand boundaries and you don't recognise retreating behaviour. You made this woman more than uncomfortable, she felt threatened. And I assume you unnerved her because you escalated to touching vulnerable erogenous zones without her reciprocation or encouragement.

 

[Barrister]

I think we have all done something like this in the past and realized the error afterwards.. But the golden rule is never get carried away with a woman in her place of employment. Most women are really self-conscious about this and will immediately go into guard mode if you begin laying it on too heavily. Even if there isn't a supervisor present, there generally are other employees who are who will talk and could potentially put her in hot water. Yes, there are women out there who don't care, but you are always safer to nonchalantly get a number and meet her outside of her place of employment.

 

[SW15]

you are always safer to nonchalantly get a number and meet her outside of her place of employment.

Women are more open to fielding approaches outside of their place of employment, especially with jobs involving interacting with the public.

 

[Divorced w 3]

All pull
No push

 

[Bingo-Player]

It always baffles me why guys are hell bent on hitting on waitresses and bar staff

I know its an easy option but ultimately these chicks HAVE to talk to you it's their job too be freindly

I mean most guys have a hard enough time figuring out if a woman is sexually interested in a normal context let alone a situation whereby the woman's trying to be sociable

The amount of stories I've heard about these situations that all tend to go exactly the same way ( nowhere )

Very very rarely will I bother wasting my time on bar staff and shot girls

 

[Divorced w 3]

I agree with this. An under 35 woman with a job that works with the general public typically has a boyfriend.

Or a dog

 

[SW15]

Or a dog

Millennials (now ages 28-43) have been the most pet obsessed generation ever. It wouldn't be surprising if a woman had both a boyfriend and a dog.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Millennials (now ages 28-43) have been the most pet obsessed generation ever. It wouldn't be surprising if a woman had both a boyfriend and a dog.

So I happen to say that as a bit of a reminisce to the bartender at my favorite bar by my old office. I won’t lie, she really had a spell on me. Cutest nose, beautiful smile, black hair, and gave off all the opposite vibes that our guy wasn’t getting here. Used to lean in, I would sit there and drink water just to hang out and she would never let it go empty. Poor kid was a Syracuse alumni with a pottery degree. What do you even do with that. I haven’t seen her in years but I’d probably pick her off her feet and spin her in the middle of the road if we ever saw each other again. She was single with a black lab.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Millennials (now ages 28-43) have been the most pet obsessed generation ever. It wouldn't be surprising if a woman had both a boyfriend and a dog.

SwGPT

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Why do people post "field reports" in 2024 lmfao who gives a shvt. Unless it leads to them sucking and riding your c0ck, I don't care, and even if it does lead to that I probably still don't care.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Why do people post "field reports" in 2024 lmfao who gives a shvt. Unless it leads to them sucking and riding your c0ck, I don't care, and even if it does lead to that I probably still don't care.

Would you rather they post about how they are an incel and hate women and how dating isn't fair and they just are going to give up?

 

[Clockwerk50]

Why do people post "field reports" in 2024 lmfao who gives a shvt. Unless it leads to them sucking and riding your c0ck, I don't care, and even if it does lead to that I probably still don't care.

I like them. @Jesse Pinkman was the best. His were like romance literature.

 

[The Duke]

I like them. @Jesse Pinkman was the best. His were like romance literature.

Haha yes some good ones, but He also didn't always tell the truth.

 

[Vanderdonck]

I wouldn't sweat any of this. You escalated, she backed away at some point which is her right. Under the thigh is a bit much though if she's not reciprocating a lot.