I attended a speed dating event today

[Clockwerk50]

After thinking on it, I'm pretty sure I've identified where my chances got destroyed with the one woman whose digits I requested.

During our mini date, she was asking an awful lot of questions about housing (How big is your condo, How much did your condo cost at the time of purchase, how much is your condo worth now, do you rent or own).

I honestly answered all her condo questions. My answer to the "rent or own" question was "It's a family investment property" (which is true). The woman probably translated that into "So your parents are the only reason you have a place to live. What a loser"

Did you ask any questions back? Did you make any jokes or let her know how much of a good time she may have if she hangs out with you?

Anyways, regardless, good stuff for putting yourself out there. Good job. Keep it up.

 

[GoodMan32]

In speed dating sessions in the past, attendees were generally 'forbidden' from exchanging contact info at the event. They are supposed to either turn in paper cards to a host or make electronic submissions later on. Is that not how the format of last night was? If so, that's a new format to me.



That is smart of you. That keeps the card from becoming outdated.



Real time rejections stink. Every seducer who goes out and does approaches get 'no's' when asking for a date or even asking for a phone number/Insta/Snap.

Roosh used to say that he took more rejections than nearly any man that existed and Roosh was a knowledge PUA with a height 6'0"+.

The guy I know in real life with the highest notch count took a lot of rejection as well. His height is 6'0"+ and he had former collegiate athlete status. 100+ notch count but a real life rejection count that is higher. That also doesn't take into consideration any 'soft rejections' he received. 'Soft rejections' (a rejection without an ask for a date) are always higher for most men.



Open floor phase sounds roughly like what a typical bar night would be. An open floor phase of a speed dating event would roughly be a singles event mixer. A singles event mixer is not the same as a typical bar night. The audience is more targeted (single, seeking new options) than a regular bar night (a combination of single people and other status people). In theory, a regular bar night would be mainly single people seeking new options but in practice it isn't like that. In practice, it's more complex.

If you can't handle open interaction at a singles event, then you're in much bigger trouble in a regular, unstructured bar night at any bar in your city.

I think you have to address fixing your fundamentals rather than worrying about the details. Guys with good fundamentals can start to fix smaller details. You're not there yet.

At this Saturday's event, the host made an announcement right before the open floor session that we could exchange contact information if we wanted.

It never occurred to me (until reading your post) that maybe we were only permitted to share contact information during the open floor session. That sounds unlikely though. If the host was ok with us sharing contact information during the open floor session, I'm pretty sure she'd be ok with us sharing contact information during the mini dates.

Ultimately, the rejection from the one woman I asked to exchange contact information wasn't what drove me to slam the door/patio gate. The fact the few other broads I really wanted to chat with during the open session (and probably could have gotten numbers from) were already getting swindled by a man more alpha than me was the last straw that drove me to leave/do the slams. In other words, I was more upset with the other men than with the broads.

For argument's sake, let's suppose we were only permitted to share contact information during the 10 minute open session at the tail end. Even so, if I hadn't taken the time to get my phone's contact screen all loaded, it's possible I might have been able to swoop in to chat with a broad I'd have a decent chance with. Hence where the business cards could come in handy at future speed dating events.

I guess I could ask the host at the beginning what the policy is on exchanging contact information.

The funny part is: When the open session started, I could have continued chatting with my final mini date (as I was already at a table with her). But I wasn't attracted to her. So I came up with a reason to excuse myself.

 

[GoodMan32]

Did you ask any questions back? Did you make any jokes or let her know how much of a good time she may have if she hangs out with you?

Anyways, regardless, good stuff for putting yourself out there. Good job. Keep it up.

I asked questions back. With the sheer amount of mini dates I had, I'm unable to recall all the specific questions I asked any given woman.

I don't recall making very many (if any) jokes. As for the "good time if she hangs out with me" part, I didn't specifically say that. But I made sure to mention to every woman that I lived right in the building where the event was taking place. I never invited any of the broads over...but I thought the mere mention of living right in the building might have led to some post-event sex (simply because of the convenience factor)

 

[SW15]

The fact the few other broads I really wanted to chat with during the open session (and probably could have gotten numbers from) were already getting swindled by a man more alpha than me was the last straw that drove me to leave/do the slams. In other words, I was more upset with the other men than with the broads.

Females get swarmed at all singles events. It is also well known that females get swarmed at Meetup.com events.

Getting a number alone is meaningless now. It's also debatable how useful getting phone numbers was in the past. The goal isn't a phone number. At minimum, the goal is arranging a future date. Some would even argue that the goal is same night sex.

 

[sangheilios]

@GoodMan32

I went to speed dating event way back in the spring of 2019, I was 29 at the time. There were about 10 or so women and maybe about 12-13 men total, which is pretty standard from what I understand. The women were around my age and more or less normal/average tiered, a couple fatties but kind of what you'd expect. The other men though were pretty low tier for the most part though, one guy was wearing those arm crutches like Jimmy from South Park lol. Anyway, there were a couple women that were interesting to talk to but the rest were either flat out boring, awkward and some were even blatantly rude and disrespectful, stuff like sticking up their noses at me or just not being responsive at all. I ended up getting nothing from the event and I legitimately regretted having gone, though prior to attending I was honestly looking forward to it.

This is coming from a white male that is 6'4" and very fit mind you.

Here is my take on this. Attending events like this will more or less set yourself up for disaster, they aren't really natural, and they place women in a position of power and men in this weird "beggar" type position. Women that are attending events like this are there for a reason, even just looking at my anecdotal experience points to this. Women that have realistic standards or that are enjoyable to interact with will never need to go to events like these because they will already be in relationships or have dates with men easily lining up. Even fat or unattractive women have tons of options today, so there's literally no reason for them to even need to look into something like this. You are basically going for leftovers that have bad attitudes or some sort of personality or social flaws. Sure, not ALL of the women there are like this, but you are far more likely to be exposed to this than not.

The idea of singles events is interesting and has a lot of merit to it but there's something about the way they are run/organized or the types of people that they attract that completely throws it off. People that date or enter into relationships typically meet others in a more organic and natural way. The issue is that many people are totally missing this element due to huge social changes over the last couple decades, so things like singles events, dating apps and bars/clubs are used to try to fill in this weird void but often to no success. This is why it's important to have a strong social circle as a young adult and to find a good woman early on instead of when you are approaching 30 or even well past this. It's not natural to still be single and unmarried past 25, that's the reason why there are so many frustrated people in the dating market. It becomes increasingly more difficult to find someone else the older you get.

 

[GoodMan32]

Females get swarmed at all singles events. It is also well known that females get swarmed at Meetup.com events.

Getting a number alone is meaningless now. It's also debatable how useful getting phone numbers was in the past. The goal isn't a phone number. At minimum, the goal is arranging a future date. Some would even argue that the goal is same night sex.

Then I wonder what the solution would have been (had I, hypothetically, stayed for the whole 10 minute open session). For the few minutes of the open session I was there for, one man would focus on one woman the whole time. If they bounced from woman to woman, I could have maybe worked my way in at some point. But since it looked like the men weren't going to budge, there was no way I could have worked my way in unless I pushed him out of the way (which wouldn't end well)

In the animal kingdom, animals will push another male out of the way. Being a human, I'm held to a higher standard.

 

[GoodMan32]

@GoodMan32

I went to speed dating event way back in the spring of 2019, I was 29 at the time. There were about 10 or so women and maybe about 12-13 men total, which is pretty standard from what I understand. The women were around my age and more or less normal/average tiered, a couple fatties but kind of what you'd expect. The other men though were pretty low tier for the most part though, one guy was wearing those arm crutches like Jimmy from South Park lol. Anyway, there were a couple women that were interesting to talk to but the rest were either flat out boring, awkward and some were even blatantly rude and disrespectful, stuff like sticking up their noses at me or just not being responsive at all. I ended up getting nothing from the event and I legitimately regretted having gone, though prior to attending I was honestly looking forward to it.

This is coming from a white male that is 6'4" and very fit mind you.

Here is my take on this. Attending events like this will more or less set yourself up for disaster, they aren't really natural, and they place women in a position of power and men in this weird "beggar" type position. Women that are attending events like this are there for a reason, even just looking at my anecdotal experience points to this. Women that have realistic standards or that are enjoyable to interact with will never need to go to events like these because they will already be in relationships or have dates with men easily lining up. Even fat or unattractive women have tons of options today, so there's literally no reason for them to even need to look into something like this. You are basically going for leftovers that have bad attitudes or some sort of personality or social flaws. Sure, not ALL of the women there are like this, but you are far more likely to be exposed to this than not.

The idea of singles events is interesting and has a lot of merit to it but there's something about the way they are run/organized or the types of people that they attract that completely throws it off. People that date or enter into relationships typically meet others in a more organic and natural way. The issue is that many people are totally missing this element due to huge social changes over the last couple decades, so things like singles events, dating apps and bars/clubs are used to try to fill in this weird void but often to no success. This is why it's important to have a strong social circle as a young adult and to find a good woman early on instead of when you are approaching 30 or even well past this. It's not natural to still be single and unmarried past 25, that's the reason why there are so many frustrated people in the dating market. It becomes increasingly more difficult to find someone else the older you get.

You're eerily correct when you say the broads are in the position of power (while men are the beggars). For the whole speed dating session, the broads would stay put in the same spot. After every speed date, the men would have to get up and find another broad before another man did (but the host stepped in at times to make sure every man got a chance to do a speed date with every woman, which although it helped us beta males, it also made the whole thing unnatural)

 

[SW15]

Attending events like this will more or less set yourself up for disaster

This is true. Both men and women seem to have poor outcomes with speed dating.

they aren't really natural, and they place women in a position of power and men in this weird "beggar" type position.

They aren't natural at all. There's a stigma against speed dating. Imagine a couple actually forms from speed dating. They are going to be forced with answering the question "Where did you meet?" from others with "Speed Dating", a highly stigmatized answer. No woman is going to want to admit to that.

There are still some couples from 10+ years ago who have to answer the "Where did you meet?" question with outdated dating website answers like Plenty of Fish, OkCupid, Match, eHarmony, Yahoo Personals, etc.

A woman would rather tell her friends that she met a man at a trendy bar, a grocery store, or her gym than speed dating or a singles mixer.

Tinder/Hinge/Bumble have less stigma as answers to that question now.

I agree that men are in a weird "beggar" position in them.

Women that are attending events like this are there for a reason, Women that have realistic standards or that are enjoyable to interact with will never need to go to events like these because they will already be in relationships or have dates with men easily lining up. Even fat or unattractive women have tons of options today, so there's literally no reason for them to even need to look into something like this. You are basically going for leftovers that have bad attitudes or some sort of personality or social flaws.

This is true. Speed dating and singles mixers at large tend to draw out a weak talent pool of women. It's often weak on both appearance and personality. Many of these women will also reject men above their SMV based on their own levels of delusion. Their delusion is aided by the fact they are often swarmed at these events and feel very much in demand (abundance).

Men are generally better off going to any regular bar on a regular night than speed dating or a singles event/singles mixer.

 

[GoodMan32]

This is true. Both men and women seem to have poor outcomes with speed dating.



They aren't natural at all. There's a stigma against speed dating. Imagine a couple actually forms from speed dating. They are going to be forced with answering the question "Where did you meet?" from others with "Speed Dating", a highly stigmatized answer. No woman is going to want to admit to that.

There are still some couples from 10+ years ago who have to answer the "Where did you meet?" question with outdated dating website answers like Plenty of Fish, OkCupid, Match, eHarmony, Yahoo Personals, etc.

A woman would rather tell her friends that she met a man at a trendy bar, a grocery store, or her gym than speed dating or a singles mixer.

Tinder/Hinge/Bumble have less stigma as answers to that question now.

I agree that men are in a weird "beggar" position in them.



This is true. Speed dating and singles mixers at large tend to draw out a weak talent pool of women. It's often weak on both appearance and personality. Many of these women will also reject men above their SMV based on their own levels of delusion. Their delusion is aided by the fact they are often swarmed at these events and feel very much in demand (abundance).

Men are generally better off going to any regular bar on a regular night than speed dating or a singles event/singles mixer.

To answer the question of where they met, they could always say a bar, cafe, yoga studio, etc (wherever the speed dating event took place)

 

[Hamurabimbi]

The advantage of ‘Singles’ events/activities is there are Singles.
The default for most people, or at least most attractive people, is they are in a relationship.
Singles events weeds out those in relationships.

 

[MatureDJ]

That often happens, when one stops putting himself out there/relies on a single source, like a hunter who stalks for boar in downtown Manhattan, then laments his absence of success

I had diversified into the big Country Music honky-tonks (think something like Gilley's, LOL), and now that I think I about it, I had a few chicks actually pick up on me (i.e., they started the conversation, but I followed through), but nothing had ever come of it, even with the one that ended up being the ex-stepdaughter of colleague of mine at the time (he had a conspicuous disability, and told me about the chick's absolutely crazy mother ) - I still wanted to hit it, but I think the fact that she knew that I knew about her crazy mother made her lose interest, LOL.

 

[BaronOfHair]

I had diversified into the big Country Music honky-tonks...

Nice, if you're out to bed your own sister or a first cousin

 

[corrector]

The advantage of ‘Singles’ events/activities is there are Singles.
The default for most people, or at least most attractive people, is they are in a relationship.
Singles events weeds out those in relationships.

Yeah, all the good girls are taken.

 

[MatureDJ]

At the base level, one core problem with speed dating events: Since the woman is required to give every man a 5 minute mini date, it's hard to tell (even for neurotypical men) if she's truly into you. And the same thing is true in reverse: I was forced to do mini dates with broads I had no attraction to.

At least in a non-structured environment, if a woman speaks with you, it's because she truly wants to (not because the host of a speed dating event is forcing her to)

I guess we'll never know why exactly I got turned down by the one woman I asked. One fortunate thing about the job aspect: If I only mention my line of work (and the woman doesn't make me get into specifics about what exactly I do at the company), the field I'm in sounds impressive.

Anyway, I thought of a strategy of what to do differently if I ever attend another speed dating event (This should make a lot of posters on here proud. A lot of posters have been telling me to come out of my shell, mingle with the ladies, and learn from any failures).

Here's my strategy: I'm going to bring business cards with my picture, name, number, and age. I'm going to hand out my business card during mini dates (and whatever the woman does with the card is up to her). This strategy will solve the problem of getting amogged when the event becomes an open floor at the very end. It also solves the problem (which I hadn't even thought of until you mentioned it) of the woman mixing me up with another guy.

As an added bonus, the uniqueness of the business card strategy will make me stand out (as most men wouldn't give out business cards; they'd ask for her digits, instagram, snapchat, etc)

I worked on a business card design after the event. I've already submitted the design to a printing company.

The business card idea is great because it imprints your contact information upon the plate. What will your title be?

 

[MatureDJ]

Nice, if you're out to bed your own sister or a first cousin

During the '90s, it was the new thing. As for myself, it allowed me to wear cowboy boots with a nice tall heel.

 

[MatureDJ]

Another unfortunate fact is how similar the open floor at the very end of the speed dating event was to the one high school dance I attended. At the one high school dance I attended, I slammed the door on my way out of the cafeteria (frustrated at my bad luck). 33 year old me is no different than 17 year old me in that regard (slamming the door on my way out of the speed dating event)

I know @BaronOfHair claims every man is an autist to some degree. That's incredibly insulting to those of us who really are autists.

You're orphaned by the teenage loves you never had.

 

[GoodMan32]

In a roundabout way, the disaster of the speed dating event gave me an in to flirt with a woman who's actually in my preferred age demographic.

As I was leaving for work this morning, I ran into a 50-something woman who works in my condo building. She asked how my weekend was. I mentioned that I went to the speed dating event but it turned out to be a disaster.

She then asked what the age spread was like at the event. I told her everyone appeared to be below 40. She commented that even though she's single, she would have been too old to attend the event.

Then she said she doesn't like how many wrinkles she sees when she looks in the mirror. Here's where my opportunity to flirt came in: I told her I think she has nice skin

 

[SW15]

The default for most people, or at least most attractive people, is they are in a relationship.

This is true. This makes any form of in-person approaching more difficult. When a man in-person approaches, he has no idea on the relationship status of the woman he's approaching. This is the most apparent in non-bar approaching (daygame) but also can affect night game at the bars.

 

[corrector]

In a roundabout way, the disaster of the speed dating event gave me an in to flirt with a woman who's actually in my preferred age demographic.

As I was leaving for work this morning, I ran into a 50-something woman who works in my condo building. She asked how my weekend was. I mentioned that I went to the speed dating event but it turned out to be a disaster.

She then asked what the age spread was like at the event. I told her everyone appeared to be below 40. She commented that even though she's single, she would have been too old to attend the event.

Then she said she doesn't like how many wrinkles she sees when she looks in the mirror. Here's where my opportunity to flirt came in: I told her I think she has nice skin

You talked to more women in those 5 min min-dates then you would normally do in a decade (ie where there is a romantic intent of course). Of course attending one event will help you flirt with other women.

 

[GoodMan32]

You talked to more women in those 5 min min-dates then you would normally do in a decade (ie where there is a romantic intent of course). Of course attending one event will help you flirt with other women.

Good point (the amount of broads I did mini dates with this weekend is probably higher than the amount of broads I expressed interest in the whole decade prior)

The more I think about the 39 year old broad whose digits I failed to get at the speed date event, the more I wonder why I put myself through the humiliation of a rejection for a woman I probably would have chickened out with in bed anyway (39 is still dangerously fertile)