How to make things farward with a girl I like?

[Alucard88Cool forum!]

Hi. So there is this girl who seems to be feminine. She work in a beauty centre, and sometime I go there to have some massages in my head.

She act interested, she compliment me, say how I am cool, smart, she laughs at my jokes and is always very kind. So each time I go there, I interact with her a little bit and we have, even if just for a few minutes, good time.

One day I invited her to get out having a walk after job, and she acted very emotional, telling me that she has other plans.
Since that invite, I started to flirt with her collegues and she acted very jealous, starting try to telling me not to choose thaem, but choose her instead.

So, she seems very itnerested, but once I try to move things forward, she seems to behave in a manner witch i feel like "she is not really interested".

I have the fear that if I will be direct telling her I like her, she will refuse (as women always do after a direct statement like this.)

So I would like to make things forward, but doing the right thing. How should I act?

 

[Vanderdonck]

Yes don't tell her directly that you like her.

You asked her out once and she declined. I'm guessing she sees you instead as a reliable customer. That doesn't mean she isn't attracted (hence the mild jealousy).

My recommendation is that you put her on ice for a week or two. Don't stop by. When you finally do, and she asks where you've been, just say you've been busy with stuff. In fact you can't stay and chat but if she'd like to catch up over a drink, she can give you her number or you make the plans right there.

I know this sounds like game playing but in fact it's more for you - you are zeroing in too much on her IMO and it's warping your perception a bit. And it's making her see you as predictable.

 

[Alucard88Cool forum!]

Yes don't tell her directly that you like her.

You asked her out once and she declined. I'm guessing she sees you instead as a reliable customer. That doesn't mean she isn't attracted (hence the mild jealousy).

My recommendation is that you put her on ice for a week or two. Don't stop by. When you finally do, and she asks where you've been, just say you've been busy with stuff. In fact you can't stay and chat but if she'd like to catch up over a drink, she can give you her number or you make the plans right there.

I know this sounds like game playing but in fact it's more for you - you are zeroing in too much on her IMO and it's warping your perception a bit. And it's making her see you as predictable.

Thanks for you answer.
In fact, I already put her on ice for a while (I asked her to get out like amonth ago). I usually go in that beauty center once a week, and some weeks I don't go there. So basically I see her rarelly. And when I go there, I don't put all my attention on her, because I flirt also with the other women there who appreciate me, but that I don't like those women, I like her.
Since she doens't do anything to move things forward, I didn't too. Should I just wait while I spin other plates? Or should I just do another move?

 

[BPH]

Let's put this into perspective:

You are interested in a woman who provides a service where her job is to get tips (waitresses, massage therapists, bartenders, etc).

She does this by treating her customers (you) well and sprinkles in some light flirting to make you feel good, hoping you'll tip higher.

You misinterpret this as genuine interest and upon asking her out, are rejected.

Instead of understanding this dynamic, you return to her area of business (likely multiple times since you say "colleagues" plural) and flirt with other women in front of her hoping she will become jealous as some sort of "punishment" for turning you down.

You're playing games - this is weird behavior and you are not winning over her affection with it. You're a 36-year-old grown man going out of your way to make an appearance at this beauty centre to change one woman's mind who was likely just being nice because it's her job - her wanting you to choose her instead of her colleagues is more than likely her just wanting your business because you were a regular...

I recall your old thread about you thinking every man you encounter unreasonably hates you, and it's likely you simply misread social cues. My advice would be to meet women who aren't obligated to entertain you and give you false hope like this one because it's her job.

 

[Doctor Doom]

“One day I invited her to get out having a walk after job, and she acted very emotional, telling me that she has other plans.”

NEXT her. If a chick is interested in a dude, she’ll go out of her way to meet him. She has low interest to no interest.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Start by learning how to spell the word "forward", OP... Unless you're on the hunt for a Shaquanda or a Mama June, speaking and writing as if you're still riding the short bus to school isn't especially sexy

 

[Alucard88Cool forum!]

“One day I invited her to get out having a walk after job, and she acted very emotional, telling me that she has other plans.”

NEXT her. If a chick is interested in a dude, she’ll go out of her way to meet him. She has low interest to no interest.

Yes, I just leave her, if she want me, she have to put some effort, if she doesn't, is a good bye

 

[Vanderdonck]

Thanks for you answer.
In fact, I already put her on ice for a while (I asked her to get out like amonth ago). I usually go in that beauty center once a week, and some weeks I don't go there. So basically I see her rarelly. And when I go there, I don't put all my attention on her, because I flirt also with the other women there who appreciate me, but that I don't like those women, I like her.
Since she doens't do anything to move things forward, I didn't too. Should I just wait while I spin other plates? Or should I just do another move?

It's simple. Ask her out one more time. If she says no, move on like it's no big deal, which it isn't. It's always about if she's willing to be alone together with you.

She may be flirting to keep you as a customer, or because she likes you, or both. (Note: I've gone out with service industry chicks who were flirty on the job. The two aren't mutually exclusive.) Your first ask was to hang immediately after her shift. Her "no" wasn't necessarily low IL IMO. This time I would say, you're busy and probably won't be able to stop by for quite a while, but would love to get a drink some time if she's down and tell her to give you her number. If it's a no for that then move on but stay friendly/cordial.

 

[Alucard88Cool forum!]

It's simple. Ask her out one more time. If she says no, move on like it's no big deal, which it isn't. It's always about if she's willing to be alone together with you.

She may be flirting to keep you as a customer, or because she likes you, or both. (Note: I've gone out with service industry chicks who were flirty on the job. The two aren't mutually exclusive.) Your first ask was to hang immediately after her shift. Her "no" wasn't necessarily low IL IMO. This time I would say, you're busy and probably won't be able to stop by for quite a while, but would love to get a drink some time if she's down and tell her to give you her number. If it's a no for that then move on but stay friendly/cordial.

Thanks again, much appreciated

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

She act interested, she compliment me, say how I am cool, smart, she laughs at my jokes and is always very kind. So each time I go there, I interact with her a little bit and we have, even if just for a few minutes, good time.

You're hitting on service industry women who depend on a pleasant demeanour to get customer satisfaction. Most women strike the delicate balance of professional courtesy, but when they need to be physical with you (manicure, pedicure, massage), their courtesy and pleasantries can be misinterpreted as 'flirtatious'.

One day I invited her to get out having a walk after job, and she acted very emotional, telling me that she has other plans.

She realised that you misinterpreted her pleasant demeanour for 'flirting', which was definitely not her intention. She was just trying to give you a good time, not leading you on.

Since that invite, I started to flirt with her collegues and she acted very jealous, starting try to telling me not to choose thaem, but choose her instead.

She put in effort to get you to become a regular customer, you misinterpreted her efforts as flirting, but now that she rejected your avances, you come back and flirt with her colleagues. So now you're punishing her for being a professional pleaser.

How very mature.

You really have to be able to read social cues really really well to know when professional women are flirting with you - in most cases they are just trying to curry favour or trying to get you to become a regular customer. When a professional woman flirts with you, she will make her intentions better known that just acting interested and laughing at your jokes.