The Complexity of Kindness: Mature Man POV

[jhonny9546]

This can seem to be a very common and superficial issue, but it must be discussed by mature men here!

Since kindness is not something everyone possesses, yet it is a characteristic of a nice guy, and given the plethora of discussions online about women falling in love with kindness https://www.quora.com/Can-you-fall-in-love-with-kindness and many more, just googling, and considering that we cannot fully trust women's "emotion to logic" conversion of their thoughts, we face a reliability issue.

Additionally, we know that women sometimes desire men to dominate and treat them in a certain way (being violent, etc).
This raises the question: what truly constitutes "kindness," and what actions demonstrate kindness from a mature man’s perspective rather than from an AFC mode?

From my life experience, I can report that when I act kindly towards women, they often change their behavior towards me and begin to "see" or "want to see" me more frequently.

This dynamic can also vary based on the age group of women.
What are your experiences on this subject?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Kindness is NOT a trait of a "nice guy". His version is a form of manipulation where he "expects" certain things, aka sex, in return for him being that way.

Plenty of stories about how upset and angry they get when women deny them sex and they will talk about how they did "all these things for them", etc...

Kindness in its true form is doing something for others without the expectation of anything in return.

Nice guys do not partake in that...there are always "strings attached" to their kindness and in fact they are weak because they are afraid to show a woman what their true intentions are because they are afraid of being rejected so they hope she will make the move for them.

 

[BaronOfHair]

This can seem to be a very common and superficial issue, but it must be discussed by mature men here!

Since kindness is not something everyone possesses, yet it is a characteristic of a nice guy, and given the plethora of discussions online about women falling in love with kindness https://www.quora.com/Can-you-fall-in-love-with-kindness and many more, just googling, and considering that we cannot fully trust women's "emotion to logic" conversion of their thoughts, we face a reliability issue.

Additionally, we know that women sometimes desire men to dominate and treat them in a certain way (being violent, etc).
This raises the question: what truly constitutes "kindness," and what actions demonstrate kindness from a mature man’s perspective rather than from an AFC mode?

From my life experience, I can report that when I act kindly towards women, they often change their behavior towards me and begin to "see" or "want to see" me more frequently.

This dynamic can also vary based on the age group of women.
What are your experiences on this subject?

Practice Wise Compassion https://www.google.com/amp/s/youare...een-idiot-compassion-and-wise-compassion/amp/

 

[jhonny9546]

Kindness in its true form is doing something for others without the expectation of anything in return.

Perfect! So this is the point actually determining a nice guy vs a man?
I'm a man on this aspect.
I really do not expect anything in return. but I do enjoy helping.

This is also when people say I am "too good" with some people who "Only take advantage" of others and they do not deserve kind treatment

they are afraid to show a woman what their true intentions are because they are afraid of being rejected so they hope she will make the move for them.

This is also a very good point I've learnt!
But I want to hear your POV on this, because nowadays you can see many woman do not give too many IOI's and worse, after you declare your true intentions, women can still be a little bit close about it.

So which is the good way to declare your intention?

For me, something soft I would do at first approach, worked just somethng like inviting her to spend time with me, wheter it's on my motorcycle, taking a coffee, spend time togheter in the car listening to music.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

So which is the good way to declare your intention?

Don't fix the gear box of her ancient cinquecento for free.
Don't provide free room and board.
Don't allow her to starfish during sex unless you tied her down spreadeagled on the bed. And even then she should give as much as she takes.

 

[jhonny9546]

Don't fix the gear box of her ancient cinquecento for free.
Don't provide free room and board.
Don't allow her to starfish during sex unless you tied her down spreadeagled on the bed. And even then she should give as much as she takes.

Those are "reaction" to her actions, not ways to declare. Is that correct?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Those are "reaction" to her actions, not ways to declare. Is that correct?

You don't declare, you display.
Her: "My car is acting up. Do you think it might be the gear thingy?" (I want you to be my mechanic)
You: "Take it to a garage." (I'm not your mechanic)

 

[LTG71]

Perfect! So this is the point actually determining a nice guy vs a man?
I'm a man on this aspect.
I really do not expect anything in return. but I do enjoy helping.

This is also when people say I am "too good" with some people who "Only take advantage" of others and they do not deserve kind treatment

If your genuine character is to be kind to everyone, that is a blessing. Everyone you meet gets the same treatment and people label you as a “nice” guy but in a genuine sense. Have to watch out with women because they will use that kindness to set you up as a service provider.

If women observe you being kind to others as you are with them, my experience has been that they are more receptive. They observe that you are not putting on an act and let their guard down.

Narcissistic people will also take advantage of your kindness, men and women, so be wise with what you are willing to give.

 

[jhonny9546]

You don't declare, you display.
Her: "My car is acting up. Do you think it might be the gear thingy?" (I want you to be my mechanic)
You: "Take it to a garage." (I'm not your mechanic)

Oh yes the woman language. Or better the "child" language.
They ask you something with something underneat.

Just to cite an example I've got a face cleanup at a spa.
The woman left me in a room with vapor for 10 minutes.
She came back and told me "look! How long your eyelashes".
The tone of her voice was clearly flirty.

Btw, How are these behaviour called in english?
When someone ask you for something but indirectly mean another thing?

 

[jhonny9546]

Everyone you meet gets the same treatment and people label you as a “nice” guy but in a genuine sense.

This. But I have my limit also.

They observe that you are not putting on an act and let their guard down.

And it's strange because they're usually with a man that is kind on the front, but malicius on the back.
Then they watch me doing this things spontaneosly and they melt.
I helped a woman with an accident at her coffee machine, and the way she thank me, was kinda telling me "Hey, anyone help me so often, really thanks you".

So definetly, there is a difference between a genuine kind person and a "profiteer"

 

[inquisitor]

This can seem to be a very common and superficial issue, but it must be discussed by mature men here!

Since kindness is not something everyone possesses, yet it is a characteristic of a nice guy, and given the plethora of discussions online about women falling in love with kindness https://www.quora.com/Can-you-fall-in-love-with-kindness and many more, just googling, and considering that we cannot fully trust women's "emotion to logic" conversion of their thoughts, we face a reliability issue.

Additionally, we know that women sometimes desire men to dominate and treat them in a certain way (being violent, etc).
This raises the question: what truly constitutes "kindness," and what actions demonstrate kindness from a mature man’s perspective rather than from an AFC mode?

From my life experience, I can report that when I act kindly towards women, they often change their behavior towards me and begin to "see" or "want to see" me more frequently.

This dynamic can also vary based on the age group of women.
What are your experiences on this subject?

You are kind because you are kind.

You can be more kind by continuing to question, clarify, and fortify your own morals, to the point where you can cause more of a net positive to yourself and other people. Kindness entails a million more virtues that you apply appropriately in every situation with respect to every context you belong in.

 

[LTG71]

And it's strange because they're usually with a man that is kind on the front, but malicius on the back.

“She melts” but chooses the man that is malicious like you say.

This is life’s biggest unsolved mystery, “what the hell are women thinking?” Reason they get labeled as crazy.

 

[jhonny9546]

“She melts” but chooses the man that is malicious like you say.

This!

But the hidden thruth of this, is that I cannot "naturally" act as malicious and feel good.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

But the hidden thruth of this, is that I cannot "naturally" act as malicious and feel good.

You don't have to become a prick, just don't be a doormat. This is really not terribly difficult, you know.

 

[jhonny9546]

You don't have to become a prick, just don't be a doormat. This is really not terribly difficult, you know.

What makes a woman consider a man "doormat"?

 

[BaronOfHair]

But the hidden thruth of this, is that I cannot "naturally" act as malicious and feel good.

All you need do is follow the example set forth here

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

What makes a woman consider a man "doormat"?

If she can wipe her heels on him.

 

[BeExcellent]

I agree with @BackInTheGame78 on this.

Kindness is borne from strength of character. So is vulnerability. Both come from a place of great strength internally; from knowing Who. You. Are.

Therefore when you choose to be kind you are entirely outcome independent. You are kind because you choose to be, and this choice communicates, on a subconscious level, to others, that you are a solid man. It has nothing to do with expectation. It is simply what you do and who you are as a good human being.

Being kind does not carry the same risk as being vulnerable. It is my belief that people who are unable to exhibit genuine kindness are by extension unable to exhibit vulnerability, and therefore they can never let another person truly know them.

Those people will not enjoy deeply meaningful relationships because they are not evolved enough as individuals. Meaningful connection requires vulnerability. Seeing a man who is kind indicates a degree of self evolution that exhibits potential for something deeper and more wothwhile.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Being kind does not carry the same risk as being vulnerable. It is my belief that people who are unable to exhibit genuine kindness are by extension unable to exhibit vulnerability, and therefore they can never let another person truly know them.

Those people will not enjoy deeply meaningful relationships because they are not evolved enough as individuals. Meaningful connection requires vulnerability. Seeing a man who is kind indicates a degree of self evolution that exhibits potential for something deeper and more wothwhile.

Very well said with one caveat. Your kindness must be genuine and not a manipulation as @BackInTheGame78 stated earlier.

Google "White Knight Symdrome." This is not genuine kindness but a manipulation and while women will seem appreciative of it, they won't really respect you. Let alone become attracted and fall in love with you.

It's also OK in my opinion to not always be so kind, when their behavior warrants it. Don't be a pushover, a doormat. That won't render you much respect either.

I don't believe a woman will develop an attraction simply because you are kind. But when that attraction is there which is based on many factors which can't really be explained, your genuine kindness, not just towards her but everyone, can increase her attraction.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Very well said with one caveat. Your kindness must be genuine and not a manipulation as @BackInTheGame78 stated earlier.

Google "White Knight Symdrome." This is not genuine kindness but a manipulation and while women will seem appreciative of it, they won't really respect you. Let alone become attracted and fall in love with you.

It's also OK in my opinion to not always be so kind, when their behavior warrants it. Don't be a pushover, a doormat. That won't render you much respect either.

I don't believe a woman will develop an attraction simply because you are kind. But when that attraction is there which is based on many factors which can't really be explained, your genuine kindness, not just towards her but everyone, can increase her attraction.

As long as you have a backbone...too many guys think being a personal doormat is being kind.