Does this sound like an Alpha Widow?

[MatureDJ]

Dear Therapist: I Still Obsess About My Ex From a Decade Ago

I’m 40 now, and I feel like a fool.

www.theatlantic.com

Dear Therapist,

I’m a 40-year-old single woman. Never married, no children, and I’ve been struggling for years to get over my ex. He was my first love and we met when I was in my early 20s. It was a very immature relationship that culminated in me breaking up with him finally (for about the third or fourth time), mostly because of a growing fear that I knew I would want kids and was worried that I was wasting my time with someone who wasn’t willing to work on a future with me.

This was more than 10 years ago, and although my ex and I have occasionally stayed in touch, been intimate, and reconnected after a few years of separation, we have not been able to have a healthy relationship. I’ve tried to be honest about my wanting a different type of relationship with him, but he doesn’t seem to want that. I have tried moving on by ignoring my feelings for him, ignoring him when he has reached out to me, and repeatedly reminding myself that ours is not the kind of relationship that I want. But it all feels like a lie.

The truth is, here I am, thinking about the last person I had the strongest romantic relationship and potential with. And I feel like a fool. I tried blocking him on my phone, but I still saw his calls. I have avoided his social media since it just triggers sadness instead of happiness and joy. I need some practical help to get him out of my mind.

Anonymous

 

[SW15]

Yes, it sounds like one.

She has had sex with him since their breakup 10+ years ago. She's even had sex with him despite her want for a different type of relationship despite his wants.

It would be interesting to know more why her romantic relationships in the last 10-12 years have failed since that initial breakup.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Dear Therapist: I Still Obsess About My Ex From a Decade Ago

I’m 40 now, and I feel like a fool.

www.theatlantic.com

Dear Therapist,

I’m a 40-year-old single woman. Never married, no children, and I’ve been struggling for years to get over my ex. He was my first love and we met when I was in my early 20s. It was a very immature relationship that culminated in me breaking up with him finally (for about the third or fourth time), mostly because of a growing fear that I knew I would want kids and was worried that I was wasting my time with someone who wasn’t willing to work on a future with me.

This was more than 10 years ago, and although my ex and I have occasionally stayed in touch, been intimate, and reconnected after a few years of separation, we have not been able to have a healthy relationship. I’ve tried to be honest about my wanting a different type of relationship with him, but he doesn’t seem to want that. I have tried moving on by ignoring my feelings for him, ignoring him when he has reached out to me, and repeatedly reminding myself that ours is not the kind of relationship that I want. But it all feels like a lie.

The truth is, here I am, thinking about the last person I had the strongest romantic relationship and potential with. And I feel like a fool. I tried blocking him on my phone, but I still saw his calls. I have avoided his social media since it just triggers sadness instead of happiness and joy. I need some practical help to get him out of my mind.

Anonymous

Get rid of The Manosphere jargon, and what this is becomes readily apparent: Someone who's stuck on her ex, which itself is almost certainly indicative of deeper internal troubles

 

[MatureDJ]

Yes, it sounds like one.

She has had sex with him since their breakup 10+ years ago. She's even had sex with him despite her want for a different type of relationship despite his wants.

It would be interesting to know more why her romantic relationships in the last 10-12 years have failed since that initial breakup.

my theory: He was a Chad, and after her time with him, she resolved to making rules for future suitors, but since she was only dating Chads, she couldn't make any of them adhere to her rules - and then of course, she started to decline with age, and it was OVER for her.

 

[SW15]

Someone who's stuck on her ex, which itself is almost certainly indicative of deeper internal troubles

That's an issue. It seems like this was a longer relationship that took up most of her 20s. It also wasn't a good relationship as there were multiple breakups. It seems like there were deeper internal troubles.

It's unknown how elite this man was, but she seemed to prefer him over any other options she had during that time of her life. That means something because her 20s was her peak/near peak time.

she was only dating Chads, she couldn't make any of them adhere to her rules.... she started to decline with age, and it was OVER for her.

There's a chance she was a lot like the woman from the video below. She was chasing elite level men but at a non-elite level. Perhaps she's been an average/slightly above average woman trying to date someone with higher value than she could possibly offer longer term.

 

[MatureDJ]

That's an issue. It seems like this was a longer relationship that took up most of her 20s. It also wasn't a good relationship as there were multiple breakups. It seems like there were deeper internal troubles.

It's unknown how elite this man was, but she seemed to prefer him over any other options she had during that time of her life. That means something because her 20s was her peak/near peak time.



There's a chance she was a lot like the woman from the video below. She was chasing elite level men but at a non-elite level. Perhaps she's been an average/slightly above average woman trying to date someone with higher value than she could possibly offer longer term.

I would so do that chick.

 

[SW15]

I would so do that chick.

She wouldn't be interested in you or men your type close to her age. She's spent her life chasing top tier men. She's been able to attract them for sex but not for the longer term commitment she's ultimately wanted.

 

[MatureDJ]

She wouldn't be interested in you or men your type close to her age. She's spent her life chasing top tier men. She's been able to attract them for sex but not for the longer term commitment she's ultimately wanted.

She sounds like she is ready to accept "mid". Is it possible for a short man to be highly regarded in the other aspects of attractiveness to net out with the grade "mid"?

One time at a "structural dating" event (in the USA!), I actually got a phone number from a chick like this (she was about 5" taller than me, with a nice figure that easily aroused me), and I had figured that I caught her a time when she was ready to shoot a little lower - a lot like the way the chick in this video is talking. Alas, she seemed to be "busy" every time I offered to meet up with her. I think these chicks make the rationalizations about what they *should* do, but they don't go through with it.

 

[SW15]

She sounds like she is ready to accept "mid". Is it possible for a short man to be highly regarded in the other aspects of attractiveness to net out with the grade "mid"?

One time at a "structural dating" event (in the USA!), I actually got a phone number from a chick like this (she was about 5" taller than me, with a nice figure that easily aroused me), and I had figured that I caught her a time when she was ready to shoot a little lower - a lot like the way the chick in this video is talking. Alas, she seemed to be "busy" every time I offered to meet up with her. I think these chicks make the rationalizations about what they *should* do, but they don't go through with it.

I think you meant "structured singles event". Good memory.

Are Structured Singles Events a Waste of Time?

Mostly every unattached person has dealt with this. The potential invitation to a "singles event" or "singles mixer". It is a chance for unattached people to meet. It's not a general night out at a bar, which has unattached people interspersed with attached people. Everyone here is unattached by...

www.sosuave.net

I do think the woman from the Hoe Math "Mid" video is making a rationalization about what she should do but won't ever go through with it. She is likely chasing 'Chads' still. Someone in the comments section said she's a Lyft driver in Nashville. This comment was only left 3 weeks ago and the video was posted in November 2023.

I think that woman you met at a structured singles event wanted to give you a chance but she couldn't go through with it. She might have liked your work accomplishments in the STEM field but couldn't get past your height.

 

[Manure Spherian]

She sounds like she is ready to accept "mid". Is it possible for a short man to be highly regarded in the other aspects of attractiveness to net out with the grade "mid"?

Haha, you mean take Chad’s leftovers now in their 40’s, who wasted their most fertile and beautiful years in “relationships”?

Pertinent quote from F. Roger Devlin:

What were our bachelor’s female contemporaries doing all those years while he was an impoverished, lonely stripling who found them intensely desirable? Fornicating with dashing fellows who mysteriously declined to “commit,” marrying and walking out on their husbands, or holding out for perfection. Now, lo and behold, these women, with their youthful looks gone and rapidly approaching menopause, are willing to go out with him. If they are satisfied with the free meals and entertainment he provides, he may be permitted to fork over a wedding ring. Then they will graciously allow him to support them and the children they had by another man for the rest of his life. (I have seen a woman’s personal ad stating her goal of “achieving financial security for myself and my daughters.”) Why in heaven’s name would any man sign up for this? As one man put it to me: “if the kitten didn’t want me, I don’t want the cat.”

 

[MatureDJ]

I think you meant "structured singles event". Good memory.