Maintaining a chasing dynamic

[FlexpertHamilton]

When high IL women are doing most if not all of the chasing/initiating for dates/hangouts, and texts in general, do you try to maintain this dynamic completely, or do find it better to pepper in sporadic initiation on your end? ie what I'm asking is if women are doing 100/0 or 90/10 the initiating, is this even sustainable and is trying to maintain this long-term akin to shooting yourself in the foot? If so, is something like between 60-40 and 80-20 more realistic? Not asking for specific "ratios" but just a ballpark.

For clarification, I'm not specifically talking about any type of relationship whether it's a 100% casual or serious LTRs you want to marry, since I think every girl should start as a "casual lover/toy" that changes accordingly as time goes on. What is your strategy/mindset about this?

 

[Serenity]

At some point it might start to feel unnatural to force a dynamic where she's always the one reaching out, but it's certainly a good thing she's doing the work early on.

She has to feel like she's winning, if you're not giving a little bit over time she'll eventually be frustrated. The reward is getting increasingly more of your attention, but at the start you're making her work for it and only giving breadcrumbs.

I think it should slowly move more towards a 50/50 over time, but not beyond that where you're the one doing more work. Roughly 50/50 is the end point.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

At some point it might start to feel unnatural to force a dynamic where she's always the one reaching out, but it's certainly a good thing she's doing the work early on.

She has to feel like she's winning, if you're not giving a little bit over time she'll eventually be frustrated. The reward is getting increasingly more of your attention, but at the start you're making her work for it and only giving breadcrumbs.

I think it should slowly move more towards a 50/50 over time, but not beyond that where you're the one doing more work. Roughly 50/50 is the end point.

even more true if she does you favors and stuff like that too. i naturally want to reward that (with more attention/validation) and am making sure i have pruned out all the autistic "game" axioms from my mind which would dictate being aloof 24/7

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

For clarification, I'm not specifically talking about any type of relationship whether it's a 100% casual or serious LTRs you want to marry, since I think every girl should start as a "casual lover/toy" that changes accordingly as time goes on. What is your strategy/mindset about this?

even more true if she does you favors and stuff like that too. i naturally want to reward that (with more attention/validation) and am making sure i have pruned out all the autistic "game" axioms from my mind which would dictate being aloof 24/7

I have longterm 'casual' relationships only. Mostly because I make it clear to potential lovers that I have other priorities in my life than having a committed monogamous relationship. Most women who want to have monogamy / exclusivity / commitment will not step into my lair.

Of course I do meet women who think that they are the Annette Bening to my Warren Beatty, but they either figure out that I wasn't joking but decide that sharing me is better than not having me or they leave to look for someone to live with.

No matter how many 'boyfriend' things I do with lovers (like going to a street market to find good ingredients for the dinner she wants to prepare for me, or coming with me to social events, or dancing the night away in a tango salon), they know I'm not going to lead them to the wedding altar.

Maybe to an altar in a desecrated church where I tie them up and fvck them mercilessly, but there won't be an exchanging of rings.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

I have longterm 'casual' relationships only. Mostly because I make it clear to potential lovers that I have other priorities in my life than having a committed monogamous relationship. Most women who want to have monogamy / exclusivity / commitment will not step into my lair.

Of course I do meet women who think that they are the Annette Bening to my Warren Beatty, but they either figure out that I wasn't joking but decide that sharing me is better than not having me or they leave to look for someone to live with.

No matter how many 'boyfriend' things I do with lovers (like going to a street market to find good ingredients for the dinner she wants to prepare for me, or coming with me to social events, or dancing the night away in a tango salon), they know I'm not going to lead them to the wedding altar.

Maybe to an altar in a desecrated church where I tie them up and fvck them mercilessly, but there won't be an exchanging of rings.

I mean I'm in a similar mindset myself, I have never and will never want a family let alone even to live together/get married. Only difference is that I'm willing to do LTRs if they understand that I can only commit 1-2 days per week to them, won't do sleepovers, won't ever live with them, and demand and maintain high boundaries of acceptable behavior that 99% of women won't agree to, so I don't even bother anymore.

 

[Ricky]

I mean I'm in a similar mindset myself, I have never and will never want a family let alone even to live together/get married. Only difference is that I'm willing to do LTRs if they understand that I can only commit 1-2 days per week to them, won't do sleepovers, won't ever live with them, and demand and maintain high boundaries of acceptable behavior that 99% of women won't agree to, so I don't even bother anymore.

I had a relationship like that for 3 years where i would see her friday and Saturday night and spend the night and have sex. It worked great. I just knew eventually i couldn’t marry her and live with her daily

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I just knew eventually i couldn’t marry her and live with her daily

I tried that.

I lived with one woman for total sixteen years, twelve of them married, of which the last nine years with our kids.
Of course it wasn't monogamous (I had shibari models and my wife dallied with a few women) but we did have a little family with our two children. We tried to make it work, but when I got very ill and my physical health ran down, she couldn't handle having to take the steering wheel, so she bailed on me.

I mean I'm in a similar mindset myself, I have never and will never want a family let alone even to live together/get married. Only difference is that I'm willing to do LTRs if they understand that I can only commit 1-2 days per week to them, won't do sleepovers, won't ever live with them, and demand and maintain high boundaries of acceptable behavior that 99% of women won't agree to, so I don't even bother anymore.

I admit that I'm too much of an Einzelgänger to live together with anyone, not even a servant, so I won't allow any of my lovers to move in with me.

Another reason for me to be non-monogamous isn't about sex, but about intimacy. There are too many different things I want to do with women to find all that combined in one single woman. And monogamous women in general don't like their boyfriend/husband to be physically intimate with other women (even when there is no sex) so I don't give nor claim exclusivity if that means I can't do shibari with other women.