Orbitron
Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2018
- Messages
- 42
- Reaction score
- 19
- Age
- 48
So Suave
Hi guys, after some independent advice.
Bit of context, I’m a 48 year old guy (she’s 47) and i had been seeing this girl for six years now. The relationship was generally good, she’s hot as hell, kind, loving, sweet, filthy dirty - everything a man could wish for, wife material for sure. We did have several bust ups over the years which would result in us not communicating at all for a few months at a time but we always made it back together.
The main reasons for our bust ups (from my POV at least) would be her insecurities about me around other women; she thinks every woman that lays eyes on me must want me and she was convinced the only reason I spent so much time in the gym was to pull other women. Simply not true as one woman in my life is more than enough drama as I’m sure many of you can relate.
We had another falling out in February and I recently got back in touch to get my keys back and stuff but the old feelings returned and we ended up having a little exchange and banter over a few texts but she said once I’ve got my stuff back then I’m out of her life for good.
A couple of days past and I thought this can’t be the end of it so I put pen to paper (literally) and wrote her a letter explaining my mindset and motivations that informed my behaviour towards her. I tended to kept her at arms length after having had my simp card revoked after my previous relationship went badly wrong. She frequently referred to me as an arsehole but I always smiled and thanked her for it and pointed out that regardless of what she said, she loved me for it and ended up agreeing with me, much to our mutual amusement. I’m much better expressing myself in the written word than spoken I think. I said that if ever she wanted to see me again then I’d welcome her with open arms but until that day I’d respect her wishes.
A day later I got the following text in which she said among other things she’s been seeing someone else which whilst doesn’t turn my stomach, I am a little disappointed as I always thought we’d end up together.
So what do you all make of it? Given that women are generally incapable of saying what they mean and think and whatever that may be can change upon a whim, it feels like on one hand she’s done but on the other she’s handing out a lifeline.
I haven’t replied and nor do I intend to; as far as I’m concerned I’ve put my cards on the table, thrown the dice etc and will just accept whatever may be.
I’m not completely hung up on this girl but I do love her. I was seeing someone else for a month or so recently until I binned her for being a bit unstable and might have something lined up for next week but I’d value the opinions and advice of other swordsmen out there.
Here’s her text minus irrelevant stuff about her work etc;
Hi Mike
I received your letter, though it took me some time to read due to the handwriting I understand what you’re trying to say, but unfortunately, I believe it is too late
I am carrying a lot of pain and frustration from the relationship with you Mike
You say you never cheated and don’t look at other women, but your ongoing "friendship" with someone who was once a fling is, for me, a form of betrayal. Especially when you knew how I felt about it. She’s always in your life, commenting on your photos and acting comfortably with you, as if she knows she has a place that makes me uncomfortable. It hurts me to see you continually reconnect with her every time we break up.
If she’s truly out of your life, why does she keep appearing in your messages and on your page? It feels like you both are waiting for the right moment, keeping the door open to each other. That’s not something I can accept.
You say you think of me every day, but your actions don’t align with that. Whether it’s reconnecting with your past fling or pursuing other women, it seems like I’m an afterthought, and you only turn back to me when other options don’t work out.
I’m tired of this on-and-off cycle. It’s toxic and unhealthy, and your letter doesn’t change that for me.
It frustrated me how freely she shows up in your comments, as if she were a close relative or girlfriend. I don’t remember ever feeling that comfortable on your page when I was with you. If she’s that bold on your social media, I can only imagine how cozy and familiar your conversations are behind the scenes.
To be clear, I unfollowed you and moved on after seeing her back in your life. That’s the day I said yes to a date with someone else. While I may not love him, and he might not be you, he gives me the care, attention, and love I always wanted from you. He makes me feel safe and valued, things I never felt with you.
I wish you had treated me that way, but you didn’t. I was often left feeling ignored, neglected, and disrespected, especially when I saw how other women used to feel comfortable flirting with you. This is what happens when you randomly compliment women on their smile or outfit, or keep chatting them up. You say it's just being polite, but we women often see it as flirting. When a man in a relationship compliments me, I feel sorry for his partner. You’ve put me in that position many times, You were giving them the time and attention that should have been invested in me, and it felt like you were always more concerned about not hurting them than caring about how I felt.
Your friendship with your past fling, and you knowing how much it hurt me, is what finally broke me. You didn’t prioritize me, and I can’t trust someone who continuously put me in that position.
While you say you’re waiting with open arms, I no longer believe that you can give me the love and respect I deserve.
I still think of you, even when I’m on a date. Sometimes I look at him and wish it were you instead, but I hope that will change with time. My heart may not fully be with him yet, but my mind is telling me to enjoy the attention and care he’s giving me, something I didn’t have with you.
I’m out of your life now, and you should thank that old woman for it. You two can never seem to stay away from each other and always find ways to reconnect. You clearly enjoy it, and I know you’ll never change. That’s why I need to stay out.
I’m not sure if I’ll end up with J… in the long run, but he has big plans for me, and for now, I’m going with it.
I might say no to him this week, I might say no next month, or I might even fall in love with him…I don’t know what will happen, I really don’t… But for now, I’m just going with the flow and seeing where it leads.
I'm sorry if this hurts, but I can’t be with you anymore. After 6 years, we were still at the beginning, and I never truly felt comfortable with you. I can’t handle that stress any longer; it’s taking a toll on my health and nerves.
For us to ever be together again, it would take miracle changes, and I doubt that’s possible. We view relationships differently and want different things.
He’s been trying to ask me out for a few years now—this is the guy from the gym. He treats me like a queen and is already talking about a wedding ring. He’s always positive, and I can tell he’s madly in love with me, at least that’s what he says, and he backs it up with actions—unlike you. He’s asking me to give him a chance to make me feel happy the way I deserve…
Mike, what would you do if you were in my shoes?
What exactly are you offering? You didn’t mention any real changes in your letter. It feels like you’re asking me to return to the same situation I was in when I was with you—and I wasn’t happy at all.
How do you plan to reverse the hurt you caused me? How can you possibly make me trust you again?
I’m tired, and I want to settle down. I want to live with my partner, be together every day, enjoy life, and take holidays together. After 6 years, we were still in the same place, and you’ve shown me that full commitment and love and care is something you can’t give.
Yours truly
Nat
Hi guys, after some independent advice.
Bit of context, I’m a 48 year old guy (she’s 47) and i had been seeing this girl for six years now. The relationship was generally good, she’s hot as hell, kind, loving, sweet, filthy dirty - everything a man could wish for, wife material for sure. We did have several bust ups over the years which would result in us not communicating at all for a few months at a time but we always made it back together.
The main reasons for our bust ups (from my POV at least) would be her insecurities about me around other women; she thinks every woman that lays eyes on me must want me and she was convinced the only reason I spent so much time in the gym was to pull other women. Simply not true as one woman in my life is more than enough drama as I’m sure many of you can relate.
We had another falling out in February and I recently got back in touch to get my keys back and stuff but the old feelings returned and we ended up having a little exchange and banter over a few texts but she said once I’ve got my stuff back then I’m out of her life for good.
A couple of days past and I thought this can’t be the end of it so I put pen to paper (literally) and wrote her a letter explaining my mindset and motivations that informed my behaviour towards her. I tended to kept her at arms length after having had my simp card revoked after my previous relationship went badly wrong. She frequently referred to me as an arsehole but I always smiled and thanked her for it and pointed out that regardless of what she said, she loved me for it and ended up agreeing with me, much to our mutual amusement. I’m much better expressing myself in the written word than spoken I think. I said that if ever she wanted to see me again then I’d welcome her with open arms but until that day I’d respect her wishes.
A day later I got the following text in which she said among other things she’s been seeing someone else which whilst doesn’t turn my stomach, I am a little disappointed as I always thought we’d end up together.
So what do you all make of it? Given that women are generally incapable of saying what they mean and think and whatever that may be can change upon a whim, it feels like on one hand she’s done but on the other she’s handing out a lifeline.
I haven’t replied and nor do I intend to; as far as I’m concerned I’ve put my cards on the table, thrown the dice etc and will just accept whatever may be.
I’m not completely hung up on this girl but I do love her. I was seeing someone else for a month or so recently until I binned her for being a bit unstable and might have something lined up for next week but I’d value the opinions and advice of other swordsmen out there.
Here’s her text minus irrelevant stuff about her work etc;
Hi Mike
I received your letter, though it took me some time to read due to the handwriting I understand what you’re trying to say, but unfortunately, I believe it is too late
I am carrying a lot of pain and frustration from the relationship with you Mike
You say you never cheated and don’t look at other women, but your ongoing "friendship" with someone who was once a fling is, for me, a form of betrayal. Especially when you knew how I felt about it. She’s always in your life, commenting on your photos and acting comfortably with you, as if she knows she has a place that makes me uncomfortable. It hurts me to see you continually reconnect with her every time we break up.
If she’s truly out of your life, why does she keep appearing in your messages and on your page? It feels like you both are waiting for the right moment, keeping the door open to each other. That’s not something I can accept.
You say you think of me every day, but your actions don’t align with that. Whether it’s reconnecting with your past fling or pursuing other women, it seems like I’m an afterthought, and you only turn back to me when other options don’t work out.
I’m tired of this on-and-off cycle. It’s toxic and unhealthy, and your letter doesn’t change that for me.
It frustrated me how freely she shows up in your comments, as if she were a close relative or girlfriend. I don’t remember ever feeling that comfortable on your page when I was with you. If she’s that bold on your social media, I can only imagine how cozy and familiar your conversations are behind the scenes.
To be clear, I unfollowed you and moved on after seeing her back in your life. That’s the day I said yes to a date with someone else. While I may not love him, and he might not be you, he gives me the care, attention, and love I always wanted from you. He makes me feel safe and valued, things I never felt with you.
I wish you had treated me that way, but you didn’t. I was often left feeling ignored, neglected, and disrespected, especially when I saw how other women used to feel comfortable flirting with you. This is what happens when you randomly compliment women on their smile or outfit, or keep chatting them up. You say it's just being polite, but we women often see it as flirting. When a man in a relationship compliments me, I feel sorry for his partner. You’ve put me in that position many times, You were giving them the time and attention that should have been invested in me, and it felt like you were always more concerned about not hurting them than caring about how I felt.
Your friendship with your past fling, and you knowing how much it hurt me, is what finally broke me. You didn’t prioritize me, and I can’t trust someone who continuously put me in that position.
While you say you’re waiting with open arms, I no longer believe that you can give me the love and respect I deserve.
I still think of you, even when I’m on a date. Sometimes I look at him and wish it were you instead, but I hope that will change with time. My heart may not fully be with him yet, but my mind is telling me to enjoy the attention and care he’s giving me, something I didn’t have with you.
I’m out of your life now, and you should thank that old woman for it. You two can never seem to stay away from each other and always find ways to reconnect. You clearly enjoy it, and I know you’ll never change. That’s why I need to stay out.
I’m not sure if I’ll end up with J… in the long run, but he has big plans for me, and for now, I’m going with it.
I might say no to him this week, I might say no next month, or I might even fall in love with him…I don’t know what will happen, I really don’t… But for now, I’m just going with the flow and seeing where it leads.
I'm sorry if this hurts, but I can’t be with you anymore. After 6 years, we were still at the beginning, and I never truly felt comfortable with you. I can’t handle that stress any longer; it’s taking a toll on my health and nerves.
For us to ever be together again, it would take miracle changes, and I doubt that’s possible. We view relationships differently and want different things.
He’s been trying to ask me out for a few years now—this is the guy from the gym. He treats me like a queen and is already talking about a wedding ring. He’s always positive, and I can tell he’s madly in love with me, at least that’s what he says, and he backs it up with actions—unlike you. He’s asking me to give him a chance to make me feel happy the way I deserve…
Mike, what would you do if you were in my shoes?
What exactly are you offering? You didn’t mention any real changes in your letter. It feels like you’re asking me to return to the same situation I was in when I was with you—and I wasn’t happy at all.
How do you plan to reverse the hurt you caused me? How can you possibly make me trust you again?
I’m tired, and I want to settle down. I want to live with my partner, be together every day, enjoy life, and take holidays together. After 6 years, we were still in the same place, and you’ve shown me that full commitment and love and care is something you can’t give.
Yours truly
Nat
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