Tips for making an acquaintance in FWB?

[manfromitaly]

How do you manage more than one FWB?

Tonight I have a date with a new girl, I'm not looking for a serious relationship, I would like to make her become a FWB, as I already have one with whom I get along well.

I have sex with about 4/6 girls every year but most of these I can't keep for long because they want a relationship and I don't.

In the past I have also wasted many opportunities because I pushed for sex on the first date. Over time I learned to wait at least until the 2nd or 3rd date before inviting them home.

The question is this.

Any advice on how to make it clear on the first date that I don't want anything serious?

Are you clear from the start at the cost of losing the girl or do you try to get to sex?

My problem is that I almost always manage to take them to bed but I can't keep them for a long time.

Maybe my problem is that they are seeing inconsistencies in my behavior? I am temperamentally affectionate, could I give the idea that I am looking for something romantic?

 

[Clockwerk50]

I think by setting up a structured date with a specific time and purpose you are overtly implying that you see her as a potential long-term partner.

After you sleep with these women, they automatically become plates, in which they eventually break. Technically, since they might be seeking a relationship, they could find that spending time with you feels emotionally draining and unproductive, especially if things aren’t progressing as they would like.

In a FWB arrangement, ideally, you shouldn’t be alone together. Instead, you’d hang out with a group of friends, call her when you're bored and want to hang out for a booty call, or you invite her to casual, group-oriented activities. Similar how reach your male friends to hang out.

Maybe try sleeping with this one first, then we can figure out how to keep things going for a few months. Cross that bridge when you get there.

P.S. A girl once told me she broke up with her situationship after four months because she felt, “some men just want to sleep with you but don’t want a relationship. **** that.”

 

[holidayad_]

I think by setting up a structured date with a specific time and purpose you are overtly implying that you see her as a potential long-term partner.

I'm not sure I understand that one.

Do you mean in a situation like “drinks on Thursday at 7pm”?

 

[manfromitaly]

In fact, those who later became FWBs were already my friends or at least friends of friends and this makes that type of situation easier.

As I have been doing for some time now, tonight's appointment will not be in a public place, let me explain better, I live in a fairly small city and the venues are almost all enclosed in a not too large area.

A first date in a bar is risky in my city for several reasons:

The risk of meeting people I know is high.

It's a first date and we don't know if it will go well, badly, if we will continue to see each other just for sex.

So the risk is to expose yourself too much, and people here talk, because the city is small and almost everyone knows each other.

Imagine going out with 3 girls in a week and taking them all to the bar, well I think I explained myself.

Here, it's better to do things "hidden". This is why I always opt for appointments in less frequented places, sipping a beer on a bench or in the park.

My real question is

Do I immediately understand what I want at the risk of missing the opportunity, or do I get to sex and then see how the situation evolves?

 

[manfromitaly]

I think by setting up a structured date with a specific time and purpose you are overtly implying that you see her as a potential long-term partner.

In the case of this girl, I met her on Instagram, we have no friends in common, it's a blind date, and I opted for a drink

 

[Clockwerk50]

I'm not sure I understand that one.

Do you mean in a situation like “drinks on Thursday at 7pm”?

Yes, if you continue inviting her out, it suggests that you appreciate what she's offering and want to pursue a more serious relationship, especially when it comes to formal dates. If you start distancing yourself, reaching out less, or inviting her to less formal activities, it implies that you're not interested in a serious relationship and prefer something more casual.

Anecdotally, one of my friends asked a girl to hang out years ago. They just smoked weed and sat in a parking lot, maybe did a few other things. He told me that he didn't call her back because she didn’t let him kiss her or sleep with her. A week later, she reached out to him, and they ended up sleeping together. They continued seeing each other for another two months or so. Again, initially he didn't like that she was not physical with him when they first hung out so he covertly implied that the relationship could not progress like that.

In the case of this girl, I met her on Instagram, we have no friends in common, it's a blind date, and I opted for a drink

This is just the "let's get to know" each other stage and see if we want to progress things romantically. I think you are fine. As per your question, I'd have sex with her first.

 

[Chow Mein]

You’re thinking way too much, just let things flow without being outcome dependent.

If she wants commitment, but you’re not ready - so be it.

Life is a journey, you’ll meet companions along the way. Most will leave you as you explore your own path.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

How do you manage more than one FWB?

Tonight I have a date with a new girl, I'm not looking for a serious relationship, I would like to make her become a FWB, as I already have one with whom I get along well.

I have sex with about 4/6 girls every year but most of these I can't keep for long because they want a relationship and I don't.

In the past I have also wasted many opportunities because I pushed for sex on the first date. Over time I learned to wait at least until the 2nd or 3rd date before inviting them home.

The question is this.

Any advice on how to make it clear on the first date that I don't want anything serious?

Are you clear from the start at the cost of losing the girl or do you try to get to sex?

My problem is that I almost always manage to take them to bed but I can't keep them for a long time.

Maybe my problem is that they are seeing inconsistencies in my behavior? I am temperamentally affectionate, could I give the idea that I am looking for something romantic?

They will still want a relationship. For example: One of my FWBs I met on Tinder, who became a GF, had on her bio ‘Casual only, Not looking for anything serious.’. After a few weeks she started pressuring me to be her BF. I brought up her bio. Her response: ‘I don’t care what my bio said. I want a boyfriend.’.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Her response: ‘I don’t care what my bio said. I want a boyfriend.’.

'Well, you only got a backdoor man now. You need to level up.'

 

[manfromitaly]

True, even if my current one doesn't really want her with me lol, at a certain point I was the one who had a small crush and we drifted apart, now everything is back to how it was before.


As for the date, it went well, we kissed, she seems like a good girl to me but she didn't excite me. I don't know if I want to see her again. And it doesn't seem like she's into the idea of being FWB

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You just meet up with them once a week or every two weeks and have things focus on fun and sex. Not much else to it. Keep things surface level.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Escalate from day one. I always find that women are trying to lock me down directly or overtly by talking about relationships right out of the jump. If you’re going to get the exclusivity question in 3-6 weeks you may as well have some fun before you have to deal with that.

 

[manfromitaly]

As I imagined she asked me what I'm looking for, I said that I never start out with the idea of wanting a serious relationship.

However, she seems to like me a lot, it shouldn't be a problem to get to sex.

But if I have to be honest I didn't feel much attraction, she is very shy and I had to talk a lot to get her to unblock.

 

[corrector]

Just deal with taken women then for those arrangements. They already have a bf so that base is covered.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Just deal with taken women then for those arrangements. They already have a bf so that base is covered.

Yes, one that can go psycho and kill you when they find out which seems to be happening more and more frequently these days as the world becomes more and more mentally unstable.

 

[corrector]

Yes, one that can go psycho and kill you when they find out which seems to be happening more and more frequently these days as the world becomes more and more mentally unstable.

The OP must be smart enough to screen for those types of bfs....most of them are betas stuck in stale dead-end relationships and their girls are treating them like doormats and flirt openly with guys right infront of them. There is nothing they can do about it and she knows it. If they break up then he knows she has a tonne of options anyway. If he (ie the OP) doesn't do it, then another guy will. You have to get while the getting is good. (okay, so I'm the residential incel wrecking havoc on the normies, lol....where is the popcorn?)

 

[manfromitaly]

Sometimes I don't feel like hanging out with single girls I don't see why I have to go and look for a girl who is already engaged lol.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The OP must be smart enough to screen for those types of bfs....most of them are betas stuck in stale dead-end relationships and their girls are treating them like doormats and flirt openly with guys right infront of them. There is nothing they can do about it and she knows it. If they break up then he knows she has a tonne of options anyway. If he (ie the OP) doesn't do it, then another guy will. You have to get while the getting is good. (okay, so I'm the residential incel wrecking havoc on the normies, lol....where is the popcorn?)

Thinking you know how anyone is going to react on those situations is asking to end up dead.

The nicest, most calm guy is the likely the one that will kill you and then kill themselves.

In many cases you might not even know because most of the time women pose as single and don't tell you they are still with someone...usually in the last stage of monkey branching.

Not much you can do about that...but in the times you do know, not worth it...tell her to get back to you once she is single.

 

[corrector]

Thinking you know how anyone is going to react on those situations is asking to end up dead.

The nicest, most calm guy is the likely the one that will kill you and then kill themselves.

In many cases you might not even know because most of the time women pose as single and don't tell you they are still with someone...usually in the last stage of monkey branching.

Not much you can do about that...but in the times you do know, not worth it...tell her to get back to you once she is single.

That's interesting. I used to think the same way but then @Desdinova chimed into one of my threads. He says he got an 8 year gf he really wanted but stole her from another guy and claims most bf are beta pushovers and therefore what you are saying is irrational. I guess this would be a disagreement on the experts. However, a FWB with a taken woman sounds like a safer bet since she won't be too clingy on you and you can say she should be that way with her bf....but then you are saying she might monkey-branch if she gets too attracted/attached which would defeat the purpose that she's under control with another guy (ie which means you are protected from her).

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

In many cases you might not even know because most of the time women pose as single and don't tell you they are still with someone...usually in the last stage of monkey branching.

I had that a couple of times, women on the verge of a break-up getting with me for sexual relief, not because they were looking for a new bf. I'm not relationship material, so I'm fine with that.
And I'm not too worried about getting killed by some angry husband. If they're truly dangerous, their women don't stray.

The nicest, most calm guy is the likely the one that will kill you and then kill themselves.