The MOST important thing you MUST understand about women: Their brains are different!

[Dr_jitsu]

200 thousand years of evolution produced gender based differences in the male and female brain. Female brains utilize primarily white matter. As a result they are what I call"process oriented". Male brains utilize primarily grey matter. Male brains are what I call "problem solution oriented".

Traditional academic relationship advice does not recognize this fundamental dichotomy, and that is why so much of their advice is useless. Unless you understand this difference your dating life will be one of frustration and despair.

Over the last 30 plus years, brain imaging technology like MRI, CAT scans, Pet scans etc have proven that brains are, in fact, different. However the political agenda of relationship advice from academia, dominated by psychology, has refused to recognize this difference (although some have started over the last 10 years, see Gottman et al). The reason is the belief that if brains were found to be different, then male brains would be found to be superior. Ironically I posit that female brains are actually better designed for the explosion of jobs that favor the process oriented brain.

But the bottom line is that brains are different and you must understand how the process oriented brain works.

 

[Dr_jitsu]

This evolutionary difference is the product of the way humans lived for more than 99% of our existence, as hunter gatherers. The male brain evolved to focus upon specific tasks, like hunting and making tools/weapons. Females had to do everything else, manage the cave, children, gather, etc.

For men, information is kept separate, in little boxes. For women, it is all connected.

What does this mean for seduction and relationships? An example I like to give is when your significant other wants to talk about "her day". For the process oriented female brain, talking about her "day" is a way that she works through her decision process. She pretty much already has an idea as to what she wants to do, she just solidifies it via talking to you about it. But the male "problem solution" brain thinks she is actually asking for advice, so it jumps in the middle of her "day talk" and offers a solution. This frustrates women and lowers their interest level.

All you really have to do is listen, nod your head, and she will love you for it. This is related to the way that women keep score (the subject of another post). But if you simply listen (or effectively pretend to listen) then you easily win a love point.

People ask me, "what is the secret to your 18 year marriage" and one of them is that I constantly rack up love points by listening to my wifes' day talk.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

"For the process oriented female brain, talking about her "day" is a way that she works through her decision process. She pretty much already has an idea as to what she wants to do, she just solidifies it via talking to you about it. But the male "problem solution" brain thinks she is actually asking for advice, so it jumps in the middle of her "day talk" and offers a solution. This frustrates women and lowers their interest level.

All you really have to do is listen, nod your head, and she will love you for it. This is related to the way that women keep score (the subject of another post). But if you simply listen (or effectively pretend to listen) then you easily win a love point."

That's a lot of words to say, "When women talk about their problems, listen compassionately but don't offer solutions."

 

[Dr_jitsu]

That's a lot of words to say, "When women talk about their problems, listen compassionately but don't offer solutions."

You have completely missed the point. Reading comprehension my friend.

Brain based differences permeate every aspect of male/female relations. I merely gave you one example.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

You have completely missed the point. Reading comprehension my friend.

I wasn't talking about the WHOLE post, just the quoted part. You use a lot of words to illustrate your simple point.

However, if you doubt my reading comprehension, don't send me your book to check it out. I might miscomprehend.

 

[Dr_jitsu]

I wasn't talking about the WHOLE post, just the quoted part. You use a lot of words to illustrate your simple point.

However, if you doubt my reading comprehension, don't send me your book to check it out. I might miscomprehend.

The word you are looking for is circumlocution.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

So are their genitals and boobies.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

The word you are looking for is circumlocution.

No, I didn't want to say you're deliberately using more words than necessary in order to be vague or evasive, but you're getting there.

 

[Manure Spherian]

“Women in all human races, as the females among all mammals, tend to exhibit the older, more generalized and primitive traits of the race's past. The male in his individual development indicates the direction in which the race is tending under the influence of variation and selection.” ~Madison Grant

 

[Dr_jitsu]

No, I didn't want to say you're deliberately using more words than necessary in order to be vague or evasive, but you're getting there.

The composition of the human brain is an extremely complex topic. Some scientists have found hundreds of gender based differences, others (Amen et al) claim that they can be summarized as 7. I simplify the discussion greatly by boiling it down to Grey vs White matter (process vs problem solution). The refusal of many academics (of which I am one, PhD and all) who specialize in relationship advice to recognize this fact is also a multifaceted story.

It is not going to be covered in just a few words. Furthermore this understanding is critical for those wishing to have successful relationships.

Please, if you have nothing of substance to contribute to the topic, do not derail it. Better yet, read up on the topic. Here is a good place to start: men-women-brain

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Please, if you have nothing of substance to contribute to the topic, do not derail it. Better yet, read up on the topic. Here is a good place to start: men-women-brain

Maybe I wasn't clear about why I made that first remark about conciseness. You have to know your audience and adapt your message to maximise comprehension. I know you're an academic, but your audience isn't.

 

[Dr_jitsu]

Maybe I wasn't clear about why I made that first remark about conciseness. You have to know your audience and adapt your message to maximise comprehension. I know you're an academic, but your audience isn't.

You are correct. I try and strike a mid ground. Writing for other academics and for a general audience are 2 different things. Originally in my book I had tons of charts and graphs and quotations but soon realized that they would likely alienate my primary audience.

BTW, what do you write, fiction yes? Lets try and get this thread back OT, but I some point I really do want to hear about your work.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

OP, do you like your martini shaken or stirred?

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

BTW, what do you write, fiction yes? Lets try and get this thread back OT, but I some point I really do want to hear about your work.

Links to my suspense fiction are in my sig for anyone who is interested.

On topic: while it is academically interesting that the brains function differently between men and women, it sounds more interesting for gender studies to delve where the female brain is different.

To the readers on this forum, information is interesting if it is relatable and applicable, so how can this information be used to seduce women?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Links to my suspense fiction are in my sig for anyone who is interested.

On topic: while it is academically interesting that the brains function differently between men and women, it sounds more interesting for gender studies to delve where the female brain is different.

To the readers on this forum, information is interesting if it is relatable and applicable, so how can this information be used to seduce women?

Plant the seed while you are with her and let the woman's brain water it while you are not with her.

One time I was dating a woman and we were sitting on the couch and she was doing something that was annoying me, can't remember exactly what, and I told her

"Keep it up and next time I'm going to stick it in your ass without warning as punishment" in a way that made it clear I was kinda joking but kinda not at the same time.

Well apparently she couldn't stop thinking about it over the next week because the next time I saw her she brought all kinds of lube and toys and begged me to fvck her ass because she said it made her so hot thinking about it during the week that she had to masturbate repeatedly to calm herself down until she saw me again.

Never underestimate how random throwaway lines you say to women when you are with them(especially if they have sexual undertones) can drive them wild while they are away from you and thinking about it.

 

[Dr_jitsu]

Links to my suspense fiction are in my sig for anyone who is interested.

On topic: while it is academically interesting that the brains function differently between men and women, it sounds more interesting for gender studies to delve where the female brain is different.

To the readers on this forum, information is interesting if it is relatable and applicable, so how can this information be used to seduce women?

Gender studies here in American is a cesspool of the most man hating hard core feminists on the planet. If you even mentioned that there are brain differences between men and women they would try and assassinate you. They are part of the problem. Traditional psychology in nearly as bad. That is why you can't get good relationship advice from academia. They think communication is paramount. Nonsense, it is the degree to which the woman loves the man that matters.

Understanding how the female/process oriented brain works is EVERYTHING in seduction. The first thing you must do is START this process. That usually means opening a woman, and why opinion openers are so effective. Get her opinion..create interest in you on her part. That literally gets the process wheels starting. Once those wheels start you simply fan the flames.

That is why you release personal information sparingly to women...it stimulates the process oriented nature of their brains. Back in the game just made a post about this, you agreed, and I made a follow up post.

The mistake men make is they start spilling too much information about themselves to women, KILLING the process.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Never underestimate how random throwaway lines you say to women when you are with them(especially if they have sexual undertones) can drive them wild while they are away from you and thinking about it.

My 'throwaway lines' only sound improvised, but if you're a quick-witted conversationalist, you figure out beforehand what seeds you can plant and time your 'spontaneous' innuendoes.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

The mistake men make is they start spilling too much information about themselves to women, KILLING the process.

I used to do some classified things and when a woman asked me about my reasons for being in a certain place, I flat out told her that she didn't have the security clearance to receive that information. Not only did that shut her up, but it also increased her interest in me.

So I use that line often when women ask too many questions.

"How did you get that scar?"
"I can't tell you that."
"Why? Because you have to kill me after telling me?"
"No, you lack the security clearance for the answer."

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I used to do some classified things and when a woman asked me about my reasons for being in a certain place, I flat out told her that she didn't have the security clearance to receive that information. Not only did that shut her up, but it also increased her interest in me.

So I use that line often when women ask too many questions.

"How did you get that scar?"
"I can't tell you that."
"Why? Because you have to kill me after telling me?"
"No, you lack the security clearance for the answer."

Sounds like when they ask me how many other women I am dating and I tell them "Somewhere between 0 and 100".

They never assume it's zero even if it is. They always assume it's more than just them....and I never clarify it isn't, I just laugh it off.

At least not at first...if things are getting more serious and I am interested in being exclusive with them when they ask again I will clarify it.

It's never a bad thing to make a woman wonder and make them work harder for you.

 

[Dr_jitsu]

Sounds like when they ask me how many other women I am dating and I tell them "Somewhere between 0 and 100".

They never assume it's zero even if it is. They always assume it's more than just them....and I never clarify it isn't, I just laugh it off.

At least not at first...if things are getting more serious and I am interested in being exclusive with them when they ask again I will clarify it.

It's never a bad thing to make a woman wonder and make them work harder for you.

Also, it prevents you from being found out later to be a liar. Most men think they have to lie...saying 0-100 is truthful, but funny and deflects the question.

Back in the day I was running a 3 woman rotation (plates). I always took my best prospect out/had her over on Tuesday/Thursday. Soon she would wonder why I did not see her on Saturday and ask "are you seeing other women?" I would say "8 or 9, but you are my favorite."

Also, never give women info about a past bad relationship or divorce. When asked "have you been married before?" Say "only 6 times, but I am sure the next one will work." Guys who go on about what a b$tch their ex was kill interest .